Saturday, April 28, 2018

Laptop left closed

My anxiety was up from yesterday's bodkining and so the laptop remained closed. I'd set myself a deadline but I just couldn't do it. My IBS is raging from anti-biotics and I dreamed this morning someone kept pushing then grabbing me at the edge of a cliff and dream me thought he was going to die. 

So with all of that, plus the return of family noise, meant Valium and an afternoon sleep and no work. My brain rebelled and said no, maybe tomorrow.

CBT is a weird thing to live; using logic to recognise instability then following scripted mechanisms to deal with panic and dread. 

Maybe tomorrow I'll do it. But today I could not because my body and mind could not. I'm glad I could recognise that and step back. And it's normal the day after a horror to not want to do it again that very next day.

Here's to a calm approach; be Sully and bring it down safe. 


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