Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Hurt self before and during sleep

I gave up to the impulse and picked the bottom of my right foot before sleep. I managed to peel off chunks of deep layered skin to the point it hurts to stand on that foot—more so than the day before when I had let the previous effort heal up.

I ripped the index nail off from my left toe. That I can remove entire nails is due to years of doing it and fucked-up feet. 

It was during sleep—or it happened in that null-space between sleep and awake—when I turned my left knee and wrenched it. I won't be able to ride until the wrenching feeling is gone lest I damage what little cartilage I have left. 

By the time I will die, presuming old age is reached, I'll be going into the corpse recyc with two artificial hips and knees. Yes, the knees—for their time will come to an end before me. It's just one of the advantages of having a skeleton warped in the womb—you wear out and replace bits of you way earlier than you should and people hang shit on you for having a body that doesn't quite work properly and apparently reflects poorly on them.

But I'm here, I'm weird and I'm used to it. I am a body and brain that survived in spite of it and even thrived in part because of it.

Fuck survival of the fittest; try the grittiest. 


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