Thursday, March 08, 2018

OCPD and reality

I have OCPD. It means I view the world through a prism others do not and that means their perception of reality is different to mine.

Except, that it's not. People who are depressed and or have OCPD are all too aware of reality; it's what drives them. It's normal people that are deluded and think things are rosier than they should be.

I also have PTSD from hyper vigilance caused by OCPD. Having OCPD and PTSD at the same time is irksome. It threatens to distort your perception of reality; my PTSD reacts, for example, to potential threats that normal people screen out like a car horn or the air brakes on a bus.

But it doesn't change facts and it doesn't change ideal outcomes. It doesn't change the fact that someone mentally ill tries to fix things that sane people avoid. 

I'm good at what I do; I avoided mistakes or fixed and learned from them because of mental illness. My mental illness was and is a greater good.

I don't have a distorted view of reality; I have an all-too-aware view of reality. But I'm also insane enough to try to fix it.


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