Monday, March 19, 2018

MR. HAPPY V MR. ANGRY

I have on my hutch a MR. HAPPY book still in its plastic wrapper to cover up the remains of an '80s sticker that I had peeled off but I could not remove the final part of—a pair of Village of the Damned eyes staring right at me when I rode my exercise bike.

It wasn't until I used official Blu-Tack with a ball at each corner of the wrapper and pressed long and hard that the MR. HAPPY book remained in place and thus I would no longer be greeted with the mad eyes because the book had fallen off

I have a bunch of shit in the shed to jolt me into active mindfulness such as "today choose happy", "WAKE UP & BE AWESOME" and, of course, MR. HAPPY.

I was riding looking at it and cried because I knew I could never be that; that I was MR. ANGRY and I would stay that way. MR. ANGRY is not from the series, presumably because it would be too unsettling. Why would a kid want to read about the un-sexy adventures of MR. ANGRY where he fumes, rages or imparts cold fury from page to page? It would be a totes bummer. 

Imagine being that; MR. ANGRY.

But, as with Pink, there are cracks in the wall. Today I started off angry and then began laughing because what I was saying was actually positive and self-affirming but I was yelling it like I was upset about it.

The laughter broke the anger spell. 

Maybe I don't have to be one or the other? Maybe I can be both? Maybe I can be MR. HAPPYANGRY because that is the duality of my mind? My anger is woven into my depression and anxiety from failure of duty of care from people who owed it to me. But I get to bliss out on simple shit like being alive, having a normal shower and know that I was a person of consequence—that my life as a bright burned bright indeed, no matter what comes next.

Perhaps I've always been MR. HAPPYANGRY, a yin yang whose pattern is ever churning? 

If so I'm cool with that. Because just being MR. ANGRY is unsustainable and not fit for children's publication.

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