Saturday, February 03, 2018

Mindfulness body scan stricken by absurdity

I was upset from reading about a recent great thing—that's my mind for you—so I decided to do the second mindfulness exercise from my CD—a body scan.

Basically you sit and are voice-guided to pay attention to your body, starting from your toes and ending at the top of your head. 

The exercise went grim after the toes part because components of the feet were mentioned that I lack—a ball and arch being one of them. As the scan rose up my body it reminded me of how each part doesn't work properly or is riddled with pain. 

The best was saved to last and I was laughing because I kept saying "it's going to end with the top of my head" and being almost bald there is literally the pinnacle of my not-handsome appearance. It did, that happened and I laughed some more.

I've done the body scan before where someone narrates you to perceive your body, but in that version you said "may my [body location] be well" as you thought of it. 

But this was the first time I've done one since the revelation my body was fucked in utero and the body scan asked me to think about all those parts of my skeleton and musculature that should be normal but are decidedly not. 

So the exercise worked; it broke me out of the anxiety attack I'd had but just not in the way it was intended. They should have body scan exercises where you can nominate parts of the body to exclude which in my case would result in all of it, save for my calf muscles which are massive but only because I don't walk like a normal person and my toes hit the ground before my heels do.

That body scan would take like six seconds—" ... now focus on your calf muscles and how they feel ... (needle skip on record noise) ... open your eyes and return to the room." 

I feel better now and can head back in. I'd say this extra-anxiety is a result of all the Cthulhu research I've been doing. It could be worse; I could end up like Harvey the example PC from the RPG and have a raging case of mycophilia.

No comments:

Post a Comment

No comments needed, really.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.