Tuesday, August 01, 2017

Anger storms

A delicious part of trauma is the reliving of it; you get sucked back to that moment with all its attendant joy.

Another yummy part are the anger storms that sweep across as you recall an incident and all the failure that led to it. 

Then there are the deep, raging storms fuelled by childhood torment caused by the institutional failures that cruelled the younger you.

They rage the longest because you were an innocent; whatever you did back then you were a child and if you fucked up that status should have been recognised. Unless that is you dwelt in an environment where your failure became fodder for the abusers.

I get sucked back into as a child and cannot comprehend the choices made for my good, the cruelty those choices inflicted and the utter absence of contrition by the ones that did it.

The world is full of monsters. I guess the only truth I can cling to is that I am not a monster and I will spend my life fighting them.

Who better to hunt for monsters than a person who was monstered.

WFTW.

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