Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Balding and other flaws

Heavy rain
Being balding means I lack protection for the top of my head that hair typically affords. And if something touches the top of my dome I feel it because non-feeling hair is not there to cushion the blow.

One benefit though is shower fall; the steady thrum of water on top of your balding head is pleasant, reassuring.

Heavy rain, however, is neither. Great fat drops of cold sky water slashing against your naked crest is most unpleasant. I was trapped outside trying to get a door open in such rain and yelped to distract myself from the hideous sensation of god tears on my bare head.

Editor's note: God does not exist.

Editor editor's note: the above comment is the author's opinion and does not reflect the views of the publication.

Less hair at rest
I hate haircuts---loathe them. My mother did my hair until I was about 17---she just hacked it back---using this home kit that had a stripping razor comb that dulled with age. The result was the pulling of hair out by the root along with the hair that it cut and made for many an ouch. I also hate the sensation of shards of hair down the back which itch like a m'fo.

So I tend to shag up between visits by putting a haircut off.

My bed hair defaults to a Tintin point---the right and left sides peak together at the front. Only now I have not much hair the fucking point looks like the framework of a cone-shaped tent. 

The only truly acceptable haircut for a balding man is a number four or less.

I'd clipper it myself if non-god hadn't blessed me with short arms in addition to short legs because I cannot reach the back of my head and have enough room to manuever.

Short and bald is one way to approach life---makes it more challenging.

I'm also fat.

That's a "no thanks" sexy trifecta right there.

Thanks, non-god. This is just vindictive behaviour for your non-existence.

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