Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Anxiety blues

I've put in for some jobs but the idea is anxiety-inducing; I got jittery at the thought and though my head knew all was fine my under brain did not; the dreads and susceptibility to fight flight kicked in. 

theboy was in his room crying, his keening wail cutting through glass and the shed, and I was atop the exercise bike so I couldn't flee without ruining the ride. So I put on my industrial strength ear muffs and tried to watch what I was watching with reduced noise.

Later that night I had Vallium for the first time this year. 

It's to be expected; the idea of working for someone new is like changing schools. It's a bit terrifying to normal peeps let alone those baked in depression and PTSD.

It still doesn't make it easier.

That's what it is to live with a psychological injury; normal stress becomes acute and you can't comfort your child because their crying induces terror.

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