Sunday, January 01, 2017

Told my mother off

Part of the joy of psychological injury is it poisons your dreams. Not only do you dream about that but all the shitty crap that afflicted you in life.

But occasionally in a bad dream your avatar can take control.

So that's how it came to be that I finally told my mother off; that she—in the dream—was a nasty old bully. 

I awoke angry but also with a tinge of pride. That dream self in his moment was able to calmly and rationally call my mother on her shit—and in my dream she wasn't addled by dementia or crippled by MS so she was capable in mind and body to take the message. 

Other old, clawing hurts came unbidden in the minutes on waking and made me angry again. But now I've had those moments I'll read a book until I go to sleep again. 

That's life with a psychological injury; even your unwaking thoughts are riven with hurt.

UPDATE: It should be also noted my mother was an awesome person. Our relationship was complicated. 

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