Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Full speed ahead

I have to be ruthless with my time and it's tough because I like being the Swiss Army Knife and fixing anything someone wants fixed. And I've still a bunch of projects being juggled because that's just how I roll. 

But to be needed and to work with value is an incredible thing; it's technocratic joy. Deep down I like to think I always knew that I was this awesome but scared to admit it due to self-loathing. 

I've shed that. There is no more of that shit; never again. Never again will I feel wretched of self or that I do not contribute. I've won my life and I'm still winning.

So, yes, I shall be ruthless with my time; but I'll be laser in focus, conscious that I'm a valuable resource who needs to determine when, where and how he will be the most valuable.

I have fucking tickets on myself—and deservedly so. Beats the fucking shit out of thinking you are a failed human being because for most of your life that's how the world looked at you. The world still looks at me like that but I reject its scorn with smug self belief.

I shaved my beard back—it had gone a bit ragged—which is good because we're getting near Christmas. One Christmas a bunch of fit, taller-than-me young men walked past and one of them sneered to his mates that I was Santa; because I am portly and had a shaggy grey beard.

They walked off in their perfect posse of most-health, laughing at their japery at the expense of my apparently pathetic person. 

What a pack of fuckholes. I bet my trusty groat not a single one of them will have achieved but a tenth of what I've done before they snake it into the grave.

I'm Mikey; I'm still fucking here and I'm still steaming full speed ahead.


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