Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Abandon machine!

I had a litre of A2 in the fridge and caramel coffee pods. The pod machine beckoned. 

I set it all up; pod in the slot, cup underneath, milk at the ready.

The machine had not been used in some time. Its intake was been bone dry before starting sucking up water from the reservoir. 

First it hummed.

Then it sucked. And by "sucked" I mean it made the most non-god awful sound of rasping inhumanity heard yet by me and its sonic blast wave was focused intently on my person. 

I yelled "Ah!" with deep fright then frantically fumbled with anxiety-afflicted hands at the off switch all whilst yelling "abandon machine!" as if my yelling could deflect its monstrous, hateful power.

I got it off then stepped back and waited to see if the trigger would pull. It didn't but, fuck me, if it was going to pull it should have pulled on that.

It was because I was already medicated when it happenedwhich is lucky because I sure as fuck would have had to if I hadn't and then fuck off home with severe jitters.

Well played, pod machine, well played. 

I got a long black half way up a tall cup and milked that up instead—with no danger of machine-induced fight (slash) flight from the purchasing process. 

I'm glad it was flight not fight that was the first instinct; if had been latter I could have fear-smashed it from the mini-fridge and into the wall. 

Fucking hell, what an absolute shocker—and yet another item to add to Mikey's enemies list of things that make him go "Ah!"

Crowds, crying and coffee pod machines; what a list.

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