Thursday, September 29, 2016

Post attack jitters

I had a public cook off which then turned into a full blown raging attack after a bunch of happy children at play screamed with delight.

It was a brutal one. Once the sheer emotion had passed I broke free to find a spot to de-clench and sat on a concrete block heaving tears. I got stable for a bit, found a better spot to sit, then bled out the anger and tears on a chair for the frail at the public place.

The anger and unfairness boiled through me.

The next day I had lethargy and hyper vigilance which is a way of saying being sleepy and on the cusp of fight (slash) flight at sudden movement or noise. My guts raged with IBS spasms, flaring through my body like gas from an oil rig at night, my condition worsened from the attack of the night before. My hands shook and fingers trembled, my fine motor skills robbed. 

That's the deep shitty side of psychological injury; the manifestation—public, no less—of anger and deep fright; the raging grief out.

But my injury was obtained in full glory in the advancement of the state. If you're going to have the mental equivalent of coming off a motorbike at a hundred kays an hour without a jacket and helmet that's a pretty kewl way to get injured.

(Fist raised for most glorious country that is most powerful and strong).

No comments:

Post a Comment

No comments needed, really.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.