Sunday, September 25, 2016

A hazy shade of haze

I was up until just before five am, awash with gas pain and unable to sleep. I woke before ten still bloated and pain wracked. I had pain meds then spent the morning drifting about in a haze of fuddled mind and bloated distention. 

Then I saw I hadn't take my head pill last night—the one my brain now chemically needs in order to fall asleep. 

I'd been in that kitchen more than a dozen times during the failed mission to sleep and I can't believe I didn't notice it. It's the first thing I normally check for when I can't sleep. 

When you miss a dose it's normally best to grin and bear it until the next one but my mind is so fuddled from lack of sleep and the wigs from lack of medication that I took it on discovery, along with the morning one, and I'll just have to see what happens next.

I feel somewhat like Elric; he needed medication just to function but when he functioned he was power personified. Mind you he later swapped his meds for a demon-inhabited super sword and the best I can do is a battered laptop and a desktop PC so old it still has a floppy drive—and I still need meds.

So now I wait. I wait and see what happens with the medication and sleep. I'll probably zonk out for six hours and with my sleep cycle shot to shit be up at 2 am again, head pill or no.

It's the price you pay for getting injured, even if the injury makes you awesome; a clarifying event and catalyst for change and self-acceptance. 

It's like an origin story but in reverse.


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