Saturday, June 11, 2016

Nightmare-spawned space outs

One of the yummy aspects of psychological injury is nightmares. You don't necessarily relive what happened, but your brain pulls elements in as characters and situations.

I don't usually remember my dreams but I will wake with the last moments and if I wake from nightmare I'm more likely to then have a space out that day, or even that morning.

Space outs steal life. When you snap out of one you realise you've either been standing or sitting still and blankly staring forward or mindlessly pacing for a block of time.

Therapy has taught me to recognise when I've been in that state and to mentally jujitsu to think instead of a future plan with joy in it; to space out about wellness instead of woe and things you can do and not what happened—of which you cannot change.

But it's so much harder after nightmares. It's like your night brain has tendrils snaking through your waking mind to try to steal more time from you.

Fortunately, I'm just off to to something fun. Take that, subconcious.


UPDATE: Just got caught in a splintered, rolling one. Where you're doing normal activity but you flash in and out of it. It's like dipping a toe into a boiling bath, then plunging the foot in to test it and going "YAAAH" at the heat then bringing the foot out to leave it on the bath mat still steaming, as you add more cold to balance it out. 

It's going to be one of those harder days

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