Thursday, June 09, 2016

Did a bit three times

I recently attended an iPad-guided meditation session—a dozen of us assembled in the near-dark of a shuttered conference room—only the session was ruined for me. First by the fact I was gassy and had to hold in a fart the whole time and second because the narrator on the iPad App sounded exactly like the automated-dude from our "Emergency! Emergency! Emergency!" PA address system. 

It was hard to relax when the man who is normally yelling "Intruder alert!" is now instead saying "Take in a deep breath! Count to Three! Let it out!" They even had repeated fade-outs; "You are special! special! special!"

I lay on the floor for the session and I jiggled with the power of the held in fart and narrator disaster laughter and I damn near let the former off when I clambered up from the carpet, hoisting myself from the floor by a sideboard.

When I got back to my desk I wrote it up as a bit for my little rascals gang (1)—sparking a delightful chain of back-and-forth—and then I did it live for a co-worker, doing a fair imitation of the "Emergency!" voice and she doubled up with laughter.

When I got home I did it for thewife.

The same bit three times in a day and it killed each time; it's a fucking keeper. 

(1) Friends I've gathered from across time and space of my workplace.

No comments:

Post a Comment

No comments needed, really.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.