Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Hollow

The paperwork mountain has been conquered. I failed on the first attempt but thewife pushed it up and over on the second go. 

I feel hollow. I'd expected to fail and the sudden success and its resultant acknowledgement has left me empty. 

I've not cried, I've not yelled. I'm not even in a state of befuddled wonderment. To have succeeded is through the looking glass stuff and I don't know how to cope. That all those forms, meetings, appointments, assessments, sessions and bouts of distress came to something; a positive outcome.

So it's WFTW but is it?

I've had a fuck-ton of medication and I'm about to board SoTPC for some daily anxiety reduction (slash) physical exercise. So that will help ride out the mixed-feelings wave. 

I had a pit crew to help me through this hideous tranche of paperwork, thewife assisted by D— and others. I have no idea how anyone without loved ones or friends skilled at the art of bureaucracy could navigate such a process and both succeed and stay sane. 

Thank fuck for the pit crew.

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