Monday, February 08, 2016

Space out self-thwarted

After multiple panic events over several days thewife has had to go into immediate anxiety control, asking me questions to distract me from a space out or a sudden panicked state. She uses a calm voice and strokes my arm of the webbing of my thumb and forefinger. Sometimes she'll ask about current events knowing I love to talk about stuff like that and it takes away introspection on the morning drive in.

The future my focus but it's hard to focus on that. I found myself alone and slipping in and out of now and then. I recognised what had happened then semi-shouted as if thewife was there; "What are you going to do to take your mind off it? Listen to NPR and play Freecell!" 

She helps even when she's not here because if I cannot be me in that moment I can be her telling me what to do to get through this.

She's having quiet time with theboy, reading her kindle as he gets phone time. I didn't want to disturb that.

So I will get back up. I always do, I always will. And I keep moving forward.


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