Monday, February 08, 2016


I awoke to a nightmare and couldn't return to sleep. It spawned deep, painful introspection that lay upon me right up until I was dropped off. I tried to get to my desk without obviously crying but I couldn't stop the tears.

I knew I had to get outside to let it out and thus I began the trek to the lifts, but I had to pass D—'s workstation.

I actually stopped outside an office before walking past to collect myself because I didn't want him to see my distress and have to drop tools to help me. I tried, but failed. He saw me, took one look at my tear and horror stricken visage, took me into an office and spent 90 minutes calming me and asking me what my three, six and 12 month goals were. That I need to focus on those and not that if I am going to win and get well.

D— took me from a state of near total mental collapse to one of office normality and I was able to return, sort out admin and have a productive day. I left not wanting to run away but to come back and work hard.

Thank fuck for D— and all the other people who have helped me recover then prosper; to be an even better me than I was before. Soon I start therapy and eventually this anguished dross will burn away.

All that will be left will be steel.


UPDATE: Just one angry cry atop SoTPC. Recovery is improving.

UPDATE2: The recurrant lethargy and fibro I could do without.

UPDATE3: Or the fucking hand tremours. 

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