Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Bull; horns; grappled

As a person with multiple disabilities I have to do a fair amount of paperwork—lots of form filling—though much of it can be done online.

But even e-paperwork bites the wang.

Alas the e-paperwork must be grappled with and today I took a chunk of it by the horns. Naturally at step six of the online submission the router spaced out and I was in danger of having to start again. I rebooted the router and waited with trepidation and amused annoyance—because of course the router would space out at that moment, the moment a chunk of stressful paperwork was to be submitted. 

It came good and the submission was confirmed—and I knocked it over before one o'clock.

Earlier I met with my psychologist. 

It was cathartic. I wasn't angry and I didn't cry. I told her of my animal brain's woes but how I was using the CBT her colleague taught me to cope with moments of acute anxiety and how I am not actively anxious—just reactive. That I am calm even when soaked in fear because calm me tells fear me that fear me will calm.

I left, caught the bus home, knocked over the task, and now ... now I ride. 


(Mikey mounts SoTPC which rears as Mikey draws his sabre and then the dual of man and exercise bike thunders towards the opposition)

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