Remember those Scared Straight programs where they'd take at risk kids around to jails and police stations and shit so the kids would be 'scared straight' as opposed to slipping into their poverty-determined lives of drifting existence? Yeah, funny stuff. There's even an award-winning documentary (1).
Tonight theBoy ended up in Space Jail. He wouldn't tell me who he played with at school, insisting it was Humpty and Stumpty, so I declared he'd lied and off to jail he went.
He was in his cell when he made his escape attempt ... by pulling out a key he had in his pocket.
Now way, José, it's Scared Straight time.
'Sorry, Chooky, you have to get searched before you go to jail. You get nude, they look in your bum, your pee-hole, your ears, your mouth—everything. There's no way you could have got a key into Space Jail.'
He thought about it for a moment.
'Yes, but they didn't look in my special beard.'
No ... no they did not.
Chooky: 1, Space Jail: 0.
I imagine his beard was a combo of Biker Beard and the Rasputin. And that he stroked his beard and smirked as the cell door closed only for Ocean's Eleven-style music to fire up as his slender fingers fingered his whiskers.