The night grazer

I am a night grazer. There, I said it. I am. 

I typically don't eat breakfast. When I wake I normally have some low-to-mild gut pain and I'm not hungry. Even when midday rolls around it can be 2 pm before I feel actual tummy rumbles—though I will have partially filled the ole gut cavity with liquids (Diet Coke, Mochas, Green Lid Dare Ice Coffee) before that time. Even if I do eat lunch then it will be a light affair, typically just half a bowl of something hot readily eaten with a fork. 

But come the night, when at home, the grazing commences. I can eat a full dinner and be nicely full but then immediately follow it with a dessert. Then something else—toast perhaps? Then something else—cheese and biscuits? Then something else—weetabix covered in long life cream and sugar? Frequently I'll find myself in front of the pantry cupboard, doors wide open, as I gaze blank-eyed within to see if there's anything else I can cram in my never-stop-eating gob-hole. I won't even remember the walk there.

I suspect it's because eating for me at night is also twinned with watching awesome teev that theWife and I have saved up. I have always accentuated good times with food. If at the movies then I get popcorn and ice-cream. If reading an entertaining book I'll pause to get a snack to magnify my enjoyment of the tome. Hell I used to have a tradition where on Good Friday I'd read Asterix and Cleopatra whilst eating as many fucking hot cross buns as I could get my chubbers on (1).

And then food is there too in the bad times. Had a shitty day? Let's order a shit load of food. Work getting you down? Let's get a packet of sweet biscuits and chomp them all down. 

I guess I only have a limited store of self control and it tends to be exhausted by the time I get home. And of course when you're at home you have access to a massive array of food possibilities with a full meal and yet another full meal just a few ingredients and little bit of work away. Indeed if I am at home during the day then chances are I will be eating food before lunchtime because it's far more accessible as I am right next to it.  And I can make fuck-off yummy stuff that even when riven with gut pain I'll likely find it of interest.

Recently we had an afternoon tea at work. I hadn't eaten anything all day and even missed having a lunch. I could have readily gone to town on the arvos proffered—and oh Lordy there was a lot of nice stuff to have—but I demurred. I did not succumb. I instead spent the time talking to a pair of delightful colleagues all the while as others sampled and masticated around us (2).

But what's the bet come 9 pm there I am in front of the pantry again? Blank-brained, eyes roaming, searching for any edible possibilities. 

Stupid night grazing!

It's a bit later.

The irony, proper irony, of it all it's now a post-biting incident. An incident ... at night! Yes theBoy attempted to masticate on my person after I gleefully stole two victories over him in a play game and gloated. He lept across the doona, his mouth agape, then latched his teeth onto my forearm and started fully munging on. I actually had to slap the heel of my hand into his back four times to make him let go.

It's horrible in a post-biting environment. There's time out, there's tears, there's sad talks. It's all awful. Plus I had to semi-hit him. It most-sucked. Poor theBoy.  

(1) chubbers = chubby hands. It's not me being blessed with more than one schram and said schrams now in 'interest mode'. 
(2) The afternoon tea was to welcome a new boss+++. He seems nice enough. As he was giving his hello speech I noticed that one of the ladies sitting at the table right next to him (and in view of everyone) completely ignored him and continued with her crossword. Ouch. I hope that didn't throw him. I do miss my old boss+++. He actually got a lot done in a public service that can be sclerotic at times. And he liked me enough to leave kewl fantasy or sci-fi books he'd read on my desk. I have to admit I had it pretty lucky to have old boss+++ as a boss+++ and I hope his sails are still full where he is now.