At bathtime theBoy and I have a game where a Fat Controller figurine insults theBoy until theBoy thrusts him under the water and causes the 'Troller to bubble into silence. Except that is if the nipple ball is in the bath.
The nipple ball is a semi-transparent yellow rubber effort that's covered in nipple-like protrusions. It's pumped full of air so it readily floats on water. At some point I established that if the ball was in contact with the water the Fat Controller could somehow access the air within it and therefore keep up his tirade of Mr Moon themed abuse—'You love Mr Moon! You want to have moon babies!' etc.
theBoy then removes the ball from the water, preventing the Fat Controller from accessing the air supply, with theBoy typically placing the nipple ball in the corner. But should the ball fall from its perch, and the Fat Controller is bobbing upside down in the bath water, then the Fat Controller will spring back to life and the torrent of abuse erupts once more—'Ah ha! I can breathe again! Where was I? Ah, yes, your sordid love for Mr Moon...'
In order to make sure the ball falls back into the bath I will typically scoop up various toys that I can safely peg at the ball in order that it rolls off the perch. Once the ball plops in then insert Fat Controller.
It's all great fun.
Last night when I ran the bath I grabbed a bunch of the toys—a small crocodile, a couple of toy cars, and the best missile of all, a sponge pig which, when sodden, made the most effective nipple ball knocking off missile—and hid them in the bathroom sink where theBoy would not see them.
Eventually the Fat Controller game kicked off and sure enough the nipple ball was placed on the corner of the bath, snuggled away from me down the far end where the shower screen prevented from reaching it by hand.
As he placed it, and as I inched towards the sink to grab the pig, theBoy asked a question.
'Daddy, where's the pig?'
I tried to play it dumb then asked him why he asked.
'Because you're going to throw it at the nipple ball!' he said.
And he was right too. Fling! SPLOOSH—'You love Mr Moon! Moon babies! MOON BABIES!'
But fuck me I was so blown away by the fact he was tracking objects in the bath and using Holmes-esque logic to determine that the missing pig meant the nipple ball was a target.
Anyway, having a kid. It's the most fun you will ever have.
A secondary tale...
The latest story arc we have going in storyverse is Space Jail. It's a prison complex located on one of the moons of Saturn. theBoy flies there and drops off a prisoner and collects a bounty—yes, he's a space bounty hunter. So far he's mostly just shopped his friends to jail—Rat got sent down for 20 minutes for bumping into Robot's mailbox for example. Anyway I decided in addition to the cash reward that the Space Jail warders also had a prize round like on Wheel of Fortune with various expensive things theBoy could choose from. 'There's a new oven, a washing machine, sexy ladies, a robot vacuum cleaner...'
And what did theBoy choose? The robot vacuum cleaner. Which he then gave to Robot so he'd have something to love.
But don't worry. The second time around he chose the sexy ladies.
He's also expanded his target array to space pirates. Today he solemnly announced that he'd captured 'Captain Blacktooth'. Seriously, he came up with the name and everything. It was an utter joy to see him in action.