Tuesday, January 31, 2012

As said in Storyverse

'And the pasta robot turns into a race-car and he flats a Chinese ninja! flat, flat'(1).

theBoy had created a robot in IRONCRAFT! (2)—not the Robot, who is a regular character—a robot covered in hot pasta. The glue you see, was seemingly magic, and in addition to its superior adhesive properties, it maintained the thermal-nature of any pasta adhered to it. 

I decided, like the magic shrinking hat in that fucked-up kids' show (3), the hat owned by a selfish octogenarian, this was magic (or technology) too good to be held in the hands of one. 

Since China has a reputation for industrial (and actual) espionage then it was Chinese ninjas that then came calling, seeking the secrets of this special pasta-heat maintaining glue. 

So theBoy has experienced now a series of attacks from Chinese ninjas whenever his pasta robot makes an appearance. The ninjas ever seeking that special, special glue. 

I bet it's horses hooves or something (4). 

UPDATE: It was later. I had a Kinder Surprise-like capsule containing two shoelaces theBoy had challenged me to place into said container, close it up, and whack it with a drumstick. You see I was in the character of Mister Maker, an overly-excited likely-meth-fuelled kids craft show compere that appears on ABC kids. There's a segment where he tries to make a kewl craft item in under a minute. This same challenge was now mine. 

So I made the Kinder Surprise-like capsule shoelace container (slash) improvised music device craft item—in record time, no less (5)—all whilst giving myself some backing music of singing the main-riff from 'The Final Countdown'. I then stuck the container in my pocket in my polo shirt—the pocket sitting on my breast. I gave him back the drumstick but feigned loss of the container. theBoy could see the bulge in my pocket and went for it. Still in character—for I can do a passable but heavily exaggerated Mister Maker voice—I yelled over and over 'you're pulling on Maker's Man Booby! You're pulling on Maker's Man Booby!' I then hobble-ran to the big bed and threw myself on my stomach. He ran in, drumstick in hand, and proceeded to whack my lower back, arse, and upper legs with said stick. And as he did it ... he sang along to the main-riff to 'The Final Countdown' (6). And he did it in time, too.

And then I ran in here to blog this. Because that is comedy fucking gold.

My arse stings like fuck, however. 


UPDATE: In Storyverse we were playing statues. I was out. theBoy told me to 'sling your hook, Daddy!' 

(1) The flat, flat represents the sound effect of the race-car "flatting" the ninja.The doubled use of the word float make it sound like the Robot race-car backed over to make sure. 
(2) IRONCRAFT! is a show in Storyverse that is clearly mocking the concept of Iron Chef. In this case the lads gather and have to do craft with a mystery ingredient. In this case the ingredient was pasta. theBoy made a robot out of it.
(3) Fucked up me, to the adult, that's watching it. But I am not the target audience. It's under sixes. For them it's probably as was the original '80s The A-Team TV Series to me. And I fucking thought The-fucking-A-Team was awe-fucking-some.  In retrospect, some 30 years from my violence-loving youth, I would say it was probably not awesome. But The A-Team was not designed for now Mikey but then Mikey and then Mikey loved it. But then even then Mikey would probably have thought the shrinking grandpa show was still shit. But the then Mikey was then around ten ... not around six, the target audience. I am sure if six Mikey saw it back then, but then Mikey (that's ten), then six Mikey would have creamed his pants over it. Had six Mikey of course been glandularly active. I was 17 until I thar-she'd-blow'ed because I couldn't work out the mechanics of wanking. Yet in retrospect it seems so simple. I guess it's the cat-flap theory (3a) all over again.
(3a) I was talking to this dude, T---, at work. He's around my age. Smart, funny dude and regarded as a massive oddball by everyone else. To me he's a kindred spirit. He's ex-military and I told him about how in the initial stages of the Iraq occupation that US soldiers had adapted silly string to serve as a quick and effective means to check for snares and assorted booby traps on doorways. The foam is light enough that it won't set off the snare but bright and visible enough to splatter across a near invisible length of fishing line or even cling to it. If there's a snare, the silly string will show it's there. It's just such a simple, easy idea. T--- said it was a cat-flap idea. Doors didn't use to have them. But then they did. It solved an obvious problem, neatly and simply. But the idea still needed to be thought of and then acted upon for the problem to be seen and then seen to be solved. Simple ... yet someone thought of it. I like that concept. I bet that's the problem of clean but abundant energy generation gets solved. It will be a head-slap of a solution and one likely involving the use of magnets.  
(4) Casso said that if I am referring to generic horses as opposed to being owned by a specific group of horses that it didn't need an apostrophe. I am trusting she's right.  
(5) This fucked-up feathery little puppet pops out of the stop clock to jeer at Mister Maker and tell him he's hopeless and he won't do it and he's fat. And if he just did these 1954 Canadian Royal Air Force Exercises for Men! exercises then he wouldn't be fat and therefore a success in life. Then when Mister Maker beats the clock then Tocky, I think that's his name, cries Mister Maker succeeded only through luck. If I was Mister Maker then by the fourth time that happened my eyes would blaze red with rage and I'd grab that little feathery fucker and pull him out through the clock hole then dash his scrawny head and neck repeatedly against the counter until the world was a haze of blood-mattered feathers. I'm just saying is all. 
(6) Oh please. Please do invest the time to watch the clip in all its glorious most-excessive celebration of hair metal that has ever graced man. It even includes one guitarist rubbing his luxuriant hair up against the neck of a fellow band mate. I believe they call that 'Yithing'. Later, during bathtime-based Storyverse action theBoy sang the song to explode a pesky ghost. His busting made me feel good.

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