Sunday, January 01, 2012

Another dash glow point

I have this theory that life is filled with a bunch of dash glow points. Special moments that burn into your brain that you will never forget; a first kiss; a magic sunset of colours so vivid it's like God (him/her/it)self spat into the sky; the first time you know ... with a lady. Then there are those others. Seeing your child on a chair, nude, grazing on cut veggies for a stir fry while his mum chats away about the dinner they are making "together". Or a peal of hearty laughter from the cycling theWife as she grapples with The Purgatory Cart (1) in yonder shed.

Another one just happened. I like to assault my cat O--- . Now I know that sounds wrong - like I watch and or produce crush videos - which conservative justices on the US supreme court say is a proud banner advertising the power of the first amendment. But it's not a really super wrong assault - just a mildly annoying intrusion on his catson. When he yawns his mouth stays open for a couple of seconds ... which is just long enough for a snake-fast insertion of my index finger to swipe on his tongue. His reaction when it happens is priceless; a kind of shocked disbelief combined with a rapid head reverse. I've only ever been successful at this a few times in our shared life together. When he dies - presuming he predeceases me - I will have crafted by Jim's Statuary a Stele (2) of just such a moment, forever immortalised in whatever space-age material Jim's Statuary uses to make just such Steles, as a symbol of the beauty that was that shared life.  Alas I must go on with life without him. Such is the way of things.

Anyway, another opportunity to snake-strike presented itself. O--- was resting on the arm of theWife' chair. I was sitting in the chair's twin just two feet away. O--- turned his head towards me and yawned. It was a real mouth stretcher, his eyes vanishing from view. Perfect, for he would not see me strike. It was too late when I realised that the remote control was in my hand and instead of throwing it away empty gun style to let my finger do the swiping I had impressed it into service as the mouth intruder.

I thrust it across the gap between us and the remote did in fact make it into his mouth for a second. Alas the majesty of the moment was somewhat undercut by the massively loud fart that ripped free from my gas-filled intestinal tract, the pungent noisome cloud momentarily stunning even myself. Still the combined surprise of mouth intrusion, the use of a remote instead of my finger, and my scary thunderous fart shocked all occupants of the chair, theWife included, and there were satisfying expressions on the faces of both victims of my Ninja-like ability to intrude on my cat's orifice.

On the minus side I then had to explain to theWife what had just happened, she unaware of my fencing-like thrust of electronica towards and into O---'s mouth. But on the plus side I felt better for having passed some of my much-trapped-gas.

How's that for luck? A dash glow point on the first day of the year!

Just earlier I talked to my dad. He rang to wish me Happy New Year and to catch up. There was a thunderstorm on so we couldn't talk for too long. It's just him at home now, with mum in permanent care. I do miss talking to her, even if she wouldn't remember that we had in within just a few minutes. And had she been on the phone, and the magic moment of jamming my remote in my cat's mouth as I let a ragged riper go had happened before we talked, I just know that I would have told my mum that story. And I also just know that if I had told my mum that story she would have sighed and simply said 'small things amuse small minds.'

And she'd have been right to do it!

UPDATE: I managed to call theWife the C word on day one of the New Year - in response to her derisive mockery of my ability to record The Birds playing on ABC2. Now that's a marriage!

(1) An exercise bike loaned to me by Casso, my writing bud, and outside theWife probably my next female bestie. She is defiantly awesome.
(2) I discovered Steles as a result of a near-seven-hour wiki session thanks to my beloved, the Toshiba Tablet we purchased as my reward for having my flesh sliced open and a piece of ground-off-bone replaced with sparkling ceramic coated titanium. Hooray for wiki! Hats in the air!  


  1. A minute ago I was a swamp hag! I like awesome better! :p

  2. Defiantly awesome, no less!


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