Friday, October 07, 2011

Area man takes advantage of Jobs death to discard old TVs

Canberra, Australia; An unknown area man dumped five CRT TVs in front of the Apple store in Canberra today following the death of visionary Steve Jobs.

Apple stores across the world started receiving gifts of flowers and memorabilia associated with the giant of Silicon Valley in a paroxysm of collective grief not seen since Princess Diana was killed following her erroneous decision to enter a vehicle driven by a Frenchman.

'Some of the stuff included classic icon products from Apple's past,' said Tek, an apple store staffer, his mock black turtleneck neck sodden from the tears that had streamed down his face all day. 'People hanged old iPods with 'thanks' and other messages scrawled across the dead LCD screens and someone even brought in their old iMac they'd turned into a still-life aquarium complete with hanging fake fish.'

It was only when they started to haul in the offerings for the dearly departed Jobs to assist him in his passage in the afterlife that they discovered the old TVs.

'They'd crudely cut out the apple logo and pasted it on the side of the old tellies,' said an enraged Tek, Tek having legally changed his name to the single three-letter-word as part of his efforts in 'Thinking Different. 'Then dumped them amongst a sea of actual Apple goodness!'

As per Apple's no-damage e-waste policy, enacted after Jobs was apparently gently teased about Apple's lack of e-waste management via a sign pulled behind a plane above Jobs' famous 2005 Standford Commencement address, the televisions will none-the-less be suitably disposed of. But not until Tek and his similarly black turtleneck clad 'customer satisfaction agents' take to the offending faked-up-Apple products behind the dumpster with baseball bats in a move reminiscent of the infamous printer/fax destruction sequence from the classic movie Office Space.

'I'm going to give one some tasty 1984 licks and throw my baseball bat right into its screen,' added Tek before holding up, then slowly waving side-to-side, a glowing iPhone out the front of their store as part of the staff's two week vigil.

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