Tuesday, August 30, 2011

That was an awesome Humpty and Stumpty

theWife is in bed recovering from a grueling night of sharing the big bed with a fevered little man. He's better but he's been on the go since 3 am. Which, as irony would have it, when I finally went to sleep.

So we're in the lounge room and we're doing stories together. Well, rather, I was and he was chipping in.

Lofty, from Bob the Builder, was driving along when suddenly ... he was possessed by the spirit of Mister Maker! Mister Maker, from the children's TV show of the same name, freed from his biological body was now in control of five tons of construction machinery. Needless-to-say this has an effect on the naturally caffeinated overly-excitable children's TV star of the making-stuff sub-category.

So Mister Maker started destroying things. Buildings, cars, lamp posts. Your typical atmospheric-setting damage when something large runs amok in an urban setting.

'Aha ha ha,' screamed Mister Maker as the carnage ensued.

theBoy found this upsetting. Especially when Mister Maker eventually left Lofty's body and he was done up for psychosis and bunged in the nut-house.

'It wasn't me!' screamed Lofty as they dragged his strait-jacketed body away up the wide over-lit corridor. 'It was Mister Maker.'

theBoy decided that he needed to prove Lofty was innocent. He went to see Bob the Builder to tell him that Lofty had been telling the truth. He then said Bob should fix the things Lofty broke while under possession.

'Crikey!' said Bob the Builder. 'You're right! We need to fix those buildings ... and get Lofty proved innocent! But I must warn you that proving someone sane can be a laborious process. It could take up to 18 months!'

They got to work. Eventually Lofty got his day in court. theBoy took the witness stand to say that he'd witnesses the possession and that Lofty wasn't psycho.

But how to prove it?!

'Lofty. There's only one way,' said Bob. 'You have to let Mister Maker back in!'

'Noooo!' shrieked Lofty in his high-whiny-voice. 'He will destroy things!'

'It's the only way, Lofty,' said Bob sadly.

Then ... 'Ha ha, I'm back!' shouted Mister Maker. He promptly swung the crane around and took out the courtroom windows. 'Aha ha ha ha!'

theBoy swung into action.

'I jump in Lofty and back Maker out!'

Yes theBoy thought Mister Maker had inserted himself some-how into Lofty, presumably in the Maker Mobile since theBoy was going to 'back him out'. I had to explain the concept of possession.

'Oh, Chooky, he's not physically there. He's mentally there. He doesn't have a physical form. You need supernatural means to get him out (1)'.

theBoy drank this in.

Eventually he shouted at the top of his voice 'GET OUT MISTER MAKER'.

Yes ... he'd gone the exorcism, powered by pure force of will.

Unfortunately this woke theWife up who shouted incoherently at us until theBoy silenced her cries by quietly sliding the door across to block out our noise.

Back to the story. theBoy wanted to tell Mister Maker off at his house.

'I don't know what you're talking about!' said Mister Maker with his almost-certainly-drug-assisted-enthusiasm. 'But I do suffer from inexplicable black outs!'

Yes, it seemed Mister Maker suffered a multiple-personality issue where he didn't consciously know he was possessing objects or people and/or what he did to them or with them.

'But if that's true then I need help!' said Mister Maker. 'Take me to hostipal (2)'

As they went out of the front of Mister Maker's house Mister Maker collapsed across the path and grass. Then an engine fired up and headlights turned on. It was the Maker Mobile!

Mister Maker's evil personality had asserted itself and in a last desperate bid for freedom from medical incarceration used his own purpose-crafted Maker Mobile to smash into the low stone wall the bordered Mr Maker's garden in an effort to crush theBoy!

'Quick, Chooky, you need to wrap Mister Maker's head in alfoil to break their connection! (3)'

'I do that! Wrap/wrap/wrap/wrap/wrap.'

The Maker Mobile's engine spluttered to a halt and the lights dimmed. Mister Maker, his head wrapped in silvered foil like a blinged-up concussion victim, sat upright.

'Oh no it happened again!' said Mister Maker. In short order Mister Maker was committed to an insane asylum and Lofty was declared sane!

I always end Humpty and Stumpy stories with 'wow, what a great story!' Even if it was a bucket of crap and it was me responding to an incessant demand for a story with 'Humpty needed to go to the toilet. He did a poo. He flushed it. The end. Wow, what a great story.' (4)

However in this case ... yes ... I think it was. Even if it did massively trample all over a range of intellectual properties in the process ... much like Lofty did when possessed by Mister Maker one grey August morn...

(1) Meaning both magic (slash) magick and/or ESPer powers (aka Psionics).
(2) theBoy's pronunciation of hospital. It's funny. As kids we as a family would call things by their kid-labelled names even when we were teenagers. For example one of us re-badged Restaurants with the word Astronauts... so as a family, when we went out to tea, it was to an astronaut.

(3) Alfoil being the dominate brand of aluminum foil as sold in Australia
(4) I think I got it from Jimmy the stutter-afflicted and physically disabled stand-up character from South Park ('Wow, what a terrific audience!')


  1. Oh God it was ... as was blogging it. Half-way through I was regretting my decision to make blogging not count towards my half hour a day minimum (so far, so good on that!)

  2. Good work! I feel like I should be writing because I'm at home sans child but I also feel like crap, so I'm not putting any pressure on myself. Well, only a little bit of pressure...

  3. Yeah don't do it when you feel like crap! It's ice-cream and big tv watching time!


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