Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Child push back

It's the end of Humpty and Stumpty time. My voice is raw from doing the sound effect of Wall-E (1) pushing out a poo of garbage. It ended with me impersonating a thousand Wall-Es in a field all going the hard-push.

'Errrghh - ERRRGHH - errgrhh - errrghhh - ERRRRGHHH'

You get the idea.

So now it's regular story time. TheWife does that now. Proper stories with theBoy sitting on her lap looking at the pages of an actual book being actually read. We had worked out the improv time with daddy was way too stimulating just before bed and we had numerous incidents of theBoy's re-appearing with an Arnott's-like assorted array of excuses ('I need to do a wee!' ... 'I need to do a poo!' ... 'Lucy scared me!' [2] ).

But theBoy ... he no want that. He wants more Humpty Stumpy improv.

'Okay chooky,' I said. 'Come on. Regular story time.'

'NO!' he shouted. He ran to the door and did some miming.

'Lock/lock/lock/lock/lock' he added. 'There, it's all locked.'

Right then. I can't leave the room without triggering a howl of outrage at breaking the scene and theWife's out in the lounge room likely doing something Facebook or eBay related.

So ... I called theWife's mobile from the land-line.

'Hi ... yeah it's me. Um ... can't get out of the room. Yes ... locked in.'

So theWife called out his name. He broke the scene—I didn't protest—flung open the door and ran off in response to the summons.

Then he ran back.

'Mummy said more Humpty Stumpty!' he said happily.

Total child push back. Where you, as a parent, really need to off-load the attention seeking of your child to the other parent ... and that other parent simply bats them back.

This is not the first time this has happened... (3)

I needed love so I emailed a link to that post to some people I know with kids—randomly selected on a whim, plugging the start of their name so Outlook was triggered to give me their address (4).

Someone, whose identity remains hidden, replied.


OK, maybe once.

OK, twice.

Alright, we do it ALL THE TIME.

Don’t you judge me.


Thank-higher-power-here. I was truly worried it was just me for a while.


'What's that? I think I heard daddy call you..' (run/run/run/run).

'Daddy ... wot you want?!'

'Huh, what? ... TheWife!'

(1) During story time, where Wall-E was featuring, theBoy at one point asked 'where's Beaver?' I for the life of me couldn't recall there being a beaver in Wall-E. So I had to go to the wiki. Ah. He meant the girl-bot, Eve. Gold. Speaking of beaver...
[2] This last one especially hilarious as said cat was asleep in another room

(3) It should be noted this is a whinge for comedy purposes only. It is fully recognised theWife does the vast bulk of the noodles wrangling and does a fine job while doing so. She is an awesome mummy and we have a child you could best describe as 'naturally caffeinated'. (3a)
(3a) This is the worried-said-out-loud suspicion Ben's dad has about his highly energetic son Ben in the awesome series Outnumbered after Ben has half a double-expresso and gets a tad super-charged. See Outnumbered now!
(4) I have been accused of having failing memory of late. I think it's because I rely so much on Microsoft to remember stuff for me that I devote brain power to my treasured brooding.

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