Sunday, February 20, 2011

TheBoy came running in with a cardboard tube stuck down his neck hole

'Help!' he said pointing at the end of the tube peeking out of the neck hole.

I reached for it as he was still trying to grab it. His fingers locked on.

He whipped the tube out and lunged at me, striking my knuckles with the edge.

'GOT YOU!' he shrieked then ran off laughing out the room.

Sometime later...

That afternoon we were at the shops. There was this public shaded area with big plastic boat looking benches. TheBoy wanted me off the one he was on.

'Get off!' he demanded.

'No,' I said. 'I'm sharing.'

'No ... off,' he said again. He thought for a bit.

'Fireman say you off,' he said.

'What? What fireman? Over there?'

'... yeah.'

I looked at the place where the fictitious fireman "was".

'Do ... do I have to get off?' I asked, voice raised.

TheBoy, grinning, watched me.

'He say off too,' he said.

How can I argue with that?

On a previous occasion...

The other day I did one of my embarrassing public fails. I was looking after theBoy as he was bouncing up and down on the booth seating as theWife ordered lunch. I had the paper. 'Hey ... ' I said. 'How about I sing you a story from the paper?'

'Okay!' bounced theBoy.

I'm not sure why I had this one in my head, though I have a habit of idly singing the last song I heard, so I guess I heard it at some point.

It was Yellow Submarine.

It was an article about Abbott,
Morrison and Bernardi, the Three Dwamigos (1). All I did was sing the article to the tune - like that game in Spicks and Specks (2) - but the words matched up pretty well. But it was only when I glanced to see if theBoy was at all interested - he wasn't, there was bouncing to be bounced, that I noticed the table of three near-bidies were listening in.

Trailing off embarrassed fail.

(1) Dog-Whistling Amigos.
(2) I keep thinking I should send them one of my five Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Player's Handbooks for that segment just to see if they'd do it. Once, in the midsts of time, The Late Show had a Draw Bert Newton contest and told people to mail them in. I did it ... I actually did it. I draw Bert as a Cartoon condom and mailed it to PO Box 9944 in my nearest capital city. For return address I put Jean Luc-Picaird for the simple fact I am a geeky fuckwad. Over the next few eps as they showed off the mailed in art I had the biggest heart hammer of my life. Kind of like when you buy p0rn the first few times.

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