Monday, January 17, 2011

Rand Jan

I think the romance of space exploration would be somewhat undercut if, instead of a rocket making a BBBRRRRRWWWWORRRRRKKKKRRROOOOOSSSSSSH when it took off, it went frrriiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp.

I don't have a name for my penis. Yet I named my son's penis 'Man Fury'. Is that dickipitical of me?

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? Barry Mannilow. I did not know that.

Do you think people who are called Vern have ever had someone attempt a 'Why Vern...?' joke? If not, then why not?

If rain falls in the company town, but the miners are fly-in, fly-out, then do people give a shit if it washes clean the streets of the blue-sky town?

Has someone made a black-light (1) app for the iPhone yet that can cause the display to mimic said illumination type so you can light up all the semen stains in the motel you're in? I think if you did that ... it'd be like the scene in Pitch Black when all the monsters in the dark are momentarily lit up before they eat people. Though I hardly think the semen stains would come to life and swarm over the iPhone black-light operator unless the stains were a host to some sort of alien parasite that had bonded with the semen stain in a holy alliance of monsters and man-mustard and they needed to destroy the faux black-light operator lest word get out about their evil plan to ... well ... um. Yes, motivation. Our simple Maslow Hierarchy of Needs do not really apply to the requirements of melded spunk and space specimen. Maybe then they weren't trying to engulf the iPhone black-light holder? Maybe it was an attempt at first contact and we fucked it up by running then by nuking the motel from orbit? After-all, nuking something from orbit is the only way to be sure.

How come when nerds get blown up in movies the pocket-protector never actually saves the pocket?

Have you ever accepted a call while you were sitting on the toilet? Yes. And I was expecting it.

Would a vampire surfer say 'Ah-ha-ha-ha, vipe out' and then would thunder boom even though it was a nice day down at the beach?

Do vampires from Twilight secrete the glitter or is it in their skin? If they get sick does their shimmer constantly change colour like my kewl fibre-optic Christmas tree?

How would a dolphin interpret 'catch you on the flipside'? Maybe it's a terrible insult and they nose-pummel you to death like in all that stock footage of 'WHEN DOLPHINS ATTACK ... SHARKS!' I saw interspersed between the non-watery scenes in Flipper.


(1) Yeah, yeah, I know, black-lights (1a) have special globes etc. and thus no, no one could write a black-light emulation app that would actually show up hideous bio-gunk. But they could write an app that made it look like a black-light. That's just as good, right? Like home-made chips instead of from the corner store...
(1a) There are some smells or words or other prompts that will forever imprint upon you. That when you encounter the prompt then the memory arises unbidden, yet strong - terrible and great. For me then the term black-light makes me think of this.

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