Friday, October 01, 2010

Oh dear ... what if my petulant whining starts a galactic war?

It occurred to me that with all my beneath-my-naval gazing, that essentially this blog has turned into one giant whinge in that, boiled down, this blog implies "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle".

Which, as hard core Douglas Adams fans would be aware, the utterance of those words accidentally resulted in an interstellar war which only ended when, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale, an entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.

So I apologise if for some reason this blog ends up being read by an alien species far from earth and they regard it offensive and seek to lay cosmic waste to something.

Which leads me to this.

There are moments of pure writing. So pure, so perfect, that they cannot be improved. You read it and you think A) that's so pure, and so good, it cannot be improved and B) fuck you author I hate you. Max Barry I'm looking at you, sunshine.

Anyway, my favourite all time sequence from a Douglas Adams book, a sequence which cannot be improved upon, is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The situation is this: Arthur Dent only recently discovered his house was to be demolished for a bypass. He is remonstrating with the man from the council, who turned out to be a direct decent of a barbarous warlord, who has appeared before Dent's house with a bulldozer. This leads Arthur to lie in front of it.

"But Mr Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine months."

"Oh yes, well as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."

"But the plans were on display ..."

"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."

"That's the display department."

"With a flashlight."

"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."

"So had the stairs."

"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"

"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard'."

I say this will all love and admiration for both a man and his body of work that will forever stand the test of time.

Fuck you Douglas Adams.

3 comments:

  1. Haha! I love Douglas Adams. I cried when he died. :(

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  2. Anonymous5:26 AM

    Man, I was referencing the "Beware of the Leopard" sign just yesterday.

    ... are you stalking me?!

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  3. I found out the on the day he died when the cat woke us up by stepping on the remote and it just happened to be on the news.

    And yes... stalking is happening.

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