Saturday, October 30, 2010

Not this time, Israeli temptress

Despite my salty tinged tongue I am actually quite a polite person. Which makes me a sucker for cold callers and spruikers both because I typically will not abruptly end the conversation on them.

In Canberra, in civic mall, there's a number of small stalls in the middle of the thoroughfares. One of them is home to the pushy Israeli cosmetic girls.

About three years back I was walking along, minding my own business, when I saw what looked like free samples at the shop. I went to see. A blonde bespectacled girl talked to me. I responded. Next thing I know she'd gripped me by the wrist and was applying salt from the dead sea to my hand to ex-foliate it. Long story short, ten minutes later and desperate to escape, I'd purchased sixty dollars worth of salty products if only to escape her grasp.

Today, whilst waiting for theWife who was in a nearby shop, it happened again. Only this time I had theNoo with me.

She was persistent, I'll give her that. She applied a new salve - just came in this week ! - and cleaned my iHand - so called because that's where I write memory prompt notes which has a character capacity of less than a tweet. Ink shards and filth fluttered down on to her counter top and she pointed at it to demonstrate its effectiveness.

I am on record as being on the end of the spectrum of being sexually unexciting. I look like a combo of Michael Moore and Piers Akerman.

It was then she made an error - not that I was going to buy anything.

She tried flirting.

There were questions about my relationship status - I don't have a ring on but I did have a child with me - then there came the press.

Yep ... she pressed herself against me. Full on thigh through shoulder including some side-boob.

Pressed against me she was when she then informed me that today, and today only, everything was 25% off. And if I bought now she'd throw in anything from the top shelf.

I tried to tell her that expansive purchases in my household required mutual consideration - the twin missile keys turned at the same time method of agreed expenditure - but she was ready with a counter to that. 'Buy it for her as a surprise then...'

Nice try. I pointed at the shop where theWife was and said 'Well, she's in there. I will go have a conversation about gels with her then.'

I left ... and made sure that when we headed out of that shop it was in the opposite direction of booby press.

Sorry Israeli temptress, you failed this time... just some advice. Don't try the full body press flirt technique on an ugly man. We can kind of see through it.


  1. Aww. Maybe she liked you!

  2. I'm pretty sure that actually only happens in the movies...

  3. I honestly didn't know that sales people ever tried that kind of thing! I almost feel like I'm missing out!

  4. Sorry S-express, you're too good looking for a flirty body press attempt. It only works on Morlocks.


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