Monday, August 16, 2010

Mr Methane

Well one breath test down, three to go.

It started okay. I had to drink a cup of solution that had a slight sweet taste to it. Then breathe into a meter like what the cops use to test drivers. Then repeat that every 30 minutes.

This first test was optional - to determine if Hydrogen was a good metric to use or whether Methane was better. Most people are fine with Hydrogen. Turns out I was one of the ones that was not so my future tests need to detect my methane levels. And, unlike the breathalizer, I have to breathe into a bag.

I asked if it was ... non-orally collected ... and the tech said, with a straight face, no.

The solution had a mild laxative effect and the tech said it would likely take two hours to manifest. He was wrong. It took two hours and a minute. Sharp diarrhea like cramping but with nothing to pass - however I was worried about an occurrence of the dreaded shart, especially as I was not packing spare underdaks.

Still, it went okay. Next time is Lactose, then Fructose. Today I also added Sorbitol which apparently will help determine if the hideous amounts of nutrasweet I ingest in my 4-8 cans a day Diet Coke habit has a abdominal impact.

The tech I had was kewl. He had a good deskside manner, explained how the tests work, how the body digests material and the like. It's nice to have a learned discussion on the disgusting.

Alas however I have a stripped throat and I might have to go on anti-biotics. If I do it pushes all the tests out four weeks because the meds will kill the bacteria that produce the gases that need to be tested. So here's hoping I don't have to.

Hey I think there's a dodgy Oz regional clubs entertainer called Mr Methane. Let me look.


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