I've decided to invent a new term for severe abdominal pain from IBS: "sock puppets".
Here's an example.
"Hey man, how are you?"
"Fucked. Got the MAJOR sock puppets."
(other man winces in the manner all men wince when someone is depicted taking one to the boys downstairs).
Basically "sock puppets" is how a sentient sock might feel to have a man's hand and wrist buried up inside them and twisting fingers around in order to replicate a basic emotive state via the sock's toe-mouth.
I recently saw the doc regarding the general sock puppets condish. He said, given these spasms I've been having (which look kind of kewl - like John Hurt's stomach before the Alien pops out in the movie of the same name), I should get the gastro snake at the same time as the other one to make sure that my stomach area is okay too.
So yes ... I will be almost flossed.
That's not a good look for anyone. Luckily I will be unconscious. I feel for the theatre staff who have to see my swollen hirsute form from both ends.
Maybe I should bring apology chocs ... or ... or even ... a card?