Saturday, February 13, 2010

Stop looking up my damn Cloaca: Second Duck

Wall in 70s Décor house: The second flying duck has said that it is tired of the rear most duck looking up its cloaca - the posterior opening that serves as the only such opening for the intestinal, reproductive and urinary tracts of certain animal species, such as ducks.

‘My damn cloaca is my own damn business,’ said second duck. ‘Yet I can feel its beady eyes boring in on my one stop shop hole.’

Second duck said while he did not fear being molested, since the cork-screw nature of the duck’s cloaca is such that, unless the cloaca is relaxed, then unwanted intrusion is impossible, he nonetheless felt like he was being objectified as nothing more than a flying glory hole.

‘My eyes are up here,’ said second duck. ‘Not down there. Yes, sure, he can’t look at my eyes given our position on the wall, but you know he could look further up like at a wing or tail feathers or something. And yes, I do see the irony in a 70’s kitsch art object complaining about being objectified, but I have feelings too.’

Second duck said that third duck, and indeed all wall or table mounted ceramic ornaments, should undergo mandatory equity training so they understand that unwanted cloaca leering makes the recipient feel both undervalued and menaced.

‘If fortune 500 companies can mandate their employees attend such training, then surely wall and table mounted ornaments could likewise receive some form of presentation. Just put in a DVD of it for fuck’s sake. It’s not like there’s not a doily covered tv opposite us.’

Third duck said that if second duck didn’t want him to stare at his cloaca, then he shouldn’t be sashaying up the wall in a prominent cloaca like position.

‘Yeah, yeah, I know that in a perfect world a duck should be able to fly down an alley at midnight, bombed out of its skull, its sexy little cloaca glinting furtively in the moonlight from a nest of perfumed feathers and not be objectified. But you try hanging on a wall since the Carter administration staring 24/7 at a delish date and try and look away. It just can’t be done.’

The litter of pottery kittens on the hall table however agreed with second duck, and suggested such training even be extended to the human owners. This due in part to their tiring of every visit by the 14 year old grandson ending in their being re-arranged in a in a daisy chain of butt fucking.


  1. Second Duck is also doing the exact same thing to First Duck...

  2. I CNTL+ the PSD file. If you go in close and track the line from eye to cloaca, you will find 2nd duck is slightly out of line to 1st duck.

    I can't believe I just typed that...

  3. Those ducks are so adorable!


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