Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The new wanker

A while back I was watching one of those excellent Oxfam Comedy gala things. One of the stand ups asked who in the audience didn't have a mobile phone.

A few hands went up.

'You,' he said. 'Are the new wankers.'

Yes, people who think so highly of themselves they don't want to be contactable at all times. I can see that. I only really got a mobile phone once theWife got preggers (as is my recollection). I didn't really have one before. But now as a parent I guess I want to be in reach in case I am needed. Not that I can do anything, though I suppose I can be there for comfort purposes and make decision if need be.

Anyway, I (as ever) digress.

I think I am a new wanker. Why? Because I am not on Facebook.

I'm not sure what the motivation is. Maybe it's because it's yet another pressure on my time and I don't want to get sucked in. I suppose the other thing is I'd rather people come here because this is established and it's more about me as what I think than pithy updates on my domestic minutia.

Don't get me wrong. I can see the value in Facebook. For those people for whom social networking is a part of them it's a fucking boon. That and kewl mini games you can play - when Scrabble was on I can totally see how fun that was.

But ... it also encourages people from your past to crawl out into the light - like those weird bugs you find under rocks. Again, not meant to be a sledge, but we live our lives in periods of time or activity. There's Uni Mikey, School Mikey, Work Mikey, Nerd Mikey, Parent Mikey and so forth. Facebook crams these all together. It's like This is your fucking Life with the red book and smiling gimboid saying 'do you remember this voice?'. Or it's like a Pot Luck casserole.

I admit I have bad thoughts about me. Perhaps part of this rejection of social networking is because I fundamentally dislike large chunks of moi and suspect even if I did Facebook (or MySpace) that not many people would show up wanting to even bother to network with me. So maybe it is sour grapes to a certain extent.

But weirdly I love doing this. I love spewing thoughts, stupid stuff, angry rants, teary moments, dark pauses, life sparkles - all that crap - into cyberspace through here. Maybe I don't need Facebook because I prefer this semi-covert e-life where I am Blog Mikey and all those people from my other life segments can go and get well fucked if they don't know about this, or don't read it if they do. Even if it does mean only six people and a blind dachaund using speak-aloud software actually encounter it.

Anyway, in short, yes, I am the new wanker because I am not on Facebook. But, for those of you who are, if it makes you happy, gives you a joy burst, and otherwise lightens the grey of your ever diminishing life, then you go nuts girl. You take that Facebook buzz and you drive it to the next hospital, Broadway style.

Me? I'll just snipe from the sidelines and remain in the steadily sinking ship that is the blogosphere.

PS I'm not even going dignify Facebook with its own tag. Ha! Take that you kids ... and your music.

PPS I dislike how journalists strip mine people's MySpace and Facebook when they die in a newsie manner. 'Blah Blah loved his kids, music, and recently booked tickets to an exotic locale.' Hoo-fucking-ray for that. You managed to drill out another para of text without actually having to talk to anyone who knew them.

PPPS I love my blog friends. I don't know them in real life but they feel as real to me as people I do know. Does that make me a sad no talent arse-clown? Perhaps. But I wear that red nose with pride baby. Blogging rocks my tasty groove.


  1. I love my blog friends too. And am friends with a few of them on FB.

    And then there are the ones who KNOW WHERE I LIVE. In fact, a couple of them will be here this weekend!

    I think it's pretty cool.

    I don't have an extensive friends list on FB. And I don't mind keeping it that way.

  2. FB is good only for people-watching. Seeing how many kids your various high school inmates have squirted out to however many different fathers, etc. I have the same idle but unnecessary curiousity about most people who've 'friended' us as the average person does about the lives of celebrities in gossip magazines. Only Facebook is free! Oh and it's good for posting photos for people who you don't want to know about your blog... in our case, that includes anyone we're related to!

  3. It seems to me that Facebook is the new AOL. AOL users were seen to be the less competent IT users who liked the security of the walled garden approach to computing. Facebook has a somewhat similar walled garden approach and many of the people I know who are active facebook users are also quite limited in how they use computers. This is borne out to some extent by the fact that they just haven't realised yet how much privacy they have surrendered. Amongst my friends who are IT literate (they work in the industry) only one has a Facebook account.

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