Tim may know a lot about toys but not much about Ninjas

Kids are not stupid. They're constantly learning and will eventually realise that they have experienced substandard knowledge and seek to correct it.

I was at my local IGA seeking some milk. Most of the IGA's in Canberra, a confederacy of small supermarket retailers, have a toy stand. Cheap plastic toys hanging off a rack that looks like a denuded Christmas tree.

As I was waiting in line one of the toys, courtesy of "Tim the Toyman", caught my eye.

It was a sword. Well, it said it was, but it was shaped more like a dagger. It was a light sword in fact, came with a battery and presumably when two became one ("I need your love like I never needed love before, baby") the sword does gone and lights up.

Naturally "Tim the Toyman" felt the glowing sword needed a backstory, a history if you will, something mythic, it could tie in to make said sword more enticing. After-all you drape some furry underpants barbarians on the packaging it will make it just a tad more attractive.

Tim the Toyman ... went with Ninjas. Yes, Ninjas. Specifically in this case they were "SECRET NINJA FORCE" Ninjas.

Like many things that have a taint of secret sexy, Ninjas have alas fallen victim to the needs of the story teller - or entertainment machine. Many gross overstatements about prowess and magical supernatural powers have come into being over the years, especially in the 80s when you couldn't watch prime time night TV without a fucking Ninja popping up in the storyline - and even had their own shows like this effort.

But I will tell you this "Tim the Toyman".

NINJAS NEVER HAD GLOWING FUCKING SWORDS.

Think about it Tim. If you're a Ninja, creeping through the night, the last thing you want is your weapon to start emitting a bright glow. Having a glowing weapon I would surmise runs counter to the entire objective of Ninjaness, which is to sneak into a place to off someone, then sneak out again.

This shits me as much as those crappy plastic army playsets where the delusory add in vehicles, typically a jeep and a jet, are SMALLER THAN THE FUCKING SOLDIERS IN THE FUCKING PLAYSET.

Toy people. You face a world of competing mediums, such as the internet and continuously evolving computer entertainment, where the attention of a child is not guaranteed. If you want them to play with your shit, or at least even purchase it, some basic attention to detail like history (ninjas didn't have glowing weapons) and size (too small jeeps and jets) would be a good first step to take.

But then maybe it's not Tim's fault. He could have learned about Ninjas from here.

By the way, if you are worried about being taken out by a Ninja, all you have to do is keep an eye out for their feet.

If their shoes have two toes ... they're a ninja.