Before we start, I still cannot believe that "Fella's Gifts", the single lad store in the Tugger's Hyperdome, is selling Edward posters. Way to damage the macho brand Fellas.A life sized stand up of that post millennial Undead Jason Priestly (kids, ask your parents), Edward, is a creature feature in my local DVD store opposite the check out counter. According to the staffers, a number of people, I suspect gay dudes and tweens through to mid 20's chicks, have pleaded to purchase it.
No sale.
Indeed, it got so ferocious the staffers worried for cardboard Edward's safety and routed him out the back until lady passions had cooled their ardour somewhat in case they did a runner* with him, presumably running out the store with Edward held under their arm like a sexy surfboard.
But he's back on deck, gazing longingly at anyone that walks by him to the Streets freezer beside, presumably to pull out a Gaytime**.
The staffers at my vid shop range in age from 10 to 20. The youngest looks like that coke bottle glasses little battler who does the Monkey in the background of one of The Wiggles music clips on Big Red Car. Recently the shop encouraged the staff to come in fancy dress. He came as the Last Samuri - his costume a bathrobe kimono. Unfortunately he didn't carry it off. Slutty schoolgirl staffer, who sometimes remains in her too tight uniform when she starts work in the late arvo, came (unsurprisingly) as Lara Croft.
Recent addition 20's staffer wasn't there on fancy dress day, but I've noticed he's gone and adopted his own element of Hollywood.
You see he's decided to style his hair the same ... as Edward from the cutout opposite him.
How he can't see that he's unconciously adopted the same sexy hair as Mr smouldering directly opposing the counter I will never know.
* I once did a runner from a Video Ezy, stealing a 3d cardboard basket with some sort of freak mutant inside (for Basketcase 2 I think). In my defence I was pissed. I also stole a Russian newspaper from the 1988 Soviet Exhibit at World Expo. Somewhat weirdly I had a Gideon's New Testament in my pocket and I spent 10 minutes prior to thieving summoning courage to go and give it to the Russian Orthodox priest that was wandering around the hall. I didn't. But it was most weird that I wanted to. Then even weirder that I impulse flogged the paper from the Ruskies and fled out the door before the KGB could get me.
** No aspersions. Despite the awkward name, and the tagline of 'It's hard to have a Gaytime on your own***', said icecream is delish and easily the best thing Streets have on offer.
*** If you're solo pleasuring yourself to a dizzying display of porn**** where the staring role matches the same sex as you I'd say that counts as a gaytime on your own.
**** Or a a pic of Edward***** - either sex.
***** Pwned.
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