Jackson’s mother gains custody - children to live in a hyperbaric observation bubble

Santa Cruz, California; Katherine Jackson, mother of Michael Jackson, has won custody of Whacko Jackson’s three children, Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and Prince Michael II, 7, the later also known as blanket for having spent the first several years of its life covered in the woolen bed clothing in order to screen him from paparazzi, aliens, monsters, bugs, superbugs, masons, freemasons, and extended members of Bubbles the Chimp’s family.

The children will be housed in a special hyperbaric observation bubble, which will consist of several linked rooms, fully accessible for viewing by staff through two way mirrors, as well as with web cams in each room covering multiple angles. The facility will have a number of staff; nurses, guards, and wranglers, in addition to which will be psychologists on hand to deal with the numerous mental disorders that will arise from living in an environment akin to a Skinner's box.

The children will also be displayed in a large public viewing chamber for 30 minutes two or three times a day, and will constantly be tested, studied, and examined with tedious records taken of everything.

‘This facility will enable Michael’s children to contribute to the upkeep of the family,’ said a spokesman. ‘Furthermore while Michael may no longer be with us, there’s like two more Michaels just growing to maturity that you can watch 24/7 through the web for a low, low price of $US24.95 per month,’ said a spokesman.

‘The children will have a limited exposure to the world outside the boundaries of the compound except for the daily rounds of tourists, who will generally be heard but not seen. Every morning they will dress together in a big bathroom, have doses of orange juice and cod-liver oil, and then have their hair Jeri-curled. Then they will say a prayer before breakfast, a gong will sound, and they will eat breakfast in the dining room. After thirty minutes, they will have to clear the table, even if they aren’t done. There are no slackers in the Jackson family. Then, they will play in the sunroom for thirty minutes, take a fifteen minute break and at nine o'clock will be their morning inspection with a Doctor,’ he added.

According to the spokesman in the evening the children will bathe before dinner and put on their pajamas. Dinner will be served at precisely six o'clock. Then, they will go into the quiet playroom to say their evening prayers. Each child will have a color and a symbol to mark what items are theirs. Michael I will have a gold face mask, Paris will have a silver statue of Michael (from his HISTORY tour), and Michael II, aka Blanket, will have a blue – the colour of his blanket – robotic baby – a reference to that time Michael dangled a an animatronic version of him over a Berlin balcony.

It is hoped up to 6,000 people per day will visit the observation galleries and the family said that ample parking will be provided.

There will also be a souvenir shop and a concession store opposite the facility, which will be known as "Neverhisland". The souvenirs available will include spoons, cups, plates, plaques, candy bars, books, postcards, battery powered moon walking dolls, and much, much more.

There will also be stones from the Neverland ranch for sale for $0.50 that are supposed to have some magical power of fertility, as Michael was very fertile, thanks to his habit of vigorously exercising the aforementioned area of his body, and didn’t need surrogacy or fancy medical intervention to breed whatsoever.