Thursday, November 13, 2008

Andrew Bolt and the sandwich at the Downstairs Café

Actually, it wasn’t Andrew Bolt. But clearly this person had taken a leaf from Andrew Bolt’s Big Boys Bumper Book of Leg Splaying.

I was walking back into my building and past the downstairs café when in the corner I couldn’t but help notice this person’s sitting stance.

Above the table was normal, and he was consuming some sort of sandwich, but beneath the table, well, the horror … the horror ...

He was fully Sharon Stoning his Man Bulge. No, not sans pants. But his legs were open way more than the allotted 90 degrees accorded to us men by nature. They were almost 180’ing. As a result his legs, which I can only presume were straining the friendship of his pelvic ligamentage, were making the groin at the apex – what remained of it – far more prominent.

It couldn’t have been more leaping to the attention of a passer-by if sewn into the seam of his inner leg were northwards pointing arrow shaped LEDs that blinked in sequence from knee and up the leg to fly and directing your sight dickward.

Maybe he’s one of those pelvically blessed nature’s acrobat types? Perhaps instead of a chair at his desk, he has it close to the floor and he “sits” balanced on his arse with his legs wrapped around his shoulder in the manner of a human ball contortionist?

At any rate, the moment I got back to my desk, I described what I saw to P, then attempted to emulate the stance – facing forward on a chair but backwards straddle style in an effort to demonstrate just how splayed the sandy man’s legs were.

Needless to say, it hurt to do so.

3 comments:

  1. Obviously he was a Republican

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  2. He was fully Sharon Stoning his Man Bulge

    GREAT turn of phrase, but ooh the visuals are not not not pretty...

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  3. I rubber necked as I went past. I just could not figure how he did it!

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