Monday, May 19, 2008

Blast from the past; Area princess fails to adhere to Wham philosophy

From the HarrangueMan Files, 1997

UK, England; Wham members George Michael and the other one have today announced they are deeply saddened at the recent revelation that the People's Princess threw herself down the stairs in a semi-suicidal manner, in direct contravention of Wham's core philosophy.

'Here at Wham we choose life,' said Michael, indicating the message on the oversized T-shirt worn at happy purely innocent concerts performed for 'the kids'.

'While I appreciate the Princess of Hearts is a fan of ours we humbly distance ourself from her 'Sad? Stairs' answer to her blues.'

Michael, who has had loads of girlfriends, said that Choosing Life was not just an answer but the only answer.

'Choosing Life is about embracing your circumstances, even if you're in a position where you have to pretend you're happy when you're not,' said the deeply hetrosexual singer in between kissing his latest girl-on-arm paramour.

'Life is fun, and butterflies and gay romps. Not mournful stair tossing because you're deeply unsatisfied with your lot. You're a princess for God's sake. Embrace it!'

The singer then ended the interview to assist buff assistant Trey remove a trapped eyelash in the nearby toilets.

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