Queen smacks down Rudd

The palace, to see the Queen, London, UK; The Queen, aged head of state for Australia despite never having been elected to the position, has today smacked down Kevin Rudd, actual effective head of state (for Australia) after the Australian Prime Minister failed to tilt his head by way of deference.

Shocked befrocked house servants, resplendent in wigs, knicker bockers and those fake beauty moles, gasped in horror at the non given head bob as they knew what was coming.

'One bows when one is in one's presence,' snarled Queenie. 'You ghastly little oik.'

The Queen then stepped up to the Kruddster, cocked her head back, then snorked him one in the face, fracturing the PM's jaw and spreading his nose across his cheeks.

'That's a gift from Balmoral!' said the Queen, kicking the now prostrated PM, demonstrating her mastery of the ancient Scottish art of 'Fuckyew*'.

The Queen repeatedly continued to kick Rudd, calling him a 'silly little Orphan' and 'frog bastard', the latter likely a reference to Rudd's passing resemblance to the Belgian cartoon character Tintin, until her glamorous servants pulled her off, leading her away with a cape draped over her exhausted octogenarian frame.

Unfortunately, just as Rudd struggled to his knees, the Queen received a second wind, breaking free from her escort and casting aside the cape, and, wailing in a James Brown-esq manner, restarted the admonishing via the pointy end of her shoe.

Senator George Brandis declared the kicking was completely justified since the Queen was after-all the Australian head of state, and that just because she had never been elected and owed her position solely to who her fucking parents were as opposed to any meritorious rise through a democratic process, didn't matter to the average Australian.

'She's the Queen and long may she rule us!' said Brandis, a view almost certainly echoed by fellow prissy super gushing monarchist David Flint.

See Sarah's blog here.

* With thanks to So I Married an Axe Murderer.