Kancer Kids give Howard ‘Best Ever PM’ award

The Kancer Kids, twins, Beckie and Jeremiah Phol, plucky siblings with several advanced cancers, who have remained surprisingly alive considering their various illnesses and activities that have shortened their life spans, today snuck out of the hospice to send Mr Howard, greatest Prime Minister ever (in the world), an award to celebrate his good service to the country and conservatism.

‘We saw the Prime Minister, and he will always be the PM to us unlike that bespectacled gimp nerdy pants wetter Krudd, touring the world receiving his justified accolades for his decade plus of loyal stern head-masterly rulership. That salad bowl and the cash for instance,’ said Becky. ‘So we too wanted to give him an award from us to him in recognition of how truly great he is.’

The children spent many hours with the craft teacher, who came to help the children cope with their soon to be passing, constructing the elaborate award from clay, the teacher even taking it off site to have it fired professionally.

‘Yeah that was nice of her,’ said Jeremiah. ‘Especially considering she’s an aboriginal and therefore is welfare dependant and spends all her money on alcohol.’

‘No,’ admonished Becky sarcastically. ‘She’s an indigenous Australian. And also you have to say sorry now because Krudd told you to.’

The award, returned to the children by the long term employed and fully qualified teacher with more than twenty years experience in the visual arts field and with a diploma in palliative care, was then painted, dried, and a plaque created by the children lovingly applied to it.

The children then snuck out to an Australia Post, the children securing their IV units beneath dressing gowns, to have the package wrapped and sent to the Howard’s now returned to Wollstonecraft address after their 11 years in Kirribilli.

‘They should have given Kirribilli to the Howards,’ said Beckie hotly as they queued. ‘Australia owes them nothing less than a palatial harbourside manor that cost the tax payers an additional 18 million dollars to fund over the Lodge in Canberra. I mean who’d live in Canberra? It’s an anus hole.’

‘Krudd lives there,’ said Jeremiah, smirking. ‘He’s a poo. And that comes from an anus hole.’

The children were served by Indian-Australian clerk Pinjat Gutran, a 10 year veteran of Australia Post, who informed the children that their precious package was slightly over the weight bar for the next level up of postage causing the children angst.

‘Look Muslim, just do it, don’t make me go from Alert to Alarmed. It’s for the Prime Minister!’ said Beckie of Pinjat, who as it happened was actually Muslim by birth but non practicing.

Pinjat, seeing the children were very sickly, excused their manners and applied the lower weight.

No word yet of what the Howard’s thought of their sculpture, which featured a stick figure with its scalp rubbed free of hair kicking a tiny glasses wearing foetal figure in the stomach accompanied by the crudely lettered commemorative inscription.