Friday, April 18, 2008

John Lithgow cryo-frozen between enraged pastor gigs

Hollywood, California; Elder actor's actor John Lithgow, renowned master of stage and screen, has been cryogenically frozen in anticipation of future fire and brimstone clergy roles in up coming movies given his mastery of the art-form in both Footloose and Kinsey.

'What?!' had cried Lithgow, projecting his voice three blocks when met by representatives of the Screen Actors Guild when presented with the freezing orders, the reps accompanied by large white garbed men armed with a restraining gurney. 'Never! I want to sup - from LIFE!'

The gangly actor had then leapt for the exit but was caught by a stacks on of medical personnel who eventually injected the Abraham Lincoln-esq star of Third Rock with sedating chemicals.

'There's only one man and one man alone that can pull off a lectern thumping with such grace and passion,' said SAG president Marty Fufkin. 'We need him on that lectern, we want him on that lectern. When we ask a man to stand and serve we don't judge the manner in which he pounds and spouts bible passages. He'd rather us say thanks and let him on his way quoting Leviticus or Judges or whatever. Then he will see the error of his ways, through having spawned book burning by bow tied pseudo fascists scared of erotica or dance and understood the evil of blocking free will, or realizing that sex between consenting adults is not nasty but natural and by the end of (insert feature) will have accepted the protagonist for their sexiness or what have you. No one else can do it. So he will, for ever more.'

Lithgow was said to have screamed manfully as the pod was filled with the stasis engendering agents, the beanpole orator's hand slamming the glass view pane as if he was delivering a thunderous denunciation of whatever it is uptight fundamentalists don't like about the youth of today.

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