Monday, February 18, 2008

Stink Waft

Don't you just hate it when, after you fart, you manage to walk through your own stink waft? Like I just did then. Not only that, I bent through it as I farted before I opened the fridge to get a decaf diet coke from the bottom shelf.

Also don't you hate it when you fart before you get in a lift but you don't leave enough of a pants osmosis window and the fucking waft only escapes its textile prison after you've entered so everyone knows its you?

I really have to stop taking the lift up one flight. I'm just asking for trouble with the amount of IBS fueled farting I do.

UPDATE: I do not believe this. About two minutes ago I powered one out the back of my Dr Evil chair, then I
foolishly just leaned backwards ... straight into a lingering waft!

Is it me? Do mine just lurk around?

4 comments:

  1. The pants osmosis window!

    Have you created a wiki article on this yet.

    The equation roughly be something like

    P= (10Fd Fo) / (Es + T)

    Where P = Required Pants osmosis window.

    Fd = Fart duration in seconds.
    Fo = Fart odour strength on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being no smell and 10 being rotting sulphur

    Es = Time in seconds until engagement with people capable of smelling.
    T = Pants textile density on a scale from 1-10 with 1 being neoprene and 10 being cheesecloth.

    After testing this equation, it doesn't work mathematically in all instances, but surely it's a starting point.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Create it! The world needs to know about the POW

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol! And Mikey shame on you for taking a lift up a single floor!

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  4. I fake a limp when I leave the lift then straighten up like Verbal from Usual Suspects when I am out of eye shot.

    ReplyDelete

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