Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Now that's a fvcked morning

This morning I ate some toast. Nothing extraordinary in that - a perfectly sane food to eat. I ate the crust (aka the heel).

Only last year I had stomach surgery.

Sharp shards of toast meet injury.

The end results was it was stuck on my esophagus. It could not be shifted. The pain was intense and last about 40 minutes. I threw up great globs of spitty half digested toast about five or six times in different parts of the house. I'd cough and up it would come. I was about a minute off calling the ambos when I found a comfortable position, on my knees, head tilted up at the skylight above the great white phone.

Suffice to say it was fucked up. I cried, mostly whimpering, at the pain. That will teach me to push the eating envelope.

Eventually it passed and I was able to go to work. Except it took 20 minutes to find a park. I was already keyed up from painful vomiting so I found myself driving the backstreets - all with signs of no parking - screaming abuse at my organisation for managing to have fucked in the head parking policy that made it next to impossible to find legal parking after 930 am. Really screaming it out - fuck this, fuck that, fuck all the senior fucking executives with their fucking parking spots who have no fucking idea what it is to try and find a fucking park you fucks.

I sounded like Harvey Keitel in the Bad Lieutenant. Actually my groaning in pain sounded a lot like his effort in the church.

Good movie. Check it out.

PS One of HM's earlier photoshop efforts.

4 comments:

  1. Oh you poor thing... that sounds bloody awful.

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  2. didn't anyone warn you, perhaps in the strictest terms, to not do exactly what you just did? it's possible you weren't alerted to this fact but the small amount of clinical experience that i've had so far tells me that patients love nothing more than ignoring medical advice...

    if the pain continues, especially when you swallow, you should probably seek medical advice. disclaimer i'm not an expert, my expertise stops at your ues.

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  3. Yeah there's some foods I shouldn't eat and some I need to take care with. This morning I didn't chew it properly. Kind of gulped it down. Hence it getting stuck. So I am aware of what I can and can't have and how I should masticate it but sometimes I forget to do it. I'm unlearning 30+ years of crappy eating habits. It's hard to do. But stuff like this neatly reminds you.

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  4. Yeah there's no lesson like "if you don't chew your food again I'm going to rip your oesophagus open"... yeow.

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