Friday, February 15, 2008

Hollywood sign site of unintentional fight scene

Hollywood, Los Angeles; The iconic Hollywood sign, a standard location marker for films set in the region, today was the site of a fight scene of a different kind, when directors for rival movies queued up to shoot scenes at the locality accused each other of ripping the other off.

‘Frankie Taylor, Director for ‘Dreams will die’, a searing post modern look at the cancer that is the Hollywood system, was shooting a poignant scene where the two protagonists had climbed an O and were trying to see the stars from it, only the stars were washed out by the light pollution from the valley below when Dickey Anderson, Director for ‘Reach for the Stars’, a searing post modern look at the cancer that is the Hollywood system, came running over and crash tackled Taylor, claiming that dialogue was his,’ said witness Grando “Grindy” Grendan.

The crew for Reach for the Stars were waiting their turn for use of the location when the fight broke out, causing teamsters from both productions to circle the combatants and shout ‘fight, fight, fight’. Producers from both Dreams will Die and Reach attempted to break the barricade to separate the directors but were no match for the wall of blubbery muscle.

‘Meanwhile those poor actors, who were wired into safety harnesses up the top of the O have been left dangling, cause their wire teams joined the teamsters in crowding to watch the action,’ added “Grindy”.

The directors battled for about a minute, each claiming the central thrust of sign sitting and star gazing belonged to their movie, or previous scripts they’d worked on, until Taylor blinded Anderson with a handful of dirt, which as irony would have it would prevent any kind of gazing or indeed seeing until his eyes were flushed by a health professional.

‘Frankly this has set back the entire searing post modern look at the cancer that is the Hollywood system genre by a good couple of years,’ said industry insider Smythe Sindbar whilst doing lines off his fetching assistant’s frilly panty clad bottom.

‘No one’s going to want to see a searing post modern look at the cancer that is the Hollywood system movie if those movies are comprised by the very elements it is fighting against like directors feuding over archetypal concepts like stars and not being able to see them. The searing post modern look at the cancer that is the Hollywood system genre is about sensitive souls dreaming for the unobtainable and discovering that the cruel reality of Hollywood is such that those dreams are impossible to achieve, with at least the female protagonist committing suicide in a sexy manner, preferably in the bath with artful cuts on the arms and sodden see through clothes clinging to her youthful now wasted body, ensuring a hint of puckered nip, while the other one turns their back on Hollywood, returning home to resume their interrupted life perhaps a little wiser but determined to fight for their dream in a different way by helping street kids in Africa make movies or some shit.’

Several accounts of fight footage, taken by both mobile phones and video, were uploaded onto youtube within 12 minutes.

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