Friday, January 04, 2008

Meme: 5 things I wouldn't put on an online dating profile

Via MB. I tag Uncle Bruce in return.

So ... five things I wouldn't put in. Well as Sarah noted, the Meme's creator, it's all about best e-face forward. So presumably all the annoying shit I do that would put a prospective dater of moi off.

Which is tough cause I tend to be brutally honest about myself, and I can see that being the case in dating e-land were I to launch into that. Right then assuming myself as of now.

1) My marital status. Obviously since I am married, this information may prove to be a turn off for the ladies.

2) A photo of me that includes my body. While I will admit my girth to be generously ampled, the photographic proof of that, which would probably resemble one of those poor fuckers that TV stations like to shoot waist to neck as accompaniment imagery for any story at all to do with weight or exercise so their emaciated TV skinny tartlets can tut tut with their thin lips about the evil fatties that are putting up taxes through poor lifestyle choices, might prove a turn off.

3) Any reference, photographic or otherwise, to my deformed toe nails. The big toe nails are sunk into my toe flesh (I take care of the ingrown sides via teasing the side up with nail scissors then levering them off) and I have pulled off all the other nails so many times though grow into 1/2 cm high horny claw like discoloured growths.

4) My various bad habits. This is kind of a catch all for all the unpleasant crap I do 'cause otherwise this meme would be several dozen things I wouldn't include: ill temper with inanimate objects or shitty luck; foot skin picking/leaving skin in the carpet; inability to take criticism, constructive or not, without getting the hump initially; and a whole host of other stuff.

5) The above takes care of a huge chunk of stuff. I guess the last would be disclosure of the fact I tend to have shitty self esteem and largely regard myself as a failure. That kind of subconfidence may influence the ladies to not look my way. They seem to like confident bastards. So I should be a complete bastard and shag them until their ears drop off. Except of course the moment my body hoves into view then (2) kicks in, plus (3) if I am wearing open toed sandals, thus rendering Operation Fucklots inoperable.

5 comments:

  1. I dunno, I bet there are some chicks out there who like a guy who is married.

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  2. I would put all the stuff that might put someone off me in, because I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone who didn't know what they were getting upfront.

    But that's just me.

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  3. The dating profiles I put online usually tend to be for females. But if I put one up for myself? What's not to love about JS?

    Probably wouldn't mention the syphilis though.

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  4. Oh come on! Syphilis is by far the most fun of the STDs!

    Plus, being the King's Disease, it has a certain cache', no?

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