Fvcking Optus II

Well I should have had my Internet back up and running yesterday. The operative words being "Should Have". Sick from post surgery related badness (severe constipation) I decided I could spend my time waiting to have a shit productively and called Optus to find out what the fuck was happening.

"Nick" looked up my account. In his own mangled way he managed to inform me our switch on date was now 4 December.

What. The. Fuck.

Our landline was connected on 23 November. Optus were now saying it would be 4 December until the internet was restored. I told Nick in no uncertain terms I was a tad upset given the fucking forecast had been two working days - not seven. "Nick" kept using my name in an effort to calm me down. "Yes Mikey I understand Mikey but you see Mikey the database number Mikey is fixed Mikey" before adding a double Mikey for good measure. News flash "Nick". When attempting to calm an irate customer don't overdo the dropping of the name because it will fucking shit them.

So end result was three additional phone calls to various segments of the Optus worm, repeating my fucking customer fucking details every single fucking time, getting a mix of Ozzers and Indians, all with anglo names, and eventually, eventually I found someone that appeared to know what they were talking about.

Let's call him "Sam".

After his colleague "Lucy" failed to call back as promised RE shifting the date earlier, I called the correct area again and got "Sam". "Sam" said the reason why was because Optus leased the slot on the exchange for south side DSL and it was Telstra who set the date of connection because apparently it involved an actual technician doing something actually technical - you know how well Telstra have done with the tech side since they were privatised by the now rightly fucked off into the discard pile Howard government. All Optus could do was politely ask if they could possibly, and only if you know it wasn't a bother old bean, hurry THE FUCK UP.

"Sam"'s explanation made sense and I accepted it. The thing is if Optus had FUCKING TOLD ME THAT THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING EXPEC - FUCKING - TATIONS OF GETTING MY FUCKING INTERNET UP IN TWO FUCKING WORKING FUCKING DAYS.

So to all those considering ISPs do not get Optus. They are fucking fucked. And yes, the moment my internet is restored, I will be fucking Optus off. If you have an ISP you are happy with let HM know and he will scope out their package.

PS Blogging more normally from 4 December thanks to fucking Optus.

ALP win in a near landslide ... Liberals in disarray ...

And a big sucked shit to the Howard Hugger Opinionists (Sheehan, Akerman, Bolt, Devine, Flint, Henderson etc ad nauseam), that infest our National dallies like trench lice.

Well ... see ya!

Hopefully by Wed I am back online. Have a good day later today y'all. Let's hope it's a good one.

Hold on Bernie

Bernie Banton is on the way out. This man spent the past several years enduring a very painful medical condition and during that time did his utmost to look out for those people in a similar position. If you had to point to someone as an example of heroism it would be him.

His family is with him now and he's expected to pass on very soon. I just hope he can last long enough to see the ALP cross the line tomorrow and boot Howard et al to the curb. If of course they don't win then hopefully Bernie won't have to know.

Hang in Bernie.

Optus: Screwed us again

Unbelievably it takes Optus two working days to get your phone on after the previous occupant disconnects and, from there up to three days for your broadband to be re-established only once your connection is through.

The end result is that tonight is the last night I have have internet access. I likely won't have it again until I'd say Thursday.

Yes I am aware I should have arsed Optus when I moved house but it was just too difficult with all the things we had to juggle.

Suffice to say it will be annoying not being able to Blog over election night. If we lose and you don't hear from me I haven't taken my life or anything. I'm just denied access. Ditto if we win.

Anyway, in case this is the last blog until mid next week, adios y'all. A massive good luck to those progressive candidates standing for election on the morrow. I am hoping against hope that the average voter has woken up to itself about the Howard government and will give them the arsing they so richly deserve.

The government gazette recommends for Rudd...

Poor old Murdoch papers. They tried and tried and tried and in the end were unable to get the Libs to an overtly winning position. Therefore with Rudd ahead going into the straight, as befitting standard practice, News Ltd are recommending Rudd get a crack at the top job.

See here.

Here's the conclusion;

As Australia's economic centre of gravity shifts north to reflect the mining boom and the rise of Asia, it is fitting that the new Labor leader comes from Queensland. We believe this is a great advantage. ALP leaders from Queensland and Western Australia, more than the southeast of the nation, are attuned to the concerns and aspirations of middle Australia. We believe the incumbent Government has been a good manager but has not done much with the prosperity with which the nation has been blessed during its watch. Mr Howard and his team have a proven track record but, to us, they have run out of energy. Their campaign is a signal of their torpor. Mr Rudd has spoken of recapturing some of the reform zeal of the Hawke and Keating years, the economic benefits of which are still being felt. There is much detail missing from Mr Rudd's promised reform revolution, especially in education and health, but we believe he has the administrative experience to manage constructive change. We recognise that no change is free of risk, but we recommend a vote for Mr Rudd.

Bad luck lads. You tried your best to turn it for Howard but the stubborn old goat wouldn't listen. Interesting times indeed ahead.

David Flint in today's Crikey - Howard will prevail!

7. Flint: El momento de verdad
David Flint writes:

Cockroaches coming out of the operating table, so old it cracks during an operation. A pregnant woman, left in a waiting room for hours, miscarries in a lavatory. While a parliamentary inquiry is hearing this evidence about Sydney’s Royal North Shore, doctors and nurses are complaining because they haven’t been paid. Yet NSW has more health bureaucrats than "needed to run the Kremlin," as one observer puts it. A large number are on an unattached list, and unlike the doctors and nurses they’re paid for doing nothing. It’s the same with transport, water, law and order. This is New South Wales under Labor.

On every indicator, interest, employment, work for the dole, unemployment (including the outsourcing which so enriched the Rudd family), exports, waterfront efficiency, increases in real wages, inflation, taxation, skills measured by the massive increase in the number of apprentices, industrial disputation, immigration policy, border control, indigenous policy, our standing in Asia, our relations with the US and China, Howard is streets ahead of the Hawke/Keating governments.

Over the last decade Australian GDP growth led the Western world. Of course his government isn’t perfect. As the editor of The Australian points out, Howard had the effrontery not to walk for reconciliation, and when it comes to the theory of anthropogenic global warming, he did not immediately and willingly suspend disbelief. (Incidentally could someone tell the editor that Howard was never a suburban lawyer.)

And yet, with the exception of the latest Galaxy, the polls say the same franchise grossly misgoverning NSW and the other states and territories, will tomorrow win a mandate greater than the landslide against the failed Whitlam government. But as Sol Lebovic told Alan Jones today, about one in four voters finally decide in the last week and one in 10 on Saturday.

In the meantime, watching Kevin Rudd on the 7.30 Report was like the news which used to come from Radio Moscow. "The Chairman of the Council of Ministers of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, Comrade Malenkov today met with the President of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, the Deputy President of the... etc., etc."

The similarity is in filling all available time with waffle. Pointing out that Rudd’s claim to be an economic conservative doesn’t sit well with the fact that he’d voted against every significant economic reform proposed by the Coalition, Kerry O’Brien asked him whether he would now agree that the GST, a growth tax funding the states, was right for Australia. In an exercise in obfuscation which would be the envy of a filibustering Southern Senator, Rudd used just under 800 words to avoid answering the question. That is the size of an opinion piece in a newspaper, and it was typical.

Most viewers would have been lost in following Rudd’s weaving, circumlocutory answers sprinkled with spin, especially the ubiquitous "working families." Perhaps this is the intention. As George Orwell wrote, "The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink."

By way of contrast the program the night before with John Howard was lively, with O’Brien interrupting the Prime Minister frequently. Journalists rarely interrupt Rudd - are they afraid, is it deference, or is it just a continuation of the dream run? The contrast with Howard is remarkable. When the Prime Minister gave an excellent address at the National Press Club, most of the questions were about trivia rather than issues which interest, dare I say, "working families".
Mr Rudd’s plans, which have so dazzled many in the media, are mainly vacuous. Just take the "education revolution" which centres on computers, necessary tools in the modern world. But once, before IT, we had a first rate educational system, which delivered. The evidence is in the numeracy, literacy and knowledge of the older generations. We have slipped behind because state governments have "dumbed down" education at the behest of the teachers unions.

Take another, anthropogenic global warming, where scepticism, the badge of true science, has been declared anathema by the elites. Rudd will ratify the useless Kyoto 1, declared a failure in the respected scientific journal Nature. Fortunately he has lifted Howard’s policy on Kyoto 2, lest vast numbers of jobs be exported overseas, a process begun with Whitlam’s unilateral tariff reductions. Rudd has still committed us to long term carbon emission reductions before any cost benefit analysis was done. We have just learned that the 20% renewable energy target was chosen again without any such analysis. Don’t the editors spot this flaw?

While Rudd fails to submit vast amounts of his proposals to Treasury scrutiny, or delivers them too late, we see a rush of last-minute assurances to counter reservations disclosed in focus groups. Having decided to create 81 new bureaucracies and 119 reviews, he now claims he will take an axe to the bureaucracy. When the Labor-Green alliance really wants an open border policy, and used immigration as a tool to create election fodder, we are now told that Rudd will "turn back boat people," solve the hospital crisis created by State Labor, and put off moving to a republic where the head of state will be yet another politician.

Australians, in that moment of truth tomorrow, are not likely to dispatch one of the best prime ministers in the history of the Commonwealth, merely because of this vacuous puff and spin.

-------

You know the ALP winning this election would be worth it just to stick this up Flint's arse. God I hate right wing Howard Huggers like Flint. But hey, there's just so, so many of them to hate.

Are you people insane?!

An op ed piece by the Kancer Kids

We say this without any hyperbole, John Howard is the greatest leader a country could ever have. He single handedly fixed the economy by agreeing with Labor in the 80's and 90's. His GST protected us from the Asians when they melted. And thanks to his ringing the country with gun boats we were able to stop any muzzies from landing on our shores.

Now you ingrates want to show him the door?! After all he has done? WorkChoices empowered people to find new jobs if their old job did not work out. And if they didn't have the language skills or life circumstances to find better jobs then WorkChoices forced them to develop them or starve or something like that.

It's all about the economy stupids. Who cares what "skills" you need for a modern economy. It's all about what we can till from the soil. We control 10% of the earth's surface! We don't need to know how to do stuff, just dig it up and give it to people who do. Anyone who suggests just because China is about a barbie fart from environmental collapse and therefore there goes the mining boon is nothing but a communist who wants us to fail.

Unions do nothing but encourage people to be satisfied with their lot in life because of protected conditions of employment and salary. A country cannot develop if people know where their next meal is coming from! Lords and serfs - that's the only way. It's in the bible anyway heathens.

So to recap, John Howard is amazing. Everything he's ever done ever has been amazing. And everything anyone has done that he has not agreed with is either a pithy slogan or developed by a unionist.

You people make me sick.

The Kancer Kids

Hawke likewise sticks it to Howard

From today's Age - here.

The PM continues to misrepresent the truth. He must go

Date: November 21 2007

Bob Hawke

JOHN Howard has advanced three arguments why you should not vote Labor, each one based on a gross misrepresentation of the truth. I will now demolish those arguments, not with opinions but with facts.

First, the trade union bogy. Every working Australian, and those dependent on them, is indebted to the trade union movement. Everything they take for granted that largely makes up their standard and quality of living — their pay structure, paid annual leave, long-service leave, sick leave, penalty rates, equal pay — was fought for and won by the trade union movement.

I can speak with authority on this because for many years I presented before the national Arbitration Tribunal the union case for improvements in wages and conditions. On every occasion when I walked into the court I was confronted with an array of bewigged senior counsel representing the Coalition governments in the states and Canberra, lined up with the employer organisations, to oppose the improvements that trade unions were fighting to obtain for working Australians.

So whose advertisements on industrial relations and WorkChoices are you going to believe? The employer organisations and the Coalition that have consistently used the independent tribunals to deny you any improvements, and who have now neutered those tribunals and the protections they provide for the most needy — or Labor and the trade unions who have argued the cases from which working Australians continue to be the beneficiaries?

As to TV advertisements and the trade unions: what an insult to voters' intelligence is Howard's "union thug" scam. The fact is that in an organisation as vast as the Australian trade union movement there will be some bad apples. (You may remember that when I was prime minister I finished off Norm Gallagher, a union bad apple of his day; Kevin Rudd has shown his readiness to be just as tough.)

But ask the question: what would Howard say if Rudd, in the context of attacking employers' support for WorkChoices, authorised a TV advertisement with a photograph of a businessman, jailed for criminal behaviour for defrauding thousands of senior citizens of their life savings, with the caption "Employer Crooks"?

I conclude my observations on this first Howard misrepresentation, by saying that no institution in this country's history has done more to flesh out and give real meaning to the concept of the "fair go" than the trade union movement.

Second is Howard's economic management myth, that only he and not Labor can be trusted with the economic management of Australia. Again, let me use facts to destroy this grotesque misrepresentation. Who, as treasurer, had responsibility for economic management for more than five years before I was elected on March 5, 1983? John Winston Howard. I knew that he was handing me the worst legacy in terms of unemployment and inflation in Australia's history; both were at 11%. But I didn't know exactly how bad the projected budget deficit was, because he had refused to come clean on this during the campaign.

On Sunday, March 5, I called in the secretary of the Treasury, John Stone, who told me that the projected figure for 1983-4 was $9.6 billion, the largest in our history; equivalent today as a percentage of GDP to more than $40 billion. Stone pointed out that "the budget balance is projected to deteriorate from near zero to more than 6% of GDP in a two-year period. The speed and magnitude of that deterioration is almost without precedent among the major OECD countries in the postwar period". Stone was no Labor stooge — he went on to become a Nationals senator — and his written judgement was that Howard's performance was virtually the worst anywhere in the developed world since 1945.

My government had to rescue an economy wrecked by Howard. We made the tough economic management decisions he had shirked — we reduced tariffs, floated the dollar, introduced competition into the financial and banking sectors and massively stimulated funding in industrial research and development. Central to all this was a great act of institutional self-sacrifice: the trade unions, in return for improvements in health, education and welfare, agreed to forgo increases in wages, and thus increase the competitiveness of Australian industry.

It is the judgement of economists here and in the relevant international institutions that it was the economic management and structural reforms of Labor and the restraint of the trade unions that laid the foundations for the strength of the Australian economy today.

Prime Minister Howard has squandered it again. With the strong economy we handed over and the enormous surge in demand for our resources from Asia, his Government has had unprecedented surpluses to invest in our future, particularly in education and training. But he has utterly failed to do so and thus our future is hamstrung by shortages of skilled tradesmen and professionals.

Third, and in some ways the greatest Howard myth, is his claim about foreign relations and security. Again, look at the facts: joining with his pal, George Bush, in Iraq (described by Lieutenant-General Ricardo Sanchez, former commander of the US-led forces there, as "a catastrophic failure"). It is the unanimous view of the Australian, US and UK intelligence agencies that the war in Iraq has increased the threat of a terrorist attack in our country. Thank you, Prime Minister.

When the facts are examined against the panicked rhetoric of Howard, I suggest there is only one conclusion to which you can come: it is time for him and his Government, with all their misrepresentations of the truth, to be gone.

Bob Hawke was prime minister from 1983-1991.

Penberthy to give Rudd the tick - oh no for Piers!

I think I saw it on the 730 report. Penberthy is alleging that Rudd deserves a chance as PM and the Daily Terror is going to editorialize in his favour RE the election. I will believe it when I see it. Now, in the meantime, what's Tiddalik of News Ltd saying?

Dated yesterday, Akerman's latest 'Rudd is evil incarnate' is titled Weak grip on the rudder. Oh dear Piers, must have taken at least three lines to come up with that header.

Akerman's points are this.

The ALP used the firm Hawker Britton, which was used by James Hardy. Therefore the ALP are involved in creating asbestos victims.

Rudd has hidden deals with the Greens for their preferences, the Greens want to do the following evil to us (bring inheritance taxes for example), ergo Labor is going to become their bitch.

Maxine McKew has Chinese Australian supporters who dubbed themselves MSG as a joke. Piers points out that " MSG, a cheap food additive, was popularised during the famines induced in China under the murderous dictatorship of Mao Zedong."

Rudd blames everyone else for his mistakes. He wants to take our troops out of Iraq where they are safe and send them to Afghanistan where they are not.

Rudd was called Dr Death when he was Chief of Staff to Wayne Goss, then ALP Premier of QLD, for killing the hospitals. He also personally stopped a dam being built.

Then Akerman ends with this distilled essence of Liberal slander; "With wall-to-wall Labor governments and economic instability in the world financial markets, can Australia afford to risk a totally inexperienced Rudd Labor government and its baggage train of unrepresentative trade union hacks itching to get their hands on the surpluses the Coalition has carefully built? "

Good old Piers. Dying in a ditch for the Liberal party until the bitter, bitter end.

As ever I wish PK was still in public life

From today's SMH.

A chance to rebuild, after a decade of moral erosion

Date: November 22 2007

Paul Keating

The principal reason the public should take the opportunity to kill off the Howard Government has less to do with broken promises on interest rates or even its draconian Work Choices industrial laws, and everything to do with restoring a moral basis to our public life.

Without this, the nation has no standard to rely upon, no claim that can be believed, not even when the grave step of going to war is being considered. When truth is up for grabs, everything is up for grabs.

Cynicism and deceitfulness have been the defining characteristics of John Howard and his Government. They were even brazen enough to oversee the corruption of a United Nations welfare program. And when they were found out, not one of them accepted ministerial responsibility. Not Alexander Downer, not Mark Vaile and certainly not Howard. What they were doing was letting the cockies get their wheat sold through the AWB, while turning a blind eye to the AWB's unscrupulous behaviour - illegally funding a regime Howard was arguing was so bad it had to be changed by force.

Howard took us into the disastrous Gulf War on the back of two lies. One, that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction, capable of threatening the Middle East and Western Europe; the other, that Howard was judiciously weighing whether to commit Australian forces against an evolving situation. We now know he had committed our forces to the Americans all along.

If the Prime Minister cannot be believed, who in the political system is to be believed?

When Opposition leader in 1995, Howard told us he would restore trust in government, when at that time trust in government was not in question. He also told us he would make us more "relaxed and comfortable". Well, some relaxation and some comfort. These days, there are many parts of the world where Australians dare not go. Something new for all of us.

But bad as all this is, how much worse was it for Howard to begin the fracturing of his own community?

His tacit endorsement of Pauline Hanson's racism during his first government, his WASP-divined jihad against refugees; those wretched individuals who had enough faith in us to try and reach us in old tubs, while his wicked detention policy was presided over by that other psalm singer, Philip Ruddock.

This is the John Howard the press gallery in Canberra went out of its way to sell to the public during 1995. The new-made person on immigration, not the old suburban, picket-fence racist of the 1980s, no, the enlightened unifier who now accepted Australia's ethnic diversity; the Opposition leader who was going to maintain Keating Labor's social policies on industrial relations, on superannuation at 15 per cent, on reconciliation, on native title, and on the unique labour market programs for the unemployed.

These solemn commitments by Howard, which helped him win the 1996 election, bit the dust under that breathtaking blanket of hypocrisy he labelled "non-core promises".

Even on Medicare. And on that, contrary to his commitment, he forced each of us into private health or carry the consequences.

During the 1996 election campaign, a number of people I regard well said to me "Oh, I think Howard will be all right"; meaning, while not progressive, he would not be reactionary or socially divisive, or opportunistically amoral.

Well Howard wasn't "all right". He has turned out to be the most divisive prime minister in our history. Not simply a conservative maintaining the status quo, but a militant reactionary bent upon turning the clock back. Turning it back against social inclusion, cooperation at the workplace, the alignment of our foreign policies towards Asia, providing a truthful and honourable basis for our reconciliation, accepting the notion that all prime ministers since Menzies had: Holt, Gorton, McMahon, Whitlam, Fraser, Hawke and me: that our ethnic diversity had made us better and stronger and the nation's leitmotif was tolerance. Howard has trodden those values into the ground.

He also trod on the reasonable constitutional progression to an Australian republic, even when the proposal I championed had everything about it that the Liberal Party could accept. A president appointed by both houses of Parliament; meaning by both major parties, while leaving the reserve powers with the new head of state as the Liberals had always wanted. The price of Howard conniving in its defeat probably means we will ultimately end up with an elected head of state, completely changing the representative nature of power and of the prime ministership and of the cabinet.

To compound Howard's transgressions, he has run dead on the continuing obligation of structural economic change, just like he did as treasurer in the 1970s.

He and Costello have simply made hay while the sun has shone from the great structural reforms introduced by the Hawke and Keating governments. Those changes: open financial and product markets, the new decentralised wages system of 1993, were married up with a trillion dollars in superannuation savings, to underwrite the country's prosperity and renew its economic base.

Howard's sole example of reform is his GST. The one he told us in 1996 he would not give us. A regressive tax on all spending regardless of income.

Nations get a chance to change course every now and then. When things become errant, a wise country adjusts its direction. It understands that it is being granted an appointment with history. On this coming Saturday, this country should take that opportunity by driving a stake through the dark heart of Howard's reactionary government.

Paul Keating was prime minister from 1991 to 1996, and treasurer from 1983 to 1991.

Tsk tsk

It's not that he doesn't believe in climate change - he does. He just always wanted to lease a hummer - even if for a short while.

So my brother did. He's leased a hummer. And, on his first day with it, he knocked over a concrete wall at his apartment block.

He is a bad man.

Area man loses it

The stress and my general shitted off with life crap landed in a core nub of two minutes. Unfortunately the recipient was theWife. She caught a full rage freak out of mine, completely not her fault, just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Suffice to say we got ourselves a combo of high intensity life crap hitting us at the moment which isn't helping. But I haven't been very nice and in a very good mood of late and really I should do better and act better.

Contrition mode on.

A silver lining however is the pain meds are very nice and right now the chemical effect of bliss out just landed. W-e-e-e-e-e-e-e.

Press Club with Howard

Why are the journalists clapping Howard's speech at key clap points? Aren't they supposed to be objective and wait until then end and ask actual questions? I bet it was the News Ltd crowd.

UPDATE: Hilarious. They just cut to Janette Howard who has this rictus like grin on her face. Her eyes flicked towards the camera to check it was still there and for her corpse smile to be maintained. She did it about three or four times.

UPDATE 2: Howard keeps Paper-Scissors-Rocking again - these inexplicable fist pumps without a sense of rhythm.

UPDATE 3: Howard is now bleating on that the ALP's dense policy forecast is nothing but slogans. He's complaining how the ALP only just posted their policies for treasury checking. Which is ironic since the Libs did the exact same thing in the '96 election when they were in opposition. Some more lies about the ALP broadband policy ('won't be active until 2014!'). Here we go on Labor's IR policies. "It's all bad". He is claiming his proudest moment in government is his low unemployment rate (and its because of WorkChoices apparently).

Some key whining as follows;

Hundreds of young people have enthused about their job/employment prospects.

Rudd hasn't said anything about reducing unemployment" (he has, it's called skilling the country).

Rudd will damage small business! Dreaded unfair dismissal laws will be back! Unions back in the workplace! Think of the miners! (Too much wrong with that to even bother)

Here comes the interest rates line. "Ours is half that of their 89 peak! (ignore the fact it takes seven years average salary to pay off a house than five years when Labor was in)."

"Rudd voted against the health rebate, GST, etc ergo not an economic conservative!" (WTF? Conservatives are people against change; this is all change stuff)

"Politics is more than a slogan!" (We decide who comes to this country and the manner in which their arrival is distorted within the press)

"Unions!" (apparently the former union officials still worship their dark masters and we will be sacrificed on the altar of Marxism).

"It would be the ALP in full power across the country! Nochecks and balances!" (yes ... because you didn't do anything to checks and balances by altering FOI in your favour, covering up government policies in embroyo, passing intelligence information to pet journalists, and gutting the senate's ability to oversight the executive".

"Best years ahead but only under us!"

(Cue sycophantic clapping).

Questions begin.

Jim Middleton: Lib funds used for that Muslim pamphlet? How about the Greenway incident?

Howard: I don't believe public funds were used, and I condemn it. He actually said he doesn't believe the ALP believes the stuff that was on it (all power to him).

Karen Middleton: On about the pamphlet. People want Howard to do some things differently. Will you?

Howard: Country in the right direction (polling tells me so). The ALP agree with me unless the unions say so! My pitch is you want right direction don't change government. Take the Aboriginal intervention. We couldn't have done that three years ago and we took advantage of today to do it. (now he's going on about recognition of first ozzers again - won't apologise but we will admit they were here first before we destroyed their culture).

Someone on the Flyer:

Howard: I didn't know anything about it (I believe him on that)

Phil Corey, SMH: Said you would be leader while in best interests in party. Still agree you did the right thing?

Howard: Yes (cue clapping).

(Missed stuff due to phone call)

Howard: Got the balance right on IR, nothing further coming (yeah right)

Some reporter: You want to be around for the referendum thing in 18 months? Is this realistic given your party might want you to go before then.

Howard: Chortling.

Reporter: What about transition?

Howard: If we are re-elected, and we will be I believe, there will be a transition well into next term. Don't know when. But plenty of time for Peter to get the house in order. Howard claims he is now being candid on this issue (unlike all the other hundreds of times he wasn't). Bringing up state premiers going without telling people (yes, state ALP = federal ALP). Please we all know Howard had to say it or Costello would have fucked off to the back bench.

Tingue: Are you satisfied the Lindsay candidate had nothing to do with it? What about mandates?

Howard: I won't consider being defeated so no response. I am confident candidate had no prior knowledge. Nor Miss Kelly.

Herald Sun: Does being a new grand dad giving him a perspective on climate change. Are you concerned what will happen to him?

Howard: My grandson talks about greenhouse gases all the time (ha ha ha). Wanking on about being a granddad and life continuity. Of the future. Loving families (quick, get me a baby to maul stat). I think we have to do something about CC that's measures and applied. We all have to play our part. Some lies about ALP embracing the Liberal policy on CC. Again, deliberate falsehood spreading. See! They agree with me! No difference between us now!

(Missed a bunch of stuff)

Michelle Grattan: Back on pamphlet. RE Risk on Rudd government. How important national security is. Is Rudd risky on NS?

Howard: Don't visit upon the candidate the errors of her husband. Something about husbands and wives being independent from each other. Not sure where he's going with this at all. Rudd will be a big risk to the economy. Huge risk! Rudd more restrained than Latham on NS, not saying a lot however. Rudd on Iraq - Rudd is hedging his beats. If post invasion had been good Rudd would have morphed into a supporter. He would have likely supported the WMD thing (?) I think some in Labor hates the US alliance and hates ASIO.

(Missed some stuff)

Howard: I have the longest PM/Treasurer partnership in the history of Oz. Intimately involved in economics. Yes we have had disagreements in our sexless marriage but there's a broad continuity of themes we agree on. Different style yes, but broadly we agree on stuff. Something about Hawke/Keating had similar relationship. Costello and I have different views on the Republic. There will be subtle nuanced difference between our two PMships. But broadly, we're like this (twins fingers). We believe in IR, lower tax, balanced budgets, social security of welfare to work, globalisation, best hope for Aboriginals to be mainstream community members, US alliance and maintaining strong Defence spending etc etc etc. We agree more than we disagree being the basic thrust of his response.

AAP: What steps have you taken there won't be a repeat of the pamphlet in other places? How much responsibility do you take as leader?

Howard: I ordered discipline against these people and quickly. Within 24 hours! Nothing to do with it, I condemn it, right response etc.

Canberra Times: Labor promised to double the efficiency dividend (Howard: Don't believe it - cue laughter).

Howard: We proposed a dividend. Theirs is a gimmick. Ours isn't. Ours is solid and large. If ALP forms government then the public servant unions would never carry it out (bullshit - the ALP are gunning for all the political appointees Howard bought in).

ABC: Interest rate lows. Voters will have that in mind. You said sorry and then didn't.

Howard: Didn't like the rate went up. But always lower under me than Labor (Can't prove a negative but doesn't change the fact he will keep saying it).

Reporter: If you're rejected does that mean the people reject your changes?

Howard: I am not going to answer any question that infers we will lose. Because we won't. We're awesome. People don't want change in direction of Oz. Happy with fundamentals. Disagree with some minor stuff. I accept that. This is not an angry campaign and its not dirty (apart from all the dirty shit we've pulled). It's not acrimonious (despite the fact 99% of our ads are attack ads distorting facts like interest rates and union participation). People's complaints are can't get enough staff (der, because you rode the education skilling system into the ground). We should preserve values of "old Australia" and be excited by "New Australia" (what does that even mean?)

Milne: There are people in Libs worth mining race relations for pol advantage. Will you step up to build bridges between Muslim Australians if re-elected?

Howard: I don't think racism is an attitude in the Liberal party, not reflected by our values (HA HA HA Mainstream values anyone?) We respect racial/cultural background. But they have to adhere to our values (which we determine). We must recog Islamic extremism manifests in terrorism (der). Terrorists distort Islam to their advantage (he's right). We must be careful not to blame all Muslims for it (exactly). I don't think the Lindsay incident is an indicator of racism in the Liberals (more excellent lies).

Reporter: Deals with States on Health/Water. Rudd says he can deal with States. How do you intend to do this? Won't you face log jams on dealing with States like you have done in the past?

Howard: Former premier Beattie emerged from COAG in 2006 said COAG rawked and how awesome they are. We've had a bad time with the states cause they've been planning for the fed election (which is ironic since that was the reason Abbott used for not dealing with the states). Bracks said he would bring Vic to the table. And he didn't bring Vic to the table cause they wanted to screw me over. Me?! The greatest PM in the history of this country. How dare they not back my 10 billion pulled out of my arse not tested by science or treasury water plan! You need checks and balances - if all ALP then no changes made! (in 69 the coalition had all governments in OZ BTW). It's good to have diff parties at different levels. Bad situation, boo, no checks and balances.

ABC News: Not healthy to have the same governments eh? You only face that cause state Libs are useless

Howard: My job is to govern well for everyone and I put that ahead of state Libs party changes. I have put that above partisan political advantage - we don't have a supreme executive.

(Missed some stuff due to phone call)

Howard: I suspect Costello will be elected unopposed. That's what I'm basing it on. Hey the UK Labour party had a known transition coming. That's like this. Therefore our deal is sweet and awesome. Nothing extraordinary about my soon to be heading off into the sunset half way through a term costing the people another 300k in by-election costs (though state ALP did that too it should be admitted). We have no pacts! (except for that pact we had that I broke). Anyway, in conclusion, I am awesome. And so is my government.

HM's reaction - what a self serving wank this was.

All the best to the happy couple

Bronnie Bishop gets her beehive in a knot

Ah Bronwyn Bishop, once touted as a future PM solely on the strength of her Margaret Thatcher esq appearance, has railed against millionaire socialists in her latest missive to her electorate. She at least is thinking of the children. The SMH story came from here.

Relevant snippet as follows;

Mrs Bishop said she now had "a genuine concern should the Labor Party win the next election".

"Most of us will survive the economic slide and the lower living standard but my concern is for our youth.

"Our youth have never experienced a socialist government with its continuous barrage of laws, rules and regulations, the never-ending interference of government and unions in our lives and the soul-destroying unemployment as our living standard drops."

Then this: "Have you ever wondered how so many members of the Labor Party have become very rich whilst in government, while workers become poorer? How do they become multi-millionaires."

And on it went: "It would be sad to have the old failed socialist, union-driven government influencing our youth."

In other words, the corrupt socialists are poised to corrupt the children and drive them into poverty while lining their own pockets with millions in graft.

Hysterical and hyperbolic indeed, but it is about all the Coalition has left between now and election day if it is to change the minds of the significant group of undecided voters flirting with change.

Yep. Those pesky socialist millionaires spreading their socialism on people and ensuring their working conditions and take home pay is lesser thanks to collective bargaining and other socialist efforts.

I think Bronnie's been working the glue stick up the nostril again.

Nice one Liberal fvcksticks

Jackie Kelly, retiring member for Lindsay's husband and friends have been fingered in their plan to distribute leaflets from the mythical Islamic Australia Federation asking punters to vote for the ALP by way of thanks for doing all these nefarious acts to support Muzzies in Oz.

See the SMH story here.

From Crikey here's the pamphlet. What I especially love is how these bigoted dare I say racist smear merchants can't even get the chant right. It's Allahu Akbar, not Ala Akba. But given the McMansion owning TT/ACA audience the pamphlets are targeting and the falsehoods it's peddling, accuracy in slandering an entire faith is hardly required.

UPDATE: Jackie Kelly said it was a 'Chaser style prank';

"I think its intent is to be a send-up but obviously it hasn't worked," she said.

"I think if you read it you'd be laughing. Most people who have read it have said 'That's a Chaser-style of prank'."

Ms Kelly said the "prank" was "really immature stuff" that would not influence any voters.

Ms Kelly described her husband's actions as "skylarking" after a few beers.

"I'm a bit upset with him, but no, look I love him," she told Southern Cross Broadcasting.

"He hates the unions with a passion and after weeks and weeks of letterboxing, what gets to be boring material, of a repetitive message that we get them to letterbox all the time, they come up with their own skylarking over a few beers and think that something's funny," Ms Kelly said

Oh really Ms Kelly. Just skylarking after beers eh? These aren't photocopied pamphlets. These are printed pamphlets - as in organisation was required to lay them out/design them and print them. Hardly possible via skylarking after work. It took effort. It took time to arrange. What a crock of shit from these people. If it isn't going to influence voters then why the fuck would you have gone to all that trouble eh? Wow - these people will attempt anything to remain in power including tapping into to the racist element that have happily cultivated in the past 11 years. The Liberals must be very proud of them.

UPDATE 2: The candidate's husband for the Libs in Lindsay was in it up to his neck too.

To the rescue!

Channel ten trying on their running late crap again

I like the show House. I also like Prison Break. We tape both. House ends at 930. The tape then kicks over to Prison Break on Channel Seven.

For the last three eps of House I have missed the ending because fucking Channel fucking ten fucking runs its fucking programs over time. Tonight House ended not at 9:30 but at 9:38. A couple of minutes - sure - I get that. But eight minutes! How is that fitting to any kind of schedule. Here's my theory. The amount of advertising a commercial station can run is self regulated. So they run as much advertising as they can which includes decisions like this to arbitrarily stick eight more minutes in on top of everything else they crammed in.

Channel ten - you suck. There's a reason why people are fleeing free to air and its not just your shithouse reality TV programming. It's you actual broadcasting techniques of shaving seconds before the ad break, cutting out dialogue (the Simpsons being a classic example) and refusing to stick to your advertised schedule. And don't get me started on your shitty introduce a kewl show like Jericho then arse it without a fucking word.

Andrew Robb

At this moment (Lateline 21 Nov) is the biggest fuckstick in Federal politics for claiming that the unions ran a 30 million dollar scare campaign and therefore the complaint by the ALP that the Libs ran a scare election campaign is moot.

WTF? Is he insane. Let's ignore then the 200 million he spent of government money promoting their self admitted rights removed in the workplace legislation. Scare campaign, my arse. Try grounded in reality campaign explaining in great detail how your shitty government raped the concept of collective bargaining.

Is this man a rep? If so let's hope his arse gets booted too. Seriously what a massive fuckstick.

UPDATE: Now he's wanking on about Labor inexperience and that the ALP is nothing but slogans despite the fact the ALP have offered many, many policies outlining what exactly they intend to do to empower the country as opposed to middle class bribery like his miserable crew. Oh Robb was the fuckstick behind the 'wah 12 Labor candidates are still employed by the crown cause we looked on the web and didn't consider that info was out of date because we barely know what the fucking internet is, wah' cockup of recent times.

Holy firetruck - the best photo of the campaign

Move over Tony Abbott here comes Fireman John and his pet dog Pete.





















A snippet from the article RE Howard notes the following

Mr Howard's speech also targeted wavering voters.

He said he knows many people think the government hasn't done a bad job in the past 11 and a half years.

He was also aware there were those who think the government has done a bad job from the day it was first elected in 1996 and nothing he says today will change that.

"There are some who are saying to themselves three days out from the election 'Howard hasn't done a bad job, the country is in very good shape economically, we've got low unemployment, business is good, profits are up taxes are down, things seem to be going well, we've got some challenges'."

"'But gee, he's been there for 11 and a half years and maybe we should have a change'," Mr Howard said.

"I've been in politics a very long time, I understand that perfectly.

"I want to say to those people that there is no such thing as a change of government where everything continues the same as it was before the change."

He said every change of government since the end of World War II has resulted in a profound change in the nature of the country following that change of government.

He's right in the last part; how about this? Removal of accountability by ministers, outward lying by senior ministers, shabby treatment of refugees as part of racist domestic politics - all these "changes" came about because of Howard (and they're just the tip!). Now we have to undo that damage.

Unbelivable.

Yesterday's Crikey - Abjorensen: John Winston Howard, political extremist

Norman Abjorensen writes:

Australia has had a few dodgy and iffy governments over the years, but apart from the latter days of the Bjelke-Petersen dictatorship in Queensland, political extremism has never really gained a significant toehold.

That is, until the current term of the Howard government and its absolute authority over the parliament. The truth is that John Winston Howard – who masquerades not entirely convincingly as an ordinary bloke - is a political extremist.

Pragmatic concerns over the years have served to keep that extremism in check – but it’s always been there. In the mid-1980s he was talking about total deregulation of the labour market, even before he lit the fuse venting his long held belief in white Australia.

We have all been too taken in by his apparent ordinariness and his protestations that he was a conservative. He is not; he is a radical neoliberal, albeit with a pragmatic streak. Every institutional pillar has been under sustained assault on his watch – the High Court, the parliament, the public service, the military and security organisations, the Auditor-General, the ABC and so on.

Some aspects of his radical neoliberalism he shares with the rabid neo-conservatives who have wreaked such havoc in the Bush White House with their pet project – the war in Iraq. Like the neocons, he pretends to revere the past but really despises it.

The distinguished American political scientist, Anne Norton, who has repeatedly exposed the neocons for the social vandals they are, contrasts them with the archetypal traditional political conservative, whom Howard professes to admire, Edmund Burke. She writes in Leo Strauss and the Politics of American Empire:

"Conservatives of this caste... valued custom and practice, reverenced memory, and honoured the distinctive character of an established community sharing a common life."

Howard has derided and dismantled custom and practice, launched a cultural offensive against memory and tradition, and has implemented policies that effectively preclude Australians sharing a common life. His attack on the family by way of workplace changes while purporting to uphold family values is something Orwell could have used in 1984.

Jack Lang was demonised as a political extremist (which he wasn’t) and driven from office by the representative of the British bondholders – but the real extremists who fought Lang, the laughable but deadly New Guard, never quite cut it politically. They were fascists, pure and simple, and the Australian people did not like what they saw.

Similarly, the Communist Party only ever managed to get a single candidate elected, and while One Nation enjoyed a flurry of success in the late 1990s, its flame quickly subsided.

Howard’s extremism – in his fanatical campaign against the unions and the rights of workers and his total capitulation to the rapacity of big business – simply flies in the face of not just the Australian way of life but the collective wisdom of the Liberal Party itself.

Bob Menzies well knew the dangers of the party he helped found being seen to be too close to business. Bob Askin, in NSW, fought hard to drag the party in his State to the centre to make it electable in 1965 after 24 years in the wilderness, and Malcolm Fraser knew both his Menzies and his Burke.

Howard, of course, is not alone. Peter Costello is imbued with the fanaticism of the H. R. Nicholls Society, Tony Abbott is to the right of General Franco on all social and political issues, Nick Minchin never saw anything wrong in attending a breakfast with the LaRouchites, and Kevin Andrews appears to have created his very own political oxymoron – a unique Cromwellian Catholicism. And of course ever present is the sinister Eric Abetz who sees nothing wrong with using his staff to investigate witnesses at Senate committee hearings in order to try to discredit them.

The virtual outlawing of strikes and the hounding of union leaders, the contempt for accountability, a dysfunctional Freedom of Information regime, a sustained diminution of human rights and civil liberties, and a massive build-up of internal security forces all serve to make this country a very different place from the one in which many of us grew up.

Howard argues, with some justification, that the entire electorate has moved to the right. While not wishing to compare Howard with Hitler, precisely the same argument could have been mounted by the Nazis in defence of their policies in the 1930s.

If Howard loses on Saturday, it will be because of this perceived extremism. That might just explain why the electorate is uneasy in a prosperous time.

Why religions and government don't mix

Saudi Arabia has defended a court's decision to sentence a woman who was gang-raped to 200 lashes of the whip, after the United States described the verdict as "astonishing".

See here.

As the article notes; A series of erratic verdicts have focused attention on the Saudi legal system, which is dominated by clerics who adhere to the kingdom's austere Sunni form of Islamic law. Personal status law remains uncodified and the system does not recognise the concept of precedent."

When you base your legal code not on principles of justice but on religious doctrine the legal system is not just. This is by no means Islamic bashing, just an over-all head shake at religions influence on law and government when it goes over the top. The same goes for the fundies in the US influence on the Bush administration - though admittedly theirs is not so nakedly overt.

Oh for all those people that wank on about "Islamism" most of those conflicts are characterised by nationalist resistance as opposed to those trying to establish purely theological states. Most - not all. The Taliban are more theological than nationalist in my opinion.

Rudd at the press club

Didn't bother live blogging it but over-all performance was suburb. Easily batted away the curly ones thrown by the government gazette types.

The experience one was a classic.

'You don't have any experience - so why should people vote for you?'

'Mr Howard had experience of running the country into the ground when treasurer under Fraser. Mr Costello had no governmental experience whatsoever.'

And Ruddy spoke up for unions. Good on him. Favourite quip to some hack who added up 11 promises by Rudd and said 'I was going to call them commandments but you're one over', was 'sorry mate I'm more New Testament than old.'

Burn.

Obesity

Speaking of obesity, as with most things there is a scale of obesity. Taken from the wiki for obesity, the scale (based on Body Mass Index) is as follows;

• A BMI less than 18.5 is underweight
• A BMI of 18.5–24.9 is normal weight
• A BMI of 25.0–29.9 is overweight
• A BMI of 30.0–39.9 is obese
• A BMI of 40.0 or higher is severely (or morbidly) obese
• A BMI of 35.0 or higher in the presence of at least one other significant comorbidity is also classified by some bodies as morbid obesity.

Morbid obesity is a charming phrase is it not? Just to really drive it home just how fat that person is. Morbid. To me it resembles the sound a ship makes hitting an iceberg or something. What can't it be generously obese? If we can make killing civilians in war sound better with 'collateral damage' surely we can relabel morbid as generous - or well proportioned obesity. Or Jolly Old Nick obesity.

And another thing, how is it that Santa has always been depicted as a fat man yet his chosen means of house entry is a chimney? I mean the fact the average size of a from the inside sweep was that of a malnourished eight year old boy should have been a clue for santa to instead invest in a skeleton key or jimmey or something.

Oh, and yes, I am generously / well proportioned / Joly Old Nick obese.

First dog on the moon - taken from y'days Early Crikey

I'm b-a-a-a-c-k

As you can see I did not waste any space to spruik for Labor, borrowing a pen off Gary the orderly before going in for surgery.

The ex Rhodesian surgeon took one look at it and said 'we don't operate on Labor supporters' - which was pretty funny.

Later as I came out of the anesthetic a nurse said 'you've been in recovery for a week and Labor lost'.

Which was not funny.


All in all it went okay. I got my post match report from the anesthetist whilst I was sitting on the lav but the gist was it was all good. I felt like crud afterwards, and working out what was causing the pain became a bit difficult since it was very much A) IBS, B) hunger pains, C) bloating, D) incisions, or E) all of the above. Still a broad spectrum pain reliever took care of most of it.

I can't drive for 24 hours and can't lift anything for at least two weeks which as noted will make the moving house a challenge since that occurs within a few days. Yay for the timing.

If I've learned anything from all of this its to eat slower and sip a drink don't gulp it. Time is the key to satiety, not volume - though of course volume plays a part.

Anyway, thanks for all the good wishes from y'all. And apologies for you seeing my fattiness in all its morbid obese glory.

Well this is me signing off

Back Wednesday PM if all things go well. If not, well, best not thinking about.

Massive hearty man hugs with plenty of back slaps for the boys and close, quiet still hugs that linger uncomfortably long for the girls.

Interesting differences

Howard's crew knocks over woman who is rendered unconscious. Howard stands and watches as a staffer attends to her. See here.

















Girl faints in front of Rudd. Rudd and staff help her and make sure she's hydrated. See here.









The symbology I think is fairly apt for the election as a whole

Time you will never get back

All that spent looking for the fucking remotes.

A classic Seinfeld moment

From the Face Painter.

George: ... Anyway, I'm thinking of making a big move.

Jerry: What?

George: I might tell her that I love her. I came this close last night, then I just chickened out.

Jerry: Well, that's a big move, Georgie boy. Are you confident in the 'I love you' return?

George: Fifty-fifty.

Jerry: Cause if you don't get that return, that's a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there.

George: Aw, I've just got to say it once, everybody else gets to say it, why can't I say it?

Elaine: What, you never said it?

George: Once, to a dog. He licked himself and left the room.

Jerry: Well, so it wasn't a total loss.

Day 14

I made the mistake of taking a shake to work. In its defence the core nub of the mistake occurred from my putting the powder in the shaker before the water. When shaken, it left drifts of powder at the bottom that could not be shifted. The shaking left it watery and lumpy and I gagged on lumps when the dregs came down.

All in all - not good.

However that being said on Day 14 - largely felt good. Tomorrow is the Op, then it's a graduated return to solids over a month. There's even a warm liquid goo phase which is kewl slash not kewl at all.

Is putting slash instead of a / pretentious? Probably.

Anyhoo - fasting from midnight tonight. Yay. And no fizzy drinks for two weeks or so afterwards. Double yay of the not actually double yay at all, clearly sarcastic variety.

So all in all, I made it barring unforeseen sleep eating. Hey man, USE is real. In fact lots of people do kooky 'during sleep' stuff, usually a reaction to medications. The funniest I heard of was one woman who became a lady of the evening while 'asleep'. I wonder what she thought when she woke up and found the wedges of cash on her person?

Finally, a rating for Optifast. I give it a 6/10. Avoid the soups - the bars are okay for the first few days - but the stand out is the Strawberry milkshake. I actually looked forward to it.

Have fun campers.

If I don't make it tomorrow...

... then goodbye. It's been a hell of a ride.

Pre Voted

In case I died on the table I wanted to make sure my vote was in. So I pre-voted.

I noticed Oz's favourite loons - the CEC - were on the ballot. Needless to say they were put last in the Reps (did you know Climate Change is a Green extremist plot to de-populate the earth!)

Suffice to say I went with a combo of ALP and Greens. There's a good chance the ALP vote will spill over into a Greens Senator getting up anyway which is kewl.

So for the Senate to that end Gary Humphries came last. I respect he crossed the floor on the same sex debate. But he's in the way of his arse fuck govt losing control of the Senate and alas he had to go. I hope his post politics life is a good one.

From Today's Crikey: David Williamson reflects on Election 07

1. David Williamson: Howard, morning walks and the ghosts of 1969

David Williamson writes:

In 1971 I wrote the play Don’s Party about the 1969 election night, when Labor supporters were fervently hoping for the arrival of the Great Gough. As it turned out he was five seats short of arriving and we had to wait until 1972 before the long dark night of conservative rule ended.

The similarities with this Saturday’s election are obvious, and many of the old baby boomers, faint memories of the idealistic dreams of the sixties not yet erased by Alzheimer’s, are hoping fervently we won’t see a re-run of 1969. There are many reasons to wish Johnnie bon voyage, the most pressing being the thought of another eighteen months of television footage of his morning walks.

It’s time to say no to those daggy shorts, the horrible knees, the resolute stride towards a neo con past where Anglo man still rules the world, and the total lack of wit or spontaneity in his travelling badinage. Joy number two will be picturing the tears and foot stamping of the well paid hosts of Howard acolytes littering our press.

Any journalist who can turn a man his own party dubbed a “lying rodent”, into the Saint who saved Australia, has, like their idol, a superb grasp of slippery rhetoric which has hopefully earned them enough money to retire. These same scribes have falsely divided Australia into “Howard hating elites”, and “ordinary Australians,” without ever asking the question as to why many with the remnants of a conscience, including “ordinary Australians”, find it hard to stomach him.

The shameless exploitation of fear and hysteria over four hundred genuine and dehydrating refugees on Tampa might be a start. The ludicrous and hugely expensive “Pacific solution” might be another. The moral sleaze of the Saddam kickbacks, the lies of children overboard, the blatant and immoral pork barrelling of Coalition electorates, the attempt to deliver a cowed and cheap workforce to employers without a mandate, the constant and unrelenting grovelling to George Bush, the deathbed conversion to climate change and reconciliation lite - the list could go on.

If John can’t pull a Tampa out of his baggy green in this last week, it looks over for him. But we’ve been through 1969, and the anxiety is rising nonetheless. The thought of the most unlovely and thuggish front bench in Australian political history, namely Abbott, Downer, Costello, Ruddock, Andrews, Hockey and the rest retaining power is a thought that could send our already soaring rate of depression exponential.

If Rudd does win it will be heartening proof that the cynical pundits who say the hip pocket nerve is the only factor are wrong. Many would like a return to simple decency, and Rudd patently has more of it than Howard. If it’s not a re-run of 1969 and John and Janette are prised out of Kirribilli, the greatest relief for me will still be the end of the morning walks.

Skybaby!

Cyclone Goober?

What sort of name is that? It fully undercuts the sheer misery of having your village wiped out.

Or did I hear it wrong?

UPDATE: Yep, heard it wrong - it's Sidr, not Goober.

Man, that could have been embarrassing.

Day 13

Well I felt great for most of the day. It's now been three days since I have eaten solid food. Tonight was hard. TheWife cooked carbonara which smelled fucking awesome. She had to Glen20 the entire house so I wouldn't smell it and even then I stuck Vaseline under my nose to try and take the edge off the smell.

Just. One. Day. To. Go.

I will be on restricted eating for a while after the Op but at least I can eat. Damn you Optifast, DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Except for your strawb milkshakes. I did not get sick of those at all.

Eep

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) overnight handed down a summary of its three previous reports on global warming, issuing its most stark warning yet on its impact and urging politicians to immediately tackle the threat.

The panel of scientists declared the impact of global warming could be "abrupt or irreversible" and no country would be spared.

For the rest see here.

My immediate reaction was 'we be fucked'. Unless Bush is given the arse and other climate change denying fucksticks - cough, Howard, cough - as as well.

RE Kyoto. We're going to prob meet our target. We get a seat at the table for what comes after it if we sign. We don't get that seat, or have the same level of influence as to what the world does to stop it cooking. Not signing it is moronic. In fact its criminal. And the only reason why is because a stubborn old man clinging to his last days in twisted power has decided he can't cut and run from cutting and running from it in the first place.

A silver lining

There's not many when moving house, but here is one.

Arsing off all that fucked up accumulated plastic kitchen crap that spills forth like some sort of Tupperware money shot every single fucking time you open the fucking cupboard. Then you have to bend over to pick it up and throw it back in, shutting the door before it all falls out again.

Overt pleasure in the suffering of others

Not sure what the German for that is but well I got it.

The ANAO released a report into the regional partnerships program from the 2004 election which effectively has proven the Nats and the Libs together pork barrelled marginals with the intention of winning the election.

Hands up who is surprised. I see, no hands.

You know what the absolutely great thing about this is? No, not just the government being shown for what it is - a shameless prolifigate spender of tax payer funds for politically self serving reasons. The fact that they are at it again.

I think yesterday's Crikey says it best RE the nats.

MacCormack: Nats are genetically designed to rort

David MacCormack writes:

The surprising thing about the emerging scandal over the maladministration of the Regional Partnerships program is that anyone is surprised. What do you think happens when you put a National Party minister near a very deep - several hundred million dollar deep - pork barrel?

The National Party is different from the Liberal Party, the Labor Party, or for that matter just about every other political party from the lunar Right to the raving Left in Australia. It has no interest in the welfare of the nation, in good public policy, or achieving outcomes for the whole community. Its parasitic purpose is to leech off resources from the rest of the community to a minority interest of limited economic or social value. It has always been that way and always will be. It isn't a political party, it's a conspiracy to defraud.

That's why National Party politicians are a priori unfit for public office. They are genetically designed to rort. We saw it in Queensland under Joh and we've seen it for years under the Howard Government.

Only in its early days, when fiscal discipline was rigorously imposed, did this Government control National Party pork-barrelling - if you don't give them the money, they can't rort it. But since then, the Transport and Regional Services portfolio has become a multi-billion dollar machine geared to delivering cash to rural communities and businesses for political purposes.

Regional Partnerships is only a particularly blatant example. There are many other regional development and rural roads programs in that portfolio. Does anyone seriously think they are administered any more soundly?

And, as usual, when Nationals are caught out, they attack the people who've exposed them. De-Anne Kelly was today blaming the ANAO for revealing the partisanship and lack of accountability in the program she administered. Just like it was the media's fault that the National Party in the 1980s was riddled with corruption.

Even so, it is exquisite timing. The Government's reputation for prudent economic management has been taking a battering for the last fortnight. The Nationals just might have helped kill it off entirely.

Day 12

I haven't eaten solid food now for over 48 hours. I imagine my stomach is a deflated balloon. I still get hunger pains mind you. But the idea of eating those repulsive bars makes me gag.

When Oprah famously crash dieted all those years ago she did it via milkshakes which are I guess akin to this. I remember reading about how when she went on air post weight loss she spruiked the maker, whose switchboard apparently crapped itself because it could not take the volume of calls.

But it's still crash dieting. And crash diets don't work. Again, if I didn't have to do this to avoid potential surgical complications I sure as hell would not try losing weight this way. It's painful and its depressing.

The shiny happy overweight girl riding the bike on the front of the Optifast literature is a lie. In reality she'd probably be sitting sadly on the couch thinking about what food she would eat if she could.

Just two days to go.

... yay ...

Pauline Hanson, not a racist

Curious at what Australia's greatest dole bludger, Pauline Hanson (aka RHRR), has to say for this election I went to scope out her website - which seems on balance to be a feeder mechanism to buy her presumably illiterate autobiography.

See it here.

What a cracker website. I especially loved the image of Our Pauline with a flag behind her. It's a first for her and she should be congratulated for twinning her person with our nation's symbol.

Oh - great idea. She should call herself mother of the nation.

Anyway, onto policies. Immigration is naturally first cab off the rank, despite the fact other policies that come before it alphabetically are on that page. I guess she's giving the punters what they want.

The Immigration policy defends RHRR's views, and notes she is not a racist, reminding me of that episode of Father Ted where he gives a slide show interspersed with the words 'not a racist' flashing up on the screen.

Here's the main defence item

I have often been labeled a racist. Usually, it is innocently done by people who haven’t recognized yet, the difference between race and culture. Sometimes it’s just a convenient way to discount whatever I might say, or to avoid really thinking about the issues involved. Sometimes it is done to fool people, to deliberately confuse culture with race.

The facts are simply that I love Australia and prefer the Australian way of life over any other. I prefer the Australian way of looking at things, our values, our beliefs and our priorities.

It's true. People do confuse culture with race. Especially when a lot of people of a certain race happen to enjoy a certain culture. So it seems as long as you act Ozzer then Pauline has no probs with you.

Fair enough I suppose.

Pauline proudly has her maiden speech she gave from her first and last time time in Federal parliament. You can click to it on the above site.

This is my favourite bit

Immigration and multiculturalism are issues that this government is trying to address, but for far too long ordinary Australians have been kept out of any debate by the major parties. I and most Australians want our immigration policy radically reviewed and that of multiculturalism abolished. I believe we are in danger of being swamped by Asians. Between 1984 and 1995, 40 per cent of all migrants coming into this country were of Asian origin. They have their own culture and religion, form ghettos and do not assimilate. Of course, I will be called racist but, if I can invite whom I want into my home, then I should have the right to have a say in who comes into my country. A truly multicultural country can never be strong or united. The world is full of failed and tragic examples, ranging from Ireland to Bosnia to Africa and, closer to home, Papua New Guinea. America and Great Britain are currently paying the price.

Oh dear. That seemed to identify Asian people by their race didn't it?

Anyway, Pauline may think she's not a racist, despite claiming things like African immigrants to Oz are AIDS ridden. But her desire for the one culture that immigrants have to adapt to or else is something bad.

It's called bigotry.

Will she get a seat? I don't think so. Will she get a shed load of cash from the AEC? Probably. Though she's a registered party now so it will be interesting to see how she funnels it from the org to her pockets. Stand by federal police to go on in.

Tony Abbott - Pure. West.

Tony Abbott was caught out again recently RE saying unpalatable things. In his defence the footage of him saying job protections were less under WorkChoices didn't include the Liberal rider of 'But er ... they create jobs', implying that the ability to fire someone without effective recourse is somehow the panacea to full employment. No, I don't get it either.

Anyway, check out the SMH story here, which includes the full transcript of Abbott remarks which mentions the 'but ... sacking people means more jobs' defence.

But the classic thing out of it is the photo. In campaigns the aim to catch a candidate near applicable signage is like the Golden Snitch of political photo-journalism - 1000 words and all that.

This ... this is magnificent.

















Photo from SMH, by Peter Rae

Analytics

I finally set that analytics thing up against my Google account. As I suspected 85% of hits I get are simply misfires. According to the Keywords used thingy in Google the following stand out pearls of wisdom were sought.

• hot firemen
• abuse of women in animal
• beat somebody with a rubber hose
• bl0w jobs
• bloody ear wax
• britney spears vaginal
• calendars fireman
• children referring to himself in third person
• fine me information on crippie fishes
• fuck a sheep under no circumstances you may fuck
• hot calendar fireman
• manana I'm doing nada
• police officer sticks finger down throat drug
• movies midgets
• sexy catfight
• tarzan and jane jokes

Needless to say the average time spent here perusing the linked topics was 0:00 seconds. And who would have thought hot firemen calendars would be so popular?

Also, just how sexy is that forbidden fruit sheep that dude wants to fuck? I for one would like to know.

Day 11

Well it sucked. More than ever. Note to self, don't A) leave your fatty bar at home then B) go hang with someone having lunch who is eating fish and chips.

Really, I am just asking for trouble.

Yesterday I had my fatty thunder stolen. We were in a section meeting, catered no less by myself and a colleague (who kindly bought it all so I would not have to suffer the indignity of purchasing the delish that I could not myself eat), when the subject of this here medication starvation came up. One of my c0-workers, a delightful girl, said I looked less fatty in the face (she said it more nicely than that obviously).

I was chuffed, and did that little head wobble you do when people look at you in a pleased manner.

Then my Director spoke up. 'Oh yeah, I've lost weight too.'

The heads turned to him.

'I've dropped 13 kilos on my diet and am two kilos off my ideal body weight.'

(cue drawn in breath of amazement and clapping).

He beamed, quite rightly, for he has stuck to a normal diet and exercise plan and got his weight/intake to acceptable levels.

But he stole my fatty thunder. My precious, antique fatty thunder. Fatty thunder only has a limited lifespan - it's gone so quickly.

BRING BACK MY FATTY THUNDER!

Earliest clear memory meme

From Uncle Bruce.

The rules for this one are simple.

1. Describe your earliest memory where this memory is clear, where clear means you can depict at least three details.
2. Give an estimate of how old you were at this age.
3. Tag five other bloggers with this meme.

I think it was when we lived on a property in WA where we had a playroom in an old storeroom. There was a small table in a room and bare metal blue shelves - the metal had holes like meccano. The thing I remember most clearly is the floor was sticky and your feet made rip, rip sounds as you lifted them. I think I was three.

Tags out to Gam, Sarah, MB, Madd McColl, and Enny

And kudos to The Bevester

The buzz of finally finishing lasts a long time. Kudos man.

Never again!

Inbred yokel manages to master use of phone

Regional Australia; A genetically un-endowed country bumpkin succeeded manfully in using a telephone today when he called the Laws radio program in Sydney, NSW.

Bob, a farmer, asked Laws guest Kevin Rudd if Rudd knew if his deputy, flame haired needle nosed beauty Julia Gillard, 'actually owned a skirt'.

'Dem wimmin, dem wimmin be in da back in da back,' continued Bob. 'Meekin dem babies, dem babies, three - three for the country, one for ma, one for pa, one for da gov'ment. How she, how she, how she, how she pass it out if she in pants eh? In pants eh? What, she roll it, she roll it, she roll it down pant leg?'

Kevin Rudd, instead of immediately questioning Bob's mental and physiological capacity as a homosapien, laughed off the question by claiming one didn't question a woman's wardrobe.

Bob then claimed Rudd would be speaky da chingy ching as the dressless clearly lesbian Gillard stayed home to sell the country to the Soviet Union where all industry and farms would be nationalized, Bob extrapolating this from articles he read in The Land newspaper whilst presumably wearing a tinfoil farm hat.

File Photo: Bob

While Rudd handled the clearly deficient Bob with aplomb, what other people in his situation could have done is remind Bob that one's ability to govern effectively for all Australians had little to do with the fact if they wore gender themed clothing and then ask whether Bob was in fact calling the Laws program whilst still inside his favourite cow.

See SMH article here.

TheBoy - what a diff a few months makes

TheBoy is now three months and a bit old.

Here's a side by side using a stuffed scarecrow as the archaeologist pen thingy. First image is taken at I think a week and a bit. Second image today by theWife.












So, so much bigger. Yet ... just as cute!

The hills are alive with the sound of music

But they wouldn't be if she just shut the fuck up.

The only good bit of that fucking movie was when the nun stole the piece of engine out of the Nazi's car.

Man am I in a bad mood.

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Today my half boss moved desks to take over the one that has sat vacant just opposite me. Here in Oz PS land we typically use work stations - so two plastic walls - a high wall divider then a half wall divider. You typically face the half wall, with the high wall running to your side (with other work stations mirrored on its reverse).

Half boss is planning on relocating her half wall partition enhancer - a screen that clips on top of a half wall adding about a foot and a bit to the height - to the half wall between us for privacy and noise reduction. Mainly noise reduction since I can be quite loud.

Still I couldn't but help feel like the limo driver in Spinal Tap.

Fucking Limeys

Day 10 - says it all really

Go Beazo

This article proves once again what a fundamentally decent man Kim Beazley was in Australian politics, where he proudly praises the man who rolled him for the leadership of the ALP.

I will miss him greatly.

Let's hope if the ALP win they appoint him to a place worthy of his talents like Washington.

Nice one Family First

Presumably by family we mean "white" and "judeo-christian" since Fielding and his gang of homophobic cronies decided to preference swap with ... Pauline Hanson.

Yep, Pauline Hanson may get into parliament on the back of the FF vote.

See The Age article here.

Even the Libs put her last. Instead Fielding has decided no, no she's worth being put in front of those nasty secularists the ALP, Greens, and Dems. Sure she's 47 out of 65 but still, hardly the mark of a family friendly party encouraging a deluded fuckstick to re-enter political life with her own unique brand of shrill broken voiced redneck strine.

Kudos Fielding. Did you think about this when you were taping your latest video blog from the back of that horse you rode in on?

What the?

Who the hell is that fuckstick ex Hawke Minister screaming about 'don't vote for Rudd'? Brian Courtice apparently (you can see it on the Liberal's website).

What sort of deranged moron would hose all over his party just as its in reach of obtaining its goal?

I wonder where the Libs got this idea from - an ex member of a part - a minister no less - letting fly at his former friends?

Oh - I see the Karl Rove playbook of politics - like when Rove recruited "Democrat" Zell Miller to blast Kerry all over the place at the 2004 Republican National Convention.

According to the Oz Courtice was expelled from the ALP for leaking party info to the opposition. Hmmm, that did not appear in Lib's commercial...

The man chucked a sooky wah wah cause his wife didn't win a desired slot in the party, got booted for leaking info, then gets recruited by Hockey to star in commercials.

What a pathetic desperate grab for the lifering by the Libs. Nothing is beyond them in this election.

Today Tonight's detention of the Chaser lads story

Pathetic. What a bunch of TT Tossers.

Recycled footage of Chaser outrages with some TT fuckstick telling the lads they are trespassers (for their infiltration of the studio where TT is located).

So TT have never ever trespassed eh? Or do they merely simply blacken people's names and reputation like those crazy mums who have kids with different dads.

Fucking hell what a sad, sad show.

Go the Chaser boys for keeping a good sense of humour throughout their 90 minute detention.

Here's the SMH story here.

A thousand plus posts!

For the year. According to that count thingy. Most of them being one word posts like "poo" or "wee wees". So prob doesn't count.

Howard on the ALP launch

Howard's response to the ALP launch is of course utterly typical.

Prime Minister John Howard says Labor Leader Kevin Rudd has no plan to keep the economy strong and his industrial relations policy will put pressure on inflation.

Mr Rudd today announced $2.3 billion of promises during the Labor Party campaign launch in Brisbane, compared to Mr Howard's $9.4 billion splurge on Monday in his own launch.

Mr Howard said the Labor leader was being deceitful and that running an economy was more than just what you announce at a campaign launch.

"This is an insult to the Australian people," Mr Howard told reporters in Townsville in queensland.

"It is really juvenile.

"On the basis of his policy speech today, Mr Rudd did not lay out a plan to keep the Australian economy strong.

"Worse than that he firmly committed a Labor government to the abolition of the current industrial relations laws that will have two adverse consequences on the Australian economy.

"It will push up unemployment because the reintroduction of the unfair dismissal laws will result in small business around Australia employing fewer people.

"And it will also, by virtue of bringing a more centralised wage fixing system, it will put pressure on wages and in turn put upward pressure on inflation."

Mr Howard said Mr Rudd's industrial relations (IR) policy was highly inflationary.

"On the score of economic credibility, Mr Rudd was missing today," Mr Howard said.

"He confirmed he is the high unemployment candidate in this election and I am the full employment candidate."

Howard's constant mantra that somehow restoration of unfair dismissal laws with result in galloping unemployment is farcical. Labor's plan is to give businesses up to a year to freely dismiss someone and only after then do the protections kick in. Does he seriously think a small businessman is going to go 'nup, I will not expand my business because I think in a year's time I may have to sack this person then cop a tribunal appearance?'

Wow. Amazing logic.

The entire Labor launch was centered around generational enhancements to education that will in turn maintain and improve our high skill base and knowledge base which is the foundation of a modern economy. If that isn't employment generating I don't know what the fuck is.

Maybe it's because Rudd mentioned computers and Howard's dust addled brain simply rejected the notion that a better cyber networked and better educated workforce will generate new jobs and new technologies and new markets?

Howard's concept of 'full employment' includes making it so Australians are more likely to perform semi-skilled or low skilled work which is the most vulnerable to loss of entitlements and reductions in conditions of service.

The man is a friggin' dino. Show him the door. But make sure to point it out since he may get confused which door you mean.

Day nine - semi fine

Last night was a shocker. So gassy I had to hide on the lounge and take charcoal tabs until it settled down. Now, seemingly okay. I haven't eaten solid food in near 24 hours though so it might have something to do with it. I may have a bar later tonight but in truth the thought of eating one is making me feel sick. The milkshake things are far tastier and more appetizing.

I am fully aware this is a crash diet. Though Optifast claims it is not - and indeed has a graduated back to normal eating plan as part of it.

But I tell you what, if I didn't have to do this for surgery I sure as hell would not try to actually lose weight this way. It's too depressing.

Go Paul, go

Paul Keating savages Howard over WorkChoices.

Always a delight to see PK in print.

Annoyed

Since when did the Middle Class of Australia need so much help? Tax breaks? School fees rebates etc? Private school welfare? Isn't the purpose of government to socialise the risk? To create systems that enable those on the bottom to better find their way up the ladder of opportunity? I don't need a tax break. I want poorer Australians to have better access to services and the same benefits that enabled me to have a decent life.

This election shits me.

Oh, for those free market fans out there, explain to me this? Why do we subsidize private schools and private health funds? Surely they should stand on their own two feet...

Private Schools and Howard

Howard is gleefully hopping about thanks to his promise to further undermine public education by making private school fees tax deductible. Mike Kelly, candidate for Eden Monaro, claimed it was a stupid idea. I agree with him. Howard?

'This indicates the hit list has just been but in a drawer,' he thundered, referring to the fact in 2004 the ALP announced it would reduce the rivers of gold that had headed the private school way.

Funny that. Just put in a drawer. Like ... the GST?

Day Eight

I was doing a half day at home today. A half day because I had no sleep and was in incredible amounts of IBS pain. Fortunately I could access some work online and keep busy.

Anyway, day eight. Much like the polls, no real change. It still sucked. It's hard to deal what's an IBS flash'o'agony and what's hunger pains, but I think it's prob the former for the most part. Being a gassy mofo sure as hell did not help.

It's funny how now I can eat a little finger to the second knuckle sized sliver of Optifast bar and it's enough to drown out much of the severe hunger signals.

Anyhoo, it's harder for being at home because well home is where the hunger is and there's ways and means of redressing it. Luckily I managed to hold out - so far.

Least there's only six days to go.

Don't you hate it when ...

... you've been cursing your lack of a good graphics program like PhotoShop, relying instead on Microsoft word, when you realise that all along you had PhotoShop on your old PC and it's been sitting in your old programs folder on the new machine all this time?

Stay tuned for a slightly higher grade of word art from HM.

He looms!

Facts

Check out the Libs' facts graph they had made up for when the Reserve raised the rate for the sixth time since the Libs intimated they would stay at record lows.

Notice where it starts?

At 5%.

So what does it look like starting at you know, 0%?


Wow. No wonder they cut 5% off. Look how much lower comparatively they are when they remove a chunk of the numbers?

Remember people, Vote Liberal. Because facts don't count - it's only your perception of them that does.

Oh you know how the Libs repeatedly state 'rates will always be lower than Labor' ... well who handed it to them at 12.5% in 1983? ... yep, John Howard. By the way Howard's best effort was 13.5% because his then government capped the rate - which was around 22%.

Always lower my anus. Why do people fall for this shit?

Pain

For the longest time I have been in pain. Typically it's low grade pain, either from sore legs, crap back, or from twitchy guts - thanks to the IBS. Sometimes it's pretty bad - especially the gas pain - again largely IBS. Often it means trying to sleep it off and getting to work late. Sometimes it impacts on simple enjoyment of normal things because it is there, in the background, working away at you. It can impact on your ability to get to sleep and sleep well - like tonight having had an hours sleep last night I had a nap when I got home. One of those hot fevered dreamstate in and out of sleep naps - with my only to wake up with a belly full o fart juice.

Dealing with low grade pain typically involves just coping with it. I can't take anti-inflammatory meds cause they cause constipation (though sometimes I just have to). And you can't take handfuls of stuff you can have (like TV's Dr House) because it will fuck your body up (paracetamol can kill you if you take too many in too short a time cause it causes organ failure in large quantities).

Anyway being in pain most of the time tends to make you crabby. Combine that with lack of sleep adds together for an unpleasant combo - both to experience as the person suffering and as someone nearby having to endure it. At to that stresses of not being able to fucking eat normally, having to move house, meet work deadlines, deal with a broken fucking car, and assorted other shit it can become hard to cope with and exacerbates the crabbiness.

So apologies to all those out there who experience it from me. It's not personal. By and large it's just me not feeling great and not coping well on occasion.

YT- Scary Mary

Spotted by Bruce

The lies the Liberals tell

I am watching the Lateline report on the Lib's launch. It just showed the Libs pinching unashamedly ALP polices* such as the education plan (only the Libs offer more and slam Labor for offering so little). Then Howard claims people know what he stands for (no we don't, he morphs it for palatability), then claims no one knows what Rudd stands for (WTF? Rudd has written entire fucking essays about what he stands for).

Please don't fall for this crap. The Libs are a lying sack of shit. Sure all pollies play with the truth. But Howard et al interfere with it in that creepy 'lets keep this our little secret' kind of way.

BTW the allowing rebates against fees for Childcare/Schools. Correct me if I am wrong but when they introduced the rebate did Child Care places then not simply lift their fees well above CPI? How is this then not an inflationary pressure?

(*Like they did with increasing the threshold then had the gall to claim the ALP were following them)

Check out the Libs policy statement on Education RE Labor, evil, nasty Labor

Labor’s ‘education revolution’ is just a slogan, not a plan. And its tax
rebate for parents to cover a small proportion of the cost of a computer
has been described as ‘gesture politics at its most meaningless’.
This ‘revolutionary’ idea does nothing to address the basics of a good
education, it does nothing to support families with the real day to day
costs of schooling and it does nothing to encourage choice. Even if it
does survive Labor’s ‘once we get in, we’ll just change everything’
review of election promises, any money families get will be wiped out
by Labor’s plan to increase broadband costs by upwards of $1200 a
year.

Rudd’s announcement of the computer rebate was a lazy way to
appear modern and interested in education without putting in much
effort or, more importantly, taking on his Labor State and Territory
mates on issues like the patchy priorities and erratic funding decisions
by State and Territory Governments, literacy and numeracy standards
or a sensible national approach to curriculum.

It is a policy that is out of touch with the realities of sending a child to
school.

Millions of Australian families pay fees to independent schools or make
contributions to their local state government schools and yet Labor’s
plan ignores these costs. By doing so, Labor is refusing to support a
parent’s right to choose which school best suits their child’s needs.
Wearing a uniform instills a sense of pride and belonging in children.
Yet again, Labor’s plan ignores these costs. Many children need extra
tuition in core subjects like maths and English or take additional
classes outside of school to develop their abilities in music, dance,
language, sports or a range of other areas. Yet, Labor doesn’t think
these things are important.

It also ignores the realities of buying a computer. When could anyone
buy a laptop for $375? And even if you could, would you buy one
EVERY year? Many Australian families already own home computers,
making Labor’s promises in large measure irrelevant and superficial.
Labor says it will also cover broadband connection but the proposed
rebate will be taken away by higher broadband costs. Labor’s
broadband promises will slug Australian families upwards of $100 per
month or a mammoth $1200 per year.

Nice on the Broadband eh? Because Labor are going in with a policy of making providers charge us an extra $100 a month on broadband? WTF? They have fully pulled that out of their anus and waving it around like a crazy person wields a poo as the attendants try and sedate them.

I love that the state Labor governments, you know the ones elected by us cause the state coalition parties are uniformly dried up husks of ant excrement, are Rudd's mates. How the fuck can Rudd, whose not the Prime Minister, get them to do fuck all? When he gets in he can of course. But he's not in now. Yet the Libs are slamming him for their patchy responses? Seriously get your fucking hands off it people. Oh by the way "Labor will inject $450 million into early childhood education to boost literacy and numeracy in the pre-school years and will introduce a national curriculum in the core subjects of Maths, Science, English, History, Geography and Languages to ensure a high standard of education across the country." - clearly indicates Federal Labor's plan for a national approach. But let's not truth get in the way eh Liberal hacks?

Further to that check out this logic bomb; "It also ignores the realities of buying a computer. When could anyone buy a laptop for $375? And even if you could, would you buy one EVERY year?"

This is the ALP policy;

Labor will provide a new 50 percent Education Tax Refund that will help families meet the cost of educating their children. Up to $375 for each child at primary school and $750 for each child at secondary school will help parents receiving Family Benefit Part A meet the cost of items such as laptops, home computers, internet connections, printers, education software and text books. Labor's Education tax Refund will help 2.3 million Australian children each year.

Um ... anyone see it? One - it's $375 for Primary kids, and $750 for Secondary kids. And two It's up against the full range of activities which includes things like the Internet connection, which for those on broadband (even the non cruelly family hurting Labor enhanced broadband we're apparently paying another $100 a month for if nasty evil union Labor get in) will easily pay anyway. You know; here's a range of stuff the money will apply for. Instead the Libs wank on about "why would you buy one every year?!" when obviously you wouldn't and you'd probably use the money on some of the other things you could use it on. Why do people assume they're better economic managers when they can't even read and apply logic? As for the 'wah $375 won't buy you a laptop, wah!' comment given they chose to use the lower primary school amount for the example when clearly the laptop is likely not meant for primary school kidlets (hence the lower amount they receive) is simply laughable. Because as you know all the year threes have laptops. Holy crap what a bunch of Liberal fucksticks.

Here's a snapshot of the previously released and clearly imitated ALP policy here.

Day seven

Wee, half way.

Today was okay. Hunger pains largely gone only I am now bloated with anal gas. It could be because I've only eaten one (1) of the bars thus far today perhaps. Anyway, so far so good. I got excited about weighing less for the first time in a long time (since typically I am always at the most I have ever weighed). So I kept weighing myself repeatedly yesterday.

This morning however I found I had put on half a kilo in the night. Seriously, WTF? Was I sleep eating? I don't think so. Is this a metabolism thing? Inquiring minds want to know.

Sheehan goodness

Today Sheehan was in rare form, once again into the breech dear friends to fill it with Liberal party talking points.

See here.

Here's the view from Sheehan

This is uncharted territory. Nine Labor governments out of nine. Nine governments able to cross-fertilise each other's power base, exercising complete control over appointments to the judiciary and the senior bureaucracy. Nine Labor governments with big debts to the unions that underpin their finances. It could change Australia's political culture for a generation.

Nice one Paul. Must be nice to have the Libs do the thinking for you. Complete control! Because you see they will all be in cahoots - nasty, evil Labor it is. Scheming it is. My precious.

Rising interest rates have been offset by income tax cuts from the Federal Government. Housing prices have been rising in most areas, which means the net wealth of home buyers has been rising. Reserve Bank statistics show no meaningful mortgage delinquency. There is no crisis.

No crisis eh? So the fact it takes 100k to buy an average house, therefore locking out those who don't have that kind of cash, and the fact it takes seven years salary to pay it off Vs five years isn't a crisis eh? All those people pushed over the edge by each rate rise ... not a crisis?

Fucking hell he's a nob.

There is the other manufactured "crisis" that has been helped along by government missteps. The unions have financed a campaign against the Work Choices legislation built on a series of scares presented by actors masquerading as victims. In contrast, since Work Choices became law, work creation has boomed. Last Thursday's employment figures showed the economy at the highest rate of employment and job-creation in a generation.

The Prime Minister made one of the great mistakes of his career by investing so much political capital in Kevin Andrews, who oversaw sweeping labour market reforms via Work Choices, reforms that have stimulated job growth and job creation, as intended, but have also been overly ambitious, overly cumbersome and very much a work in progress. The Government needs to address this reality or die.

Labor's confection of a sense of crisis, in the midst of real-world growth and prosperity, is thus based on some real-world stress, much of it self-inflicted by a consumer-driven culture, plus a great deal of hot air and false hope.

Yes, how dare those evil unions campaign against fundamentally unfair laws that strike at the fucking heart of collective bargaining for conditions and pay. Poor Sheehan, I wonder if he was molested by a union leader at some point. It would explain his devoid of logic dribble that he coughs up here. "Actors" he cries. "Evil actors pretending to be normal people". So ... the government didn't use actors did it Paul in their ads? Unions can't use actors eh? They can't draw on real life elements to present their case via actors eh? Damn you unions, damn you and your actor usage! Only the great Liberal government can use actors, at $6000 per day, with employers forcing actual workers in those ads to do overtime to appear as extras in said commercials.

There is, however, a real schism, a real issue that divides the Government and the Opposition - the restoration of union power.

That is what the election on November 24 is really about. Under a Labor government, the deputy prime minister and minister for industrial relations would be a hard-left union ideologue and labour lawyer, Julia Gillard. The attorney-general would be Senator Joe Ludwig, who, in the great tradition of the Labor patronage machine, is the son of a Queensland Labor powerbroker, Bill Ludwig, the national president of the Australian Workers Union. Leaders of the machine would dominate the ministry.

Nooooooooooo, the unions. The organisations of workers who collectively bargain for conditions of service and pay are coming! They will dismantle the greatest economy ever made in the history of ever and it was all John Howard and his ability not to be unionist that did it!

Evil nasty unions they is. Obviously the corollary of 'former union official = business raped over the desk' is true! Because Paul Sheehan says so.

Stick to spruiking your magic water mate. Because your journalism is nothing more than Today Tonight in print.

UPDATE: Sheehan links the WorkChoices legislation to the growth in employment. Funny how his precious Lib buddies won't release the requisite stats to prove that's the case. Funny how academics have proved that the most vulnerable in the workplace have had their conditions pared back under WorkCChoices. Why does the SMH employ this man?

Four Corners

I don't know where they found Mr Security Guard & partner but talk about a pair of ill informed voters. "Rudd's taking money from private schools" (No). "He's no longer going to sign Kyoto" (No).

For a pair that was concerned with their low standing on the economic ladder I did wonder why the fuel hungry four wheel drive and private school fees for their kid. But then I am not them and who am I to know what their decisions were based on. Maybe those twin pressures are important to them. Anyway, it was annoying.

Carpet Court Jester's appearance at teen party "awkward"

The Carpet Court Jester, noted iconic ad brand mechanism for the Carpet Court chain of carpet warehouses, made an appearance at local teen Jessica Able's party on Saturday, much to the disconcertment of the attendees.

'Like, what is he like doing here, like?' said friend Andrea upon seeing the man in his early 30's strumming his lute jauntily at two girls bailed up in the corner.

'Like I know he's on like TV like but this like, this is like totally lame.'

'Like like,' she added.

The Jester, who told the kids to call him 'Jest' said that he'd learned of the party after cruising 'My Space' and decided to head there after a late night shoot where he'd been rolled up in a carpet then cascaded across a warehouse floor to stagger to his feet to announce super savings in his dry laconic David Hughes ripped off voice.

'We got the idea from Cleopatra,' said 'Jest' to Heather, one of the trapped girls, adding 'you're prettier than her' then reaching out and stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.

'Like I nearly like fully actually did like throw up in my mouth when like he did that,' said the 15 year old Heather, manfully downing her fifth vodka cruiser in like twenty minutes to get rid of the taste following the incident.

'Like we fully like could not get rid of him,' said hostess Able. 'We like had no interest in the physical comedy stylings he's adopted in his character, nor were we interested in like rugs or whatever. In the end like told him like that we really wanted a hall runner super really bad so we could like wrestle on it and like his eyes went all shiny and he like said he'd be back in 10 minutes and raced off. And like we hid like and turned all the lights off and stuff and like when he came back like we didn't answer the door and he fully got annoyed and like left.'

Heather was later taken to casualty to get like her stomach pumped like claiming like someone must have like spiked like one of the 15 lolly alcohol drinks she'd consumed in the three hours of the party.

The Late Shift

I am watching it for the first time. It's pretty funny. Wish they'd give the laugh track the heave ho though. Hardly anyone uses it now days. We've all grown up. It's not Are You Being Served My Pussy's Been Left Out All Night anymore.

UPDATE: The Rudd impression is spot on.

Hands up who remembers the Libs IR plans from the last election

Nick Minchin seems to think they had a mandate. See here.

I don't.

And if they did make all these plans why did they hire all those legal firms to draft the laws?

Day 6 - midmatch review

So far today I've just had the cappuccino Optifast shake. I feel fantastic. I think maybe my stomach has shrunk or something. I certainly feel a lot more energetic.

Also,I can wipe my arse more easily. So that's an added bonus.

Insiders

Akerman's on. Sigh.

Should be interesting since David Marr is on as well and Akerman frequently labels the homosexual Marr the 'Queen of Fairfax' - ho, ho - the wit!

So moronic racing types are wanking on about Howard has form and Rudd doesn't. Yes, they're horses you fucksticks.

They're still going with the racing analogies. Far out. Where do they find these people?

Here Akerman goes! Efficient wore away the leader in the Melbourne cup so ergo John Howard will win. Hooray!

Marr: No one is really giving a shit about the campaign. Nothing much is happening.

Akerman: Mark Latham's back, weeeee !

Some woman: ?

Akerman: The RBA agree with John Howard because they said the cost of labour was an issue; Labor stand for higher wages, ergo they are evil and need to be killed like a nest of bull ants - quick get the can of petrol.

Marr: What about wage restraint for the high end of the market - eg chairman of Telstra.

Oh gawd, now they're throwing to the animated corpse of the commentariat Paul Kelly. Fucking hell hit the snooze alarm. He's faffing on in his slow and considered manner where he tries to make the interest rise a positive for the government. Actually I take that back. He seems to be a tad balanced this time.

Here comes Akerman: You have to say the IR changes by the ALP will result in lower employment.

The others: No.

Akerman: 98% of jobs created under WC are full time (no they're not you lying sack of crap).

Woman: Fairness test is suckful. Therefore AWA take up will be less.

Akerman: But 25k of the rejected apps for the Fairness test were cause they didn't get submitted in time!

Me: Dickhead

Woman: Howard's fannying about on sorry was like 'I'm sorry your dog died Vs I'm sorry I ran over your dog. Thing is they promised they'd keep rates low now they are trying to say it's not their fault they went up.

Marr: Howard's aboriginal apology apt to this situation. Howard looks shifty and insincere.

Akerman: Wanking on about how we shouldn't be collectively sorry for fucking on Aboriginals. Now he's on about the Keating interest rates again (don't forget that people!)

Woman's name is Lenore Trenore of the AFR.

(Missed a bit cause I am playing Warlords)

Showing Howard lying on TV last week.

Barry: Superior Vs Inexperienced then is Howard's argument.

Akerman: It's great!

Marr: Rudd/ALP are polished.

Akerman: It's all spin! Where's the substance?! (where was Akerman on the Lib policies of the last 11 years?) Akerman thinks they won't be around to benefit from the education revolution. He's right. It's a generational change.

Lenore: Going for growth!? What a stupid slogan.

Barry looks at the winging wendy ad equivalent for today. Then the single seat targetted 15 second ads for the Libs that have no mention of Howard/Costello.

Akerman: All politics is local! (unless its the ALP).

Lenore: The Libs are campaigning on state/local issues that they have no influence on (eg hoons/vandals).

Now they're showing a YT ad of Howard pushing a disabled boy around in his wheelchair. Hilarious.

Akerman: There's more polar bears than you can shake a stick at ... (WTF?)

Mentioning the Latham thing. Akerman called him "Mark". Akerman is going on that there is no health or housing crisis (WTF? - try buying a house you turd). Akerman thinks most people under mortgage stress have second homes. Marr: tell that to someone who is under pressure. Akerman: Not that many people affected by the rise. Lenore: Agree that they will be risk adverse? Akerman: I remember Latham's diaries and here's all the crap he said against Labor. Weeee - see how I bought that up? I rawk.

Mention of debates between ministers and their shadows. Turnbull claims he's never had to compromise on his positions (ha! Gunns anyone, Kyoto?)

Lenore just kicked the shit out of Akerman on Climate Change; ie its important we get the best deal possible out of future trading/emissions but we can't take our bat and ball and go home if we don't get our way.

Now they're showing the Rudd / Chinese interview and Downers petulant response that he's a show off.

Final observations.

Lenore: How can you promise billions and crimp inflation

Marr: What about AWB? Where's that in this election?

Akerman: Some note from an oldiers home where Maxine McKew's mornos got canceled for lack of interest. No observation, just that. I wonder if Akerman afterwards spits it out or swallows it?

Day five

Being at home makes it harder - though luckily there's not that much in the house. Fortunately theWife discovered new milkshake flavours, strawb & coffee, so I've had two strawbs thus far. Nice. I'd drink it normally - maybe. I did semi-falter in that I had a coffee (using equal as the sweetener) with a dash of milk. And I had a wethers lolly. But by and large I have stuck to it.

The hunger pains get so bad it's like I swallowed pins. I don't know how other people succeed on this stuff. I guess the idea that I could die on the table if I don't do this helps the motivation.

Anyway, nine days to go. Single figures!

Hooray...

UPDATE: This is for Sonata; Today I saw a car load of clowns - in a Sonata - cruising past a preschool with a net ...

Advantages of holding a baby

When you fart you can say 'Oh dear Mr (insert baby's name). You did a fluffy!'

Worked beautifully on the real estate agent today as I was squeezing them out surreptitiously in the manner of someone dropping a cuff load of dirt in the yard from their escape tunnel.

Torturing people is unchristian

It's odd you have to spell it out isn't it? Yet Bush and his fucked in the head posse of anal polyps have managed to tarnish one of the great bastions of freedom, the US, as being akin to some tin pot dictatorship where mirror shade clad generals watch their counter insurgency troops troop past on parade.

Yep, they started torturing people. Dress it up how you like, enhanced interrogation etc, it's torture as any normal person would understand it. I do however especially like when Bush admin hectors 'We do not torture' when they most clearly do use techniques that are torture and, get this, when they want to use the techniques that even a right wing toe rag would concede is torture, they ship them to another country who will use said methods.

Great stuff.

This article muses on the ethics of torture. It is especially good since it lists all the reasons why torturing suspects is counter productive. Here's the relevant bit snipped.

There are numerous reasons why torture is wrong.

• Torture is a violation of U.S. and international law.

• If we torture, we cannot object to the torturing of our solders and agents. This is why the U.S. military opposes torture. Senator John McCain, a victim of Vietnamese torture, speaks eloquently to this point.

• Although movies and novels can create artificial scenarios where information is needed in minutes in order to avoid catastrophes, in fact these situations rarely if ever arise in real life. It would require 1) an immediately impending catastrophe, 2) a captive, 3) who actually has information, 4) that could be used to stop the catastrophe, 5) who will give accurate and timely information under torture, and 6) we are capable to putting into action a response in time to avert the disaster. The stars are rarely so aligned except on TV programs like "24."

• The experts who have studied the question find that torture does not work. Information given under torture may in fact be false. People who know nothing will admit to anything and give false information to stop the pain. People who know something can lie. Other interrogation techniques provide better information both quantitatively and qualitatively.

• The work of torture attracts sadists who are more interested in torturing than in getting information. These people cannot be controlled, and we cannot trust their judgments about what is appropriate. And a decent person who engages in torture soon becomes degraded by the experience. Is this a line of work you would recommend to your son or daughter? As John Paul II said, “the dignity of man is as much debased in his torturer as in the torturer’s victim.”

• The history of Christian and Islamic martyrs shows that people can resist and that they become heroes to their communities when they are killed.

• Torture was wrong when done by the Romans, by the Inquisition, by Queen Elizabeth, by Hitler, by Stalin and by Mao. This is not the company we wish to keep.

The amazing things is that on point three, the 24 fantasy, the leading Republican presidential contenders in debates, save one, screamed about how 'yep, I'd do anything, ANYTHING' it took to get info out of a suspect. The one exception being McCain who unlike the fuckwards who are sending out a bat signal for Jack Bauer, was actually brutally tortured for the five years he was held to the point he can't actually lift one of arms higher than his shoulder.

Bush and Cheney have sullied their country and easily made a mockery of the former US leadership on human rights. They should be impeached. Perhaps one day they will be.

Bush now as disliked as Nixon was just before Nixon resigned

Funny that. People thinking he's a schnork. Perhaps the righty cabal has ended? I doubt it - after all the right have an entire TV channel to watch along with AM radio, who bleat on about the lefties being responsible for 'insert issue here'.

Day four

Sucked too. Hooray day four! The big wig office had one of their lavish mornos today too. To avoid disappointment I hid back at my work station.

I forgot my bar so while out at lunch on errands I popped into the chemist to get one. They had a new flavour - cappuccino! I finally got to eat it about 2.30 pm (first solid food all day). It was delish. Loved every crumb and pathetically licked the wrapper, whimpering as I did so.

But people have been really supportive. I got a nice email from my big bro bod who told me to hang in. And hang in I have thus far. Barely I admit, but hanging in there. Thank god it wasn't three weeks of this - that would have been ants crawling under my skin bad.

I can see why crash diets don't work. Because the memory of this starving yourself would unconsciously and consciously drive you to eat more when you went off it.

"It was the other three, not me"

Ah Rick, your quote is so useful.

Howard took back his sorry, or rather rectified it to mean 'It wasn't my fault but I am sorry it happened'. Which is more akin to his views on the stolen generation.

See here.

Now Howard goes on a merry dance here explaining how inflation rising is not him, it was oil, the drought, and the strong economy. Except...

"We're to blame for the strong economy," he said.

"We accept full responsibility for the strong economy - we're proud of it."

Actually the economy is a reason why inflation went up. Part of it is because there's job pressure for skilled employees. As in where are they? As in there's a shortage of skilled people?

The children in year one in the first year of the Howard government are now in year 12. Why the fuck didn't the Howard government see this coming? Why the fuck did education spending drop?

Here's the relevant para (via Crikey) from the RBA announcement.

During 2007, the pace of growth of demand and output has also increased. There are few signs of that strength diminishing as yet, and reports of high capacity usage and shortages of suitable labour persist. Growth in labour costs has been contained so far, and high levels of investment are adding to productive capacity in some sectors. The rise in the exchange rate will help to contain pressure on prices. But growth in aggregate demand will, nonetheless, need to moderate if inflation is to be kept to 2‑3 per cent in the medium term.

By the way, he's not to blame for the strong economy. He spent a couple of years balancing the books then spent the next few in targetted spending not to boost skills or infrastructure but to boost his chances of staying in office.

Besides, let's not forget all the non economic related stuff he's done. And there's so, so, so much of that to kick him for.

Aw

TheBoy and Oscar help mummy pack our house

Day three

Well it sucked too. But not as bad as yesterday. Today's choices have been the chocolate shake, the berry bar, and the vanilla shake. With a BB planned for 9ish.

Mmmm, looking forward to it.

Right now, if I could eat, I would get ribs and wings from Pizza Hut or a half Chicken and Chips from Red Rooster. Yes, I am dick teasing myself right now. What's the bet I dream of the Veronicas turning up with each of those efforts?

Stoopid starvation diet.

How to have a shit week

Cue music!

1) Go on a starvation diet when previously having loved food as the only true constant you can rely on in your life

2) Be moving house in two weeks and still only by half packed (while being on a starvation diet)

3) Have the car overheat and when you get to the mechanics they say 'that doesn't look good' and then you see coolant is bleeding all over the ground

4) Try and call for a taxi and their fucked up fucking useless fucking queue is three minutes minimum so you end up walking to a taxi rank instead

5) Call the mechanics to find not only is your radiator cactus but so is the head gasket - you know the one you replaced eight months ago new that you managed to blow up because of your fucked radiator

6) Have to be buying another car on the weekend two weeks before you move house

When the mechanic told me the car was effectively dead all I could help but think of was George at the end of the Barber episode being told his car was being towed, and he waving theatrically as the finale occurred.

Unbelievable.

PS I really shouldn't complain. Sure I am on a starvation diet but every night a billion people go hungry not through choice but through circumstance. Still I'm not them and right now I could eat a baby.

PPS Mmmmm baby... the other, other white meat.

Day Two

Yep, it sucked too. TheWife bless her ovened up some mushrooms - that I had as a vegie serve - which is allowed - with a sprinkle of Parmesan - which is prob not. And I still get a milkshake later.

(shakes pom poms sadly)

... yay ...

The suckiest moment was when Cassmalo bought a risotto at the canteen and they added cheese to it. I started slavering and drool ran down my mouth. Cassmalo sent me outside.

So day two, no real faltering. Just 12 to go.

PS Watching 730 Report. Grr, I hate listening to these Liberal fucktards distorting facts.

When slogans attack

The Coalition has been heavily sloganeering this election, and as usual accusing the ALP of self same behaviour. 70% Unions springing to mind.

This the especially good one here.

Go for Growth. Keep growing people!

Anyway, with today's rate rise the PM had to cop a sorry. Yes, I know, amazing he can say it when the people he says it to matter.

However according to SBS...

Mr Howard faced the media in his Brisbane hotel, standing in front of an Australian flag rather than his usual backdrop of the coalition's "go for growth" campaign slogan.

Oh dear. When slogans attack indeed.

Day one recap

Well in a word, or two rather, it sucked. It sucked donkeys. Mmmm donkey. I have this nasty little growl coming from my over large stomach. Right now it's demanding toast. Delicious toast. Toasty delicious goodness. Sweet beautiful honey coated toast. Sunblest Multigrain is my chosen multi-grain bread. And I won't know its sweet taste for many weeks.

Today's effort included two of the berry bars and two of the shakes. You're supposed to have a cup of vegies to balance out the day (and three replacements) but the nutritionist said you can swap the cup out for another replacement - which was my choice.

I've added a list to the side bar (see bottom left) of how I falter on this thing in an attempt to keep me honest.

Last time I tried something like this I think I blew out on day five. Let's hope I can get past here. If I don't the surgeon will simply walk out of the theatre. I shit you not, he's done it before.

I hate starvation diets.

That beastly Rudd is a bally show off

Did you see him accepting the school medal for his acing the Oriental Language's final? He gave an acceptance speech ... in Ching Chong! I can speak bally French, you don't see me going on about it. Heaps of people can speak slanty, I mean there's a billion of them. Far less in fact speak French. Therefore by that rationale I am heaps smarter than him.

Anyway it doesn't matter that he speaks Black Bean Chicken. The proof is in the pudding as they say. Mmmm, pudding.

Gosh he's such a tete merde.

Poor old Howard

The wily old coyote of Australian politics heard that a horse Rudd had picked out had been scratched. Howard's response?

"I think he should have followed the tried and true policy of me-tooism and backed my horse, at least he would still be in the race," said Mr Howard.

Rudd later put $10 on Efficient and also drew it in the Office sweep. It came first.

Howard's horse, Mahler, came third.

Sucked shit.

SMH story here.

The Optifast Chocolate Shake - a review by HM

Don't know how I will make these at work - you really need a blender. Reminds me of the carob solution I drank as a kid when my parents took me off sugar for three years. The chocolate shake isn't bad. Filling. Definite chocolaty taste. However it doesn't help when you open the fridge to get your IBS pill to have with the shake that you both see and smell all the delish left over Thai food from last night waiting there to be eaten, singing its sweet siren song, presumably wearing those puffy directing MC Hammer pants Thai royalty seem to know and enjoy.

Damn you seductive leftovers! Damn you to hell!

When fanatics take to the air waves

You'd think using technology, you know stuff that does not exist in nature and several thousand years of ingenuity has gone into it, would somehow preclude the fuckwit elements from using it to spread ignorance.

But anyone whose watched free to air TV at five in the morning knows its not the case.

Pakistan is going to shit at the moment. Musharef has declared marshal law basically alienating the moderates in one fell swoops as well as emboldening the fanatical fuckwits that bleat on with pre-renaissance Islamic interpretation and go around attacking barbers who offer beard trims.

One such knuckle is exhorting people to rise up via his FM station.

See here.

The rise of Fazlullah speaks volumes about why Pakistan is getting a reputation as one of the world's most volatile countries. Fazlullah, a thirtysomething former madrassa student, became popular as an Islamist shock jock. Using an FM radio station broadcasting across the valley, he railed against Western "evils" such as polio vaccinations - a ploy to render Muslims impotent, he said - and female education.

Then he deployed his Shaheen fighters to the streets of Swat, where they set fire to shops selling Western music and Indian films, thrashed barbers who shaved men's beards, and drilled holes into a 1300-year-old Buddhist carving.

Now half a dozen girls' schools have closed, and a drive sponsored by the World Health Organisation to inoculate 3500 children against polio has been suspended.

Yes, preventing children suffering the life crippling/threatening disease of Polio is a western evil.

Unfortunately the previous thumbs up to the big man on campus the US did in the 80's, where they had backed a previous General (who as irony would have it hanged Bhutto's dad), encouraged the growth of fundamentalists as a means of control of the country. Oh the fundy's were well loved when they were fighting the Soviets across the border, or teaching the refugee kids. But, well now, a pain in the arse.

Fundies using the airwaves unfortunately is as old as airwaves were there to be used. And no, it's not just Muslims. The Rwanda massacres were exacerbated by one evil shit calling for the extermination of cockroaches (being the rival ethnic group), and in the US you have Pat Robertson of the 700 Club who in between discussing recipes for age-defying pancakes, calls for the assassination of world leaders he does not like.

And don't get me started on Fox whose promotion of "values" is nothing but a mask for the neo-liberal rape the earth capitalists who somehow managed to convince America that they stood up for "family" all the while creating economic conditions that destroyed it.

I am all for free speech. But even I baulk at the hate speech of the Jones' of this world, prissy little rich men tub-thumping for their knuckle dragging listeners to go down to the beach to prevent the arrival of brownies.

Grrr. It makes me mad.

Of course I am fantastically intolerant myself but well blogging is different since you're not "broadcast" to millions of listeners and only those that stumble across the blog are going to bother to read it.

That being said there are those blogs like AWH where the knuckle draggers congregate like fuckwits in a bar and gee each other up to say hateful things.

Anyway, fundies and the airwaves. I hate it. At least in Oz people who do say shit like the above can be regulated.

Area cat nonplussed at emergence of parasite

Your last meal

Today was my last day of eating normally. Tomorrow I go on a starvation diet 'cause I am having surgery in a couple of weeks. Because I have a fatty liver, and they will be working in that area, I have to shrink the fucker down. And the only way is to basically drink protein shakes for two weeks.

It will suck and suck hard.

So I had me a Last meal.

It was Thai take away (Green Chicken Curry, Ginger Beef, Spring Rolls, Pad Thai, and Satay Sticks) with French Cheese Cake for dessert. Naturally it was enjoyed along with a can of Diet Coke.

Even after surgery it will be some time before I can eat normally again. So this meal, or its memory, will have to be savoured. I'm certainly revisiting it through power burps, though the IBS Fairy has arrived and as we speak is jabbin' me intestines with its fury.

'Tee hee take that ye great big fattie. Potato'.

Yes, for some reason I think of it as that evil Leprechaun from those schlock movies.

Anyhoo, the Last Meal. If you could choose then what would it be?

Get your hand off it ACT Chamber of Commerce

The ACT Chamber of Commerce, AKA adjunct arm of the ACT Liberal Party (in my opinion), is playing fast and furious on the pink oboe over the ACT's making Melbourne Cup Day a public hol.

Here's why it's a wank.

1) We have less public holidays than other states/territories
2) We used to have a picnic day for some workers but Work Choices took that away.
3) No one actually works much on Melbourne Cup Day.

Take my work. We have a pissy champagne chicken lunch starting at 11, with people organising sweeps etc. The lunch lasts three hours, with a short break, then the race is on. After the race those who won get their winnings and an arvo tea is had. People then judge whether it is safe for them to drive home and/or catch the bus. Day is over.

Sure, businesses that supply stuff like catering and cakes might miss out, and the retail workers etc that would be working anyway still work. But is their heart in it? No.

So we get a holiday. And you can stick your wanky complaint right in your bottom.

Australians demand the Veronicas just do it already

'The Veronicas should stop beating around the bush and just have sex,' according to Clinton Funt of the Australian Organisation for the Prevention of Groinal Cruelty, or AOPGC, set up to out performers and other stars who constantly tease the general public with their sexuality but fail to actually come up with the goods.

'These sexy sisters have been coquettishly promising girl on girl sibling action ever since they started performing. Including gazing into each other's eyes within kiss distance, and a music video where they were engaged in inner-pool shenanigans,' added Mr Funt.

The Veronicas have been called on to not only 'Get a Room' but one equipped with the latest digital recording technology so their l3sbian antics can be recorded for future posterity.

'Enough is enough,' said Mr Funt. 'It's time they put their lower lips where their mouths are.'

Sheehan: WorkChoices is awesome and anyone who says it isn't is a dirty liar

Paul Sheehan, guarranteed like so, so many righty commentators in Oz, to come down on the side of the coalition.

Here's today's effort here.

Paul "waxes" long and hard about the poor dispossessed Kelly Hoare who got rolled for her safe seat by Combet, Sheehan sternly noting how somewhat had leaked a drunken come on to a security guard to the press. Then only later in the article does he mention how Hoare had benefited greatly from the party system because she's effectively inherited the seat from the previous member, her father. Alas she was a non performer and she went. For a man whose almost fanatically pro-work choices I find it odd that Sheehan demands in job protection for her.

I will stand by for Sheehan's accounts of how Liberal staffers got safe seats in previous elections.

Then we have this;

As for Work Choices, Combet was back in the thick of the action over the past year with an ACTU-funded, national TV scare campaign of fearmongering, distortion and spin-doctoring. He was rewarded with Hoare's seat.

In the real world, Work Choices does need work. This reality needs to be addressed by the Government in the final weeks of the campaign. (What on earth was Howard thinking when he entrusted carriage of this legislation and its message to Kevin "The Undertaker" Andrews?) But Work Choices also means work creation, because the previous laws were too rigidly stacked against employers, especially in small business. There is a middle way.

In the real world Work Choices works does it?

Let's see ... if it worked why the Fairness test? If it worked why wasn't the government able to refute every single one of the ads put out by the unions? If it worked why does the government not release all the stats on Work Choices implementation? Why does the government rely on dated stats to prove its case? If it works why are only 5% of workers on AWAs with the bulk of those low or semi skilled workers, or part time women whose take home pay has been greatly reduced?

Why don't you fuck off to Liberal HQ with 10 gallons of Magic Water Sheehan and stop polluting the landscape with your partisan bullshit dressed up as Journalism?

UPDATE: Another point. If Work Choices is so grand and so productive for the Australian economy and Australians - as long as they are willing to take effective paycuts to enable their battler unemployed mates into the workforce apparently, why didn't Sheehan's good mates in the Liberal party take it to the Australian people in the 2004 election?

I will believe it when it happens

US may give rights to Guantanamo suspects

Reputation

When journalists report information that puts Labor in a bad light = good.

And if it puts the Libs in a bad light then bad.

Oh I didn't realise the smh had made this exact same point

UPDATE: Sorry should have prefaced this with "according to the Libs..."

And the winner is ...

... the balls turning up a week late to the party post.

Shrek promises to resign if more WorkChoices goodness happens

Joe Hockey has claimed he was resign 'as a minister' if substantial changes occur to WorkChoices in the next term - see here.

The last Minister to resign in the Howard government was Campbell because he met Brian Burke as part of an official party in his capacity as minister with Burke having little or no interaction.

Hmmm, what does this remind me of?

Oh that's it, Tony Abbott's rock solid iron clad guarantee they would not change the safety net thresholds on out of pocket medical expenses.

Which they did. And at the time Abbott made the guarantee... he already knew there was a cost blow out.

Here's my question. Howard gets in. There's a reshuffle. Hockey is now the Minister for Sport etc. WorkChoices is substantially amended because of some minor OS crisis that enables Howard to make a move. Does Hockey resign?

I'd say not.

PS Of course how do you define "substantial"?

Waterboarding used to be a crime

From the Wash Post - here

Sometimes, though, the questions we face about detainees and interrogation get more specific. One such set of questions relates to "waterboarding."

That term is used to describe several interrogation techniques. The victim may be immersed in water, have water forced into the nose and mouth, or have water poured onto material placed over the face so that the liquid is inhaled or swallowed. The media usually characterize the practice as "simulated drowning." That's incorrect. To be effective, waterboarding is usually real drowning that simulates death. That is, the victim experiences the sensations of drowning: struggle, panic, breath-holding, swallowing, vomiting, taking water into the lungs and, eventually, the same feeling of not being able to breathe that one experiences after being punched in the gut. The main difference is that the drowning process is halted. According to those who have studied waterboarding's effects, it can cause severe psychological trauma, such as panic attacks, for years.

The article goes on to note that Japanese soldiers were found guilty of war crimes for using this technique and indeed in Mainland US in the 80's there was a Sheriff who got 10 years jail for inflicting it on a prisoner.

It just boggles the mind at how moronic the Bush administration is that they do this, declare it's not torture, then get indignant when people point out how clearly it is.

Kancer Kids write letter of support to Abbott

Dear Mr Abbott,

Our names are Beckie and Jeremiah Phol. We have multiple cancers and are at death's door. We hear you had a bad week last week. We think it's unfair. You're a great health minister. Placing your religious convictions ahead of scientific fact or reasoning is of course the right thing to do. And who cares about 650,000 health card holders who need dentistry? It's their fault for being poor and not brushing. And we think you were 100% right to have a federal take over of a single public hospital in a marginal seat even though the Tasmanian health authorities and AMA said running two hospitals 50 kays from each other was a duplication of resources and that one of them should be closed in order to relieve staffing pressures. They're just a bunch of cousin marrying whiners.

As for that communist you rightly declared was a nasty partisan person for daring to raise the issue of medications for life threatening conditions, honestly what a nasty pasty. He should be spending his final days like us writing letters on behalf of the Liberal party and talking about how great they are instead of colluding with reds who want to federalise our hospitals. Grrr. It makes us so angry.

And we also think you were right to yell at that Trotsky after the debate. How dare she be mad at you for scheduling a health launch in Melbourne then flying to Canberra for your only debate of the entire election? It's not your fault Mr Howard is SO popular that he took an extra half hour to start the launch because he was too busy talking about evil union bosses who want to send us to salt mines.

Chin up Mr Abbott. We think you're super terrific. Please excuse the blood we coughed up on to the letter as we wrote this.

Yours,

The Kancer Kids

Uh-oh

It seems Kevin Andrews' goodness in cancelling Haneef's visa has had a slight downside.

Overseas doctors may not want to come here.

It seems the Doctor's orgs that recommend to their members the cool places to go doctoring think Oz might be a tad on the dodgy side what with Andrews' politically motivated actions RE Haneef's visa.

Whoops! If Labor do get in I really, really, really hope there is an inquiry. Fucking hell one is needed. Actually let's have inquiries into everything the Libs did in the past 11 years.

What's the bet it's like turning on the light in a dirty kitchen...

Balls turn up at house one week after party

Flynn, ACT; Two man sized testicles armed with wine boxes turned up at a house exactly one week after a party held at the residence.

The balls, clearly inebriated, were unable to articulate the reason for their presence due to lacking a mouth or other speech organs. However the party hat on the left ball indicated its festive gathering seeking, with the house's occupants surmising therefore that the balls had been invited to the previous party but got the date wrong.

After much gesticulation at the testicles the balls got the hint there was no party at the house and left.

Later the shriveled balloons that had indicated the party locale the week before, broke free of the letter box where they had been tied and drifted into a bush. This event prevented a subsequent car load of other balls from likewise making the same mistake.

More Sonata Goodness

Did you know that unprotected intercourse with a Hyundai Sonata dramatically increases your chances of contracting H*I*V ?

Okay Sonata, let's see you nick this.

28 weeks later - a short review from HM

Scared the shit out of me. Kudos.

Price V Garrett

As we know the mother of all beat ups has occurred when famously intolerant, and likely Liberal spruiker Steve Price, ran breathlessly to his mic to say how Peter Garrett told him everything the Labor party was doing now was a big fat lie and really once they were in it was gulags and nationalised farms for everyone etc.

You can read the tale here.

The article notes Costello was particularly happy;

Treasurer Peter Costello said: "This is the key that unlocks what has been going on in this election campaign … These are the words that are going to haunt this campaign from now on."

Mr Costello said every time the Government announced a policy, Mr Rudd said "me too" — although everyone knew these were not Labor policies. Now Mr Garrett had revealed that "Labor has no intention of actually implementing these things". "The Kevin Rudd 'me too' policy is a pretence."

No wonder, given his brother had recently given the ALP's foreign aid plan his seal of approval.

Anyway, to the action. Australia's most carefully coiffed man, Richard Wilkins, who as irony would have it was present at the encounter with Australia's baldest man Garrett, said it clearly was a short jocular conversation of little import.

So why did Steve Price, who famously was fooled by John Saffran into believing there was an eccie epidemic when a ring in gave the shock jock paracetamol, beat it up so, so much?

Wouldn't have anything to do with the fact Price's wife is ministerial advisor to Joe Hockey would it? Which apparently Price didn't mention in his breathless 'run the unions are coming' expose.

Oh, on a happy note Steve Price is a convicted drink driver who was recently more than happy to front a story on street hoons and his disgust for them on A Current Affair but failed to mention his conviction on the show despite this overt conflict of interest.

So it seems Mr Price has a reputation for failing to declare things where conflict of interest arises...

Curb Goodness

Aw that sucks

Peter Andren died today from cancer.

Andren was a rare politician - almost an anti politician - who as the independent for Calare tried, sometimes in vain, sometimes with success, to make party politicians act better. He spoke up for those that had few speaking for them.

He was one of those that make other people's burdens lighter. And there's not that many of them.

UPDATE: Link fixed, thanks MB

An unworthy comment even by HM's standards

At work I read that Heather Mills, former Linda McCartney 1.9, had become suicidal since her break up with the creepiest aging man of rock. See here for the updated story on it.

Anyway, before I had known it I had blurted out to those around me that 'well hanging's out because how the hell is she going to hop up on a chair?"

I am a bad man.

Area man has a sook

We have bi-weekly meetings. As in every two weeks, not the twice a week bi. If you have a birthday within a two week period, plus or minus a week either side it gets celebrated at the meeting.

This week I had my birthday.

On the morning of the bi-weekly meeting I did not have breakfast. For I was to eat cake my friends, and did not want to spoil my appetite. And yea did I hold off from buying my green lidded Dare iced coffee until just before the meeting, so I could have it with my cake. And it would be good.

The meeting came. Morning tea is provided on a rotational basis. A fruit platter arrived. Good I thought, a palette cleanser to have post cake. Then some chilli cream cheese thing. Then ...

... fucking shit all cake. There was no cake. No cake for HM. I was cakeless.

My bottom lip quivered slightly but years of dealing with crap like this kept my jolly facade intact. Later I bitched to my co-worker - who had not been at the meeting - and he nodded in sympathy.

The next day he bought in a cake and forced the team members to have the fucking cake with me - pity cake (but I was grateful he did anyway). There was false jolliness as it was eaten.

Left: Artist's impression of a disappointed HM having returned to his workstation contemplating the lack of birthday cake for his person.

I feel like such a twat for having gotten excited by cake then let down for lack of cake. Of course it's not actually the cake that mattered, just thinking people would think enough of me that I would get the same level of treatment of other people within the area and get a fucking cake at the fucking meeting.

As irony would have it the people to cake ratio was too high for me to provide the leftover cake to the section the previous week who'd invited me to have cake with them, forcing me to surreptitiously email two people I like in another section to come have covert cake at a time of their choosing.

Cake expectations suck. Never expect cake and you will not be disappointed. That way if you do get cake it will be a nice surprise.

About seven years ago I was in another section where we had a Secret Santa. You bought a present, stuck it in the sack, and withdrew one. Only those who put in, took out. I was the sack holder.

Naturally I went last. When I reached in there was no present. Some chunt who had not put in had taken out. Needless to say I was miffed. I bitched to a supervisor later and he too bought me a pity present.

I guess the moral of these twin stories of expected gift woe is this. If you don't receive your due - have a whiny bitch and you may get a pity present. Of course people will now see you as a whiny bitch.

But hey ... a whiny bitch with a pity present!

I think there's something in that for all of us.

Legohead, the cops, and Mr Haneef

The world's worst Christian wannabe, Legohead, aka Kevin Andrews, has now been sprung having his staff involving in cooking up a plan with some feds (not the feds because its reasonable to assume given Keelty's remarks he knew nothing of this) to have the Minister yank Haneef's visa if he made bail.

Because you see it's important the executive gets two bites at the bail denying cheery, no matter what those unelected judges of the judiciary think (despite the fact A) the police are not elected and B) judges are chosen by elected officials).

Anyway see Sarah/Gam's blog here, which has a link to the Oz's article.

Once again the journalists of the journalist arm of the Oz, ie the ones that do their job, have pulled the rug out from under the non journalists, the ones whose job it is to re-elect the government and do no actual journalistic work of worth and integrity.

Fucking hell this country is a mess. Please vote Andrews to the curb. He has sullied what little shred of decency the Howard cabinet had left.

UPDATE: The view from Greg Barns in today's Crikey

Barns: Oh, what a mess for Keelty and Andrews
Greg Barns writes:

Sometimes when one is trying to get a client bail, the prosecutors will tell you that even if your client gets bail, the Immigration Minister will cancel their visa and have them deported. There can be no complaint about that - the prosecutors are doing their job and informing you, so you and your client can make a decision on whether or not to continue to apply for bail.

But that is not what appears to have happened in the case of Gold Coast doctor Mohammed Haneef. As Hedley Thomas reveals with the publication of an email from AFP officer David Craig in this morning’s Australian, on the day (Saturday, 14 July) that the DPP and Dr Haneef’s lawyers were arguing the toss over whether or not bail should be granted in this case, the AFP was working on a plan for "containing Dr Haneef and detaining him under the Migration Act if it is the case he is granted bail on Monday". We all know what happened – bail was granted on Monday 16 July by Magistrate Jacqui Payne and Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews then held his infamous media conference to announce he was cancelling Dr Haneef’s visa.

This email raises a series of questions which must be answered.

Firstly, did Mr Prendergast, a senor AFP officer, brief his Commissioner Mick Keelty on the plan to detain Dr Haneef if the bail application was successful?

Secondly, did the DPP’s lawyers know of the plan when they were arguing against bail being granted on Saturday 14 July, and if they did, why didn’t they tell Dr Haneef’s lawyers?

Thirdly, is Mr Andrews’ statement today that he knew nothing of the plan credible given that he is the Minister for Immigration and there would be no point putting a plan to detain Dr Haneef in place without knowing that the Minister, the only one who could approve such a detention, was going to play ball?

Finally, how credible is Mick Keelty’s claim to The Bulletin a fortnight ago that he told the DPP that there wasn’t enough evidence to charge Haneef when his own officers are hatching a plan to use the Migration Act to detain Haneef if he got bail?

Oh what a mess for Mick Keelty and Kevin Andrews – one of their own doing it seems.

The evil I saw

The other night, a cold and rainy night, I saw a Hyundai Sonata raping a basket load of puppies. Seriously, I could not believe it. The car would pick up a puppy, rape the shit out of it, usually splitting the puppy in two, then discard the soggy oil spunked halves into a discarded cardboard box.

Right Sonata blog. Let's see if you steal this post.

Left: The puppies raped by the Hyundai Sonata. The white one in particular squealed like the little bitch it is ... or should I say was.

PS Sonata blog previously linked to this blog from here, here, and here.

Confession

Roger Moore is my favourite James Bond. I've denied it for years and I can do so no longer.

Howard's BJ and the bear moment

From this week's Chaser via Youtube

Oh Rummy

Donald Rumsfeld, gone but not forgotten. Well how could we given his "legacy" to the world.

According to the Wash post new docs have come to light on what Rummy thought and presumably wrote at his infamous standing desk that he used to justify stress positions on prisoners.

See here.

Below is the article intro;

In a series of internal musings and memos to his staff, then-Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld argued that Muslims avoid "physical labor" and wrote of the need to "keep elevating the threat," "link Iraq to Iran" and develop "bumper sticker statements" to rally public support for an increasingly unpopular war. The memos, often referred to as "snowflakes," shed light on Rumsfeld's brusque management style and on his efforts to address key challenges during his tenure as Pentagon chief. Spanning from 2002 to shortly after his resignation following the 2006 congressional elections, a sampling of his trademark missives obtained yesterday reveals a defense secretary disdainful of media criticism and driven to reshape public opinion of the Iraq war... (click here to continue)

What an awesome human being. And, here he is meeting another awesome human being to whom he was trying to sell weapons back in the 80's

Yee-haw

In the US recently courts have stopped executions. No, not because they're morally and logically wrong, but because to "euthanise" prisoners is to potentially torture them because the method they have chosen can cause extreme pain if a prisoner is still conscious (because the paralytic chemicals used to stop the heart to cause death is extremely painful if awake to endure it).

Check out this sad and sorry situation here, which also details the sheer inhumanity of the Texan legal system where it deliberately executes a legally retarded man.

Hey it's not just Texas. Bill Clinton authorised a retarded man to be executed too to show he was tough on crime ... and presumably the retarded (I hope he regrets it but well to be from the South and anti-death penalty is probably to say "don't elect me").

Here's the funny thing. Doctors euthanise patients all the time. They overload them with painkillers, sending them into a deep sleep and eventually they pass on. Not torture at all and indeed is often performed to end those in extreme suffering.

But guess what? That can take hours. Which alas extends the suffering of the victim's family, the prisoner's family, and the witnesses sitting behind the glass watching the prisoner die in order to gain closure.

Won't someone please think of those who have to watch?!

So if they do use the much slower an overtly far more human method what they should do is stock the room with board games. Maybe an X box? Even a table tennis table. Sure the prisoner still takes hours to die, but he's not in pain, and those watching aren't bored. Everyone wins!

Except of course the person being executed.

The death penalty is moronic. And the people that firmly believe it is both a deterrent and/or is justly applied are moronic.

And please pro death penalty people. Don't bother trying your "logic" on me. I've hashed this topic to death elsewhere on this blog. If you must do a search and comment there.

Um ...

This is a bit "Carry On" but check out the placement of 'Pro Growth', Howard's eye line, and the position of his hands... then re-read the slogan at the bottom...

SMH makes HM happy

PM still trailing

November 2, 2007

As the federal election campaign reaches the half-way mark, John Howard has failed to claw back Labor's massive lead in the opinion polls, according to the latest Herald/Nielsen poll to be published in tomorrow's Sydney Morning Herald.

In two-party terms Labor's lead rose one point to 55 per cent while the Coalition's stocks fell one point to 45 per cent. It suggests if the election was held now, Kevin Rudd would easily become prime minister.

The election is on November 24.

Leans back, smokes cigarette, inhales deeply.

Ad man explains campaign strategy

Ad man: Hey dude, please to meet you. Slip me some, baby.

Howard: Huh? Oh, um pleased to meet you.

Ad man: Groovy baby.

Howard: Er um yes er I believe er (shakes fist like he's about to paper scissors rock) you have um er some advertising to show me?

Ad man: That's why you're here baby. We have a winning strategy for you.

Howard: Oh good, because er all those lies I've been telling for years are starting to get noticed and I'm not er um comfortable.

Ad man: Don't fret baby, your problem is solved.

Howard: Um what is?

Ad man: Er ... your ad strategy ...

Howard: Oh, I just thought we were going to tell more lies. I have er a list. Um 'Interest rates were thrown overboard and they er are not the kind of people we want in this country.'

Ad man: Um ...

Howard (shakes fist in paper scissors rock formation): And er I'd do this on the lectern. Then we'd run full page newspaper ads of me looking strong.

Ad man: O... kay. Anyway H baby, the ad campaign.

Howard: Huh? Oh right.

Ad man: Well baby it's like this. Labor are bad yes?

Howard: Well mostly. Except for all their economic reforms from the previous government I fully agreed with. Which you see means I did them myself.

Ad man: Right ... well. They're the bad guys right.

Howard: Who are?

Ad man: The ALP.

Howard (looks around frantically): Where?! Is it Latham? ... He ... hurt me.

Ad man: ???

Howard: Um er yes. The bad guys.

Ad man: And you're the good guys.

Howard (chuckles): Well yes, unless of course you're a minority, blue collar or semi skilled worker, worker forced on an AWA, you're trying to get a degree or buy a house. Plus a whole host of losers I haven't talked about such as refugees.

Ad man: Um .. quite. So we're dealing with emotion here obviously, not logic.

Howard: Logic! Logic defeats lies. That's why I'm in so much trouble.

Ad man: Yeppers. So, it's simple. When we tell your lies - actually that's not true. Facts without context. Technically factual, but used out of context or distorted in an attempt to justify something without basis.

Howard: Like er up 70% former Unionists = bad government.

Ad man: Exactly.

Howard: So um how are you going to help that?

Ad man: Colours baby. Every time we run your negative ads, which let's face it are mostly negative, we have the ALP with a black background. We use some yellows and reds. People think evil, blood, and pus.

Howard: I love it! Plus the red stands for communist. The irony being of course my anti-union rhetoric is lifted almost verbatim from my hero Menzies's 'ban the communist party' playbook used in the 1950's which saw him elected again and again to office because he wedged the ALP on it. Unfortunately this mob are unwedgable. They keep agreeing with me on the broad strategy even though I know they will turn any of the nasty crap I've done out of spite into something more palatable if they get into office.

Ad man: Er yes .. quite. And for you. A soothing gentle blue, like the blue of a sky without a cloud on the horizon. Because you see, you are the future. A crystal clear blue future of a light blue background.

Howard: I love it! Especially since the blue is representative of my plans for the future, if plans er were clouds. Um can it have a slogan like er 'Interest rates were thrown overboard and we decide if they can come into the country?'

Ad man: Um .. how about pro-growth. And we'll make sure the ALP have anti-business.

Howard: Oh that's very good. Pleasing blue and pro-something for us. Unpleasing black and anti-something for them. We can't lose!

Ad man (getting up, extending hand): Thanks for coming Mr Prime Minister

Howard (returning shake): Thank you ad man. Your colour scheme may save me yet. Good day.

(Howard leaves the room)

Ad man: Um ... Mr Howard?

Howard (muffled): Er um ... yes?

Ad man: That's the storeroom Mr Howard...

Above screen shots from Liberal website, 1 Nov 2007

Liberal anti-union message now Vs the states

Seemingly desperate to get their 'Union bosses are bad m'kay' message out there the Libs have advanced their hate ads to ... the NSW State government. Who, correct me if I am wrong, aren't even in this election.

They have nommed Costa and Meagher, both ex union officials, as ex union officials who happen to run departments that have issues. The logic pattern goes like this.

Costa and Meagher are former union officials = TRUE

The departments they run have had bad press for various things going run = TRUE

Therefore the departments are badly run because their ministers are Union Officials.

Wait, it gets better.

The Rudd shadow ministry is approximately 70% (closer to 60% but we quibble) ex union bosses = TRUE (though the word boss is stretched to the point of losing meaning)

Therefore if the logical statement 'ex union officials are poor state ministers' therefore the corollary of 'ex union officials will also be bad government ministers' is proven!

Hooray! Liberal logic at its finest.

Hey kids? Worried about Union Officials?

Then you need the Liberal approved, patented Unionbuster™.

This handy mirror can be used to slide under you bed and check to see if Joe MacDonald is hiding under there!

Yes you too can prevent being sworn at with such horrible words like 'I will back' by using the Unionbuster™ to batter at his body until he crawls out and waddles off.



For every 10 unionists you batter out of the house we will send you, yes you, a commemorative sticker to stick on well something, to show to the world you are a Master Unionbuster™ User - or MUU.

Don't be a fool! Be a MUU!

Indeed the entire argument the Libs have going reminds me a bit of the prophet scene in Life of Brian.


To whit; if you talk enough shit, stupid people may just believe it even if it's a crock of bubbly poo.

WTF? Sonatas

This weirdo car flogging "blog" is lifting content from here to sell their cars. When cars are mentioned that is.

It's clearly some sort of bot fed blog since the intro line they've elected to use is...

"2) Slam your jumper in the car door then have your partner drive off taking you with the car as you frantically beat the window to get her to stop."

As I noted on their blog it's hardly a good ad for purchasing vehicular transport.

"Hey honey, look the new Sonata is out. Let's test drive it, I can get my clothes caught in the door, and you can drag me along the road for three hundred meters on my face".

UPDATE: Lawyers out there, um, isn't this like a violation of my copyright? It's not comment. And it's designed to make money off my work (as piss poor as it is).

Two new words!

Metamusk - the scent of a man whose sweat had mixed with his roll on to produce a heady manly musky smell but with a hint of perfume to take the edge off. Mmmmm, Metamusk.

Pervfood - A pic of an attractive person in a magazine that will potentially be used as a groinal stimulant if the user is lacking access to p0rn. Like when George got caught by his mother.

Well ... it had to happen to me eventually

TheWife does 99% of theBoy tasks. I change the odd nappy.

I just got him undressed when ... he voided himself all over the change table. It looked like KFC potato and gravy with some wholegrain mustard in it.

Fortunately theWife did the clean up.