Don't you hate it when...

... you hop in your Dr Evil wheelie chair and grip the arm rest as it shoots across the carpet to jam under the table. Fuck a duck that hurt. Would fucking a duck hurt? Well, I guess it would for the duck. Apparently female ducks can't get raped by male ducks. I heard that recently. Their business bits thread the other way or something and they close off if the invitation hasn't been given. True story.

Oh a PS on that from the article; "Wa­ter­fowl are al­so dis­tinct in hav­ing great di­ver­si­ty among spe­cies in the length and or­na­men­ta­tion of the phal­lus."

Whose been going around to compare them?

Lewis Blacks Wiki

Check out his wiki. Read the quotes. I laughed so hard I was worried for my stomach lining.

"Back when I was a kid, you knew that milk was good... because there was only one type... Moo Cow Fuck Milk. But now, you've got two percent, one percent, skim, whole, low fat. Milk with acidophilus? What the fuck are you talking about? Milk doesn't need a friend. That shit belongs in the yogurt section. Lactose intolerant milk, kiss my dick. If you're lactose intolerant, you can't drink milk... Then what's in the fucking carton? GET IT AWAY FROM MY MILK! It is TALKING to my milk and making it feel BAD about itself!

Then go to you tube. Most of his HBO special is in there. Watch them. Laugh.

Lewis Black on Homeland Security

Lifestyle tips for the generously ampled 2

When adjusting yourself following underpants usage, such as going to the toilet, if you happen to catch part of your scrotum in the elastic, then don't adopt a squat stance to extend the elastic past the scrotal area. That way when the guy who sits over from you comes into the toilet as you squat doesn't assume you've issued a Sumo challenge.

Harrangueman, blogging advice for the energy reserved since 2007

Celebrity Jeopardy Gold from SNL

Will Ferrell blooper goodness from SNL

Planet Vs Pocketbook

I heard Howard on News Radio this arvo blatantly not answering a question about his tax payer funded green jaunt across the media landscape ("Clever Climate Control?"). So much so an ALPer got kicked out when he stood up to point out to the clearly partisan speaker that Howard was clearly evading the carefully spelled out question.

Essentially Howard's response was this. 'How can the ALP possibly commit to 60% reductions without analysing the impact on the economy?!'

Howard does not get it. His people do not get it. The health of the planet is bigger than the fucking economy. If the planet gets sick the economy will get far, far sicker because of greater storm surges, displaced rainfall patterns, easily flooded river deltas, and so forth and so on. Sure, the Stern report may be eurocentric. And yes Oz is more resource dependant for its economy.

Boo hoo fucking hoo. We have half a decade to turn this tanker of a world energy use around. And Howard wants to pissfart around on the behest of various polluters in an effort to stay stuck on his superglued chair. Meanwhile the planet cooks.

Guess what fuckstick. The 60% is an extremely conservative number. Most are asking for 90%. And if we have to take a hit on our economy to retool our energy infrastructure in order to prevent far greater damage to the economy as a result of climate change then we fucking do it.

Damn Right

From today's Crikey, by Chris Graham, editor of The National Indigenous Times

The campaigners who got the referendum up, of course, deserve congratulations. Their efforts were massive. But the failings by white Australia that followed were also massive. If blackfellas want to celebrate the '67 referendum (and most don't), then that's their choice. But white Australians should be hanging their heads in shame.

Australians have never been serious about Indigenous equality -- if we were, then Aboriginal Australia wouldn't be in the parlous state it is today. Either that or white Australia is a hopeless race that can't achieve parity for just two percent of the population. It's one or the other - we can't have it both ways.

We can't pretend that the fact Aboriginal children born today have a life expectancy worse than a child from Bangladesh doesn't say something deeper about us as a nation.

From Grahams' post at yesterday's Crikey

... the 'average Aborigine' as depicted here correlates almost exactly with what those familiar with indigenous affairs would expect to see:

• Indigenous Australians make up a little under 2.5 per cent of the national population.
• Our 'average Aboriginal' is 20 years old, which was the median age for the entire Indigenous population in 2001, versus 36 for the non-Indigenous population.
• He more than likely lives in a family of 3.5 people, compared to a white family which averages about 2.6 people.
• An Aboriginal male born today has a life expectancy of about 59 years. But our 'average Aboriginal' is already 20 years of age, so his life expectancy at birth was much less, probably around 54 years. So in seven years time - at age 27 - he will have already lived half his life.
• Nationally, the average indigenous Australian is about 15 times more likely to go to prison than a non-indigenous Australian.
• On the day our Aboriginal turns 25, about six per cent of his countrymen will be in prison.
• In some areas of the country, as many as one in three Aboriginal males will go to prison at some stage in their life. So while our average Aboriginal may not, on average someone from his family is likely.
• He more than likely lives in a metropolitan or urban area - only about 25 percent of the indigenous population live in remote or very remote regions of Australia. Which is lucky for him - if he'd been born in a remote region, his life expectancy would have been under 50 years of age.
• Superannuation is obviously of little relevance to him - he will likely die long before he claim it.
• And he's unlikely to have any superannuation anyway. While the official unemployment statistics claim only about 20 per cent of indigenous Australians are unemployed, the real figure is much higher (probably around 50 per cent). More than 30,000 indigenous people are on the black work-for-the dole program (CDEP), yet still classified as employed.
• His average weekly household income (according to 2001 figures) was $364, compared to $585 for white households. Were he to live in a very remote area, his average weekly household income would have been $267.
• His father, on average, is probably already dead, with 45 percent of Aboriginal men dying before the age of 45.
• Our average Aboriginal's sister - if she marries - is 25 times more likely to suffer domestic violence than a non-Indigenous woman.
• On the education front, our average Aborigine is highly unlikely to have finished a Year 12 education - only about 38 percent of indigenous students do, compared to 76 percent of non-indigenous students. On the balance of probabilities, he probably dropped out during Year 11 or Year 10.
• Ironically, the longer he stayed at school, the worse his achievements (set against white students). In Year 3, he was more than likely to meet the national literacy benchmark. But by Year 7, he was already on average failing to meet the national numeracy benchmark.
• University is a pipe dream for him. In 2001, for example, less than 2 per cent of the indigenous population attended university, which was less than half of the proportion of the total Australian population that attended university.
• He's unlikely to ever own a home - only about one third of indigenous Australians achieve home ownership, compared to three-quarters of the white population.
• As for his health, our average Aboriginal's outlook is horrendous. Life expectancy gap aside, he is almost certainly a smoker (49 percent of indigenous Australians are, compared to 22 percent of non-indigenous Australians).
• He's almost three times more likely to develop heart disease. And if he does present at a hospital, he's 40 per cent less likely to receive diagnostic procedures than his non-indigenous counterparts. And believe it nor not, if he is admitted to hospital for his coronary problems, he's 2.3 times more likely to die than if he stays at home (where he's 1.4 times more likely to die).
• With the four worst rate of type diabetes on the planet, our average Aboriginal is 10 times more likely to have type 2 diabetes than a white Australian, and seven times more likely to be hospitalised because of it.
• If he marries and his wife attempts to have children, she's five times more likely to die at childbirth.
• Because he's over 15 years of age, he's more likely to be obese or overweight - 61 percent more likely, compared to non-indigenous Australians (48 percent).
• It all adds up to our average Aboriginal being about five times more likely to commit suicide than a white Australian, with 108 indigenous male suicides per 100,000 population, compared to 21 for white Australians.
  

Nosh

The number of 'dishes' I know how to cook can be counted pretty much on one hand. Nosh is one of them. It's not so much a dish but an adaptation of a basic meal.

Here it is.

Take normal spaghetti bolognaise. Take the spaghetti. Cook as normal. Drain the spag then dump the bol and the spag in the one pot on a low simmer. Add a couple of handfuls of grated cheese, a few splashes of milk and/or cream, and a powerful squirt of tomato sauce. Stir it through. Let it simmer until soft bubbles happen.

Serve. Eat.

It's delish!

Fantale malarky

This morning I was late for day two of the course. I happened to notice that the girl next to me and the guy up from her each had 6-7 fantales. I am sure they weren't there yesterday. This means they were handed out before I got there and excised from the communal bowl. There were none for me.

Was this a pre-emptive strike against me, the fantale mooching wrapper hider?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Pringles stealing nosh thief

More Simpsons Goodness

"Disparaging the boot is a bootable offence!"

To Hell and Back

One man's battle against an auger - see it here

Bravery in Blogging 2

Well that was odd. I sent out the BiB into the wide blue internet and it boomaranged back to me.

I really am not that brave. Being largely anonymous, due to work rules on media commentating*, means I can afford to be more revealing in my e-nakedness as far as that goes. I recognise that.

Anyway I have to nom someone to get it. Well I am nomming two people. I nom Sarah/Gam because they talk frankly about their relationship, their sex lives, their family, their work/home stuff and do so fearlessly. And I nom Grods because like me Grods too has faced the odd threat or two.

They are free to pass it on to whoever they feel deserves it, though some circumspection as to that person's overall blogging behaviour should obviously be applied.

* And upon reading Boltwatch noted that some had said it was worth staying anonymous if you commented there given Bolt's tendency to call up workplaces and complain - or even physically barge in hysterically ranting like he did to Stephen Mayne of Crikey at the ABC studios.

I have a show desktop button?!

Why is it I never noticed that until now. That's handy. What's the shortcut key command for that? Ooooo Win-D.

Huh!

Never knew that.

Lifestyle tips for the generously ampled

When on a course where lollies are proffered, when taking them make sure to pocket the wrappers. That way when you eat the dozen fantails from the bowl leaving only the hated minties, the mound of evidence is not laid out in front of you.

This LTFTGA was bought to you by Harrangueman, blogging fatty advice since 2007

Good one (large shopping centre)

Whilst at (a large shopping centre) today the engraving place caught fire. Well something in it did. Big roiling clouds of chemical laced smoke boiled around me as I was reading the paper nearby. I looked up to see the cloud waft up passed the escalators. A horrible acrid stink filled the area causing my throat to rasp and people to cough.

So what did they do?

Some dude with a radio watched on warily with a fire extinguisher at the ready (near his feet) in case something else happened. Did they clear the area or the shops near by that were affected by the smell in case someone with breathing difficulties entered the area?

No they did not. As I left 10 minutes later (having gone into the supermarket near by to be near thewife if we had to leg it) the firies were there investigating while some portly goatee clad staffer frantically scrubbed a smoke stain off the up escalator's sides.

Good one (large shopping centre). Way to protect customer safety.

An MM blast from the past

Years ago some friends and I went to a dog show to laugh at dog show people. I was then a poor arts student and I frequently went bare foot. Hundreds of dogs, hundreds of poos. Poos everywhere. Indeed you could see dotted across the landscape owners dutifully pooper scooping up after pampered pests. Fortunately the grass was well clipped so I easily side stepped the unpleasantness.

After the dog show we went to a corner store across town for a milkshake. As I stepped out of the car I stood on a dog shit.

Honestly, what are the odds?

(Hi Jen!)

Secular Day!

National Day of Secularism May the 26th

Now I thought long and hard about this since I have wonderful friends who happen to hold their faith dear to them. Then I realised what it actually meant was, I believe, keeping govt and religion separate. People hold their faiths doggedly, haphazardly, barely, strongly etc. But the thing is many people believe many different things. And in a rapidly blended world - despite the best efforts of fucktards to try and salvage their anglo-culture or whatever specific culture they have complete with originating faith - having religion involved in government is not only morally wrong, it's just plain stupid since it leads to division not inclusion.

So in that spirit I say no to governments that openly promote one faith over another, be it for historical reasons like here in Oz, or for active day to day reasons like various Islamic theocracies overseas or people who want such (like in Indon).

But to my spiritually minded and religious focussed friends I respect the fact you have faith and I admire muchly the spirit and comfort it gives you. And I think said friends know that forcing their faith on others through government does their faith a disservice anyway.

Aw crap I am posting this after midnight. Sorry. Meant for yday. Oh no, it's tomorrow not today. Since this saved yesterday not today. Today being the 26th. Brain hurts.

Needed wings...

Thanks Miss P.

Actually he looks a bit like Thomas Hayden Church now...

Hanson is coming back

She's like a fucking Timex. She just keeps on ticking.

Yes former erstwhile mother of the nation, who slept each night in a flag so it could be her funeral shroud when murdered, has announced the formation of the 'Pauline's United Australia party' to contest the next election. I wonder if this one too has its constitution adapted from that of a local tennis club?

Let's see the article here.

Hooray! (throws hats into air).

Unfortunately for Pauline the Libs stole and used and won elections with her policies such as temporary protection visas for refugees no matter their circumstances, end to ATSIC, and a whole host of other bullshit. Hell I think citizenship tests were her idea.

She's apparently gone the "party" route so she can go above the line on Senate ticket because only political geeky mofos like me bother to vote below the line. Here's one of her many wonderful policy approaches as per the article.

"Mr Howard has sold us out by not halting further Muslim immigration and dumping hapless refugees from Africa on us without any consultation. Australia must withdraw ASAP from the 1951 UN Convention on refugees."

Ahh Pauline. You are truly great. Keep on battling my little battler.

Pauline by the way stood as an independent for the Senate last time and received $199,866 from the tax payer. Her "expenses" were apparently less than 36k (see footnote 31).

Gee. I wonder why she is running?

Forgot the bag

Thanks for the heads up Sar...

Hat of the Week: The Fez

Modelled by thewife's friend K., the Fez formed the sole 'me' thing I wanted to do for my wedding some years back. As in I said 'I want to X' and got to without complaint.

In thewife's defence my original want of wanting to be married by an Elvis impersonator while I was wearing a powder blue safari suit (like my dad owned) was a bit out there (and at the time impossible as there were no Elvis impersonator celebrants available in Oz; this has now been rectified).

The Fez was purchased from an Egyptian knick-knackery that lived in the Canberra Centre. Before I bought this Fez I had bought one for my Dad for Christmas. I saw it there, erred and ummed about getting it when the girl said 'It's the last one. Dad only goes back home once a year to restock.', I got it.

I happened to pass the shop about a minute later only to see her put a new Fez on display. Gold.

Anyway, I got to wear my Fez for the wedding and I looked like a nob. But hey, it was a kewl day and a good time was had by all.

The Andrew Bolt Collage

What the fuck's is going on at the Herald Sun Bolt Blog where they have to have Bolt's fucking picture next to every single piece? Is he that fucking vain that he has to have his head there, there, there, here, there, there, there, here?

And check out his photo in army clobber. Hooray for GI Bolt. He's saving us from terrowists. Hur hur hur hur.

Anyway see his Boltified site here.

A big deal about nothing

The Libs are so desperate to take down Rudd they will go for his wife.

Witness today their glee when they discovered, via the Herald Sun, that a company Rudd's wife recently bought had underpaid workers in error.

HA! They screamed. Got you! Rudd's wife is an evil underpaying contract violating harpy.

And here is Rudd's response.

Federal Labor leader, Kevin Rudd, says his wife was told that a company she bought last year was paying all its staff properly.

News Limited newspapers have reported today that a company owned by Mr Rudd's wife Therese Rein had stripped some workers on common law contracts of penalty rates, overtime and allowances in return for an extra 45 cents an hour.

Mr Rudd says his wife bought the company, WorkDirections Australia, last year and it later emerged that 58 staff members had been underpaid by a total of $70,000.

He says the underpayment problem was discovered because of his wife's efforts to check.

"This was obviously an honest mistake and she sought to rectify this as soon as she had [information] available to her," Mr Rudd said.

So it was a mistake, she found it, she fixed it. All before the Herald Sun report. Months ago in fact. Why the fuck didn't they seek her comment before they ran the story? That's basic fucking journalism.

Oh - right. Because then it would be a non story.

Herald Sun fuckers.

Reverse P0rn

So it was never meant to strip out penalty rates without compensation eh?

This is the new line spun by the Libs. That Work Choices was always meant to ensure the battlers had pay rises comensurate with losing their penalty rates if on an AWA.

Remember the Spotlight AWA? An employee presented with an AWA - which she did not sign - that offered a 0.02 an hour pay rise in return for losing her penalty rates - making her about $90 a week worse off.

Here's a snapshot from Hansard on 1 June last year where Howard mentions this 'make sure AWAs don't strip out penalty rates without adequate compensation.'

Mr PRICE (2.45 p.m.)—My question is to the Prime Minister. I refer to the 40 employees in Mount Druitt on the 2c an hour Spotlight Australian workplace agreement. Prime Minister, isn’t it the case that Spotlight has 86 other stores across the nation, employing nearly 6,000 staff? Won’t Spotlight’s 2c an hour AWA wages race to the bottom just spread like wildfire from Mount Druitt across the nation?

Answer

Mr HOWARD—The answer to the question is no. I also point out to the Chief Opposition Whip that it is of course consistent with the tactics being used by the opposition in this matter to describe their employment conditions as being ‘2c an hour’. The reality is that 38 of the new staff employed at Mount Druitt were previously unemployed. While they were on the unemployment benefit, they received $205.30 a week. Under the AWA, these employees would receive $543.40 a week. So what I would call these AWAs are contracts of employment that provide remuneration increases of $338 a week for each of those employees.

Oh that's right. It didn't happen. Everytime the ALP bought it up the Libs just wanked on with 'it's good for the unemployed ergo better for all!'

I also love the inference that the battlers at Spotlight would never have been able to open the store were it not for this fucked in the arse AWAs.

Dickheads.

Abbott - any chance to get his fvcking shirt off

He's on Lateline spruiking his awesome government. How it's done this, done that, workchoices a big part (forgot to read the memo on sans work choices) etc etc. Great economic managers. It's just the polls don't reflect it.

Again Tonester, here it is. The people have woken up to the fact you and your ilk are a bunch of unfeeling kick the worker/poor/refugees etc chunts that deserve the heave ho.

Good riddance.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It will change the economy if Labor get in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And so forth.

Here's stuff that will change. Less fucking on unfortunate people. Perhaps less deporting citizens or locking up mental people, locking up people without charge or bringing in extreme laws to fuck people in the pay packet and devolve the workplace relationship to 'my way or the highway'.

You did that. Now you're paying the price.

Oh - and why the fuck does Abbott get to wank on about party politics in the SMH when he's the health minister? He should talk his portfolio or fuck off.

More Red Rooster Goodness

The other day thewife and I went through drive-thru. She ordered a classic roast meal. I felt tired and sick so I didn't get anything. We went home and I went to bed to try and sleep it off. I woke an hour later feeling a lot better. And decided I too wanted Red Rooster.

But I didn't want to seem like a desparate fatty by hoobing through drive thru for a second meal, Hobbit style, of chicken (in case he thought both were for me).

So I changed my shirt and wore a different hat.

Yep, I am that pathetic.

He didn't saying anything.

Ancient History

The libs are big on declaring everything “Ancient History”.

Such as Howard today in regards to leadership issues last year.

"Forget about last year; it's irrelevant, I don't think about it and I suggest you don't think about it because it's entirely irrelevant, it's ancient history."

Not to mention Nelson on the Abu Grahib scandal and who knew what when

"Going over ancient history I don't think is going to do anything to help the Iraqis and stabilise the region."

You see. Because that’s over. It’s the past! Nothing to see here, move along. Dusty monuments to long lost kings have no impact on today's vibrant future.

The Libs have been in power for 13 years. In the coming election stay tuned for their massively distorted recount of Labor’s time in power – ‘High Interest Rates [which were comparable to the rest of the world at the time]’ and ‘Labor Debt of 96 Billion Paid Off [The Libs have accrued 60 billion in unfunded super]’ and so on and so on.

Ancient History. Depends on what it is exactly that’s ancient doesn’t it?

Henderson wanking on about Hicks as usual

Henderson can't let it go. He's still going on about it. Why? Because people still think Hicks got a raw deal and that on balance he pled guilty because pragmatically that was the best option to get out. Which is why Hicks is shutting his yap and wants to get on and do his time.

Good on him.

He still doesn't change the fact he got a raw deal. And while he admitted he trained with AQ, as indeed to tens of thousands of other would be militants, at the time he did it - not a crime. No mention of that by Henderson. Why? Because it goes against his righty views. He simply says this;

"Irrespective of what the lobby maintains, there is abundant evidence Hicks did give material support to terrorism, the charge which he eventually pleaded guilty to under the US military commission system. Certainly he was held for too long without trial. However, the length of his incarceration was not the sole responsibility of US authorities."

Not the sole responsibility eh? Why is that? Oh - because people challenged the system they were being held under. Guess what. It was found unconstitutional. Again no mention by Henderson of that.

And hardly anyone applauded what Hicks of Jihad mentality stood for. Indeed almost everyone of note who said Hicks got a raw deal said 'he may be a son of a bitch, but he's our son of a bitch*' and that he deserved due process and a fair roll of the dice. He didn't get that. He hasn't got that.

As for this bullshit

Hicks's apparent position is unlikely to prevent many members of the civil liberties lobby from arguing his case. The most recent entrant in the debate is Kristine Klugman, the president of Civil Liberties Australia. Interviewed on Channel Ten's Meet the Press on Sunday, she said "there was no evidence against" Hicks and that "he finally pleaded guilty to get out of a hellhole". Klugman alleged that Australia was at greater risk of a terrorist attack because of our commitment in Iraq and that consequently, "we have a level of security fear here that is not evident in New Zealand or in Canada".

Despite the resources of the association and a doctorate in politics, Klugman appears unaware that national security is a concern in Canada. A group of Canadian Muslims has been charged with possessing bomb-making equipment and planning to attack targets including Parliament House in Ottawa. One of the men has been accused of wanting to behead Canada's Prime Minister, Stephen Harper. Canada has no forces in Iraq.

A) Henderson ignores New Zealand completely. B) Doesn't mention the fact Canada is part of NATO and the invasion of Afghanistan. And well they should be since the Taliban are scary mofos and seeing them have their arses handed to them was worth the price of admission. It's also worth the upscale in risk to us all as a result (which was one of the reasons the Bali bombings happened by the way). However, had Hendo's precious Bush administration of neocon fuckknuckles that he is so passionate in the defence of from what I have heard him say or write not invaded Iraq they could have fixed Afghanistan. Guess what? Not fixed. Taliban resurgent. Opium greatest bumper crop coming. Kharzi has power in perhaphs a 50 km radius of Kabul, and neighbouring Pakistan - you know the one with nukes - is being rapidly destabilised as a combination of internal discord and the western fuckups in Afghanistan.

What's my point? Henderson ignores 50% of his argument (no NZ) then fails to mention the fact Canada is in it up to its neck in the "War on Terror" - but at least in the sensible part Vs the Captain insaneo part Iraq has played. Oh - the Canadians have lost around 100 military personnel thus far. Would have been nice if Henderson had acknowledged their sacrifice.

What Henderson knows about geopolitics could be written on a postage stamp. He is the poster boy of those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it. And worse luck he's got a profile in the media because the ABC and Fairfax provide balanced viewpoints, even if it means enlisting the "talents" of no nothing idealogues like Henderson.

DISCLAIMER: Gerard Henderson is the former Chief of Staff for John Howard back when Howard was opposition leader in the 1980s. Funny how Henderson never ever mentions that in his disclaimers.

Oh - and to drive it home once more for the Hard of Hearing (ie right wing fuckwits). Almost all Australians who were angered at what happened to Hicks did not support what he did, why he did it, how he felt about it. They were angry because he did not get a fair shake. Want to know how terror can succeed. When they change the political and cultural environment to cause repression. Guess what happened to Hicks and everyone else at Gitmo. Repression.

A commentator a Crikey sums it up well.

Jon Case writes: Is David Hicks's return the end of the political pain for the Howard Government? The answer to this question is probably "yes", but should be, and remains for some, a resounding "no". David Hicks may be "the scum of the earth", or a misguided idealist highly dangerous to Australian interests, or "just a very naughty boy" as some would like to believe; but, in truth, this was never about David Hicks the person. It was always about David Hicks as a symbol of the Federal Government's abrogation of basic legal principles and human rights; and the subjugation of Australia's interests to that of our bullying "Big Brother", the United States.

He goes on to note the following;

This issue is also a test for the Opposition in the lead-up to the election. Under Beazley, they meekly mirrored, and in some abortive cases even tried to outflank on the extreme, the Coalition. Witness the "Australian Values Test". While under Rudd's probing as foreign affairs spokesman and now as Opposition Leader, there seems to have been a substantial repositioning, I suspect that any change in polling on this issue may cause the Opposition to feel from the negative "weak on terrorism. weak on border protection" campaign the Government will no doubt run in the lead-up. The Opposition has the opportunity to run a strong campaign about being "strong on human rights principles" and "strong on the protection of the weak and unrepresented". Will they have the guts to do this?

I hope they do.

*That phrase was famously applied to Saddam Hussein by ... Republicans during the 80s in the US. Around the same time Hendo was COS to Howard.

I wish Gore would run

Check out the Washington Post article here.

A teaser

He [Gore] ascribes the failure to have a full-throated debate on Iraq back in 2002 -- when he spoke out against the looming war, to much nasty jeering from the right -- to the administration's decision to politicize the issue before the midterm elections, but also to "meekness" and "timidity" in both "the legislative branch of government" and in "the press corps."

"A lot of people were afraid of being accused of being unpatriotic," he says. "One of the symptoms of this problem -- the diminishing role for reason, fact and logic -- is that what rushes in to fill the vacuum are extreme partisanship, ideology, fundamentalism and extreme nationalism."

Oh, remember the cavalcade of fuckwits that danced around about Gore's electricity bill? 'Weeeeee,' they cried with moronic fervour. 'He's nothing more than an overweight hypocrite for having an electricity bill 10 times as large as anyone else.' And of course that meant everything he had to say on Global warming was a big fat leftist lie.

An interesting point from Time magazine this week in their excellent feature on the man who should have been president (the below except is on page 2).

Al and Tipper Gore's home, a 1915 antebellum-style mansion in the wealthy Belle Meade section of Nashville, is laid out a bit like Gore himself: a gracious and formal Southern façade; slightly stuffy rooms when you walk in the door; and startlingly modern, relaxed, informal living spaces to the rear. The Gores bought the old place five years ago and are still retrofitting it, making it energy efficient with new windows, new heating and cooling units, solar panels on the roof. (The anti-Gore crowd zinged him recently because his electricity bill last August was 10 times the local average. The Gores pay extra to get 100% of their power from renewable sources, and their zealous retrofitting will no doubt bring their costs down. But it stung.)

Let's select and bold it for the e-retarded.

The Gores pay extra to get 100% of their power from renewable sources

That's a big part of why it cost as much. That and the fact that it's home to his office, his wife, himself, family, and a whole bunch of secret service because he's the ex VP.

Renewables are more expensive but you can get it here in Oz too. For example in the ACT you can elect to pay a wedge extra to have your elecricity sourced from renewables - like the Snowy hydro scheme. We've done that since we could afford to do it.

Anyway, imagine if he ran. Imagine if he won. Imagine the difference he could make.

People wank on heartedly by claiming there's no difference between parties or pollies in effective two party states.

Those people are wrong. Gore is markedly different to Bush. Rudd is very different to Howard (as was Beasley). There are fundamental differences between these people and these ideologies.

Gore would have been an awesome President. And he still can be.

"We'll all be rooned" said Howardrahan

Good.

Worst. President. Ever

Carter on George Bush II

Sarah/Gam of course beat me to it.

Sometimes the public service can be retarded

I like being a public servant. I once semi-seriously said at an interview 'sometimes the worst thing about being a public servant is the public' - which didn't go down too well. What I meant was the 'hello Channel 9, I'd like to complain' letters to the editor types. Apart from them, the public is ace. Being a public servant can give you immense satisfaction in knowing at the end of the day you can and often do make a real difference in the lives of others. Not all of us get it - especially those poor fuckers in finance - but a lot of us do.

But, the PS can also be retarded. One such example is that while I applaud job protection provisions in the public service it is counter pointed by the dross that remains in the public service. There are some time serving deadwood that I think we all have to put up with. But then as Peter in Office Space famously once said they work just hard enough not to get fired. So that's probably the case in the corporate world as well.

Anyway, moving on.

One of the most retarded things I have come across is the end of financial year budget big spend. The Public Service for some reason has this 'use it or lose it' mantra. As in if you don't expend all your budget then next years budget will be the same as last year minus the underspend. The theory is eventually it balances need against projected expenditure. Except it doesn't. Because theories get fucked in first contact with the enemy - in this case public servants. We get encouraged to spend money on crap we don't need. Like training in courses we really don't need to go on. Or conferences where there is no real gain. Or merchandise that will gather dust atop cabinets against the wall. Or new computers where the old ones are perfectly useable given their typical use. New monitors. Mugs with logos on it. This list is endless. All because we want to access, potentially, the higher level of money the next financial year.

I make it a point of pride not to waste money on crap. So I resist the call to spend, spend, spend. Hell I get quotes from over 10 companies sometimes just to get the best deal. We should all be like that in the public service. Because if we spend well, then if there's something we really need to do that will be of real benefit chances are the money for it can be found.

Anyway, if there's PS's out there who know how this retarded money management system came into being I'd like to know about it.

More ND Goodness

Celebratin' being home alone

Take it away Tom (before you got freaky and jested for peanuts on Oprah)



And while we're at it, here's Napoleon.

So why can't he profit?

Some cockhead Liberal was on the 730 report whining about how if Hicks attempted to make money off his story then they'd bring in laws to stop him.

He wasn't convicted of a crime against Australia. In the country he was charged in they have freedom of speech. The only way the original gag order was applied was because a military commission stuck it on him.

Fuck it. If Hicks wants to make cash out of being railroaded by a fucked in the arse antijustice system then I say go for it. Tales of celebs in prison have existed as long as the printing press has. Why is Hicks any different?

Poor PM

Sprung spending half a million dollars of tax payer money on a spanking new dining room for his parliamentary office the PM has now cancelled it.

Unbelievable. Why the fuck would it cost so much for one room? What? It has living tableau of pandas as a fucking feature?

Area Man foreshadows a late start

Today I emailed the boss chain to say I wouldn't be in until 10.30ish.

Why? Because thewife is away and I am going to stay up late and so I will need my sleep.

Weeeeeeee!

Spit Talkin'

Don't you hate it when you're talking to someone and you accidentially gob some spit out.

I thanked the nice ladies at the local corner store as I picked up my highly IBS inappropriate Fish and Chips (thewife is away) and I managed to gob on the next piece of butcher's paper while doing so.

I think I heard them scrunching it up as I left.

UPDATE: Forgot the tag.

When Doves Cry

The Prince song. Prince - weird man. Anyway, the song. Thewife and I have this thing where we have our own choruses in certain songs over laying the instrumental bits.

When Doves Cry is no exception. In fact I think it's the only one we do.

Anyway. The instrumental - for us goes like this (when the snappy doo doodoo doo do bit comes on)

They're trapped in Prince's pants they're ... trapped in Prince's pants. Trapped in Prince's pants they're trapped in Prince's pants ... that's (joins rest of song back up) When Dove's cry.

I know. Hilarious.

TheWife told some co-workers as they were driving along to a meeting. And not one person laughed.

Tumbleweed.

I guess it's one of those had to be there things.

Hicks is back

Well he's back in Oz, to serve out his time for a crime that wasn't a crime at the time.

Hey - that's just like Dr Seuss!

Typically the commercial media pulled itself off about it. "CONVICTED TERRORIST" shrieked Channel 7 who appears to be trying to not only take the ratings crown from 9 but also the No 1# sycophant for the Liberal government badge'o'honour as well. Nice one 7. No mention of the 'controversial legally questionable military trial' that put him there.

I especially love the fact that there's all these helicopter shots of the prison. Forgive my ignorance but don't prisons have no fly zones for helis given the fact someone escaped from jail that way? That would have been ironic if that had happened. I half expected Naomi Robson in a mutant Winnebago/Helicopter to fly into shot, the khaki clad vixen hanging mission impossible style from the bottom covered in lizards as she tried to get the interview of the century.

Oh wait, she quit. I hear she's cannibal kid wrangling on the IJ/PNG border now.

Anyway, Hicks is back. I wish his rehab all the best of luck and hope, that like other prisoners, he has access to the means to further himself while in prison such as educational opportunities.

On a side note I see the US is claiming its military commissions are hot shit again. Hooray!.

They're back to claiming they are legit under the Geneva convention that allows them to try enemy combatants. Pity that only applies to a war between states and that all the people seized for Gitmo - often via bounties - are there under the patriot enemy combatant provisions as opposed to the Geneva convention. Oh well, at least we know that if you're in Gitmo, it's because you're the worst of the worst and that the key will be thrown away and you will never again come to threaten the west or western interests.

Wait - no - I tell a lie. Apparently 395 inmates have since been released and 380 remain. Which means they've let more people go than they have currently locked up.

Let's hope they continue this goodness when the next republican fuckwit gets in - like Mitt Romney who apparently wants to double it.

And the inaugural bravery in blogging goes ...

To Miss P. For blogging on in spite of being trolled.

Go Miss P.

Miss P is now free to hand on that award to blog(s) deserving.

What we need is another Snowy Scheme

No, not an actual snowy scheme where WW2 migrants are herded into dark tunnels where OH&S is largely absent, but a metaphorical snowy scheme to help repair Australia.

We are swimming in fucking cash. Thanks to the mining boom, corporate tax is giving us buckets o money. And what are we doing with it? Well apart from being bribed by the Howard government, we're getting it back in dribs and drabs so we can presumably re-invest it via Bunnings and knick-knackeries to do up our McMansions.

Here's an idea.

Let's fix the country.

Let's come up with a plan where we harness all of government and society and business to give indigenous Australians the absolute best possible chance to succeed in life. They say throwing money at a problem doen't help. It doesn't. Targeting the money for a best possible result does.

So housing is a problem in Aboriginal Australia? Overcrowding, no facilities? Let's teach them to build their own houses. Give them the skill sets to create their infrastructure, maintain it. Offer trade qualifications by teachers trained in their language. Train them to be teachers. Give them maximum resources to not simply wallow in a retarded swamp of no housing, poor health, no education, and where drip fed welfare encourages a life of being blasted drunk because that's all they know. That is of course a gross simplification of the existence of many Aboriginal communities. Many are not like that. Most have dedicated people working to better their communities. But they don't have the resources to do it. Let's give it to them and not be begrudging about it, nor provide fodder for fuckwit media who like nothing more than showing a grubby looking Koori kid jerrycanning on with petrol.

And let's fix the corrections system. Gone should be the idea that people are locked away as punishment. Though this sounds dangerously communist, lets make the re-education centres. Let's make it so they are trained in trades, educated and, importantly, given maximum possible assistance when they get out instead of $50 and a room in a half way house for three weeks. There's a reason why prisoners re-offend. It's because there's nothing out here unless they have their own support network to support them.

Let's have resources for mental health and to support those people who have to look after disabled loved ones with plenty of respite.

All of this costs money. And the returns are not instant. They are five years, ten years, twenty years in the future. But if Macquarie Bank can look 50 years into the future and say 'yes, that toll road is for us' then surely we can look at the most dispossessed elements in Australian society and say 'if we fix it now, then in 50 years this will be just a bad memory of a time when government focussed more on power retention than actual fucking governing.'

That's my 0.02.

Australian "Values" - by Art

Check out Art's blog on Australian Values and the Howard goverment. Well worth a read - and follow the links to the other articles as well.

Go here

Chris Hitchens in the SMH - 19 May (Spectrum)

Hitchens is one of those die hard lefties who turn to the right in later years. Though unlike many such types he's actually worth reading and grounds his opinions in fact. I disagree with a lot he has to say but I respect the fact he's articulate and his opinions are by and large linked to reality. Unlike fuckwits and friends on Fox.

Anyway, his essay in Spectrum in the SMH (can't find it online), is well worth a read. Essentially his thrust is atheism is the only logical and moral choice, and that religion in itself is poison to mankind.

That's one of the things I disagree with him on. His argument that 'religion produces inflexible dogmatists that kill in the name of a man made belief structure therefore all religion bad' is in itself an inflexible dogma. For the simple fact that man can kill in an organised dogmatic fashion irrespective of religion - eg communism, fascism, white supremacists etc.

Religion at its base at least offers a moral code. Sure some of it is whacked like all gays should die, adulterers should be stoned, and wearing cotton mixed with wool is a Neddy no no. But by and large 'let's all get on and here are some rules to live by' is a plus for civilisation - despite some of the massive fuckups along the way.

Hitchens points out of course that moral codes are not dependent on religion any more. And he's right. You don't need religion to point out that 'do good, be just' is essentially the only way humanity should live. We're smart enough now that we don't need to believe in an afterlife where the sins of the past are revisited upon us to work out that fucking on someone is a bad thing.

But it's a massive stretch to claim all of those who have faith in something bigger, something beyond them, that gives them hope, and peace, and a sense of duty and spirit are poisonous to mankind. It's just the hard core intolerant fuckwit types within those belief structures who think 'my way or the highway' and who actively hurt others in a pious belief that only they are right that do the damage to the faith as a whole. Some faiths struggle with this more, and those in a region of the planet soaked in violence and discord, do so more violently than others.

Anyway, it's a good thought provoking essay from an intelligent thought provoking man. Like I said I don't agree with many of his views, and I think his own road to Damascus conversion to neocon land is simply weird, but it makes a lot more sense after reading this why he fears the rise of so called Islamists. Even if as a result of it he's cozying up to inflexible dogmatic 'my way or the highway' types who, for some, support Israel not because they feel they deserve to exist as a nation state despite the violence of its birth, but because they'd rather have the hooknoses in charge than the towelheads when the messiah comes.

UPDATE: See comments to a link to an earlier version of the essay courtesy of MB.

Doing a number 3 is hard

No, not some kind of twixt poo and wee. The haircut option. I tried cropping my hair myself this morning and made a pig's breakfast of it. I looked like a chemo person watching clumps fall out. Number 2's and number 1's with the clippers are easier to manage but the bulk of the three clip thing reduces your ability to control the device. I had to call thewife in to rectify the situation.

On a side note why is it my ears make these friggin' four or five inch spider web fine hairs that I only seem to spot when my hair gets cut? And why is it so pleasurable pulling them out?

A life mystery I guess.

Malcolm makes an uh-oh

Turnbull was on Sunday (channel 9 show) this morning. They asked him about the ALP plan to send navy patrol boats down into our Exclusive Economic Zone to thwart large ships illegally harvesting whales.

Turnbull's response was to say 'we have no legal ability to board or stop vessels in our EEZ - it would be tantemount to piracy.'

An interesting view from a lawyer considering that's exactly what we do to indons that fish in our waters, seizing their boats, jailing them, and burning their craft with great publicity. Here's the blurb on the EEZ from the Fisheries site - go here.

Of course I am not a lawyer so I could be wrong. But given we do X in the north within the EEZ, why can't we do X in the south in our EEZ?

Unfortunate layout in sat's SMH

Laying out a paper is an art form. Not only do you have to balance ads, copy, and graphics to make it harmonious and pleasing to the eye, you have to watch for a potential clash of imagery, ad, and subject matter.

Here's one where it didn't go well.

Click on the image, read the synopsis of the article under the header, then scan down to the ad with the green background below...

You want me to fvcking what?!?

I'm playing Call of Duty 2 having got over me tendency to PTSD. Actually I'm still getting the heebies. For one how the fuck did any Russian survive WW2? I've been killed about 100 times so far.

Anyway, I'm up to the bit where you have to stick a sticky bomb to the side of a Panzer tank.

Pity you can't advance in the game by finding a stairwell and cowering in it. Jesus fucking hell this is a frustrating game.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out

Sucked in you odious creep. I especially love the fact the Bush administration wanked on about corruption with dealings between the World Bank and the developing world and Wolfie gets the arse for unethical behaviour. Fuck off he thought he was "doing the right thing". Any public servant worth his/her salt knows if your SigOther is involved then you just cannot be in any capacity.

Needless to say it couldn't happen to a nastier guy.

Government "Not Work Choices" ads

Sure enough the Libs are spending our fucking money in telling us about "the fairness test", claiming piously that they're allowed to "inform" Australians of the changes.

Okay then fuckwads. Here's how you do it.

"The WorkChoices laws have changed. For more information please call XXXXX or see our website at www.workplace.gov.au. If you have any questions an information booklet can be mailed to you".

It runs for say 15 seconds. Enough for people to make a note of the relevant information.

There we go. No political crap.

And if you want to counter the ACTU and others ads in further detail you pay the fuck for it. The Howard government has according to Senator Penny Wong spent 1.7 billion dollars since in office on public advertising. That's such bullshit. All government information that is not classified is on the web. Any person can access that information - even if they don't have a computer since libraries etc have them. Even then you can call the department up and be mailed stuff. There is no excuse for this grotesque abuse of the public purse*. Unless you're facing an election and want to stay in at all cost and hang the morality of it. Oh ... I see.

UPDATE: That fucked up workplace site has no contact number. Dickheads. If it does, I couldn't find it in three clicks so even it is there they're still dickheads.

*Obviously there are segments of that advertising that do require broader exposure like recruitment or perhaps some health information. But that's about it.

Back Blood

I have a hairy back. It's Sean Connery/Austin Powers hairy. Well not that hairy, but pretty hairy. It's not attractive. Whilst scratching - for I itch a lot - I felt some lump thing. I picked at it. It felt like one of those hard boil jobies. It half came out. I couldn't get it completely so I asked thewife to have a look.

Her first comment was 'Ew it's all bloody'.

She didn't want to, but with some protective equipment* (folded toilet paper), she picked out the lump.

Blood then ran down my back. It took about three protective equipment sheets to mop it all up and in the end thewife had to alcohol swab it away.

Ewwwwwww back blood

*UPDATE: The term "protective equipment" for toilet paper was invented by thewife. All rights reserved.

HM has a spot of road bother

This morning whilst driving to work a car in the right lane - the lane merging with mine - was speeding along. I thought I had plenty of time to pass him. Except he sped up. In the end he missed clipping me by a metre as I shot ahead of him.

Naturally there was honking from him and fingers pointed with an angry face. I flipped him off back.

Then as we turned on to the two lane he came up beside more. More gesticulation at me and angry facing. So I flipped him back.

I was pretty mad. It was a mutual error - we were both in the wrong. He should have been checking his mirror. I should have recognised he was being a twat and pulled back and let him in front of me.

Suffice to say I considered briefly following him so I could yell at him. I was in that dangerous 'quiet fury' mode. I see why road rage incidents happen. Near accidents could so be actual dangerous to life and limb accidents. It gets the heart pumping. Fight or flight kicks in and, in the cocoon of metal and glass, it's far easier to go the fight response. I have been "chased" a couple of times before - forcing us to head towards a police station. And it seems for a moment I was going to be one of those people. Luckily thewife was in the car which meant while I considered it I dismissed it right away.

Suffice to say YXD403. I have my eyes out for you.

Torture is in

Well in some quarters. Like the current US administration. Despite the fact that torture is morally indefensible in theory and more often than not counter productive in practicality. Case example - the so called high value detainees in the black prisons were alleged only to start really talking when they received humane treatment (according to this Time article - see here).

Torture is so in at the moment that it's basically the central plank of the 24 franchise, which I believe from memory has featured about 60+ incidents of torture by the central protagonist.

No surprises there. Torture is rife throughout mainstream TV and film. The tough, hard as nails hero beating the tar out of evil doers for information, or turning the table on them having been tortured himself. It's a rare movie where a hero says something along the lines of 'no, to do so would be stooping to their level.'

How I remembered cheering Arnie when the dude he was dangling over the cliff said 'I thought you said you'd kill me last?!' and Arnie risposted in monotone 'I lied.'

Anyway, this article in the Wash Post makes some interesting points. The main point being that allowing a little bit opens the gates for a lot.

As has happened with every other nation that has tried to engage in a little bit of torture -- only for the toughest cases, only when nothing else works -- the abuse spread like wildfire, and every captured prisoner became the key to defusing a potential ticking time bomb. Our soldiers in Iraq confront real "ticking time bomb" situations every day, in the form of improvised explosive devices, and any degree of "flexibility" about torture at the top drops down the chain of command like a stone -- the rare exception fast becoming the rule.

To understand the impact this has had on the ground, look at the military's mental health assessment report released earlier this month. The study shows a disturbing level of tolerance for abuse of prisoners in some situations. This underscores what we know as military professionals: Complex situational ethics cannot be applied during the stress of combat. The rules must be firm and absolute; if torture is broached as a possibility, it will become a reality.

And don't by all means think the authors are loony lefty types with no experience of how the real world works when it comes to terrorism, war, and the world being filled with bad men that need their toe shot off because the bomb timer is ticking down to zero, the authors, Charles Krulak and Joseph P. Hoar, were former high ranking career military. Krulak was commandant of the Marine Corps from 1995 to 1999 and Hoar was commander in chief of U.S. Central Command from 1991 to 1994.

Oh - for a review of the 24 series in the NYT which discusses the fantasy presented Vs the reality esp in regards to the 'he knows something, apply the electrodes', see here. Page 2 references the 60+ torture count for the first 5 seasons.

Hockey logic bomb blows up in his face

Howard is on 730 report lying his snake weasel arse off about Bastard Boys; "It completely ignored the fact the waterfront was in dire need of reform!" he shrilly denounced while labelling it nothing more than leftist propaganda.

No it didn't. The fucking ending pointed out the transformation the mutual decision between the MUA and Patrick vastly increased productivity. Despite efforts to have all these people on the heap you illegal sacking workers toad.

Anyway, Hockey.

Today Gilliard floated the idea that AWAs could be left to run their course but if a worker was unhappy with it they could leave it. Hockey claimed this was the stuff of fairies (according to the interview I heard).

Really Joe? So ... the fucked up too little too late fairness test which allegedly protects the unfortunates under 75k who were effectively forced to sign away award conditions for a 0.02 cent an hour pay increase don't get the protection you bought in because you belatedly recognised the political damage your AWAs were doing? Sucked in is it? Boo hoo, so sad teen workers with no weekend or public holiday loading? Tough titties for you?

As for your claim 'we never intended penalty rates to be traded away for no compensation' crap I am still laughing about that.

When you enable business to race to the bottom on wages and give them take it or leave it mechanisms to force unpalatable AWAs on workers, guess what? They will use them.

Cretins.

Mikey Moments!

I have achieved localised blogging fame. Yes my habit of extolling my experiences of unfortunate error or stupidity in real life on dis here e-soapbox has been recognised with the appellation of 'Mikey Moment'. It's just like when Homer had his name in the dictionary for succeeding despite incompetence.

Thanks Miss P! .

Miss P and Bruce's MM's are classics.

Mikey Moment(tm) - have you had one today?

Actually I did. I started slagging off materialistic charasmatic pentacostals until my boss quietly reminded me that the guy I had been talking to was a hardcore Xtian.

Note: I know some people in real life that might fit the pentacostal mode. But they are not the materially obsessed types Hillsong appears to represent.

Angry Underpants

Domestics are never fun. But we all have them from time to time. And they seem to spark in close confines like getting ready for events or trying to leave the house in a hurry. Well that’s been my experience. Anyway the worst domestics are the ones where you’re nude or barely dressed. Because the added layer of awkwardness is such that you immediately want to cover up and not have your partner see you.

Trouble is the underpants. Putting undies on when angry is fraught with difficulty. Especially if your centre of mass is complicated by a large gut as it puts you off balance. Trying to stomp a leg through a leg hole, then the next hole, while emotionally fraught - and pull them up properly without toppling over is a fractious exercise. Further complicating it is the fact you can accidentally saw into your testes with the elastic if you yank up too fast.

Undies. Don’t don angry.

Bill Moyers and Jon Stewart

Discussion on the media, Iraq, the role of humour, and the fact that Stewart manages to ask the tough questions in the guise of a clown than serious media cannot not - or choose not to.

If you have a spare 30 mins it's well worth it - go here

Remembering movies of yesteryear - Crazy People

You kids and your music are prob too young to remember this movie. But it is without a doubt one of my all time favourite flicks. Awesome, awesome lines. Awesome scenes. Awesome jokes.

"Yes I want a hand job from a strange woman" ads for Jaguar.

Gold

Hockey drowning on late line

In relation to the Polls that show he and his government is on the nose like three day old spilled milk in the carpet footwell of your car - "Labor push polls and ... I'm not qualified to interpret polls."

Now he's saying 'we never intended penalty rates to be traded away for no compensation as being the norm under this system.'

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Un-fucking-believable.

And he wanked on with this so called 'paid off Labor debt'. Rubbery figures using fucksticks.

UPDATE: Now he's defending how they defended the ass fuck Spotlight gave workers last year when they gave them AWAs for an extra 0.02 an hour in return for their award conditions. Because apparently "it gave people jobs for the first time."

Really. If unemployment is fucking 4.4% then this does not wash. Of course Tony Jones asked 'well would it be allowed under your new fairness test?' Hockey 'Er .. no.'

UPDATE2: mistakenly said he could only see future tinkering for WC as being 'minor and technical in nature'. Good news everybody! Hockey also keeps coming back to all the good stuff he's done. Oh - changes in WC legislation to fuck workers off with no warning and no unfair dismissal is good for the long term unemployed and women because it gives courage to small business to hire people. Um, if they need people, they're going to get hired. It doesn't matter where the fuck they came from - long term unemployed or women. Jesus these people shit me.

The Liberal Party Quandry - we gave you what we think you want, why don't you like us?

I will tell you.

Because you're a pack of chunts and the people woke up to it when you bought in Work Choices.

Bad luck, so sad, adios.

Much Schadenfreude

Jerry Falwell, Christian cleric and ‘agent of Intolerance’ according to the then plain speaking John McCain (Vs the spun McCain of today), died yesterday, leaving a gaping hole in the ranks of bigots who abuse the spirit of Christ – which summed up seems to be Do Good, Be Just.

Whilst burling to work this morning I happened to hear a excerpt of an interview Falwell had given recently concerning his mortality, since he’d been of ill health of late.

Falwell said that like Hezekiah he too had prayed to the good lord for another 15 years so he could complete whatever heinous anti-Christian crap he had going in the name of Christ.

Looks like God says no … (cough)









On a side note, whilst trying to determine who Falwell had been talking about (I thought originally Ezekiel) RE the 15 year extension (No ... {cough}), I came across this website extolling virtues of good doings.

I have to say. Worst. Webpage name. Ever.

Is it wrong to want to pat his head?

There's a dude about three workstation bays over that has a perfectly symmertrical haircut - where his hair is straight up but level all over his head (well, the normal parts where hair is found).

I just know that if I patted the top of his head it would give me a pleasing sproing sensation as I bounced my palm up and down.

Maybe I will ask him.

I used to discuss outrageous topics, do odd things, and swear mightily at liquid lunches in the public service. But since I drive now I can't do that no more. If I did go to an LL, and I happened to pass his WS on the way back from it, I would probably ask him if I could got the pat.

Or just do it.

Sproing ! Sproing!

Area man gets covert cake call

At work today I noticed trays of delish pastries that were being prepared for the consumption of big wig types in an upcoming meeting.

I admired them, for they looked eminently edible, and yeah didst I want them in my tum.

So I happened to say ‘hey if there are any leftovers, let me know’.

At about 2 pm the phone rang from 30 metres down the corridor.

‘HM, it’s me. The pastries are here if you want them,’ whispered the EA.

Down HM went, stealing a glance from around the partition. I got half a Danish and a melting moment. The moment was so crumbly I was forced to eat it with the bin balanced on the edge of my chair and wedged between my legs. It looked like I was going to be sick.

Ah workplace dining. Is there anything finer than a free pastry item?

Corrigan on Bastard Boys

First up let me say that I thought the portrayal of Corrigan was pretty balanced. He had reasons for what he did even if they were a fuck you to a lot of people. Plus his character was wryly humorous. Anyway, this is what Corrigan had to say about it.

It's a puff for Greg Combet and it just happens to coincide with his run for Parliament. It's virtually worshipful, putting him in the most favourable light.

I think the Government gets off very lightly, given that they concocted the whole scheme and John Howard personally signed off on it. We have the cabinet documents, and he signed off on the sacking of the entire workforce.

Interesting isn't it? That was the one thing that saddened me on this. The fact senior government figures were directly involved in an illegal act to fuck people over. Then claimed victory in the 1998 election for reforming the waterfront. How the fuck is it they did not get charged? Why didn't the DPP step in if the unions didn't?

UPDATE: Apparently the second para should be attributed to Greg Combet - not Corrigan. Lateline just corrected it (I assume Crikey got it from there) and the Daily Terror is quoting it as Combet see here.

Warning - the DT piece is very much an 'Apply lips to Corrigan and suck'.

David Penberthy strikes again

Whilst cruising past the cafe in my work I couldn't help notice the Daily Tele's vomit across the front page.

HOW COULD SHE, The poor little baby dumped by her mother

(forgetting the question mark I noticed)

Rightly so people complained about it as not really helping. For example encouraging the mother to get treatment/counselling/contact with the relevant people.

But this is Penberthy in action. This is the same fuckwit who when the ex ALP pollie killed himself in the bush Penberthy hilariously passed around a mobile phone to colleagues saying 'its for you' only to reveal the call had gone through to the dead man's voicemail.

He's a shit stain on journalism in this country. And is one of the prime reasons the Tele has gotten even stupider and jingoistic than ever - akin to one of Rupert's fleet street rags in the UK that frequently go the boot into minorities all the while showing glassy eyed bints flashing their surgically enhanced norgs at anyone opening the paper.

It was most pleasing to see Kennett of all people, in his capacity for working at Beyond Blue, slam the fucker for his actions - see here.

It was most amusing also to read of Penburthy's feeble protestations at running it by claiming 'it was a gut reaction of all the young ladies who work for me', reminding me of Burns' version of events from the episode where he ran over Bart.

Virginia Trioli, who interviewed a contrite-less Penberthy on air, gave him an absolute beauty.

During a fiesty exchange, Trioli said she did not accept this explanation.

"[As] editor there's a process you go through where you engage your brain before you speak," she said. "The internal question might be 'How could she?'. But the question that you pose on the front-page of the paper surely has to be responsible in terms of what the police is trying to achieve, which is to get the woman to come forward."

Gold.

Fat people are no damn good.

Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

Replace old with fat and that seems to me to be fairly on track for the views of many people. Despite the fact of course 60% of westerners are overweight (or more).

Fat is the final frontier of abuse. You can't mess with someone for their race. Their culture. Their gippy walk. Their speech impediment (you can, but you look like an arse-hat). But you can mess with someone who's fat.

Because clearly it's all their fault. They are the ones who lack self will not to apparently gorge. They are the ones that won't apparently go for a walk for 30 minutes a day (or 60 minutes depending on who is saying). They're the ones that gobble large portions (we all do, they pay for it). They are the ones who can't stop being hungry.

Fat people, suck.

Well, that's what you'd think if you took all of that shit to heart. Which many fattos, me included, do on occasion.

Indeed, as Richard Cohen noted, for those in the political limelight being fat can be political poison.

The book he mentions, Rethinking Thin: The New Science of Weight Loss, seems to be quite interesting. Check out the review here.

It's a good snapshot of why people eat the way they do, why fat people stay fat - or refatten if they lose it unless regimented for the rest of their lives, and societal opinions of those who are overweight.

The book is light on the ground (ha ha) in some areas according to the review, but it acknowledges the valid point that A) some people will always be fat and B) being healthy and happy is far more beneficial than not being healthy and happy, irrespective of your build.

What’s more persuasive is Kolata’s contention that we should replace the elusive goal of thinness with the goal of better health and greater happiness. Here her argument is eminently sensible: Sure, shape up your body. But mostly, make your peace with it.

Amen to that. I eat well (though too much). I exercise (not nearly enough however). But at least I try. And if the price to pay for not striving to put being slim ahead of everything else in my life, including my happiness, is fuckwits in cars calling me a fat cunt as they speed past, or cockheads in blogland using my self admitted condition in a saddo effort to try and make fatty cry*, then so be it.

*I think that's what they are trying to do; either that or they are beating off whilst thinking of my curvy bod

What happened to education? ... Howard did

Howard, like much of what he has accomplished in the past decade, has altered the times to suit him. One was the idea that people couldn't just buy their way ahead of others into uni and disrupting what he likely saw as dangerously lefty places by forcing them down the purely commercial route. Heaven forbid they teach people how to think and educate them beyond the immediacy of what was needed to economically function like modern day e-mill workers.

This is snipped from today's Crikey (by Margaret Thornton, president of the Association of the Public University and professor of law)

Over the last 25 years, spending on university operating grants dropped from approximately 90% to 38%. The rate of contraction was most rapid since the Howard Government came into office in 1996. How paradoxical it is that money should be taken away with the left hand only to have some of it returned with the right -- as though it were an act of benevolence!

We cannot ignore the damage that has already been done to higher education because of the contraction in funding. The sector has not only been impoverished but the very idea of education as a public good has been turned upside down.

As a result of the budget cuts, universities were forced to become market players and sell the only product they had on offer -- education. As a result, students became customers, concerned more about credentialism and the ability to secure a high-paying job in order to repay their mounting education debts rather than the quality of the education itself. Full-fee courses are now offered to both domestic and international students. From 2008, the cap on the amount institutions can charge will be lifted.

In another example of reversion to the values of the 19th century, the ability to pay rather than academic excellence has once again become the criterion for admission. The egalitarian idea of free tertiary education, introduced by Gough Whitlam just over 30 years ago, now seems like a mirage.

It's back - in pog form!

Ah yes. I thought I had been defeated by World Globe 2. Turns out I was mistaken.

TheWife managed to get the world off the spindle thing and we swapped out the old 25 Watt globe with an 8 Watt fluoro one. Except it has all the goodness of a 40 Watt luminescance. It's brighter, better, and is far more cheerier.

Go World Globe go.

Let's never fight again.

(Hugs world globe).

Take that Bitterman!

At the café near our work there’s a regular long term staffer we nick named grumpy. On account of her sunnyless disposition. Today whilst with the Cassmalo I purchased a Lasagne.

Except all I wanted was a half portion. You see as a generously proportioned man with a fatty liver (extra fat, just for you), I try and moderate what I eat. Many times I fail – like when I filled up the car I also bought a Gaytime (Attention Non ozzers a Gaytime is an awesome unfortunately named ice cream whose original tag line was “it’s hard to have a gaytime on your own” which frankly is just an awesome line). So today was no exception. Except the lasagne cannot be half portioned.

Not sure why. Because they are fucking huge. Like the size of a Grisham paper back huge. I really do not need a whole one. Hell I shouldn’t have it at all but still I persisted with trying at least for a half size. You know, akin to a proper balanced size of eating (see article here).

Grumpy said no (cough).

So I paid the for the whole thing and managed to leave mostly half of it (I ate the crusty top).

Yay me. Except of course the Gaytime I had totally undermined it, as indeed did the peanut butter sandwich I had when the wife fell asleep on the bean bag in front of the heater.

On a side note Jenno used to have one of those wipe board shopping lists on her fridge. It was a Garfield one. One of the “helpful” suggestions scribed already on by Garfield was six packets of lasagne. For some reason every time I went past it I felt the need to write that several times on her shopping list. Also, when they moved in, they had a hole in the wall about the size of a fantail. So naturally I stuck a fantail in it and took some photos of it.

Attention p0rn email spammers

When sending me an emailed triptych of a girl reaching into a dude’s pants, then a side diagram of a c0ck, followed by the successful retrieval and admiring glance’n’hold of a rather large member, try and have the physical characteristics of the people presented as similar. Since the dude on the left was white and the dude on the right clearly was not.

It’s as bad a continuity as the p!sstake Orgazmo where the stunt c0ck was a big burly black dude filling in for a very white Trey Parker.

Of course production values are a secondary consideration in the p0rn world so really I am probably reaching on that one.

Reaching!

I kill me.

Kate Fischer slags off Tara Reid for being a bimbo

Pot. Kettle. Black.

Fuck I hate this Oops show. Why am I watching it? Fischer's voice grates on me. She sounds like a bored sex line operator. 'Yeah, yeah, I'm all wet and sliding it in. Whatever.'

Grrr.

Won't someone please think of the scabs!?

Michael Duffy hates the ABC. He's run campaigns against it for years. Yesterday's whinge about the ABC's co-venture bastard boys was just typical.

See it here.

I particularly love how Duffy complains how Corrigan - the man who sacked people without notice and bought in dogs and masked men to the wharf - is depicted. "He's shown as a cold meanie and not the loveable scamp he is in real life! Meanwhile the unionists have families!"

I also particularly love this para.

For balance, Bastard Boys might have replaced one of its main union characters with one of the workers who briefly replaced the wharfies. These were often farmers driven off the land by economic reforms. Some sold their houses in the country and moved to the city to work on the wharves, then found themselves unemployed again when the courts ordered Patrick to reinstate the members of the MUA. These men and women, portrayed in the series as "scabs", suffered more than anyone else in this conflict.

Boo fucking hoo. They knew exactly what they were getting in for. They agreed to be a part of the greatest government fuck you to workers since since the lockouts of the early 80s'. So sad they lost their jobs ... because Patrick was found to have illegally sacked its workforce. Not because the MUA were big meanies themselves.

Of course under Workchoices the Operational reasons - with the crane rates etc (which were slow by modern port standards) - the MUA would have lost today.

Poor old Michael Duffy. I tell you what, try and find some Liberal party hacks who have done something news worthy where they can be depicted in a loving fashion and lets see if the ABC can go co-venture with that? How about a mini series about how the Libs hired 12 law firms to write 1200 pages of worker fucking over legislation then bought it in without taking it to the voters first. That would be some classy stuff.

DISCLAIMER: Mikey is a union member and a member of the ALP.

Sheridan - war going badly (thanks to lefty luvies)

“THE war on terror, the long war, just now is going badly. Very badly. Our enemies are making solid progress, geographically, organisationally and in their brilliant public relations campaigns. The West is divided and in key battlefields losing resolve.”

This is Greg Sheridan, the Oz’s foremost neocon commentator over at the Oz, Australia’s foremost partisan paper for the A’s and B’s (in advertising demographic terms).

Sheridan gives a snapshot on the war to date and makes some interesting points. And no not all of them are right wing knee jerkery, though many of them are. These are the ones I am going to have umbrage with.

“Both US Vice-President Dick Cheney and former US deputy secretary of defence Paul Wolfowitz have told me that they all along believed - and still believe - that Saddam Hussein had substantial connections to al-Qa'ida. In the lead-up to the invasion of Iraq, the then deputy secretary of state Rich Armitage told me that the danger of Saddam co-operating with terrorists, especially in the provision of weapons of mass destruction, was at the top of US concerns.”

Of course Sheridan does not define exactly what constitutes “substantial” but Cheney et al certainly and with great breathiness used these apparent links to underscore the reason why into Iraq. Despite the best “hold on” from other government sources, though Tenet himself does note in his recent memoir that he believed Iraq did have WMD or were seeking it at the time. However the substantial links to AQ on the other hand were not a huge slam dunk as those dickheads claim.

“However, Tenet makes absolutely clear (as several other memoirs have in less detail) that Saddam did indeed have a relationship with al-Qa'ida that was rightly of grave concern to Washington. In evidence that should be sensational, but has only really been given prominence by Bill Kristol in The Weekly Standard, Tenet describes how 200 al-Qa'ida fighters relocated to Iraq with Saddam's permission and how an al-Qa'ida camp in Iraq worked on the production of poisons such as cyanide. Intelligence reports led to the arrest of nearly 100 al-Qa'ida operatives in Europe who had planned to use such poisons.

Other senior al-Qa'ida figures relocated to Baghdad with Saddam's permission. According to Tenet, there was evidence that al-Qa'ida associates in Iraq were planning operations against the US. Tenet also makes it clear that al-Qa'ida was trying hard to obtain a nuclear weapon.”

The reason why Kristol is bringing up these bits is because Kristol’s hands are pink with the blood of innocents killed in Iraq because of this war, as indeed are Sheridan’s, who was jumping up and down with the rest of them on the urgency to go get Saddy as much as any fuckwit in the right wing media over in the states. By continuing to harp on about AQ and Saddam it in their mind still justifies the war was genuinely fought on real grounded fears as opposed to dodgy intel cooked up by a cabal of insiders that ignored a lot of the qualification for that intelligence, including by Tenet, carefully chosen excerpts not withstanding. Oh - and intel is always worried about anyone getting access to WMD irrespective of who and what is behind it. It's the number one fear of all intellos.

As Bill Moyer noted in the recent doco on the Media and the Iraq war that the US administration was drumming up the AQ and Saddy link in the immediacy of the war: “Strobel learned that within two weeks after 9/11, senior intelligence officers were growing concerned that the bush administration was stretching 'little bits and pieces of information….' to Connect Saddam Hussein to Al qaeda — with no hard evidence.”

You can see the transcript here

Here’s more

BILL MOYERS: Within the month Strobel found out the Pentagon had already dispatched James Woolsey to Europe looking for any shred of evidence to incriminate hussein....

WARREN STROBEL: He did this even knowing that the CIA had already analyzed this carefully and found no such links. So, the more I thought about that, the more it just didn't seem to make sense.

And some more

BOB SIMON (60 MINUTES 12/8/02): The administration has been trying to make the link to implicate Saddam Hussein in the attacks of September 11th and they've been pointing to an alleged meeting between Mohammed Atta, the lead hijacker, and an Iraqi intelligence officer in the Czech capital of Prague.

BOB SIMON: If we had combed Prague and found out that there was absolutely no evidence for a meeting between Mohammad Atta and the-- the Iraqi intelligence figure. If we knew that, you had to figure that the administration knew it. And yet they were selling the connection between Al Qaeda and Saddam.

And on it goes.

BOB SIMON: Saddam as most tyrants, was a total control freak. He wanted total control of his regime. Total control of the country. And to introduce a wild card like Al Qaeda in any sense was just something he would not do. So I just didn't believe it for an instant.

This is not to say Tenet is wrong about there being camps in Iraq and that people were not trained to do nefarious things (he’s the ex head of the CIA so I am sure that is likely the case). But the administration in the US deliberately skewed available “evidence” to try and link Saddy to S11 as a means to go to the most disastrous war the US has been involved in since Vietnam. Furthermore it painted Saddy and AQ as like best buds who’d go cruising in their pimp mobile in big floppy hats as opposed to types who were at best in a very uneasy alliance and at worst plotting against each other for diametrical viewpoints (secular dictatorship by a family Vs theological dictatorship by clerics). And the idea that Saddy would give AQ a nuke is frankly ludicrous since A) Saddy would need ALL the nukes for himself and B) he could never ever be sure AQ wouldn't use it to try and get him.

Sheridan also brings up these points.

“The ability of the terrorists to create dramatic international events that feed into its single narrative, and play on pre-existing Muslim paranoia, which is greatly amplified by the anti-Western bias of much of the Western Left and media (as outlined in the seminal book What's Left by Nick Cohen), makes it extraordinarily difficult for the West to win the hearts and minds battle at the centre of the war on terror.”

And

“This shows the awesome power of what the boffins call al-Qa'ida's "single narrative" for Muslims everywhere. The single narrative is the most powerful propaganda tool yet devised. It presents all of Muslim experience worldwide as a story of Western and Zionist persecution of Muslims. This embraces obvious cases such as Palestinians, Kashmiris and Bosnians, but also the experience of Muslims in the Middle East under corrupt governments, the experience of Muslims in India, the marginalised status of Muslims in western Europe, the conflict in Iraq and everything else. The beauty of the single narrative is that any grievance at all, real or imagined, whether based in fact or fantasy or conspiracy, can be fitted into it.”

Sheridan of course by tying in yummy words like Zionist and fantasy and conspiracy makes it all seem exactly that. What a crock ‘o’ shit. There is real and aggrieved reasons why fuckwits imagine getting recipes for nail bombs off the internet then meeting with like minded to go and kill innocents is acceptable because they genuinely believe their faith and brothers in their faith are being fucked on. Yes, there is a huge amount of X files esq bull dust that jihadist websites and sermons propagate. That’s completely true. Hell the Protocol’s of the Elder’s of Zion as still being treated as ridgy didge in some Islamic themed countries – despite the fact they are a 100% total crock of poo likely crafted by sneaky Russians as part of early cold war mischief.

But there are genuine areas of concern that as irony would have it Sheridan actually listed. Palestine has been a contentious issue ever since the Brits bugged out because of Jewish terrorism in the late 40’s. Throw into that heady mix you also have the West Bank which is still under occupation by Israel (sure Israel pre-emptive attacked to seize it ahead of forces marshalling against them, but they also pinched the Sinai, settled it, then gave it back to Egypt to ensure peace – and look it fucking worked!).

Bosnia, Kosovo, backed of undemocratic regimes by western powers (Saudis, Iran under the Shah, Iraq under the Ba’athists until they pinched Kuwait) etc etc show that western powers have form on interfering with the internal governance of Islamic themed nations to the detriment of those within it. Part and parcel unfortunately of western economies being tied to the reliable provision of oil.

The cockheads that blew up bombs in London cited Iraq as a reason to do what they did. However misguided they were, that was the reason cited – to whit western interference in a part of the world they felt kinship with. Yes, it’s fucked that Briton raised Muslims would think their martyrdom for a place thousands of miles away was required, but then seeking support from fellow expats overseas in safety is straight out of the copy book of insurgency (witness the IRA and US Irish links; the Tamils across the world; Cubans in the US etc - hello Bay of Pigs!).

Britain ended up home to so many Muslim people as a result of their collapsing empire (Pakistan and Indian Muslims) and as a result of accepting them when they were persecuted by dictatorships they backed anyway either directly or indirectly (Iraq, Iran). Hell, Khomenni himself was kept on ice in France as a hedge if needed by the French in case the French could whack him in if the Shah left and the French get in there and get some of the oil. Pity it backfired on everyone forcing the west to then back Saddy in a war where he gleefully used WMD on Iranians and Iraqis alike and only got smacked for it as part of the kick him out of Kuwait campaign several years later.

The reason the single narrative works so well is a combination both of AQ using propaganda, and seriously they are very skilled at using it as Sheridan notes, but also because there is genuine feelings of persecution by Muslims across the world because of actions by the west in backing regimes that fuck on them – from Israel through to dictatorships of a Muslim hue.

Why does the west do it? Because democracy is messy and dictatorships bring certainty of supply. So the west is happy enough to deal with people who take people off the street, tie them to a bed frame, and add electricity. Hell they’re happy to deal with people who boil people alive it means access to air bases.

Our addiction to oil meant that the west treated the Middle East people poorly. By treating them as nothing more as pawns of the governments that owned them these pawns eventually bit back. Sometimes at their own governments. A lot of the time against their customers – the west.

At any rate, Sheridan is right. The “war” is going badly. Largely because of fuckwits like him on the right that insist on backing unpalatable regimes, refuse to force Israel to treat fairly and defuse one of the major issues in the region, then invading a country under false pretence then proceed to cock up the hand over to the people and encouraging the deaths of hundreds and thousands of people giving violent insurgency a fucking proton energy pill to fuck up the west for a period of 20 years or more.

If you want to read Sheridan go here.

However we can’t let him go unless we laugh at this comment.

“The Western commentariat, not least in Australia, has embraced the pro-terrorist proposition that almost the only people not morally responsible for terrorism are the terrorists.”

No we haven’t. There’s hardly a commentator around that piously declares that people who blow people up are not to blame. They are. At the end of the day killing people is wrong. Sure, there are degrees of wrong. But what we are focussed on here are the drivers for the decision to be made to do these things – to remove the conditions that allow fuckwits to fester and come to the boil with nail bombs and car bombs. And to infer somehow that because people criticse foreign policy that allows genesis of terror means they think terrorists are justified in what they do is pathetic slander. That's not to say there are not some who do think it is justified - but the vast majority do not.

Speaking of pathetic slander. I read a recent review by Sheridan against his arch rival Hugh White, a former member of the Defence department. Sheridan naturally slammed the hell out of White’s paper claiming it was nothing more than a thinly disguised revamp of Fortress Australia – which was a strategic organisation of the Australian military to focus on the conventional defence of Australia by sinking invading seacraft then using the army to take care of anyone that makes it. You see – because we’re a fucking island. Anyway, in Sheridan’s booting into White Sheridan made merry note of White’s dark past as a hand picked staffer to Labor pollies who then migrated to the Defence department because of it. Inferring that White was nothing more than an ALP stooge and had no business directing Defence policy.

He of course completely ignored the fact that White not only once wrote for The Australian in a similar capacity to Sheridan himself (I don’t know if they were at the paper together) but also neglected to point out the White had been a senior analyst as the Office of National Assessments prior to staffing at parliament – the premier overarching assessor’s of intelligence in this country.

Sheridan can bitch and moan and wank on with his righty “Kristol-esq” armchair strategic theories all he wants. But White has something Sheridan will never have. Practical experience as an Intelligence analyst, foreign affairs advisor to government, and direct oversight of Defence policy.

So I tell you what Sheridan. If you think you’re so fucking great at policy analysis and can write a better policy paper I challenge you to leave your lofty comfie perch as Australia’s leading armchair speaker for the right and attempt to join the government in that capacity.

It would be quite the challenge as I doubt you wouldn’t even make it past the psych interview.

The lighter fluid from the Pepsi commercial accident sues Jackson for abuse

Sacramento, California: The lighter fluid that accidentally immolated faded Jackson Five front person, Michael Jackson, announced today that it is suing Jackson for improper conduct towards the flammable liquid.

'When we were back stage it encouraged us to drink red wine from coke cans and look at p0rn,' said the lighter fluid in a statement. 'Then Jackson asked to spend some time in his bed where he fondled my container. I didn't say anything at the time because I was too embarrassed. Then after the accident he refused to talk to me, claiming the setting him on fire was deliberate.'

Jackson, who relocated to Bahrain with his many similarly named children like Michael I and Michael II, aka Blanket or some shit like that, through a spokesperson claimed the lighter fluid was lying and said that the lighter fluid's mother was also a lying skank who was encouraging her son to sue Jackson because Jackson had kicked her off his ranch.

'It's just sad when lighter fluid goes wrong and instead of simply doing its job in lighting cigs or what not that it resorts to legal trickery to squeeze dollars out of a much maligned man... er ... Mr .... no, er ... um .... Jackson,' added the spokesperson.

Bubbles was not available for comment.

Most, most interesting

According to Crikey "On Tuesday night, Peter Costello's 12th televised budget attracted an average audience of 707,000 viewers nationally to the ABC. Last night, Kevin Rudd's address in reply averaged 718,000."

Well, well, well. I can't recall off hand an Opposition leader actually beating the govt in ratings on that, but then I can't remember ratings ever being noted before. It still gives me hope that the Labor Lite (very) budget the Libs bought down will be given the contempt it deserves as a 'look, see, we listen' once every three years effort.

Oh - how was Howard complaining about Rudd bringing an Ad out RE his economic viewpoint. Let's all forget the Latham ads that were so, so effective when used by the Libs last time. It's almost as if Labor assumes the Libs will go the muck raking smear and and neatly defusing it ahead of time. Who would have thought that they'd learn their lesson? That's not fair on the Libs!

Finally home

Well all in all it went pretty well. My parents and thewife's seemed to get on fine. Which is good. Glad we were there for it.

Some highlights from today include

Biting into a McDonald's Cafe donut and spraying jam all down my shirt in some sort of raspberry coloured money shot, leaving me with stereotypical stains as you'd seen on a fat person. Because I am obviously so hungry for jam donut goodness that I care not I look like a falstaff type.

Being gently rear ended by the car behind when traffic slowed. We didn't even bother to get out since they hit our towbar and we figured it be more damage to them. Note to self check car in the morning.

Discovering there is no toilet on the M7 and having to find a reasonable emergency phone divot to pull in to in order to find privacy for some urgent wees. Then trying to get back into traffic and getting honked at by some cockbrain despite the fact I gave them at least 500m warning I was coming out.

Otherwise, all good. Be it ever so humble there is of course no place like home. A big thanks to Jenno for cat looking after.

Attention taxpayers

Area man has finished his remote work from the office. He will now enjoy the next few hours and go see kewl people and things and eat tea cake.

See y'all Saturday (probably - unless I get a Bee Bonnet again).

HM signing off.

HM suggests a correction to the ABC

RE this article

Dear ABC,

Today you quoted the PM as saying the following about Mr Rudd.

"He has talked long and hard about an education revolution, now he finds himself in the embarrassing position that this Government has done far more for education than he's ever promised to do," he said.

I think what you meant to say was

"He has talked long and hard about an education revolution, now he finds himself in the embarrassing position that this Government has done far more to education than he's ever promised to do," he said.

If you could make that correction I'd appreciate it. Oh, if the PM did actually say the former, if you could advise him the latter is factually far more correct I'd appreciate it.

Yours,

HM

Oh no! Poor Tony!

Uh oh jungo, the Tonester might get excommunicated by the Pope! So in theory he will have gone from failed priest to failed Catholic and not get into heaven when he gets there because of it.

Or because of all the actual shitty stuff he's done.

I can only assume Tony Abbott will be given the arse from Catholic Land(tm) on account of his being the health minister and therefore in a position to shut down abortion across the country as a result. Or maybe his arranging funding to the 'no dear, Abortion is murder and you will be killing an innocent' pregnancy "... helplines..." will absolve him?

Whatever happens I'd say if he springs for a nice steaming hot piece of Mary Toast for Pope Ratty then all will likely be forgiven.

What will wacky Hamas think up next?

"Death to the occupiers" Hamas seems to have come up with a "...kewl..." way to reach the kids with their message of "Israel bad n'kay", to whit a giant fucking mouse rip off of Mickey.

I am on record as having freaked when a man in a Mickey suit advanced on me at the Perth show in the 70's. Seeing this really, really crap costume bought it all back.

I wonder what the Mouseketeers will be wearing? Presumably no chicks and just macho dudes with jihadi headbands and mouse ears.

Is it me or does this kind of remind us all, once again, of the Simpsons?

Lisa stands in front of a display of stuffed animals.

Lisa: Who are all these characters?

Bart: Well, you're probably too young to remember the short-lived "Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour". They had to come up with some friends. There's Disgruntled Goat, Uncle Ant, Ku Klux Klam...

Lisa: Oh yeah, heh. They weren't very funny.

Bart: I dunno...Disgruntled Goat had his moments.

UPDATE: Oh in no way do I back either Hamas or Israel in their conflict. They're both in the wrong and both carry on like a pair of pork chops*. They need to be locked in a room and not come out until they can work out how they are going to share. Like Ms Krabappel and Skinner. See, it can always come back to the Simpson's. It's the Kevin Bacon of the new millennium. *Geddit! Neither can eat pork! I is am an hilarious man. Not.

Area man a lying caramel slice eater

Well dinner #2 sort of went well. Except my mum's constant imputations on my honesty. To whit I am a stinking liar. Apparently. I like to think of myself as honest. Sure the odd 50 or so white lies a day (I think that's average), but not fundamentally dishonest save for say feelings about how I feel about some people or things where I don't want to say anything for hurting someone's feelings and so forth.

But basically I am honest.

For example tired of the shit I got for drinking Diet Coke one day in front of mum I rang the Coke hotline listed on the can. Had a conversation with a nice lady and found out that a can of DC has about as much caffeine in it as 1/3 of a cup of coffee (Mum's gripe).

Apparently she thinks I made the coke lady's answers up. As in there was no one on the other end of the phone.

Really, I am not that devious. Sure occasionally I may cheat at UNO (fun for ages 4+) when you stick more than one card down. Tee hee. But that doesn't make me a compulsive liar of the 'I waz kidnapped by aeliuns and theys done gone and poked at me cookie hole' trailer park Jerry Springer' variety.

Grrr.

Still apart from that it went well. Though I was a bit tiddly and shouted down a couple of times. Oh the caramel slice thing from last night got a mention (by me) whereupon I kept saying how I wasn't allowed any on account of having some within a 24 hour period.

NKOTB allegedly consumed by FYC

New York, US; On the eve of ‘Battle of the 80’s Acronyms’, a pay per view show designed to showcase the faded talents of that era's bands better known by their initials, former original boy band NKOTB, aka New Kids on The Block, has allegedly been eaten by British rockers FYC, aka Fine Young Cannibals.

Left: NKOTB in their more youthful likely tastier heyday

‘We went to the alley backstage to call the NKOTB lads to the mikes only to discover it empty, a single basketball resting against the wall – the lads having practiced their “moves” to “hanging tough” their seminal break out hit whose lyrics were in direct contrast to their ability as slender young white men from the suburbs to actually act in a tough like manner,’ said a remarkably insightful roadie. ‘But they were missing.’

A search of the area turned up a blood trail leading into a disused storeroom. There human remains were found implying slaughter of several individuals had taken place.

‘Fine Young Cannibals were previously seen ducking into the room for a durry and, given their band’s iconic name, we were concerned they had decided to act upon their nomenclature and actually engage in consuming the other white meat.’

The unsurprisingly unhungry band were questioned by detectives, and salvia scrapings were taken to determine the presence of any NKOTB DNA that may be lurking in FYC mouths.

Several now middle aged former groupies apparently presented at various therapists offices upon hearing of the news of the band's dietary related possible demise.

Reptile man lies through his creepy snake mouth

Tony Abbott naturally piously declares the Libs are the greatest thing ever since Moses came down with the tablets and that Labor is evil.

Here's Abbott attempting to spin their shitty fucked up kick poor people in the teeth dental plan.

For instance, last night's budget improved Medicare-funded dental treatment for people with chronic disease, substantially increased Medicare rebates for some medical specialists' services and continued to invest more in Aboriginal health. Even so, the Government has not relieved the states of their responsibility to provide public dentistry nor made a "no child shall live in poverty by 1990"-style pledge on Aboriginal health.

In 2004 the Government introduced up to three Medicare-funded dental consultations a year for people whose dental problems were exacerbating a chronic medical condition such as diabetes. Fewer patients than anticipated have benefited from this, mostly because the measure didn't cover the procedures that people with poor dental health typically needed.

After November 1, people with chronic and complex conditions whose poor oral health is likely to affect their general health will be eligible for an initial consultation plus subsequent Medicare-funded dental treatment (such as fillings, extractions, crowns and dentures) up to a limit of $2000 a year. The Government will immediately begin consultations with dentists on a fee schedule (probably based on the long-established veterans' arrangements). The new scheme is estimated to cost $378 million over the next four years and to benefit 200,000 people but, like other Medicare-funded benefits, this measure will be demand-driven and determined by clinical need rather than a fixed budget.

The new measure will help some of the 650,000 people on public dental waiting lists whom the states have let down. As old age or disability pensioners, many could be on GP-led team care plans and would be eligible for Medicare-funded dental treatment. Unlike Labor's proposal to give the states more money, the new measure reflects the Government's instinct, wherever possible, to fund primary health through Medicare on a fee-for-service basis.

See the SMH article here.

So Tonester who previously declared 'ONLY STATES MAY DO DENTISTS!' has changed it to 'NO, STATES MUST HELP TOO BUT WE'RE DOING, SO, SO MUCH!' And even then he is doing so, so little.

See how snakey highlights how much they are doing? See? Now let's see where the rider is.

"people with chronic and complex conditions whose poor oral health is likely to affect their general health will be eligible for an initial consultation plus subsequent Medicare-funded dental treatment (such as fillings, extractions, crowns and dentures) up to a limit of $2000 a year. "

So as noted, the people it helps on the 650,000 people waiting for public dental assistance, the people there largely because Abbott's compassionate lacking government scrapped the use of health cards for dental treatment, are those WHO HAVE OTHER HEALTH CONDITIONS WHERE THEIR ILLNESS IS AFFECTED BY THEIR TEETH.

If you just happen to have say an abscess or impacted wisdom teeth and go to sleep with a dull head ache and wake up with watery blood staining your pillow case then tough shit. That's up to the states.

Dress it up all you like Abbott. You could simply give anyone with a health card access to dental treatment. Sure it may cost more than your "... generous..." 378 million but all those people in searing agony could be assisted. And as someone who suffers chronic pain let me tell you it strongly impacts on your ability to eagerly embrace your work and non work life leading to low productivity, depression, and general unpleasantness.

Do not be fooled by Abbott and his grinning ilk as they take our money then drip it back to us in an ideologically fueled manner. Boot them to the curb at the election. People this twisted do not deserve government.

Clive Hamilton on the government and Greenhouse

When deploying the big-lie technique there are rules to be followed: be audacious; never admit fault; never accept the possibility of alternatives; and repeat the falsehood so often that people end up accepting it as truth. This describes the Government's approach, one now articulated with renewed vigour by Turnbull.

Read the SMH article here.

Dental Plan! (Lisa needs braces)

So according to the SMH the "Dental Plan" is as follows

Dental patients with a chronic illness get a bigger bite of Medicare payments under changes in the budget.

Patients whose doctors have referred them to a dentist will be able to claim rebates from Medicare of more than $2100 - nearly 10 times what they can get now.

The dental upgrade is part of a $947 million medical injection over four years aimed at combating chronic disease.

So correct me if I am wrong if it's a Medicare rebate then you having to fucking pay up front which is the whole fucking problem of getting fucking assistance in the fucking first place when you don't have any fucking money.

Fucked up hating poor people arse-hats.

UPDATE: I checked the website. According to here then ...

1) After paying for the consultation as usual (cash, cheque, credit card or EFTPOS), your Medicare card is swiped through the EFTPOS terminal
your claim is automatically encrypted and sent to Medicare for verification and an approval message is sent back to the EFTPOS terminal
2) swipe your bank debit card and key in your PIN
3) the EFTPOS terminal prints a receipt and the rebate is paid into your bank account almost instantly.

Which means according to my criminally small brain you have to have the wedge of cash to cover the bill BEFORE the rebate is applied. Which as you know is not a problem for those with a Health Card because as Peter Dutton so often tells us the little fuckers are rich with the jelly that is illegally garnered social security benifits.

UPDATE2: Wait, no I have gone off up my rage tree again. According to here you can "claim your unpaid account from Medicare and receive a cheque made out in the doctor’s name which you give to your doctor along with any outstanding balance".

Right so you can in fact get billed, get your Medicare applied, then pay your Doctor? I guess the proof is in the pudding in exactly how this is administered. If it turns out poor people can claim their services in advance of payment and they pay just a small percentage of the costs I can live with that. Fuck, I would gladly give away my $60 odd monthly tax cut if it meant better more effective health provision for the lower end in town.

UPDATE3: Medicare does not nail down exactly how Dental rebate works. This site from July last year seems to explain it better - see here.

Here's the relevant bit

Two years ago, the Federal Government announced that Medicare would cover dental procedures for the first time. Patients with chronic health problems like diabetes and heart disease that are made worse by bad oral health could be referred by a GP and Medicare would cover part of the dentist's fees. The new scheme was supposed to benefit 23 000 people over four years.

Well, how is this system going? Abysmally, says the MJA this week. In 2005, there were only 2055 GP referrals for dental assessment and 2500 dental treatments worth a total of just over $500 000 (or $250 per 100 000 population). In other words, there's been negligible use of the scheme. The cost and time involved doesn't make it financially worthwhile for patients, doctors or dentists, it says. The patient can't be referred until the original medical condition is treated – which leads to a long delay in dental treatment. And the rebate only covers a small part of the cost of the dental treatment, leaving patients out of pocket, and acting as a deterrant to those thinking about using the scheme.

So they may it seems fix the second part but not the first. Here's an idea, why not simply have those on health care cards et al get treatment for chronic dental issues at the dentist without needing a referral (like they used to)? Would that not mean the poor can get treated there and then? I wish I understood medical funding and provision of services better.

Wait a second ... it's only if you have a chronic illness first! Fuckwits! Poor oral care LEADS to heart problems in some people. If you fucking fix the fucking teeth the fucking knock on effects are fucking reduced. This dental plan sucks my hairy anus! Let alone the fact that if you're in dental pain your pain is often extreme and may not be linked to a bad disease in the first place. And it seems if you're poor then tough shit.

Why the fact can't they just restore the original Health Care Card benefits to access dental care is beyond me. But then this is a government whose Health Minister thinks it's your personal responsiblity to avoid succumbing to the 10,000 junk food ads you see a year and that his government has absolutely nothing to do with regulating how fast food is presented to the viewing public.

I hate these fuckers.

Well ... it did not suck

Regular readers will know of my apprehension visa vie the great meeting of in laws. Tonight it happened.

It did not suck.

My mum was only very mildly offensive (towards me - "oh Michael you do not NEED a third caramel slice"), Dad was charming, thewife's parents warm and talkative.

Thank god for bod my brother who managed to keep it all flowing along with tales of teaching. Alwayds good fun.

Tomorrow they're all headed out exploring the local sites while I toil on behalf of you, the Australian tax payer, to crunch this report data in time.

The only dissapointing note was the fact I oil derricked about 5 minutes ago so violently that my ring is stinging.

I guess that's probably one for the 'Too Much Information' file.

Stupid IBS meets gastro. Right now Act IV of Macbeth is firing through my guts.

Man - that's a nerdy thing to say. Maybe the witches were cooking up a big bubbling pot of Alka Seltzer to sooth the savage stomach beast or something?

Anyway, guts bad.

In laws are having dinner again tomorrow. Thai here. So we got to go through it again. Still, so far so good. It could have gone far, far worse.

Dad just made a misplaced funny

Thedad is busy making garlic bread for tonight.

I asked 'that garlic bread?'

'No,' he replied. 'It's Dalek bread - like in Starwars.'

You know what? I just appreciate the fact he tries.

Take notes some righty commentators

Check out Gerard "Former Chief of Staff to John Howard" back peddling in today's SMH. Hendo, like some righty commentators is big on sweeping all encompassing statements then when told he is a twat and that his statements have all the factual consistency of a Mission Accomplished then he goes the qualification for his views.

I upset a few colleagues and associates on the ABC TV Insiders program last Sunday week when I said that no members of the left in Australia had publicly opposed the murders of Iraqi civilians by al-Qaeda in Iraq or by the Iraqi insurgency. By the left, I mean those who classify themselves as being on the left - from members of the ALP's left-wing faction to those who write for leftist magazines such as Overland, and on to the more radical types who support Green Left Weekly.

It is possible that I have overlooked one or more members of the left. However, no one has provided a record of a public statement by a left-wing type condemning such terrorism in a speech, an article or column or during an interview. There have been such condemnations by some commentators whose position derives from the social democratic, as distinct from the left, tradition within the labour movement. The former diplomat and one-time Labor staffer Michael Costello and the lawyer Jim Nolan come to mind.

See the SMH here

You see 'By Left' he actually means this tiny segment of the more histronic hard core el reddo lefties as opposed to anyone who considers their politics a little pink in hue.

Attention those some righties. Get used to using what we call qualifiers. Such as 'some', 'few', 'a couple', or even 'one or two'.

That way your wanky blowhard statements like 'all jihadists must die', 'all leftists love terror', and 'leftist/islamofascist alliance' and other such fucked up stupid mind numbingly moronic all inclusive statements don't make you look like a twat.

Such as Hendo.

Update: Just in case you thought I was praising Hendo for his qualification. I wasn't. I was pointing out he's a right wing twat who likes nothing more to lump everyone who disagrees with him in with terrorists et al. And if you read the rest of his "... qualification..." you will find that he manages to lump us all in again.

Pilger's support for the resistance is matched by Michael Leunig's denial about the insurgency. The cartoonist is the embodiment of the values of the inner-city left. On November 29 last year, Leunig depicted Howard stating: "I'm so squeaky clean that everywhere I go I make this wonderful squeaking sound." The sound came from the sign which Howard was dragging which read: "650,000 Iraqis slaughtered for nothing."

Leunig returned to the topic on April 27, just after Anzac Day. This time he depicted a double page of a newspaper. On one side were the words: "Australian Identity Defined In Gallipoli - Mateship", with a photo of some World War I Diggers. On the other side were the words: "Australian Identity Further Defined In Iraq - 650,000 Iraqis Killed", with a photo of Bush decked out as the Virginia Tech mass murderer with an automatic pistol in each hand. The murderous US President was presented as "Our Mate".

Leunig's work shows the denialism of the Australian left on this issue. Whatever a person's position on the invasion of Iraq, the fact is that most Iraqi deaths are being caused by members of the Iraqi insurgency - Sunni and Shiite alike - as well as by the radical Islamists who comprise al-Qaeda in Iraq.

So Leunig, who is a fucking cartoonist and not say a puffed up idealogue who runs a right wing institute where right wingers comes and say how great it is to be right wing and how Hendo loves their advice unless of course if it's how Howard has stuffed up in which case who are they to tell us what to do, is clearly nothing more than someone who suckles the milk of Jihad (reading between the lines). And because "The cartoonist is the embodiment of the values of the inner-city left. " then anyone that lives A) in the inner city and B) is left wing in orientation therefore thinks the same.

Gerard Henderson, megatwat.

Oh Hendo, riddle me this. If your beloved Bush hadn't A) invaded Iraq under false pretence and B) cocked up the post Saddam transition so, so badly, would we even be having this conversation? Of course not. When someone who through their actions (however benign) causes misery and bad things to happen who tends to get the blame?

Fuckwit.

An HM update

This is completely self serving and of course of minimal interest to largely well anyone.

I am back at my parent's place in their home town. Awaiting the arrival of thewife's parents who are here this afternoon.

In the past four days I have been helping out at a 10 year old's birthday party (I was in charge of cryptic clues for the treasure ... which they solved in about two seconds - stupid Gen Y), gotten gastro from a petrol station carvery (ooooooh man that was bad. It looked like one of those ye oldie oil derricks in the desert striking the black stuff ... only brown), driven 800 kays or so (all up - mostly thewife), and gone to a dodgy steakhouse complete with an upside down 10 foot rubber croc hanging off the ceiling, and generally felt pretty crusty.

So now I am working remote from the office as thewife prepares the way for the great meeting of in laws 2007.

Various things have happened that have as usual irked me. The greatest of course being the 'kind wash' the Libs have applied to work choices that will be as effective in curtailing employers from squeezing their workers as cheese is to open a sticky spout. But since my parent's are politically mostly neutral I have to hold back on my yelling at the TV. Though apparently my dad has a thing for Julia Gillard and told her so one lecture he went to. She blushed.

Thewife has already had to tell off themum [my mum] for themum's various views on things such as 'if you're overweight you're not a good person'. That's not really how she means it but it's how it comes out. Thewife told her in no uncertain terms that the important thing was to eat well and be active and if you happen to be a bit chubbo then c'est la vie and all that. Go thewife.

Anyway, I am at work. So as such I had best hot foot it to crunching the data I bought with me. Post dinner update later. It's going to be a wild scene.

Eeep for the great meet

We're going back to my old home town because thewife's parents will be holidaying near by and wish to meet my parents for the first time.

Thewife and I have been together since the mid 90s, and married in the early noughties. Her parents couldn't make her wedding on account of a bout of breast cancer and since my mum cannot fly (she could - she hates to because she is chair bound) - we've generally gone to them for holiday related stuff.

Finally their paths will cross.

While both our sets of parents are English migrants, both sets are from different sides of the tracks. Mine were public [private in the UK]/selective school solid middle to upper class. Thewife's blue collar workers and proud of it. My mother's voice would not be out of place reading the BBC news. Thewife's not out of place in Coronation Street or East Enders.

My mum has a tendency to "speak her mind". Or rather ignore social conventions to discuss things like elephants in the room. I think part of it is her, part of it is her being an ex journo, and part of it is her being disabled - because people hesitate to criticise themes discussed by cripples.

Least that's how I see it.

Note to fascists. If you had one of your leaders in a wheelchair you might cop less crap.

Anyway. The meeting. Thewife and her parents went through an extended spat that involved no speaks for several months and finally tentative recontact. My mum knows about this - and thewife discussed it at length. I am terrified my mum will say something like "Now (thewife's parents) it's so good that you patched up after that silly spat. If only you could get your other daughter to speak to you it would all be great!" [thewife's sister has not talked to her parents since said original spat].

It's that kind of positive negative that my mum is so good at. It's not at all meant to be malicious. She thinks she's being helpful - truly she does. So does my dad - with things like offering me $2000 to dangerously drop 40% of my body weight in two months. It's out of love. It's out of compassion. But it's wrong and still hurtful sometimes. And when I am around my parents I often feel mentally I am reverting back to sullen teen mode where they look at me as I reach for a Diet Coke or second piece of toast and shake their heads sadly.

Anyway, thewife's parents are nice people. A bit grumpy, and very old fashioned. Things like acceptance of race and sexual identity beyond the "norm" as they see it is quite difficult for them. Their sense of humour is ... a little lacking I'd say. That's just me. Thewife had a hard time growing up with them and she has really worked at helping them turn from sour people to well people.

But these are people coming up against my parents, my parents who seem to have the mentality of a 19th century missionary preaching to the ignorant savage in a kind of blissful one with god manner despite tramping cultural sensitivities into the dust.

Needless to say I am worried it’s all going to go pear shaped. Luckily my work is allowing me to work remote from the office so while I am doing that thewife can deal with the great meeting of minds.

It’s so not going to go well.

PS My relationship with my father in law has always been rocky. I think the lowest moment was when one Xmas he walked in on me while I was reading a book and absent mindely rolling a wheelie massager back and forth across my chest. That of course wasn't bad. It's just that for some reason I had elected to wear one of those dolphin massagers on my head. I looked up to see him, my eyes furrowed under the dolphin's beak as the rolling slowly came to a stop. He just shook his head sadly and left the room.

Dom Knight on Heffo

Bill Heffernan was appointed to the Senate in 1996 after the retirement of Michael Baume. In 2004, he was re-elected until 2011 at the top of the Liberal ticket in NSW. That's right. Even after the disgraceful Michael Kirby scandal, where he made completely unfounded homophobic allegations against one of Australia's most eminent judges and intellectuals, the Libs put him on top of their ticket. Thus assuring his re-election. And even though they rubber-stamped his return, it was the Liberal Party machine, not voters in NSW, who guaranteed he'd be haunting the halls in Parliament until the next decade.

See Dom's blog at the SMH here.

A very good point indeed. Heffernan stood up in parliament and under parliamentary privilege labelled Justice Michael Kirby a pederast who picked up rent boys in a govie car. Heffo was later proved to be wrong when the apparent car records that he relied on turned out to be forgeries cruder than the Iraq purchase of Niger Uranium scam.

He lost his parl sec slot for that. Which is basically meaning he got fined a chunk of his salary.

And then ... he got the number one slot on the ticket. Says alot about Howard that he lightly smacks his attack dog on the bum and faintly says bad dog.

What does this remind me of?

Lovejoy is walking a sheepdog.  He stops in front of Flanders' house.

Lovejoy: C'mon boy, this is the spot, right here.  That's a good boy,
        do your dirty sinful business.
   Ned: Well, howdy, Reverend Lovejoy.  Nice to see you there ... on
        my lawn ... with your dog.
Lovejoy: Oh, oh, ooh, bad dog!  Look at that, right on Ned's lawn.
        Now how could you do such a thing?
         [quietly to the dog] Good boy, don't stop now.
        Bad dog, I condemn you to Hell.
   Ned: Better get the old snow shovel back from Homer, eh?
         [leaves]
Lovejoy: [to dog]  Good boy, don't stop the music.

AWA - HM corrects an error

I wrote a pisstake on AWAs then thought I better check my facts before I posted it.

I honestly thought you were not allowed to discuss the contents of your AWA with other people.

I was wrong. It's one of the prohibited content restrictions.

To whit the following is banned in an AWA

"A term which prohibits or restricts disclosure of details of the workplace agreement by a person bound by the agreement;"

Found it here - though it's obviously on the main workchoices site as well (I just can't be arsed finding it).

I got really riled about this. And I was utterly wrong. In fact it's illegal for an employer not to make available AWA info for employees doing comparable jobs so they can compare and contrast.

So I feel pretty stupid.

HOWEVER I still don't like AWAs and I still think they are a 'fuck you' on workers. But at least you can bitch about it with your co-workers and compare notes.

More fox po goodness from the pen of HM

Today I was helping a colleague get a quote on a job to put stickers on the front of a booklet to be sent out across the org. Apparently the stickers could not be machine stuck but had to be manually applied. Naturally I needed to know costs for such labour.

'So what's the price for the hand job?'

Unbelievable.

There was movement at the station...

By station I mean my station ... down there.

As an IBS person of the constipation kind occasionally 'thar she blows' occurs. As in get to the toilet quickly because the blowhole is open to power open.

I did that today, making it just in time.

Only trouble was I was completely not expecting a wide bore one. When you are of the constipation persuasion, your business compacts pretty solidly now and then. Super compacts – but not in density.

So I found to my head vein popping horror that it felt like a Pringles tube width was trying to come out. I was forced to grip the stall wall in agony with my left hand as my right hand sought the tension comfort of the loo roll holder.

Fucking hell.

It looked like a tennis ball 1:1 scale.

I suspect I can now understand how DVDA feels. Well, the DA part at any rate.

Keating on IR

With thanks to Crikey - here's today's interview with "I'm ... going ... to ... do ... you ... slowly" Mr P Keating himself - go here.

Oh - some choice quotes (courtesy of today's Crikey)

"The great lie in all this by Howard, Reith and then later of course Andrews … was that they were only completing something that I began. I mean this is just totally untrue. What I did was, for once and for all, change the 100-year-old centralised wage fixing system. Out there today, you walk out of this building onto the street, everyone out there is operating under the Keating government’s industrial legislation."

"Howard ... is an old antediluvian 19th Century person who wanted to stomp forever ... on ordinary people's rights to organise themselves at work ... he's a pre-Copernican obscurantist."

"We don't need Americans telling us about social equity in Australia. Thank you. Thank you."

Malcolm Fraser Lecture

Taken from Crikey's site here

Australians – What Are We? How Do We See Ourselves? How Do Others See Us?

Commonwealth Lecture 2007

Monday, 30 April 2007

My remarks today will reflect on relationships with the United States and domestic issues which influence the fundamentals of Australia. There has in recent times been a major attack on traditionally accepted Australian values. This also impacts on our reputation in our region and in the wider world. This is particularly damaging because the Bush government is on the way out and, within the United States, those who have supported it strongly will, in the next Administration be regarded as pariahs. This is also likely to apply to the current administration’s closest and most unquestioning allies.

Policies now applied suggest that the Rule of Law and due process for all people, regardless of influence, race, religion, colour or country of origin, is under threat. We used to believe that those in positions of political authority would respect and work to protect the rights of all Australian citizens. We now know that to be naïve and incorrect.

I would like to recall some changes that have taken place in the last half century.

The post war years were the beginning of a new age of enlightenment despite some serious backward steps. In spite of the difficulties and rigours of the Cold War and the dangers that that involved, much greater than anything we face today, it was an optimistic period. The United Nations, the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund were all established, collectively designed to establish a fairer and a more peaceful world. Colonialism would be outlawed. People would look after their own affairs. The techniques of modern economics gave hope to governments worldwide, that unemployment could be banished. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights came into being in 1948. Many Conventions were negotiated, designed to give legal force to its high aspirations, including the Refugee Convention which Menzies signed onto for Australia in 1954.

In Australia political parties did not play politics with race or religion. Political leaders of those years, both in Australia and in many overseas countries had experienced the depression of the 1930’s and the terrors of the 2nd World War. They knew the world had to do better if civilization was to survive. They in effect established a new and more liberal age, a time of hope and optimism, a new enlightenment.

It was recognised that on sensitive matters of race and religion, those in authority had to give a lead and make decisions and that it could be unwise to ask for a popular vote. If the people of Melbourne had been asked if they wanted their city to become the biggest Greek city outside Greece, they would then have voted no. Now that it has happened they would overwhelmingly vote in favour of it.

If we had asked Australians in 1975/76 if they wanted to accept large numbers of Vietnamese and others from Indo-China, refugees from the war in which we had been an active participant, they would have said no. They would have been fearful of difference. The governments argued on ethical grounds that we had no option and broadly that was accepted.

In these years we did not have detention centres, which should more properly be called jails, because they have all the necessary attributes. Refugees were in the community, able to buy coffee, able to work. Because they seriously wanted a new home, they were not going to abscond. It was an open, liberal society. Multiculturalism came to be accepted.

Every migrant group that I have met has always placed Australia first, understands the necessity to abide by Australian laws and customs, but appreciates, I believe, the openness with which their old customs can still be celebrated. We really believed in strength through diversity and that the acceptance of diversity would bring Australians closer together.

What led to change? In the middle to late 1980’s a debate was started about Asian immigration. At the same time a labour Minister for Immigration decided new boat people should be placed in what he called detention centres, in jails. The Liberal Opposition accepted that fundamental change. The harshness of our refugee regime begins from that point. It has been fine tuned and made significantly more inhumane in the years since.

Pauline Hanson came on the political stage. Many roundly condemned her for saying turn the boats back. When the current Government turned the boats back, it won the Tampa Election, a substantial change in attitude. An undeserved respectability was given to Pauline Hanson’s words.

We had forgotten that the right to free speech is not absolute. Without a sense of responsibility, of community, and of judgement, free speech can become divisive and destructive, as it has in relation to race

One of the small reasons for change is that now opinion polls often drive policy. Both the Government and Opposition use their internal party pollsters on many issues to find out the basic views of Australians. Such polls can lead to extraordinary error, especially if the questions asked are ones about which there has been no public debate and which are therefore likely to attract an emotional and not a considered response. But all of this is not enough to justify or to explain the changed attitudes. Why have governments chosen to follow and not lead?

Political events in the Middle East and also Afghanistan were causing large numbers to flee. Upwards of 400,000 were arriving in Europe each year. 4, 5 or 6,000 came to Australia. At the time the Government was not doing well in the polls. It certainly needed an issue. The defence of Australia’s borders, proclamations about deciding who would come here or who would not, sought to arouse a chauvinistic response. Boat people were demonised as evil, as queue jumpers, as prostitutes, as drug peddlers, even as potential terrorists and as having no appropriate family values.

I don’t believe there was ever an explanation of the terrors from which these people fled, of Afghan families wanting a life for their female children knowing they would have none in a Taliban dominated Afghanistan. A father in such a family, if he had initiative and enterprise would do everything he could to get that family out of Afghanistan.

We sometimes forget the Tampa occurred before 9/11, much longer before the invasion of Iraq. The possibility of terrorists coming to Australia on refugee boats was only raised after 9/11. The terrible events in the United States of 9/11 occurred a couple of weeks after the SAS were placed on the Tampa. From these points on the politics of fear dominated the domestic environment.

What we do not know we often fear. What we do not understand we fear. People from a different religion we often fear. And what we fear becomes a threat. The politics of these issues was exploited by the Government and has bitten deeply into the Australian psyche.

This reminds me of the bitterness, even hatred, between Catholics and Protestants generated by Prime Minister Billy Hughes during the First World War. His actions over the conscription debates in attacking the Catholic Church and the Irish were irresponsible and scarred Australia for over 50 years. Catholics were accused of being disloyal to the empire, of opposing the war against Germany, both of which were untrue. There were far too many who believed the unfounded allegations that came from Prime Minister Billy Hughes. Even in my lifetime I can recall people saying that Catholics are not true Australians because they owe their first loyalty to the Pope. That is not now said of Catholics but similar allegations are made against followers of Islam. The bitterness against Catholics was extreme and in some quarters has not entirely died.

Those in charge of our affairs today seem not to understand this experience. There have been suggestions that this next election will be the Muslim election, as a while ago it was the Tampa election. Too many in positions of influence have used language that creates a divide between the rest of the community and Islam. While the Pauline Hansons of this world cannot be easily contained, there is certainly a responsibility on government not to repeat the mistakes and the errors made by Prime Minister Billy Hughes.

The War against Terror is important, although it should not have been called a war because if terrorism is going to be overcome it will be overcome by wise policy, much better intelligence than we have had to this point and by good policing. But it is a threat and I do not want anyone to construe my remarks as denying that threat. Our strongest weapons against terrorism are our own principles and belief in liberty. We do not need to overthrow our principles. To the extent that we do, we give a weapon to the terrorist.

In your mind prepare two lists. One, what should you do to maintain a broad based coalition in the fight against terrorism, of the kind open to President Bush after 9/11 and another list, what should you do if you wanted to reinvigorate the terrorist movement and drive the West towards a decades long war against Islam.

On the first list I would have said to continue to act on our own principles, to maintain honest and open policies and to behave fairly to all people and to encourage strongly a peaceful resolution of problems between Israel and Palestine. Under current American policy that was never an option. The United States ran out of targets for its bombers in Afghanistan and then wanted a more emphatic demonstration of United States power and so it went to war in Iraq.

President Bush’s closest advisers, neo Conservatives, foolishly believed that it was within America’s power to force political change in the Middle East and create a democratic Middle East in the process. Democracy imposed by force in Iraq would be followed by democracy in surrounding countries. It was from that point an aggressive war without analysis, thought or reason. The damage done to United States influence and prestige around the world has already been enormous and America still refuses to take the necessary steps without which an end to conflict will be impossible. An active, diplomatic engagement of all Iraq’s neighbours is critical to a final resolution of this unhappy conflict.

I am opposed to an arbitrary date being set for a full American withdrawal but only on condition that the diplomatic process is set in train. If it is not, continuing American military involvement will only lead to greater calamity, to greater disaster and to an even greater destruction of American reputation.

The war in Iraq has made it extraordinarily easy for fundamentalist groups to recruit would-be suicide bombers to fill the ranks of the terrorist armies. But it is not only from Iraq and from Islamic countries that such recruits can be drawn. The West’s attitude to Islam is now capable of being depicted as so antagonistic, so destructive and hypocritical that it is possible to raise recruits from countries such as the United Kingdom. When Prime Minister Blair says he has made Britain safe and the prosecution of the war in Iraq is fundamental to the preservation of British freedom, he shows how little he understands the consequences of his own action and the damage that war has done within Britain itself. It has also made it difficult for moderate Islamic Leaders to maintain their moderation, especially in the face of other breaches of principle by the West.

President Bush established Guantanamo Bay to enable the United States to put prisoners alleged to be terrorist beyond the reach of the American legal system, beyond the reach of the Geneva Conventions and beyond the reach of any element of international law. By executive decree, he established Military Tribunals which the United States Supreme Court struck down on the basis that the President had exceeded his powers. Congress passed a law establishing new Commissions, a law that has not yet been tested in the Supreme Court. It is certain, however, that that law could not apply to American citizens because the Rules of Evidence allow evidence that would not be accepted in the normal civil or military justice system in the United States and, for that matter, would not be acceptable under the Australian code.

The future of the Commissions probably rests on the judgment as to whether or not such laws can be passed in relation to non-citizens. Its Rules of Procedure are utterly inconsistent with the Rules of Procedure in the normal justice system of America or of Australia. The loose use of hearsay evidence and evidence obtained under harshly intrusive questioning is allowed. It is left to the President to define how far that intrusive questioning may go.

This is the system established to try David Hicks and other people from Guantanamo Bay. In my view it was a system designed to achieve a guilty verdict on the basis of evidence that would be totally unacceptable if applied to American citizens or to an Australian citizen within Australia. The circumstances surrounding the Hicks trial, if one can call it that, and the plea bargain support that view.

For around a year, perhaps for longer, David Hicks had been kept in solitary confinement, no access to the sky, to the outside, to other people, inadequate exercise, a lighting system controlled from without the cell and also, we are advised, temperature changes from extreme cold to heat, could be part of the regime.

There were attacks on Major Mori and his credibility and the way he was conducting the Defence, all undertaken by the Prosecution, even at one point implying that Major Mori could be charged. At the arraignment proceedings itself, Hicks’ civilian lawyers were barred from the process because they wouldn’t sign a blank cheque agreeing to rules for the conduct of Counsel, which the United States Department of Defence had not yet drafted.

These processes collectively were designed to put Hicks under intense mental pressure, perhaps for a very specific reason. While the United States Government, and for that matter the Australian Government, seemed to want, as Stephen Charles indicated, a guilty verdict, the evidence they had available, even after five years imprisonment, was weak and could not have been successful for a United States citizen in a civilian court or in a normal United States Court Martial.

Justice Susan Crawford, Head of the Military Tribunals, struck out the more serious charges, including the charge of murder. It was the more serious charges that were used by United States personnel, by the Government of Australia, by the United States Ambassador to Australia, to suggest that that Hicks was amongst the worst of the worst. Quite recently the Ambassador said that Hicks would kill Australians and Americans without blinking an eye. There was only one charge remaining, that of providing material support for terrorism. The maximum sentence for that offence is reported to be seven years. This charge was corruptly imported from the United States civil system, it was retrospective in its impact and the particular law, because of retrospectivity, would not meet normal judicial standards.

The United States authorities would not have wanted the weakness of their evidence publicly exposed, even in a fraudulent Military Tribunal. Even though cross-examination would have been extremely limited, it could still have exposed the secrecy by which evidence had been collected. The Defence would have exposed the fact that they were not properly advised of the evidence, of the means by which it was obtained, that it was in fact a very secret process, designed to achieve one verdict. If the process had gone to open court, each hour would have demonstrated that justice was not being served, that this was not a court of law. The best alternative for governments, with some semblance of their credibility preserved, was to have Hicks under such pressure that he would accept a plea bargain. This does explain the solitary confinement of over twelve months. It does explain the other pressures placed upon him, pressures which would have included the threat of continuing jail in Guantanamo Bay for twenty years or more. What person amongst us would not have accepted a plea bargain that achieved some element of freedom at the end of nine months?

This is made all the more evident in the final stages of the Tribunal process. Ten colonels had been flown in from around the United States to determine sentence, they determined the maximum allowed for that particular offence, seven years, only to find within fifteen minutes that they had been ordered to participate in a total and absolute farce. Within fifteen minutes they learnt that there had indeed been a plea bargain and the maximum sentence was nine months, less than many courts would give for a drunk-driving charge. They learnt that the plea bargain had been consummated in Washington, by-passing the Prosecution, by-passing the Tribunal and its Judge two weeks earlier. Whatever this process reveals, no sane person can call it an exercise of justice.

So David Hicks will be home by the end of the year, partially gagged. The gag order which was undermined by information provided to the British Government and subsequently published in his application to become a British citizen and subject to the same treatment as other British citizens formerly held in Guantanamo Bay.

And so this story comes to an end but at what a price. The main story is not David Hicks. The main story is a willingness of two allegedly democratic governments prepared to throw every legal principle out the window and establish a process that we would expect of tyrannical regimes. That our own democracies should be prepared to so abandon the Rule of Law for an expedient and as I believe, evil purpose should greatly disturb all of us. But how many are concerned? Too many are not concerned because they believe that such a derogation of justice can only apply to people who are different, in some indefinable way.

Only the other day I was speaking with somebody who quite plainly believed that Hicks deserved anything that was metered out to him because he was what he was, the Rule of Law did not need to apply. For somebody who has done terrible things, why does he deserve justice? That denies the whole basis of our system, the necessity of a civilised society which cannot exist unless there is an open, predictable justice system that applies equally to every person.

David Hicks at the best was clearly a very foolish young man. He was terribly misguided and may well have done some terrible things. I do not know. But if our Government says he has had his day in court, he made a plea bargain, therefore he deserved what he got, it only emphasises its lack of commitment to the Rule of Law for all people.

If the Government believes it to be expedient, we now know that it is prepared to push the Rule of Law aside. That is a larger issue than the tragedy of David Hicks.

A number of Liberals have spoken out about these and similar issues in relation to asylum seekers or refugees, or people improperly treated in Department of Immigration detention centres. Too many have remained silent. Does silence connote acquiescence, acceptance or fear, being fearful of standing and saying what they know to be right? A Liberal who fails to recognise the central importance of these issues for the maintenance of a fair and just democracy, bears no resemblance to the Liberals of Menzies’ day and to the Party that Menzies founded.

We now have a growing number of people who appear not to matter to those in authority. Not only David Hicks, Cornelia Rau, Vivien Alvarez Solon. Not only our indigenous population who’s problems seem low on the government’s agenda, but increasingly refugees or potential refugees. We know the government sought to excise all of Australia from our migration zone. In the process the government would have broken a promise made only last year to keep children out of detention. This time it was going to be detention in some offshore prison. Out of sight, and the government would have hoped, out of mind.

Because some members of the Liberal Party would not accept these changes and the Labour Party was prepared to oppose them, this particular legislation was withdrawn.

These are groups which, under current policies, have no adequate protection under the law. The administration has avowedly pursued policies designed to deny access to the law to increasingly large groups of people.

A civilised society is be judged by its adherence to the rule of law, to due process and the ease with which all people would have access to the law. It is judged by the way it treats minority groups. Australia would be judged badly. Today for a variety of reasons, but not least because the government has sought to set Muslims aside, discrimination and defamation against Muslims has been rising dramatically. Too many have taken the easy path and accepted the governments contentions that Muslims aren’t like us and therefore it doesn’t matter if discrimination occurs and if access to the law does not apply. We have forgotten that discrimination once it starts, spreads. This situation is already leading to increased discrimination against Jews. If we do not arrest it, it will spread from minority to minority.

We would do well to heed the words of Israeli Professor Naomi Chazan in the recent Gandel Oration in Melbourne: “There is one standard and one standard for all, and the challenge that is posed by terrorism is how to defend the rights of those that we don’t agree with?….How can we defend the rights, the basic human and civil rights, of those whose ideas we simply abhor? It is the system, the process, the courts, it is the measurement of justice that determines the nature of our civilisation.”

Our reputation as a successful multicultural society is threatened.

In other ways our legislators, both Government and Opposition, have transgressed. The new security laws, supported by both parties, diminish the rights of all Australians. I do not know of any other democracy that has legislated for the secret detention of people the authorities know to be innocent. You are not allowed to make a phone call. You cannot ring your wife or husband to say where you are. You just disappear. You are not allowed to ring a lawyer unless that is specifically conceded in the warrant for your detention. If you answer questions satisfactorily that’s fine. If you don’t, you can be prosecuted and go to jail for 5 years. There is a defence against that prosecution, if you can prove you never knew anything, it is not an offence, but how can you prove you did not know something if you don’t even know what they are talking about? We do not know how much these laws are used because the law itself prevents any public reporting or discussion.

There are many other things. We have control orders and preventative detention provisions reminiscent of apartheid in South Africa and which are almost certainly a serious error in the fight against terrorism. Both devices would forewarn any potential terrorist that a certain person has been blown. The cell or group would disappear. It would be better policy to continue surveillance, to collect evidence, hopefully to make a charge at a later point.

Some aspects of the Control Orders appear to be utterly ludicrous and counter to our national security interests. As I am advised, one Control Order prevented somebody ringing Bin Laden. If we seriously thought that person might have been able to ring bin Laden, we should have allowed him to do so, collect more evidence and perhaps pinpoint where Bin Laden was.

Last year there was been a report by a group, established by the government itself, to review the Anti-Terrorist Legislation. This review preceded and takes no account of later proposed changes to our refugee provisions.

The review emphasised that recent events have had a profound impact on Muslim and Arab Australians. The committee points out that there is a considerable increase in fear, a growing sense of alienation from the wider community and an increase of distrust of authority. These concerns are more likely to lead to an increase in terrorist activity rather than in a diminution of terrorist activity. The review committee strongly recommends that efforts be made by government to combat these concerns.

One of the themes of this speech involves the departures from the commonly accepted rule of law, which is the only real protection of civilised society. Another theme involves discrimination which so often flows out of departures from the Rule of Law. Unfortunately discrimination keeps spreading and is gaining a foothold in the wider Australian community. Such circumstances diminish Australian society.

Unfortunately, if economically people are reasonably well off, and if there is a belief that these issues don’t touch me, don’t touch my family or my friends then it is easy to conclude that these issues don’t matter too much. We should remember that as governments maintain support by playing on the politics of fear, so too they tend to exaggerate the fear and to expand the concerns of people.

This process leads to a further exaggeration of fear and to further alarmist reactions. If current polices led by the United States are to prevail, supported as the United States has been by Britain and Australia, then we run two risks. A decades long war against Islam with the possibility of extraordinary destruction throughout the world, and the possibility that our government will build within individual Australians a fear and concern of Islam that will take decades to eradicate.

Der...

Wall to wall the right in the country is being turned out against the ALP's daring to "re-regulate" the market.

You see bringing in new laws to ensure fairness and equitable treatment will cost business money. They're right. It will. It will also make for happier more content workers who, instead of performing the bare minimum just not to get fired, will work better if their bosses treat them with dignity and respect. Enterprise bargaining in other words.

But anyway, the right. Today you have Howard bleating how the ALP taking away "WorkChoices" some how marks them as incompetant. And that the clock has been turned back 15 years to when the dark evil unions ruled the land a bit like Godzilla as they stomped around destroying the economy.

Er. No.

The work choices to be taken away won't even bring parity back to pre 2004 laws. You know, the election where the Libs did not present their plans to the people?

The will bring it back from completely in the employer's court to a mutual point between worker and boss. That's it. Sure, unions may benefit from collective agreements. Why? Because unions negoitate collective agreements. That's what they do. They get workers pay and conditions of service - and in many cases even if they're not union.

This is a phoney war by a desparate government on its last legs who honestly believe they can spin work choices as a positive instead of the millstone that's taking them to the bottom.

Hooray.

Oh - the 'turning back the clock' actually happened under WorkChoices. You know the removal of things like public holiday pay, weekend loading, protection from unfair dismissal, a tiered awards structure, in other words creating equitable workplaces. The last time we had that was ... in the 19th century.

Gold - from Crikey

What a class A f_ckwit

Heffo has done it again. Apparently Gilliard isn't fit to be a deputy PM because she has chosen not to have children.

LIBERAL Senator Bill Heffernan says he stands by comments that Labor Deputy Leader Julia Gillard is not qualified to lead the country because she is deliberately "barren".

In an interview with The Bulletin magazine to be published tomorrow, the New South Wales senator and Prime Minister John Howard's right-hand man stands by the controversial remarks he made about Ms Gillard last year.

He also repeats his comments that priests should be permitted to marry because they, "like the rest of us, wake up with a horn at four in the morning".

But Senator Heffernan concedes he was uncouth when he said Ms Gillard had no idea what life was about because she had no children.

"I won't walk away from that," Senator Heffernan tells the magazine.

"So rude, crude and unattractive as it was ... If you're a leader, you've got to understand your community.

"One of the great understandings in a community is family, and the relationship between mum, dads and a bucket of nappies."

Ms Gillard could become deputy prime minister if Labor wins the federal election this year.

From here

Heffo is of course the same prize nob who under parliamentary privilege claimed Justice Kirby cruised for rent boys in his govie car [he was wrong] then, when addressing the press on the issue, ran off down the corridor hooting as the press ran after him.

Fucking hell what a giant tool. I respect much of the stuff he's done, and some of the stuff he stands for. But he's at the end of the day still a bigoted homophobic misogynistic twat with a major need of a sit down with the realities of gender and sexual identity explained to him in no uncertain terms.

To say you can't be a politician unless you've had a family is the same argument some nobs have used for saying you can't talk about terrorism or corrective services laws unless you have children because you don't know what it is to feel fear as a parent.

Fucking hell. Loon.

Righty point goes into shock

Whilst driving home I absent mindedly chewed my finger.

Holy crap I got me the mother of all hangnails. My finger started throbbing as this fat shard of nail split away from the main like a par melted iceberg. I was driving one handed, madly trying to tug and pull the shard free with fingers or teeth, finally succeeding with much blood seeping out.

Yeeouch.

I hate hangnails!