Ruddock ever so slowly slipping away

This just in. The reason why Hicks is having trouble with his solitary detention with nothing to read (apart from the Koran - for a religion he has apparently since given up), without seeing natural sunlight, in a room with the lights on for 22 hours a day for the past few months is ... he simply can't hack it.

"I don't hear most people who are detained in Australia are found to be unfit to plead simply because they've been detained. "Some people don't handle it well."

Well Phil 'former member of Amnesty International and now Howard government minister who turned Immigration into a cess pool of right wing dickheads and is trying to do the same in Attorney General's' Ruddock, this is what happens in solitary confinement with nothing to do when you stare at concrete walls for 95.8% of your day.

Even Supermaxes in the mainland US (where prisoners are not detained without charges and have access to the counsel of their choice) allow prisoners books and access to a fucking television set.

If you're curious, as Ruddock evidently is not, as to the impact on this form of detention check out the latest Time magazine which featured an article on it. It was described as 'torture without touch' and examined how prisoners who are treated this way become ... mentally damaged.

Of course Time magazine is only available at fine newsagents across the country so Ruddock might not be aware of its existance. Nor Downer. Nor the nice kind US media official who claimed that when they saw Hicks he was just super!

BTW - you can read the article here.

Oh Ruddock notes Hicks is allowed to mingle with other prisoners. He gets let out too so he can have a bit of a read. Presumably this all happens in the 60 minutes a day he's allowed out of his small cell.

When theWife and I were in Melbourne for Frandma's funeral we decided to check out the old Melbourne jail. The tiny cells were quite similiar to the ones Hicks inhabits - though of course far more comfortable. But it seems sticking a man in a cell and closing the door for days, weeks, months, years had a negative effect.

As per this charming 'did you know'...

Simpson Goodness!

    Moe: How many people want Homer banned from this place for life?
Everyone: Yeah!
  Homer: Aw, come on, everybody.  This bar is like a tavern to me.
    Moe: Sorry, Homer, you should have thought of that before you gave
        me the old sugar-me-do.  I'm taking your caricature down from
        Mount Lushmore [does so] and I'm taking your favorite song out
        of the juke box.
  Homer: [gasps] "It's Raining Men"?
    Moe: Yeah, not no more it ain't.
         [tosses it out like a frisbee]
         [it hits Smithers, who's driving a car]
Smithers: Ow!  [checks title] Ooh!
         [Homer gets tossed out]
  Homer: Oh.  Heh heh heh, joke's on them: I'm still alive.

From the episode Fear of Flying

A Blackadder Flashback - The Head

SCENE 4 (At the jails) -------

BA: Right, good morning team. My name is Edmund Blackadder and I'm the new minister in charge of religious genocide. Now, if you play straight with me you'll find me a considerate employer, but cross me and you'll find that under this playful boyish exterior beats the heart of a ruthless sadistic maniac. Now my man you are ?

MRP: Eh, jailor Sir, my Lord.

BA: Good, well done and your name is ?

MRP: Ploppy Sir.

BA: Ploppy ?

MRP: Yes Sir.

BA: Ploppy the jailor ?

MRP: That's right Sir. Ploppy son of Ploppy.

BA: Ploppy, son of Ploppy the jailor ?

MRP: Ah ach no Sir. I am the first Ploppy to rise to be jailor. My father, Daddy Ploppy was known as Ploppy the slopper. It was from him that I inherited my fascinating skin diseases.

BA: Yes you are to be congratulated, my friend, we, we live in an age where illness and deformity are common place and yet Ploppy, you are without a doubt the most repulsive individual that I have ever met. I would shake your hand but I fear it would come off.

MRP: There's no many bosses would be that considerate sir.

BA: Thank you Ploppy, I do my best. Now then woman. if indeed you are a woman, what is your function on death row ?

MRSP: I'm the last meal cook Sir. The prisoners may ask for what they fancy for there last meal.....

BA: And you cook for them what they desire ?

MRSP: Oh yes Sir, provided they ask for sausages. Otherwise they tend to get a tiny bit disappointed. Sausages is all I got.

BA: You are clearly a woman of principle and compassion mistress eh ?

MRSP: Ploppy Sir.

BA: Ah, so you are married to...

MRSP: No, many people think that but it's pure coincidence. We did laugh when first we found out. "Good morning" mistress Ploppy he'd say, and I'd say "good morning ..

MRP& MRSP: Mr. Ploppy" (both laugh)

BA: The long winter evenings must just fly by. Ah ! and you must be the boy who makes the tea ?

MRP: Ah no Sir, he's the executioner but he does sometime make the tea.

BA: Yes, and your name is ?

B: Baldrick my Lord, but I'll change it to Ploppy if it'll make things easier.

BA: No thank you. I can cope with more than one name. What are you doing here ?

B: Well, it's a hobby

MRSP: It would be more, more fun Sir if he were to change his name. Give the place a more family atmosphere.

BA: A family atmosphere ? This is meant to be a place of pain and misery and sorrow.

MRSP: That's what I mean Sir.

MRP: Eh, Mistress Ploppy is a bit of a social realist Sir.

BA: Now then, we're going to run a fast efficient operation and I intend to do as little work as possible. My deputy Percy here will explain.

P: Good afternoon staff, my name is Lord Percy and if you play fair by me you will find me a considerate employer, but if you cross me BY JOVE, you ...

BA: Just tell'em the plan duckface.

P: My Lord, not in front of the staff.

BA: Get on with it.

P: Right Staff, as you know we are scheduled to execute Drake and Ethingham on Monday, Lord Farrow on Wednesday and Buckingham and Ponsonby on Friday. But in order to give us the middle of the week off, Lord Blackadder has decided to move Farrow to Monday.

BA: Lets just say he's got time off for good behaviour.

(SCENE ENDS)

I do so love Percy's attempt to threaten the staff...

What's the deal with me spilling food before I meet this guy?

I had a meeting with the big boss today. Just before hand I ate a souvlaki from the canteen. I managed to squirt garlic juice down my shirt.

I was all keyed up to apologise for the stain and smell but forgot to. I hate to think what they thought.

This by the way is the same boss who I met on his first day when I was covered in egg.

Crikey for 31 Jan

Today's issue of Crikey was choc-o-block with some interesting stuff. If you're not a free subscriber (who get a selection of their articles) then sign up now; crikey.com.au

They have an article from a friend of Robert Jovicic, the ex petty crim and junkie who came here as a two year old and was deported to Serbia, sick without knowing the language, until Vanstone relented and let him come back provided he behaved himself. He has, but that's not good enough, and Andrews as his first 'who can I fuck over' action as Minister is set to re-deport him. How Christian of him.

An article from Antony Loewenstein explaining how his review of Carter's new book about the Palestinian issue was blocked by editor's at the Oz since it didn't fit in with their ideology.

An article on the US over reaction in the so called War on Terror.

A mention of that now nortorious Lancet study that claimed 600k had died since the invasion.

And other good stuff. Sign up to Crikey today!

Ah the Young Libs

Downer at their recent conference was apparently was in full lecturn thumping fury, wanking on about the left being traitors to the US-Australian alliance etc.

This caught my eye. From their policy statements - located here

The Young Liberal Movement of Australia:
1. Reaffirms its commitment to responsibly protecting the Australian environment
2. Supports the introduction of nuclear power as a clean alternative energy source
3. Recognises the lack of scientific consensus regarding both the existence and impact of man-made global warming
4. Recognises the problems inherent in the politicisation of scientific research
5. Calls upon the Federal Government to not take any action to address alleged man made global warming until there is conclusive scientific evidence of its existence.
6. Supports the Federal Government's current stance to not ratify the Kyoto Protocol.
7. Are a pack of science challenged twats whose only focus seems to be on the economic impact on their hedge funds of whatever merchant bank they join if the world dares address climate change.

Okay - I added that last one. I do SO love point 4. Pot-Kettle-Black

Wait - there is some more nuttiness! Hilarious. What will they come up with next?

4.5. COGNATE DEBATE – PRODUCT ADVERTISING
The Young Liberal Movement of Australia calls for an end to government legislation prohibiting tobacco advertising.

VIC
Supporting statement: Prohibitions on tobacco advertising are an insult to the intelligence of the ordinary Australian. These bans assume that individuals are not fit to make up their own minds on the benefit or otherwise of smoking, and need the government to make the decision for them. Tobacco advertising should have the right to compete with anti-smoking advertising, and the individual should be free to make up his own mind on the matter. Further, bans on tobacco advertising don't in fact have the effect of reducing smoking, but simply entrench the market share of existing brands. Cigarettes that may in fact be less harmful to health are prohibited from advertising this fact.

NSW
The Young Liberal Movement of Australia opposes a ban on junk food advertising.

Downer Treis Fuckwit

"Unlike the ALP we're not friends of Al'Qaeda, but if Hicks has been mistreated we'll look into it"

Or words to that effect. Fucking hell, what a git.

Ahh bugger it

I think I might turn moderation off. Who cares what some demented fuck-knuckle thinks. I will simply delete each of his comments in turn. But I will be fucked if thinks he can bully me into deciding whose blogs I read and comment on. Therefore that offending link stays linked as long as that blog exists. A blog I only linked to when said ants in his pants gibbered with glee and danced around like a fuckwit with pleasure reveling in the fact I had a sore botty.

Typical behaviour of a proto-fascist. I wonder when his next book burning will be?

Sorry about that

Guys, I've had to turn comment moderation on for the first time in my blogging life. I hate to do this and hopefully it will be just temporary. I apologise unreservedly for doing this. I am investigating what options I can take to avoid the need of having this on.

Mikey

It's an Emergency

We recently had another emergency at work. So us volunteer warden types manned the phones and such. We were in alert phase (pack up, get ready to go) and told to stand by.

Unfortunately people do not stand by. They walk by. In and out of lifts. Up and down stairwells. You tell them time and time again not to use them (they're for ER people and mobility impaired and for the fact that lifts need to be shut down in a real emergency lest people get fucking trapped). Yet they ignore you, or are openly dismissive of your plea.

So many people were using stairs/lifts I had to go downstairs and find out why.

The reason was simple. The wardens were understaffed and had failed to stick signs out saying there was an emergency, and failed to have anyone on the ground floor asking people to avoid using said lifts/stairs. So we did it ourselves. And man did we get some dark looks.

My favourite is when they're half way up or down (like the Grand Old Duke of York) and you say 'Oi' and they shrug and keep going.

Buckwheat naturally made an appearance, opening up the closed doors and blinking in that 'no one is at home' way she does. We told her off and she simply said 'Aw no one said I couldn't'. Which was true. No one actually had.

Unbelievable.

That's what you get for having a purely volunteer system where all you do is cop shit. No one wants to do it except civic minded morons like me.

Grrr.

My co-worker summed up the fuckwit types that ignore us the best.

'I'm more important than fire!'

Gold.

Capote

Finally saw Capote. Good movie. Excellent acting, chilling, life affirming at the same time as representing how fragile life is and how desire can make devils of us all.

As it got to the final gripping scene, in the warehouse, theWife, who was doing her Avon, asks me loudly 'You wanna feel my heat pack?' waving a love heart shaped mass of warming gel she'd just triggered.

She claims she did it on purpose. I think not.

Hendo on Hicks

Ah Gerard Henderson. Pointer Outerer of the Soft Left scourge which only he, and a handful of News Limited Journalists can detect. Former undeclared Liberal staffer. Who would have thought he would be rah rah, what happens to Hicks rawks.

Check out his "opinion" piece here.

Of course Hendo says it's a real shame the US hasn't been able to try him. But Hicks is dangerous!

I particularly love these bits he raised.

'There is no doubt that Hicks has been held for too long without trial. This is partly due to the notorious slowness of the United States legal system and also to the fact that some detainees have delayed the process by initiating legal action.'

Yes Hendo. How dare they challenge the manner in which they are legally detained in a US facility that is technically not US soil for the express purpose of removing this men from legal protections. Bought it on yourself you damn hippys!

And let's not forget this corker.

'If found guilty, Hicks's five years at Guantanamo Bay might be deemed to be sufficient punishment.'

BZZZZTTTT Hendo. If you'd read the news, instead of merely bleating right wing platitudes like usual, you'd know the US has come out - the prosecution no less - and said there is no official means to have 'time served' influence sending. Because he's 'detained'. Remember? Without charge. Fuckwit.

The US may consider his length of detention. There's nothing to say they will. Indeed considering they've been holding him this length of time, presumably to avoid the racist tag cause they got themselves a whitey too, without charge then all signs point to No.

Henderson. Never ever let facts get in the way of your own narrow right wing 'soft left are everywhere' views.

Oh Hendo, here's an idea. If you paid ABC and SBS people say similiar salaries to their commecial counterparts, do you think all the righties would swarm on to them? Might be worth a try. Why don't you pitch that idea to all the right wingers your bud Howard stacked the board with. You know, the Oz Genocide denier and Die in a Ditch and friends?

Ah the Culture Wars. Don'tcha just love it?

I found this confusing

Ruddock is saying a group shouldn't be banned because they haven't incited violence - despite the shrill protests of the NSW Attorney General.

And Ruddock is right! The representative was talking about the Islamic world in general. It's nothing to do with Oz. Sure, his views may be whacked but he hasn't broken the law by suggesting violence on our persons or troops.

The world is topsy turvy! I wonder what the angle is here... ?

Or am I that hateful of the Coalition that I immediately suspect even when they do sensible things that there's an agenda.

Probably.

Take that ignorant bigots

Is that tautology? Probably.

Shilpa Shetty wins Celebrity BB in the UK, inspite of the crap she received from others in the house for the crime of having an accent and being from another part of the world.

The beautiful thing about progressive cultures is when progressive people stand up and say 'attention fuckwads, picking on people for where they come from, how they speak, or what religion they practice is wrong.' Like in this case (RE voting public).

Unfortunately in Oz it's very much two steps forward one step back. But hopefully things will change around say the later half of this year?

Here's hoping.

Misrepresenting the views of others man!

Need we say more.

Say no to poo water

Ah Iemma. He's no Bob Carr. At least Bob Carr, while a media tart who fortunately had to suckle at the teat of Jones, was a smart pollie who knew when to reverse and accept reality of resource management. If he'd been in there'd be none of this nonsense.

Seriously, this is populism gone stoopid. Where does he think the water comes from? Water is recycled. All of it is. And considering plants can recycle effulent until it's good enough for dialysis then what is the issue?

Still he hasn't actually said 'no'. Just that it's operation De-Sal for now I believe. Which of course is a whacking great plant that needs Oodles of power to operate at its peak.

Apparently Sydney gets twice the rainfall of London yet collects half as much water on a per head basis. Why is that?

Kudos to Beattie for taking the bold step of actually saying 'we need to do this whether we like it or not'.

It's called governing.

UPDATE: To his credit Howard has backed full scale recycling of water as well - see here. I admit being suspicious and went and checked his website. But sure enough when Toowoomba said no he went on record by saying there was 'concern whipped up' about it and that he would have voted yes as a resident. So, credit where credit is due on that one.

UPDATE 2: Howard uses all decisions as a wedge for political benefit. That's what politicians do. He plays nasty, even when he's being nice (or doing the right thing), save on the odd rare occasion. So update one doesn't change shit all for me. I still think he's an odious little mean spirited thug.

Like bogus dude

According to Major Mori, Hicks' lawyer and a shining example of Americans doing their best to preserve a sense of freedom in a climate of 'look there goes a terrorist, vote for me', the charges against Hicksy will likely be bogus.

Hands up who is surprised.

(cue sound of millions of people putting their hands on the floor).

According to the article Hicks' living conditions are shithouse. Sure, better than a Saudi prison or a converted shipping container in Afghanistan, but then we'd have to compare ourselves to them fro that argument to make sense.

I still don't see how giving Hicks just a Koran to read and sticking him in a cell for 22 hours a day is productive. I mean, isn't reading the holy book that influences them so much to do silly things (according to the US and the right wing of bloggy land) going to simply reinforce things? I mean for fucks sake how about a magazine or two?

Quote of the day

"Hell, we buy fire insurance based on a 1 per cent chance," he said. "If we're going to be risk averse … we cannot dismiss the possibility of potentially catastrophic outliers and that includes Greenland and West Antarctica [ice sheets breaking up], massive species extinctions, intensified hurricanes and all those things. "There's at least a 10 per cent chance of that. And that to me for a society is too high a risk … My value judgement when you're talking about planetary life support systems is that 10 per cent, my God, that's Russian roulette with a Luger."

From the SMH article about the US wanting to build a giant space mirror instead of committing to being carbon friendly like almost the rest of the planet. A plan more than one person suggests is somewhat akin to the Simpson's episode where Mr Burns likewise builds a giant blocking device.

Of course needless to say the Luger analogy is flawed since one bullet in a luger has a 100% of firing since it's the last one in the pipe as it were but still, fair point. Oh wait, I think that was the point he was making...

More Employer Goodness

Tristar have been in the press lately for their ability to make the last few days of a terminally ill man that much worse by waiting for him to die so they can avoid a costly payout for a voluntary redundancy. They since paid it - after the new Workplace Relations minister Joe Hockey intervened.

But wait - there's more. Not only that, despite there being no work they are still paying people to come to work and do nothing because it's cheaper than paying them out and shutting up shop. They come, sit in an empty office/warehouse, and do nothing.

Ah the free market. Doncha just love it!?

See here

By the way, Joe Hockey, I feel sorry for you. Of all the coalition members you seemed to be the most human, the most accessiable - and from what I understand the most passionate about understanding your portfolio. I have heard nothing but good things about your work as human services minister as far as looking after your staff is concerned.

And now you've been given the kiss of death with the shittiest most fucking other people in the arse portfolio of the Howard government after Immigration. And given the next election will be fought on IR and Ozzers who didn't get their say in 04 will have it in spades in 07 there's a good chance you personally may politically suffer.

So in the words of a Sinaporean hanging judge may God have mercy on your soul.

Singapore continues its murderous rampage

And another two bite the dust. But hey, it's just a couple of dirty nig nogs right Singers? That's nothing. Plenty more where that came from.

I just do love Singapore's deterrence when it comes to the drug trade, killing anyone with 15+ grams of Heroin (that's about 2/3 of a milky way BTW). But it doesn't stop them trading with Burma one of the region's biggest drug pushers, especially the fruit salad covered generals who rule brutally with an iron fist.

Nice one Singapore. Way to prove you're a moral country.

Circumcision

Yes, I am a paid up member of the Helmet club.

Tonight the subject came up (tee hee). Various new parents asked those who might head down the parenting path their views.

Me? Well, I'm against it - even though I am a member of said club. But I was born in the 70's when I believe many Oz males were circumcised as a health measure. Because it is easier to keep clean. Apparently it also reduces HIV rates of infection in men in Africa as well.

That being said of course proper penile hygiene is such that should you peel back and scrub then really it's a moot point since this action will have all the benefits of the circumcision without the aforementioned loss of very sensitive skin in a rather fun place.

During the Vietnam war circumcision was one of the most popular means of getting offline from combat duties - since it meant being laid up for two weeks as it healed. It certainly beat shooting yourself in the foot (and was less dangerous since more than one serviceman lost their life in that manner when the bullet passed through their foot, ricochet off the ground and re-entered their body in a more vital place).

I asked my mum why they had me snipped - especially since the Doctor apparently told her at the time it was 'an unnecessary mutilation of the penis'. And tonight at dinner when I gave her response everyone seemed to find it most amusing.

'HM,' she said (using my real name obviously). 'It was because we knew that some day in the future you might be engaged in desert warfare'.

I kid you not. That's my mum - always thinking ahead.

Recollection of Australia Day

Miss Politics nicely points out that Australia Day of course is a pretty crap holiday to celebrate since, like the recent DICing of Immigration, it basically is a day that a segment of our populace (and it wasn't even ours when it happened), got well fucked on.

Look in my opinion it wasn't anything unique about the British settlement experience that caused Kooris et al to be fucked on. It would have happened under any European settlement program. Indeed if it had been the Belgians it would have been far worse I suspect. But fact is white settlement of this country killed an indigenous people. Not completely, but it ripped its guts out and left it to die, and tried to assimilate what was left. And when that didn't work it threw it money at the problem and didn't Snowy Scheme to fix the problem like it should have done (no, I don't mean tens of thousands of middle and east European war refugee settlers coming in to build towns - I mean a whole of government big focus approach to resolving intractable issues concerning a very damaged section of our populace as opposed to 'fire and forget' welfare that swapped out living in a dirt camp with no money with living in a dirt camp with alcohol and a dead end life).

I take Australia day in the spirit in which most of us take it. It's a day off work. And if anyone ever pushed to relocate a national day of spirit to say federation then it's likely people will grumble since Jan 1 is already a public holiday and god forbid we may lose it. No joke, that was one of the arguments the monarchists put up in the Republic debate that it would be adios Queen's Birthday (which isn't even on her birthday - I think it was Queen Victoria's).

I remember reading a Batman comic in 1988 whose story line featured Batman chasing down a supernatural criminal stealing Aboriginal artefacts from the Gotham museum - or some such. Turns out the crim was a Koori witch doctor (or whatever they're called in dreamtime mythos) attempting to reclaim these items for his people. Batman let him go.

I remember the last panel of the comic was Batman looking at the smashed in window of a travel agent where there was a large poster enticing visitors to celebrate Oz's BD. 'Happy 200th Australia' it proclaimed loudly in bright colours.

The Koori had crossed out the "200th Australia" bit and wrote instead "40,000 years to the people".

I remember sneering at the time and thinking 'what do they know?'

In retrospect that was a very powerful and moving image that conveyed the hurt and pain of a lot of people in a meaningful and accessible way.

Like Columbus day in the states, celebrating the end of an old culture with the arrival of the dominant new is nothing to embrace. We should ditch it and go with something far more worthy of being embraced. And fellow Ozzers if that means we lose a hol, then, well so be it. Because I would rather work than go out with a flag tatt and wave a large piece of cloth that's 25% Britain and rejoice in the fact that on this day, some 218 years ago, 11 ships arrived that spelled death and misery for many hundreds and thousands of Australians whose ancestors had been there as long as modern man had been alive.

By the way, if you want to see me at my rantiest, check out my rant that appeared about this time last year RE our incredibly shit national anthem. Grrr, it still makes me mad. And I defy anyone else to find another national anthem that has the word 'Girt' in it.

Did anyone see the Deputy laid the law down to the Sheriff?

Howard came out and said if Hicks wasn't charged within a month he'd be most cross. Fortunately he's been briefed by the US that let slip that Hicksy should be charged by mid Feb, which I assume means it is actually going to happen this time since Howard has actually given a time frame.

Goody! Can't wait. Bummer for Hicks is that under the kangaroo court of military khaki, time served does not auto count towards a sentence. So if he risks copping guilty just so he can get the fuck out of there - and who would blame him? - then he may find that he gets more time ladled on. Then it's off presumably to Fort Leavenworth for him to serve out his additional time.

I wish him luck. By the way I am not a Hicks lover like those on the right scream and gibber about. ie that because there are some of us (including 99% of lawyers) that think he's fucked on therefore we love terrorists (the same logic Bush used in November 2006 when he claimed a vote for the opposition was a vote for Bin Laden). No, not that at all. Hicks has become a symbol of what happens when governments go too far, both in determination not to let the side down again (RE S11) as well as using a national tragedy to feather their political nests.

Indeed. Let's not forget that if S11 had not happened there's a good chance Beazo would have got in back in 2001. Even with Tampa.

Does anyone else find it strange too that Howard has been OS twice now in countries - western countries - when terrorist evil has occurred? S11 and the London bombings both.

Just where did he walk to on those mornings... ?

HM makes a patented uh oh

Today at the pre Oz Day morning tea at work, just as I was about to leave, I noticed the food on offer was all your stereotypical whitey food. ie Timtams, SAOs, Fairy Cakes etc.

So as I left I said 'Glad to see the absence of non-whitey food as per recommendations from DIC'.

Tumbleweed.

Remembering Phil Hartman

TheWife bought the first two seasons of News Radio. We've been watching it today.

Phil Hartman was stand out member of SNL, on the Simpsons, and of course a star of News Radio. In 1998 his wife killed him and herself.

He was one of the piss funniest comedic actors of his time. And alas the SNL cast curse (being the statistical increase of death akin to something on day 1008 in Iraq) got to him and he died an untimely death.

Someone on YT put up a tribute. Also see this URL here. I've never seen this skit - but it looks hilarious - see the wiki for the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.




Also see this one. From his brief but scene stealing scene in So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Edgy fundraiser re-branding deemed ‘too out there’

The Australian Parkinson foundation today rejected a ‘balls to the wind’ approach to fundraising that rested on the premise of making fun of afflicted celebrities.

The pitch, led by Zot of Zotluuder, a firm of twenty something’s self labelled “advertising gurus”, resulted in an uncomfortable silence from the panel which only ended when one of them mustered the courage to thanks Zot and his team for their time ‘and energy’ but that it just wasn’t something they were looking for.

‘Okay right picture this,’ had Zot said at the start of the meeting, furiously wiping away the faint remnant of the snoot of coke he’d had in the lift on the way up from his moustacheless goatee. ‘Bobble heads – you know you see them in cars – only bobble heads of Parkinson afflicted celebs. Ali, Fox, Hepburn. Bobbing away reflecting their crippling disease with the slogan ‘is this how you want to be remembered?’ Wow, is that insane or what?’

Zot then said the TV campaign could feature the afflicted attempting to order something from a drive through and a ‘bored teen – to get in the 17-25 demographic’ could have difficulty in understanding them over the speaker.

‘Well can I can I can I have a a a a a cheese burger,’ said Zot in a passable Hepburn impression while waving his head about.

The panel raised the fact that Hepburn did not suffer Parkinson’s and that she actually had a condition called Essential Tremors but Zot dismissed it as the members as being ‘too factually grounded’.

Zot said diseases needed to be ‘in people’s faces’ and ‘taken to the extreme’, and that Fox’s recent courageous decision to have ads of himself filmed without having taken medication to control his disease that was later mocked by right wing pundits in the US, needed to be ‘taken into the end zone and spiked like a mofo’.

Zot said he was ‘disappointed’ at the panel’s decision not to use humour to get the message of Parkinson’s fundraising across via mockery of public figures with the disease and said they would regret their decision.

‘Hey man, no use hiding your condish. You have to embrace it man. And I’d hate to be the man to tell the shaking man there’s no cash in the till for an anti spasm neck brace or whatever. After-all, didn’t Steady Eddie teach us that to laugh at a cripple is, in it’s own way, healing?’

Zot then said ‘Westside’ a few dozen times before taking his crew out for some afternoon base jumping.


Left: Mock up of bobble head model by Zotluunder.

Andrews Welcomes Change to Refresh Evil

Kevin Andrews, dour fake-Christian, said he welcomed the reshuffle that led him from Workplace Relations to Immigration.

'Too long I have been stagnating in Workplace Relations, having bought in 700 pages of legislation that seriously removed the workplace rights of many Australians a year ago and now just biding my time as I tinker at the edges. Now I have been tapped on the shoulder to get my teeth into the real business of fucking on other people, Immigration. Detention centers, razor wire, electric fences - oh my!'

Mr Andrews said that he couldn't wait to break ground at the latest concentration camp or refuse to sign ministerial overrides that released people from grave injustices or outright fuckups by his departmental officers.

'Oh happy days are here again!' said Andrews, his face almost creasing into what could be considered a smile.

Even better than a sticker machine

TheWife and I have this tradition where if one of us was at an airport we'd use the sticker machine and mail the stickers home. I did this for a few of my working interstate trips and theWife would stick the stickers on her monitor at work. She would then change desks leaving pics of me behind in her wake.

We also used to stick them on the trays on the back of plane seats (hee hee).

When we were in Melbourne we noticed a new type of machine. A drawing machine! Some bright sparks had set up a sticker machine so it would actually "sketch" a portrait. ie render a photo with some software so it looked like it was actually drawn. You could choose from four artists of long ago. We chose Raphael I think.

We actually look pretty good. Not bad for six bucks.

When we were on our honeymoon many moons ago we got one of those portrait in the mall jobs - you know the old Japanese guy surrounded by pics and he'd stick your heads on a pre-photocopied setting like a dinner suit and wedding dress.

We should get it framed. It rawked.

Anyway, looking for a cheapie kitsch way of expressing your love? Then the portrait machine is good at six bucks.

Except of course it's a tad more noticeable if thewife sticks it on a monitor at work then leaves it there when she changes desks...

Gitmo - the UK goes a calling

Ah Gitmo, it's goodness keeps going. Here's the executive summary of the recent UK select committee following its visit there. It raises some interesting points. Bearing in mind of course this is an escorted visit with PR people in attendance and the US presenting the absolute best face forward.

I do love the bit that says 'well their health and diet is looked after but it fails the minimum standard for the UK in every other respect'. Funny that - what when you're in a place that allows no access to legal assistance.

Point 9 raises a good point in that it says 'hey they're being treated unfairly but well the first duty of government is to ensure safety of their citizens.' Which is a fair point. It also says it should be closed as soon as possible. It should also be noted that the US closed its secret illegal CIA prisons and shipped some 14 inmates to Gitmo that likewise probably had something to do with terror activities, S11, planning and so forth. Again, a tricky situation to risk manage. I don't envy them. But let's not forget the first line of point 9 being 'We conclude, in line with our previous Reports, that those detained at Guantánamo must be dealt with transparently and in full conformity with all applicable national and international law.'

This of course doesn't change the fact that Gitmo was, and remains, a slap in the face in the legal tradition of the west. And for those that harp on about changing paradigms again all that changed was one of the nastier plots succeeded - like I said before - almost in spite of itself. We have essentially a situation where the police are prosecution, defence, judges and where evidence can be used that doesn't cut the mustard anywhere else. There's a reason after all the first military commissions were deemed unconstitutional.

I agree the Geneva convention should be upgraded to cover this grey spot RE combatants of this nature, how they can be detained, what for etc. But let's not forget the US approach to previous international criminal conventions is to run screaming the other direction along with the more unsavoury nation states like Libya and Saudi Arabia, so I hardly think they're going to come to the table in the spirit of what these changes require.

Another interesting point. Jeb Bush - according to his wiki - successfully petitioned Bush I to pardon a known Cuban nationalist terrorist in the early 90s who was likely involved in the deaths of hundreds of people. But hey - we're talking killing commies (some women and children) - so surely that don't count?

You can find the report here

Conclusions and recommendations

1. We conclude that the Government was right to ensure that persons detained by UK Armed Forces in Afghanistan and transferred to the Afghan authorities cannot be further transferred to the authority of another state, or detained in another country, without the prior written agreement of the United Kingdom. We recommend that the Government in its response to this Report state whether the requirement for such prior written agreement would apply to the transfer to Guantánamo Bay of any person originally detained by UK Armed Forces in Afghanistan including any who may be transferred directly or indirectly to US Forces or agencies. We further recommend that the FCO also set out in its response what steps it is taking to ensure that those detained by UK Armed Forces in other countries cannot be transferred to Guantánamo Bay without the prior written agreement of the United Kingdom.
(Paragraph 5)

2. We conclude that, having visited both Guantánamo and Belmarsh, the facilities at Guantánamo are broadly comparable with those at the United Kingdom’s only maximum security detention facility, but the conditions are not. Guantánamo scores highly on diet and on health provision; but it fails to achieve minimum United Kingdom standards on access to exercise and recreation, to lawyers, and to the outside world through educational facilities and the media. (Paragraph 46)

3. We conclude that publication of the US Army Field Manual for Human Intelligence Collector Operations is a very positive development. We recommend that the Government work both bilaterally and through international fora to press the US Administration to ensure that its interrogation practices do not contravene international law. (Paragraph 55)

4. We conclude that abuse of detainees at Guantánamo Bay has almost certainly taken place in the past, but we believe it is unlikely to be taking place now. Although violence and low-level abuse are endemic in any high-security prison situation, it is the duty of the detaining authority to strive to its utmost to minimise them. We recommend that the Government continue to raise with the United States authorities human rights concerns about the treatment of detainees. (Paragraph 70)

5. We conclude that, in choosing unilaterally to interpret terms and provisions of the Geneva Conventions, the United States risks undermining this important body of international law. (Paragraph 83)

6. We conclude that, by its own test, the Government should recognise that the Geneva Conventions are failing to provide necessary protection because they lack clarity and are out of date. We recommend that the Government work with other signatories to the Geneva Conventions and with the International Committee of the Red Cross to update the Conventions in a way that deals more satisfactorily with asymmetric warfare, with international terrorism, with the status of irregular combatants, and with the treatment of detainees. (Paragraph85)

7. We conclude that the Government is right to stick to its established policy of not accepting consular responsibility for non-British nationals. We recommend that the Government maintain its current position with respect to the return to the United Kingdom of the former British residents presently detained at Guantánamo Bay. (Paragraph 92)

8. We conclude that, although some aspects of the Military Commissions Act are welcome, others give cause for concern. We welcome the Government’s undertaking to study the procedures proposed by the Act. We recommend that the Government carry out that study without delay and that it share the full findings of the study with this Committee. If the Government’s study finds that the procedures proposed in the Military Commissions Act or in any subsequent elaboration are inconsistent with international law or human rights norms, it should make strong representations to the United States Administration. (Paragraph 103)

9. We conclude, in line with our previous Reports, that those detained at Guantánamo must be dealt with transparently and in full conformity with all applicable national and international law. But we recognise too, as we have before, that many of those detained present a real threat to public safety and that all states are under an obligation to protect their citizens and those of other countries from that threat. At present, that obligation is being discharged by the United States alone, in ways that have attracted strong criticism, but we conclude that the international community as a whole needs to shoulder its responsibility in finding a longer-term solution. We recommend that the Government engage actively with the US Administration and with the international community to assist the process of closing Guantánamo as soon as may be consistent with the overriding need to protect the public from terrorist threats. (Paragraph 116)

Is it me, or does this piece of luggage fully look like a frog?

Lock Out

We were looking after pets for some friends who had kindly offered us the use of their house while they were away - their having a thing I like to call insulation along with air conditioning.

We went around with our various things intent on a cool night when we found we couldn't get into the house as one of the keys had seized in a door handle. After an hour of tugging and trying to slide a flattened coke bottle up between the handle's tongue and the divot in the frame we gave up and called a locksmith.

He came around within about 40 minutes and proceeded to alas break the handle to allow entry. I asked him if he'd ever had a call out for people who'd been naked outside their house and the door had shut behind them.

'Oh,' he said. 'Yeah tons of times.'

'Still naked when you get there?' said I.

'Sometimes, but they usually find something to cover up with. Once I came to a job where a guy was wearing a box around his waist.'

'Was it hard to not laugh?' I asked.

'Too hard. I pissed myself. He laughed too.'

Ahh, that was almost worth the money for the call out.

More religious based political hilarity

Fresh on the heels of silly men with moustachless beards wanking on about Jihad and causing tabloid shows to immediately suggest all Muslims feel that way, we have Howard spruiking for Catch The Fire ministries, a Christian organisation who frequently blasts Islam as a great evil to the extent that they got taken to court under vilification laws (which by the way, I don't agree with because it's an attack on free speech).

Costello also wrote letters of support according to the Age article.

I do just love it when pollies attack a particular faith, but see nothing wrong in supporting other twisted versions of religions like Catch The Fire and the Exclusive Brethren (who spent $370,000 on supporting the Howard government in the 2004 election despite the fact their faith doesn't allow them to vote).

You see the difference is Australia was settled by Christians. Well, actually, it wasn't. It was settled by a different ethnic grouping some 50,000 years ago whose animist belief structure was the religion of choice. Okay, it was euro-settled by Christians - not Muslims. Christians who made this country what it is to day - complete with the almost wholesale eradication of native peoples.

Wouldn't Muslims have done the same HM had they transported thousands here and given the natives diseases and poisoned flour and what not? Well, no, considering that Islam was spread mostly through trade and in fact in Indonesia it ended up as a hybrid with the local animist faith there.

But, anyway, the point is this. Separation of church and state is obviously a silly theory that should be abandoned. Because in our past many Australians were practicing Christians (even if it wasn't the 'be nice to people' but 'there goes a Catholic/Protestant let's get them' variety), ergo now we should be entitled to have conservative politicians use it to their political advantage even when they slag off other religions.

Does anyone else feel a drift to the US way of things? ie you find it hard to get elected if every third word isn't Jesus? Least the 2006 election proved that this is not always the case. And even the evangelicals are seeing that the impending environmental changes are not the ones laced with red heifers that they've been hoping for and are actually doing something about it. However, that's not the case of course over here since the Exclusive Brethren hate everything the Greens stand for.

The Coalition are now starting to resemble Spaceballs RE Hicks

Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then!
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: I can't.
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.










Check out Dom Knight of the Chaser's views on Hicks here RE the new "rules" that allow Hearsay evidence and don't allow Defence military cleared personnel access to all the classified information used by the prosecution. Unfucking believable.

Wait, no. Completely fucking believable given the cockwads in power in the US and over here.

What a f_ckwit

Is it me or does Burning Crusade sound like a medical problem?

"Yes doctor, I'm ... I'm suffering a slight case of ... er ... (whispers) Burning Crusade."

"I see, take your pants off and lets look at it ... yes, that's nasty. Here's a prescription for a steroid cream".

Holy Crap - putting stupid booners on TV reveals them as stupid booners

Just touching on the reports of naked racism on the BB UK 07 against Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty. I was checking the wiki on it - found here.

Anyway, BB in the UK, like here, is typically jam packed with barely functional as human beings vapid empty headed fuckholes (the exception being "Timmy" who came second in 05 - nipped at the post by the pretty boy twins who, one of them being on the outside, simply spent their yet to be awarded money in ensuring they'd win).

From the above wiki this is what has been alleged.

* Jade Goody's mother, Jackiey, repeatedly referred to Shilpa as "the Indian" while she was on the show because she refused to pronounce her name.

* Jack Tweed allegedly called Shilpa Shetty a "fucking Paki" though Channel 4 has stated that he called her a cunt, not a Paki.

* On Days 11 and 12, Danielle Lloyd and Jo O'Meara poked fun at Shilpa's accent.

* Jo implied that all Indians were thin because they were always ill as a result of undercooking their food because she believed Shilpa undercooked a chicken meal.

* Referring to Shilpa using hair bleaching cream on her face, Danielle said "she's trying to make her face look white."

* In an argument between Jade and Shilpa, as witnessed by Danielle and Jo, Jade was derogatory about India by referring to Shilpa as a 'princess of Neverland'.

* After an argument between Shilpa and Jade, witnessed by a giggling Jo and Danielle, Danielle recommended Shilpa "just fuck off home".. Danielle later apologised in the Diary Room after Big Brother questioned her on the comment.

* After an argument between Jade and Shilpa, Jade referred to Shilpa's sari as "a duvet"

* According to Sky News Goody also allegedly told Shetty to "go back to the slums".

Really, no surprises. This is what you get when you have a bunch of ill educated fuckwits whose motivation is a short cut from their miserable existence to a brief flutter of flame where if they're lucky they'll be wanking off a boar on another reality TV show a year later.

No, I am not being anti poor. No, I am not being elitist. I am just pointing out that like a computer program rubbish in is rubbish out. If you continually choose the mediocre over the meritorious. The knuckle dragging barely literate fuckwit over the erudite. Promote less than average as desirable, then yes, unthinking racism on television is going to happen.

But HM - you just said fuckwits and fuckholes - you're as bad as they are! Ha! Damn! You're right. To the diary room!

By the way, Shilpa Shetty? Wow - now that is a good looking person. The irony is of course according to the wiki she's the favourite to win. Does that undercut my argument that having stupid people on telly means they say stupid things? No, not really. There's a reason why "Timmy" did so well - it's because intelligent people like 'theWife' who watches these shows passionately actually want to vote for someone worthy of it. Except she didn't like Timmy and was in fact a Vesna booster. Boooooooooo!

UPDATE: Astonishgly it's Celebrity Big Brother UK 2007 - though half of them seem to be former reality show made famous types. So my 'brief flutter of flame' still holds true since most of them are C listers craving TV "goodness" once more.

UPDATE 2: Not only was Leo Sayer a contestant, apparently he escaped out a fire door after they refused to give him clean underdaks. I wouldn't feel like dancing on a day 10 pair either.

UPDATE 3: "Face" from the fucking A-Team is on. Apparently he arrived in a replica van to the theme music while smoking a cigar. Hi-larious.

A review of a place to eat in Civic - by HM

Myself, the Bevester, his brother and a co-worker went to King O'Malley's today for lunch. I've been there for food once before.

It was quiet, and we sat inside in the AC comfort.

I had the steak burger.

Anyway, the service was great, nice atmosphere, the food was delicious and when I ordered a Guinness shandy they didn't bat an eyelid or make fun of me. Plus at the urinal they have the front and back page of a Newspaper to read as you're having a piss. It's either that or 'dob in your mate if he's a wife beater'.

The Newspaper was alas the Daily Tele with it's 'Whoops - dodgy vicar in oil price scandal' fucked up semi-fleet street bullshit but hey it's at least like I said something to read.

Yeah - that's just nutty

TT [Today Tonight] of course has launched into this fiercely, and some fuckwit from 2GB is shrieking about taking his citizenship off from him just because he has some fucked up views (Pauline Hanson ever get threatened with that? We are in danger of being swamped by Asians? I recall Howard's effort was 'I don't agree with her'{Homer aside: I do}'But she is entitled to give her views.'

Anyway, this "Sheik", clearly has some issues. Especially in regard to Jews - which is fucked up. He's a twat of the highest order. But typically TT has gone the soft hint that 'that makes two MUSLIM clerics who have insane ideas' like they're going through the list of Oz Islamic leaders and noting which one is naughty (and not who is nice - because that's not news). And given the typical fuckwit that watches TT once again that reinforces stupid people thinking 'X thinks this', 'X is a Y', 'Therefore Y's think this way'.

But HM - you just watched TT! I did - but I heard theWife was channel flipping as I was reading the SMH story so I turned it on to see how they would treat it. Was I surprised? No I was not.

Anyway, back to the SMH story (and no - I don't agree with Rudd - he hasn't incited terrorism in the legal sense of it - as far as I understand it. His level of racist bullshit is about that of your typical 'No Tabouli' or 'we grew here, you flew here' from those Cronulla beach fuckwits). The photo of the Sheik reminded me of something.

First the Sheik.














It's Teen Wolf! He's back, in angry distorted Islamic pog form!














Update: There's a story on Big Brother from UK. The hilarious voice over was 'we've come to expect stupidity and vulgarity from Big Brother' then 'Now they've added racism to their show'. HA! That's the pot calling the kettle black. TT is the worst show in Oz for that sort of mindless abusive distorted overly emotionalised bullshit. That and they just ran an anti-Muslim story like two minutes before!

The Life of Brian - 'Nail 'em up I say'.

The 'Nail 'em up I say' shorthard for Laura Norder types comes from LoB. Ah Life of Brian. How I remember the first time I saw you and honestly thought I was going to laugh so hard that vital organs would escape out my mouth.

(BRIAN wakes up with a smile on his face to find himself being dragged along a
cell corridor by TWO GUARDS.  The horrible figure of the JAILER spits at him
and flings him into a dark damp cell, slamming the iron grate behind him and
turning the key hollowly in the lock.  BRIAN slumps to the floor.  A voice
comes out of the darkness behind him.)

BEN:   You LUCKY bastard!
BRIAN: (spins around and peers into the gloom): Who's that?

(In the darkness BRIAN just makes out an emaciated figure, suspended on the
wall, with his feet off the ground, by chains round his wrists.  This is BEN.)

BEN:   You lucky, lucky bastard.
BRIAN: What?
BEN    (with great bitterness): Proper little gaoler's pet, aren't we?
BRIAN: (ruffled) What do you mean?
BEN:   You must have slipped him a few shekels, eh?
BRIAN: Slipped him a few shekels!?  You saw him spit in my face!
BEN:   Ohh!  What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face!  I sometimes hang
     awake at nights dreaming of being spat in the face.
BRIAN: Well, it's not exactly friendly, is it?  They had me in manacles ...
BEN:   Manacles!  Oooh....
     (his eyes go quite dreamy)
     My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be put in manacles ... just for a
     few hours.  They must think the sun shines out of your arse, sonny!
BRIAN: Listen!  They beat me up before they threw me in here.
BEN:   Oh yeah?  The only day they don't beat me up is on my birthday.
BRIAN: Oh shut up.
BEN:   Well, your type makes me sick!  You come in here, you get treated like
     Royalty, and everyone outside thinks you're a bloody martyr.
BRIAN: Oh, lay off me ... I've had a hard time!
BEN:   YOU'VE had a hard time!  Listen, sonny!  I've been here five years and
     they only hung me the right way up yesterday!
BRIAN: All right!  All right!
BEN:   I just wish I had half your luck.  They must think you're Lord God
     Almighty!
BRIAN: What'll they do to me?
BEN:   Oh, you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
BRIAN: Crucifixion!
BEN:   Yeah, first offense.
BRIAN: Get away with crucifixion!
BEN:   Best thing the Romans ever did for us.
BRIAN: (incredulous)  What?
BEN:   Oh yeah.  If we didn't have crucifixion this country would be in a right
     bloody mess I tell you.
BRIAN: (who can stand it no longer)  Guard!
BEN:   Nail 'em up I say!
BRIAN: (dragging himself over to the door)  Guard!
BEN:   Nail some sense into them!
GUARD: (looking through the bars)  What d'you want?
BRIAN: I want to be moved to another cell.
     (GUARD spits in his face.)
BRIAN: Oh!  (he recoils in helpless disgust)
BEN:   Oh ... look at that!  Bloody favouritism!
GUARD: Shut up, you!
BEN:   Sorry!  Sorry!
     (he lowers his voice)
     Now take my case.  I've been here five years, and every night they take
     me down for ten minutes, then they hang me up again ... which I regard
     as very fair ... in view of what I done ... and if nothing else, it's
     taught me to respect the Romans, and it's taught me that you'll never
     get anywhere in life unless you're prepared to do a fair day's work for
     a fair day's pay ...
BRIAN: Oh ... Shut up!
  (CENTURION approaches cell door with two soldiers, starts unlocking door)
CENT:  Pilate wants to see you.
BRIAN: Me?
CENT:  Come on.
BRIAN: Pilate?  What does he want to see me for?
CENT:  I think he wants to know which way up you want to be crucified.
  (He laughs.  The TWO SOLDIERS smirk.  BEN laughs uproariously.)
BEN:     ... Nice one, centurion.  Like it, like it.
CENT (to BEN):  Shut up!
  (BRIAN is hustled out.  The door slams.)
BEN (to himself): Terrific race the Romans ... terrific. 

Another awesome SMH article - desertion of the heartland

Elizabeth Farrelly is the SMH architecture columnist. But unlike many, she can give life to sometimes dusty subject. Her command of language is just fuck off incredible.

Check out her article on the migration to the coast, and the twinned outcome of democracy in action with poor planning.

Here's a snip

That's the inland. But the peri-urban coastal communities' effect on Australia's periphery is, if anything, more pronounced. Numbers-wise, the main drift is city bound. But the main impact undeniably is on unspoilt beaches, fishing villages and small coastal towns that were once scattered on the coast and are now vanishing under the avalanche of canal estates, shopping malls and epidemic McMansionism that runs from Mandurah to Esperance, from the Yorke Peninsula to the Coorong and from Bega to Coffs.

Who is shifting? Not, contrary to popular belief, superannuated refugees but, on the whole, the relatively young (in 2001, 80 per cent of seachangers were under 50) escaping the jobless inland for the great coastal 'burb. You can see why they want it. More difficult is understanding why any government would see the peri-urban coastal communities - unsustainable, obesogenic, mall-fed and hopelessly car-based - as an OK option.

Anyway - see the rest here.

Teach them something to remember

I read this article in the SMH today. Really resonated. It's about the teaching of history and how students engage with the material. See it here.

This bit really stuck out for me.

In the lessons of social history lie many guidelines for the future. After horrific murders, such as the Port Arthur massacre, some sections of the community clamour for a return of the death penalty. But students of colonial history and convict transportation are among those who shrink in horror at such a thought. If such legislation was ever mooted, we would know to ask about the agenda behind it. In Britain in the 1820s more than 220 crimes were punishable by death, including such dreadful deeds as cutting down trees in an avenue but not in a street. This had been legislated by the landed classes, whose focus was to protect their property and assets. It wouldn't happen today, some would argue. But are we all happy about some of the recent "terrorist" legislation? Students of history would also know to ask whether the judgement of "death" would be an arbitrary decision or a mandatory ruling. Under the old British laws, the theft of goods worth 40 shillings or more merited a death sentence, so judges and juries convicted some malefactors of stealing goods worth only 39 shillings. Need we ask who would more often receive such beneficence - a nubile maiden or a menacing thug? And historians know that these juries found some offenders innocent because they didn't want them to hang, or guilty because they didn't like them. That wouldn't happen today, some would say. But what about Lindy Chamberlain?

Fortunately both major parties, and almost every minor party (cough One Nation cough), is against the reintroduction of the death penalty in Oz, despite dog whistling by Howard now and then with his pious 'well, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' when it comes to offing non Australians. I'd say in part one of the reasons why the death penalty was discontinued - and against popular polling at the time - was the fact that being intimate with the law - as they were in creating them - and for many in administering it as having been lawyers in their non pollie days - they realised the potential for the ultimate fuck up - the death of an innocent. Especially since Ronald Ryan had shades of 'miscarriage' about it.

Hugh Mackay put it like this in the recent strangely not on the web article RE Saddam. This is paraphrased.

'You don't rape a rapist. You don't crash the car of a car stealer. You don't break into the house of a house breaker. So why kill a killer?'

Especially, as Mackay noted, since in prison they are removed from the possibility of killing again*'

Revenge seems to be at the core of the pro-death penalty people. And fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of difference. Whiter than whites living a whiter than white life with no understanding or experience of the social cauldron that can set the stage where homicide is far more likely. Then in moral outrage pronouncing these people should die. In all honesty I bet there would be some Australians of the 'Nail 'em up' school that, like a morbidly obese Texan whose only experience of a black or brown person is a domestic or squeegee holder, would volunteer to perform it themselves.

Saddam's half brother was hanged yesterday. This one was botched too. His entire head came off.

Anyway, like I have said before. My belief is the death penalty is always wrong. Always. It cheapens life as death begats death. Like I said, feel different, but please spare me your fucked up arguments because I know them all and I reject all of them.

*What if they escaped? What if they got parole and went on a murder spree?! Won't someone please think of the children?**

** What if they were innocent and the state killed them. In all honesty, which do you think is more likely?

Babel

Went and saw Babel tonight at the new Dendy that has opened up in civic. The theatre is nice - comfie seats, though the Candy bar service was a little slow (yeah, I know, that doesn't matter but it still annoyed me).

Babel is kick arse. It's one of those movies that's like a discordant violin jarring in the background. Emotionally taught, fraying. It really left me feeling jittery.

The success I think in the film is the sense of reality. Because it's interlinked stories there's no dramatic traditional plot as such, just a series of events that the characters experience. You forget you're watching a movie after a while, which is a sign of excellence.

So out of pi*, I give it a 3.1.


*NERD!

Hey kid, ever seen a dead body?

Today on my way back from work I was cutting across the small nature reserve near the office (my having parked in the overflow street as I was late), when I smelled an awful rotting odour. It was a dead something.

So I decided to put on my investimigating shoes and see if I could find it. I honestly thought 'fuck, it could be a body'. And the smell was so bad it seemed to me whatever it was, it would have to be big.

Moving through the tinder dry underbrush in 35 degree heat as the death stink grew stronger I had visions of having to call the cops and hang around stopping people from interferring with the crime scene.

I need not have worried. Turned out it was a big grey roo. Probably the size of a 10 year old boy. I suspect it came down from the surrounding bush and got grazed by a car, then hopped into the reserve where it died.

I wonder whose responsible for getting rid of it? I shall once more wear some investimigating shoes and find out.

On a lighter note as I was waiting in traffic I played my 'turning green' guessing game. It's where I think the moment it goes green then dramatically point at the light as if I knew all along. Not only was I wrong but on the follow through with the hand point I knocked my glasses onto the dash. I had to frantically jam them on before the light actually went green.

I am a stupid head.

Washington Post - The Imperial Presidency By Dahlia Lithwick

Check out this article in the Washington Post. It examines the nature of the Bush Cheney whitehouse and that Gitmo and the massive assault on civil liberties in the US was not about terrorism but rather more about giving the executive as much fucking power as possible. That the legal trickery they used to avoid challenge to what they were doing was not so they could keep insurgents or enemy combatants safely detained without charge but to enable the executive to detain people without charge in the future.

This need to preserve new legal ground also explains the continued operation of the detention center at Guantanamo Bay. Last week marked the fifth anniversary of the camp that -- as then-Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld claimed in 2002 -- houses only "the worst of the worst." Now that more than half of them have been released (the best of the worst?) and even though only about 80 will ever see trials, the camp remains open. Why? Civil rights groups worldwide and even close U.S. allies such as Denmark, England and Germany clamor for its closure.

See the rest here

Time Magazine - Good General, Bad War

This is an excellent article by Joe Klein that appeared in the recent newstand copy of Time magazine. It's basically a snapshot of how the US side of the occupation of Iraq should have gone had it been applied theatre wide instead of kyboshed by armchair fuckwits like 'smart bombs' Rumsfeld.

You have to achieve very rapid progress to show people your intentions are good," Lieut. General David Petraeus told the Philadelphia Inquirer in October 2003, explaining how he and the 101st Airborne Division had brought peace and civility to the city of Mosul. It was one of the few early success stories of the war in Iraq--and then, within a year after Petraeus left, it all fell apart. What happened in Mosul, despite the best efforts of an enlightened U.S. general, is particularly instructive now that Petraeus has been given the far more difficult job of securing Baghdad in the midst of a civil war.

Petraeus did move rapidly in Mosul. With 20,000 troops at his disposal, he was able to establish an overwhelming presence in the streets. U.S. soldiers walked beats like police officers and were stationed in local patrol bases, the equivalent of precinct houses. They were instructed to treat the Iraqis with respect. Knocking down doors was replaced by knocking on doors. When force was used, the Inquirer reported, "A task force is sent into a neighborhood to clean up and take claims for any damages ...'Will this take more bad guys off the streets than it creates?' is one of Petraeus'" guiding principles. The judicious use of force was effective: among the bad guys taken off the street were Saddam Hussein's sociopathic sons Uday and Qusay.

Read the rest here

Alas, as Klein notes, that even though Petraeus has been given the job of doing the same in Baghdad it's too little too late. There's not enough troops to work this plan, and it's now refereeing a civil war not backing a government against insurgents. But it could have gone right, it could have. And now the US will be fucked in the arse before it ever intervenes ever again. Some may think that's a good thing. It's not. The US has been, in its good days, a force for peace and cooperation. It's just a shame cretins like Bush and Cheney ruined it for everyone else.

SMH - articles of interest

As always News Review of SMH is the best part of the best paper of the week. A mix of detailed reporting, analysis, and opinion. Some of which I don't always share but nonetheless thought provoking.

Here's the three stand outs from this weekend's paper.

Dark Art of Religious Wedge Politics by Emily Maguire - "Christian supremacists love to bring up Nazi Germany, Maoist China and Stalinist Russia. Society without religion, they say, is evidently hell on Earth. Well, no. A society in which people are not allowed to worship or not, pray or not and believe the same thing as the leader or not is hell on Earth."

Harking back to good old days of backyard abortions and shotgun weddings - by Lisa Pryor - "You're a bloody idiot if you don't use contraception. But even if you do, there are no guarantees. Especially if you look at the anxiety-inducing failure rates of the most popular methods."

Chink appears in armour of death penalty - by Hugh Mackay - "Following the barbaric execution of Saddam Hussein, Italy this week called for a worldwide moratorium on capital punishment. The campaign will draw immediate support in Europe, where capital punishment is no longer practised, but will be less warmly received in the United States, still prominent on the list of countries that execute their own citizens."

[Note - for some reason it's only availble via an archive purchase and not available on the website - which is a shame because it's an excellent piece.]

Narfs, and Scrunts, and Guilds oh my!

Finally saw A Lady in the Water, the M.Night Shyamalan film.

Trippy. Very trippy.

Critics seemed to have hated it, regarding it as "self indulgent". Well, fair enough. Me? I liked it a lot. I think it's worth seeing.

Musings on Mosley

Oswald Mosley was the leader of the British Union of Fascists during the 30's, which Orwell derided as 'pimply blackshirts'.

Apparently Mosley's a distant relative of mine (according to my mum).

Anyway whilst touring the BUF wiki I came across this charming statement.

In answer to a question about the Blackshirt attitude towards Jews, Sir Oswald Mosley said:- "We will not tolerate within the State a minority organized against the interests of the State. Jews must either put the interests of Britain before the interests of Jewry or they will be deported from Britain."

Now, if we replaced 'Jew' with 'Muslim' and Britain with Australia, doesn't that ringingly sound familiar?

Hi-larious

I was sitting in the local shopping centre on one of those broad wooden benches while theWife was in getting groceries (I try to avoid shopping with her because I want to just grab the first thing and get out whereas theWife likes to examine things/prices in detail).

I had my papers spread out.

As I am reading the SMH this old bandy legged dude waddles over and looks down at my papers. He then flicks through, selects the Weekend Australian, then walks off.

I was watching open mouthed at his brazen theft. Of course I probably could have said something like 'er, those are mine mate' and it's likely he would have left them alone. But it was just too funny to interrupt what was happening.

It reminds me of this bit from Hitchhikers where Dent is telling his girlfriend about this train trip he took. He sat down opposite this other passenger, with his paper and a pack of British rail biscuits. The man lent over, opened the biscuits and ate one. Dent, confused, didn't know what to do. So he ate a biscuit too. The man opposite frowned, then repeated the move, so did Dent. Biscuit for biscuit until the package was empty.

Then the man left. Dent, still unbelieving that someone would brazenly eat his biscuits without saying something, picks up his paper. There, under it, were his biscuits...

Awesome stuff. Apparently that actually happened to Douglas Adams.

A pictorial comparison - The burning map from Bonanza (well a bodgie equiv) and the top of my head

Arthritic Anus

The heat has finally hit Canberra. Last night when I tooled along to bed I noticed theWife just had the doona cover on and the AC (a micro unit that has a hose out the window) was roaring along. The room was significantly chillier than the rest of the house, which was cool (ha ha).

So I got into bed and went to sleep. Shortly after I woke in tremendous pain. My arse, all around my anal area, was throbbing with arthritic pain. Really, really bad ass pain. Not 'wrong door Dex' pain, but the muscles ached and groaned deeply within my glut.

It was horrible. It wasn't IBS-caused-constipation. But a shout out to my old bouts of arthritis from a few years back. For some reason the effect of AC leeches into my muscles on occasion causing ouchies. It happens in my hands if I am driving - or on my shoulders.

But that is the first time I have ever had arthritis in my anus. It was fucked up. All I could do was crawl into the very hot spare room after chugging pain killers and hoping for the best.

Next time, I think it's a pair of HM's pattented use of women's PJ bottoms before boodles if that AC plan is in operation (as well as turning it off and just going to much less pain causing fan blowing).

Heiress confuses promoted beer with vaginal douche

Notorious heiress and nightclub opener, Paris Hilton, today accidentally confused Australian product Bondi Blonde Beer for a vaginal douche, using the shaken contents of the bottle to wash out her lady parts while on stage.

‘Look, it was an easy mistake to make,’ said Bondi Blonde Beer rep August Brightly. ‘Paris is blonde, the beer is named “Bondi Blonde Beer”. It’s only natural that after a night of severe partying and potential drunken dalliances that she assumed the cool refreshing, light on the waist line liquid was a kind of vaginal cleanser that would help wash out any lurking men menaces down there.’

The heiress, unhindered in her act by non-existent underwear, said that use of liquid douches in this manner had a proud tradition in the US and she naturally assumed that “Ohssies” would likewise be in the know for remedies for unwanted sperm.

‘Like, in the 50’s like, women used to use like coke and stuff. They’d shake it up and insert it like, and like it would get all the tadpoles and stuff and like kill them.’

Rumoured to be paid some five million dollars for her 23 minute appearance where the glassy eyed Hilton rocked back and forth clutching her tiny handbag containing yet another soon to be suffocated micro pet, organisers admitted Hilton’s bold move in applying a Bondi Blonde in a ‘morning after’ fashion took them by surprise.

‘Look, we didn’t know that instead of chugging back gulps of the delish amber delight she’d put her thumb over the mouth, shake, insert, then release,’ said Ms Brightly. ‘But well the silver lining is you cannot get publicity like this. Even if Paris used the product in the manner in which it was not intended.’

The heiress reportedly stood watching the beer run back out of her almost skeletal groin, then jiggled up and down to rid her vagina of the last drops. She declared the experience “refreshing” and insisted that other Gen-Y women should choose this product over any others.

‘Like this is the best like bourbon I ever had,’ she said, using the front of her micro dress to dab the last of the beer from her gutted rabbit. ‘So totally douche with it, or drink it, whatever.’

‘Use of coke bottles by women in that manner caused all sorts of problems,’ said gynaecologist Dr Samantha Brewen. ‘So I shudder to think applying what is essentially a yeast delivery system would do to that area.’

Bondi Blonde execs said they would quickly rush a new backing label for the beer that indicated a stylised, yet attractive silhouette of a woman knocking back a Bondi Blonde emblazoned with a large tick paired with a line slashed circle against a stylised pair of legs with an inserted bottle.

An added slogan of “For up here, not down there” would likewise be added to the bottle to ensure complete comprehension of suggested product usage.

And now the "Try Hicks as Soon As Possible" John Howard Dancers

Well I think it’s a question of determining precisely what his legal position is and that as the Attorney General has indicated is not easy. There’s debate about whether he’s a prisoner of war or an illegal combatant. Prisoners of war incidentally are normally held until the war is over. I don’t know how long the war against terrorism is going to last. At the present time he remains, is likely to remain in Guantanamo Bay.(25 January 2002)

There's going to be a very serious discussion between our people and the Americans, and they're obviously in the interests of sitting down and trying to reach agreement on an arrangement that is acceptable to us, but is also acceptable to them. And you've got to remember that they are dealing with people who they believe were intent on doing evil things to their people and to others, and they have a right to be heard on it as well, on that and they have a right to be involved in the procedure. But I think we've got to keep a sense of balance and perspective, but we'll be working hard to get a fair procedure so that in the end, natural justice as best we can define it universally is done and seen to be done.(19 July 2003)

The Australian Government has consistently worked to ensure that, consistent with the particular circumstances of their apprehension and detention, Mr Hicks and Mr Habib are afforded a fair trial as expeditiously as possible. We will continue to do so. As I did during his visit here last year, I will raise the matter with President Bush during my discussions with him in Washington this week.(Press Release 30 May 2004)

I have been pushing very hard for the Americans to bring on the trial, and we appear to be making some progress on that front. (2 June 2004)

I’m pleased that the charges have been brought. It’s not appropriate for me to get into a detailed commentary. I want the military tribunal to be convened as soon as possible. I’ve been assured that he’ll get a fair trial.(11 June 2004)

Well I hope the matter is dealt with in an expeditious fashion, but I'm not going give a daily commentary on everything that happens. We are satisfied that the rules that have been established for the military commission will deliver a process which is consistent with the criminal justice system of our country, but I'm not going to give a daily commentary, and I hope it is dealt with in a very expeditious fashion.(22 August 2004)

Can I say in relation to the military commission process, Australia is satisfied -- particularly in the wake of some changes that were made to the process -- Australia is satisfied that the military commission process in relation to David Hicks, as he is the one Australian held in Guantanamo Bay, will provide a proper measure of justice. We welcome the appeals court decision in the United States, which removes a roadblock to a speedy adjudication of Mr. Hicks' position. The allegations against him are particularly serious, and we look forward to them being dealt with before the tribunal -- the appropriate tribunal, which is the military commission.(18 July 2005; Joint press conference with Donald Rumsfeld)

I understand that and we have repeatedly said, and as recently as when I was last in Washington only three weeks ago that we want the trial brought on quickly. And I was told, and it was publicly repeated by Donald Rumsfeld at a joint press conference, that the trial would come on very quickly, and we’ll continue to press that.(2 August 2005)

We would like to see him brought before the military commission as soon as possible but those proceedings are delayed because his own lawyers have appealed to higher United States courts against the constitutionality of the military commission. So the delay in David Hicks being tried at the moment is not the fault of the American Government or the fault of the Australian Government. It is a result of legal proceedings being taken by his own lawyers in the United States.(16 December 2005)

We’d like the trial to be soon. The reason it’s held up at the moment is not the fault of the Americans, it is in fact the court process in the Untied States that’s holding up his military commission hearing.(21 March 2006)

Well I raised, I discussed David Hicks with Don Rumsfeld the Defense Secretary, he’s the relevant person, and we both agreed that it would be a good idea if the military commission trial could come on as soon as possible, but we both know that that is being held up not by the American Government or by the Australian authorities, it’s in fact being held up in the courts in America.(9 June 2006)

No, what the decision [against military tribunals] means is that the military commissions are unconstitutional. The decision does not rule that the detention of people is illegal, nor does it decree that Guantanamo Bay should be closed down. What it does say is that, as a process, the military commission is unacceptable. [later in interview] ... Our position is that he should be brought to trial as quickly as possible. (30 June 2006)

What now has to happen is that, quite quickly in my view, the administration has to decide how it will deal with the trial of the people who are being held. I mean, our view in relation to Mr Hicks is that he should be brought to trial.(Friday, 30 June, 2006)

Our position on David Hicks is we want him tried as soon as possible. We are unhappy that he's been held so long without trial(SMH - January 11 2007)

Hicks Bad - US Good!

The US prosecution team has entered the battle with Major Mori complaining that Hicksie has been given a free ride for too long. 'Trained with Al'Qaeda' they shriek. 'Went back into Afghanistan to fight yanks after S11' etc.

This is what Charles Richardson of Crikey had to say

Spotlight stays on David Hicks

Charles Richardson writes:

The ALP is continuing its incremental approach to taking on the government over the detention of David Hicks. Yesterday, shadow attorney-general Kelvin Thomson demanded that Hicks should be released on bail, under a control order if need be, and that Australia should "Tell the US Government that a Military Commission is not a fair trial".

The same process that has led the government to sound a note of impatience towards the Americans is having its effect on the opposition as well: fear of being "soft on terrorism" is being outweighed by a sense that community sentiment is turning in Hicks's favour, and there may even be some votes in the issue.

Meanwhile, in today's Age, the US chief military prosecutor has outlined the case against Hicks:

David Hicks attended basic training, the al-Qaeda basic training, (and) went back for repeated advance courses in terrorism ... He knew and associated with a number of al-Qaeda senior leadership. He conducted surveillance on the US embassy and other embassies.

Leave aside the fact that no evidence is offered for these allegations, and that it's taken five years to be told even this much of what Hicks is supposed to have done. What's most interesting is the fact that nothing that's alleged amounts to what would normally be regarded as a war crime.

The allegations sound serious, but fundamentally they are ordinary crimes: conspiracy, maybe attempted murder. There is no explanation for why they could not be tried in an ordinary civilian court.

We're also told that Hicks went "back to the battlefield, back to Afghanistan" after 11 September 2001, but there's no indication he did anything there to contravene the laws of war. Yet again, the Bush administration is stuck in its cleft stick: if this is a real "war", then just fighting in it can't be a crime. If it's not, then Hicks is (at worst) a common criminal, and belongs in the courts.

--------------------------

And there we have it. The US prosecution, a military commission, is still trying to dress this up as something beyond ordinary crime but sub war. And as a result Hicks can be tried in their hybrid system designed fully to remove the rights of those in it to contest their being in it in the first place. Sure, Hicks may have done all those things. But did it give the US the right to hold him for five years while it gathered the evidence and fought tooth and nail to "try" him (failing) in a legally obscene manner? No, I don't think it did.

Area Hotel causes guest to make sanity check

Examine if you will the lamp from our hotel room in Melbourne. The relief work on said lamp. I believe it is, correct me if I am wrong, Satan.

Nice one hotel. I had to turn it away from me since the green glow from the clock by the bed kind of creepily lit it up.

I felt like I was staying in the apartment block from Ghostbusters that was designed by Ivo Shandor to be a portal between dimensions. I half expected Gozer the Gozerian to make an appearance.

And adios to Frandma

Well we farewelled her yesterday at a small funeral home in the suburb where her old church had been located. I met her niece, who organised it all, a lovely lady in her mid 60's at a cafe up the road - she recognised me I think from photos in frandma's house.

I sat in the family pew because frandma's rels felt that we were given family, or the family God had given to her, and felt it only right. I managed to swallow the butterflies and stood near frandma's coffin, draped in an Oz flag, and read out the letter from my parents, and my own memory of things frandma did. The other speakers spoke of similar things. Thrift, hard work, sense of humour, twinkle in her eye.

The funniest story concerned her penchant for travelling with vast amounts of luggage. Except not luggage as such but plastic bags filled with left over food, margarine containers, scraps of cloth, magazines etc. She was the quintessential pack rat. She wasn't mental about it, it's just that she came from an era where everything was saved (which is why she showered with a bucket beneath her feet to catch the water for the garden).

Anyway apparently one day, coming back from a trip, she arrived on the station with innumerable plastic bags filled with stuff, her wheelie trolley, and other assorted bags. She planned to walk home, because it was only a few blocks. Across the road a hardware store was having a sale. She noticed an item out the front that she needed anyway.

10 minutes later off she walked, in her mid 80s, proudly steering her brand new wheelbarrow piled high with all her stuff.

I didn't cry until the end when they started up with a bagpipes rendition of Amazing Grace. Because Frandma loved the Edinburgh tattoo and when she was at our place she'd always watch. We followed her out the door to the hearse to watch as she was loaded in to be driven off to the country cemetery where she wanted to be laid to rest. I was crying pretty heavily, as you do, when one of her great nephews, who'd also talked of her, started laughing.

'Hey it's a Rolls,' he said. 'She would have loved that.'

Frandma was a friend of the workers all her life. When you think of Puritan work ethic she'd be the living example. It tickled them something fierce that her last drive would be her in the back of a Rolls with her own driver.

Her family put together a remarkable service. It was a celebration of a life well lived, despite hardship. And she went out surrounded by love. It's the best I guess any of us can hope for.

On the back of the program was a picture of frandma at 93 on the back of a horse, a giggle smile on her face. Her retirement village had found out about her farm life as a kid and arranged for one of those riding schools for the disabled to give her the experience on being on horseback one last time.

Apparently on the day, once she was seated, she said 'right, I'm off'. The staff, confused, asked what she meant. 'To gallop of course,' she said huffily. 'What's the point of just sitting on a horse?'

That's frandma, right to the end. The original feisty lady with a wicked sense of humour. I will miss her a great deal.

Area Teen Feels Pressured to watch Dead Dad Videos

Local teen Simon Westen said that while he respected the fact his father, dead these past 15 years from leukaemia, took the effort to make a series of instructional videos for his life, he just don’t look forward to watching him.

‘The mullet, the big 80’s era glasses, his pinched nasal voice, it’s just too much,’ said the surly near man.

When Simon was just one, his father, Barry, made the videos after learning his disease was likely terminal. They consisted of numerous ‘life lessons’ that fathers and sons should have over the course of a normal life. This included learning to ride a bicycle, shaving, and the manly talk fathers are supposed to have the night before their son takes a wife.

‘I appreciate his intent, but frankly his lessons are not great. The dummy he made up of “me” riding my bike with training wheels was a poor representation of a child as the head fell off when he pushed it into a wall. The shaving video he like cut himself 12 times and walked out looking like he’d developed eczema you could write on. And as for the manly wedding talk – he tried to tell me about how my wee wee and her wee would “hook up” and that it was perfectly natural. Shit man, why couldn’t he teach me proper stuff like how to know what you scored was good shit or not, how to make a bong out of an orchy bottle, or how to throw a wheelie bin over a covered picnic bench without cutting your face open.’

Simon said he watched the videos more out pleasing his mother than anything else, and that by telling her ‘I’m just off to watch dad’ he could play Xbox in his room for hours without being disturbed, especially if he acted just a little emo afterwards.

‘So I suppose it’s a silver lining in an otherwise boring, very dated cloud,’ said the teen.

Simon added that he glad his mother never went ahead with Barry’s dying wish that she take a cardboard cut out of Barry to witness his son’s seminal events, such as dropping Simon off at his first school dance, and later waiting at the front of the gym to pick him up afterwards.

Crikey is back!

Fresh from their holiday break, to spread e-newsy cheer across the media landscape.

Today's editorial was interesting.

The official Government line on David Hicks may not have changed, but the tone of its comments suggests even John Howard and Philip Ruddock are becoming exasperated at the delays in bringing him to trial – or at least concerned that the affair is becoming a political liability. And so they should be. The continued detention of Hicks is a national scandal.

But the Attorney-General insists that Hicks can't be brought home and charged in Australia. Ruddock says it "is more complicated than simply identifying a criminal offence". Absolutely. It's a moral issue. Theories of moral equivalence have always been bankrupt apologies for despotism. Our governments are infinitely more moral than Saddam Hussein’s. Their sense of justice is infinitely more developed than that of the Islamicists we are fighting.

Yet the Attorney-General says: "The likelihood of success, available defences, the facts in question and the rules of evidence in Australian courts must all be considered." In other words, our Government believes Hicks must be tried by a special tribunal in Guantanamo because a regular court in Australia might not convict him. It appears Ruddock wants Hicks to be found guilty – regardless of the evidence.

If the evidence is not weighed in open court we cannot make a judgement about what Hicks might have done. It beggars belief that it could be something so serious as to justify more than five years of inhumane detention, yet not serious enough to constitute a crime under Australian law.

I particularly loved the "Absolutely. It's a moral issue." line. Of course it is. We as a nation are better than accepting the detention of one of our own without charge or in a markedly unfair system for so very, very long as being acceptable, and most of us still have the belief that should anyone of us come before the law, we get a fair shake.

At least, some of us do.

Let's just hope a "Tampa mark II" doesn't make an appearance in the 2007 election like Fraser suggested.

Off to Frandma's funeral

She is being to rest tomorrow in Melbourne and we're flying down in the morning. So I will be out of PC range until Wed night.

Tomorrow, for lunch, I will have chicken in her honour!

I may get up and talk but public speaking tends to make me feel like I'd rather climb in the coffin. So I doubt it. But I have the option on passing our memories onto a speaker who can do it on our behalf, so it's all good.

See you on Wed!

RIP Quayle WARNING NERD BLOG

I've been playing Baldur's Gate: Tales of the Sword Coast again, despite the program being in computer game terms about as old a technology as kerosene lamps, because well I just love it. Of all the D&D Computer games out there, of all the various iterations of D&D, this has been the most faithful to the spirit and ruleset that I've played. It's just too much fun. Alas the company that made it went tits up, but a community of fans has managed to write their own scenarios to go with it which you can download to patch into the official version. The one I have been playing is Fields of the Dead.

Anyway, I decided to take that little scamp Quayle into my party once I had reached the city. He's a gnome illusionist/cleric, and his spell usage was critical to my ongoing success. But I got cocky, and upon returning from werewolf island confronted the foul sorcerer nee werewolf who sent us there without resting first. Done on spells and because one of the quirks of Baldur's gate is, like people fleeing a fire through a revolving door, the doorway soon jams up and you can't get out, Quayle, who was at the back of the queue was exploded across the room beyond salvation by resurrection.

Sure, I could have called it a do-over because in real life they would have made it out the door. But I try and play these games and let the chips fall where they lie. So Quayle, I miss you but alas you are lost forever.

Quayle had a wisdom of 10. The irony is, and only uber nerds will get this, in the 3rd edition+ of the greatest nerd game love ever built, Quayle wouldn't have been able to cast higher than 0 level spells.

When controlled farts go bad ...

This week on WCFGB HM's fart goes terribly, terribly wrong and he is forced to clench his over-large butt cheeks together and stiltedly walk to the toilet, praying there's no seepage.

Man ... that was fucked up. Fortunately, no one made it over the wall on that one.

Note to self. When performing a controlled fart, don't be having diarreah.

UPDATE: I wasn't sure how to spell diarreah and bunged it into google, knowing that it would correct me if wrong. It did. It also bought up the URL, and I shit you not, www.diarreah.com.

I bet the lads that registered that address high fived because they could not believe that piece of e-real estate had not been snapped up before they got there.

Extras Remembered

Easily as good as The Office. My favourite bit courtesy of YouTube.

Daily Show Goodness - the remix of the "Bush" Xmas Video

It won't be there for long, the Daily Show for some reason don't like their stuff on you tube. Likely because their interface sucks so bad that people come here for their DS fix. So go watch it now!

Killed for wanting to kip in peace

This was in the SMH. A construction worker with an early start asked a bunch of yahoos to keep it down outside where he was staying. Their response was to beat and stab him to death.

What a bunch of scum balls.

I can't help but think if this gang of tools had the been e-heads they probably would have said 'gee, sorry man' and moved on. Yet ecstasy is the drug that's illegal.

I've never been in a pub or outside a pub fight. I've had fights try to be picked with me including being strangled and having my pony tail pulled, but I've never responded with actual violence because I could never see the point in doing so. It's not being a coward, I'm not afraid of pain (I rip my own toenails off), it's just not rising to it.

But there seems to be a culture of kids growing up binge drinking on an all too frequent basis and while liquored up behaving in a violent manner. Fuck man, if some dude had told me to keep it down I would have said 'shit, sorry' and moved the fuck on.

However it was to a group. And as we all know the average intelligence of a mob member is about half that of their normal intellect. Now combine that with alcohol...

New on Channel 10 - Inside Jamie

This week on Inside Jamie, we insert a camera deep, deep into the world's most loveable semi-cockney chef to see how he copes with passing a tricky peach.

Wow a fat joke!

What a fucking hero.

Happy January 6

Today is Epiphany day according to wiki

So if you've had an Epiphany then share away!

Mine is that berry containers are designed to spring open and spill contents causing users to purchase higher amounts.

Nah - that's really a complaint.

Apparently it's also 'Little Christmas' in Ireland where the men do the domestic stuff and the women go out and "celebrate".

Ah Wiki, what would we do without you. Because of your information I now have a mental image of a bunch of middle aged drunken women hooting irishly trying to pull a male stripper's penis out by the root.

Hmmm, epiphany for me. I have a warped mind.

Plucky twins picked up in war on terror; having a ball

The Kancer Kids, identical siblings save for their sex, Beckie and Jeremiah Phol, were picked up in a sweep on the war on terror after a brief stop over in Pakistan

‘We were coming back from Europe where we’d been having experimental treatment for our 109 cancers and tumours, and the plane had to land at Karachi following mechanical trouble. While on the ground, seated in our gurneys in Business Class I foolishly said “I hope it’s not a bomb”,’ admitted older by two minutes Jeremiah.

The Kancer Kids were immediately seized from the plane and taken to a dark warehouse where they were interrogated for several hours.

‘And they were right to do it!’ said Jeremiah. ‘For I said the B-word on an aircraft whilst in Pakistan of all places which clearly ticked the box of potential suspect.’

Black and blue from rubber hoses marks in addition to the many needle punctures that cover the twin’s bodies, the plucky pair were rendered to Camp X-Ray or Gitmo, in US occupied Cuba – the Americans having sited their detention camp in order to bypass silly things like rules about holding someone without charging them.

‘In this day and age you can’t be too careful whose a Mohammed Mad Muslim bomb chucker seeking to get into heaven and who isn’t!’ said Beckie. ‘I mean sure, the odd goat herder gets sold by bounty hunters as being one and has to live her for a few years never knowing if they will ever go home or indeed whether they have their identity confused for an actual wanted terrorist, but it’s a small price to pay to defend our freedoms.’

‘Which they hate,’ she added.

The twins, housed in the hospital infirmary under light guard, have already won hearts and minds of their protective marine wardens who hardly beat them, and have only pretended to poo on or wipe menstrual blood on their beloved Enid Blyton books maybe two or three times.

‘I wish Muh-hammeds and Aye-llahs and Goonygoogoos could be as cooperative as these two,’ admitted Sergeant “Tex” O’Reilly. ‘They’ve already dobbed in no less than 23 suspected Muslim agitators in the Australian health system that our Ohssie colleagues have secretly incarcerated in secret jails for the next two weeks while they check out the twin’s info. If the twins survive their many ailments and any latent effects from our misguided enthusiasm at interrogation then they will make simply stellar prosecution witnesses. Kind of like reverse clean-skins. Take that Bin Laden!’

The twins said that holding people for as long as needed despite the flimsiest of evidence, or indeed no evidence, is just fine by them.

‘We have to live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? Lefties? The US had a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. Lefties weep for Achmed, and curse the US government. They have that luxury. They have the luxury of not knowing what the US government knows. That unfair detention, while tragic, probably saved lives. And Gitmo’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to coffee drinking city dwelling poor hating socialists who only care about their McMansion, saves lives. Girly left wingers don't want the truth because deep down in places they don't talk about at parties, they want them on that wall, they need them on that wall. At Gitmo they use words like honor, code, loyalty. Marines use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. Lefties use them as a punchline. The jolly fun marines here have neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to lefties who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that Gitmo provides, and then questions the manner in which it is provided. The marines said they would rather people just said thank you, and went on their way. Otherwise, they suggest the faint-hearted left pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, they don't give a damn what lefties think inmates are entitled to.’

Unfortunately the last part of the courageous sacrifice accepting twin’s powerful statement was drowned out by the anguished screams of a detainee who had been placed in a stress position for several hours.

The Argument Sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus

Screen: Blue world revolves with similar background and BBC ONE at the bottom.
Voice Over: And now on BBC one--Six more minutes of Monty Python's
Flying Circus.

A man walks into an office.

Man: Hello, I'd like to buy an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, I haven't.
Receptionist: I see, Do you want to have a full argument or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what would be the cost?
Receptionist: Well, it costs 1P for a 5 minute argument or almost 8P for a course of ten.
Man: Hmmm, Well I think it's probably best if I start with the one and see how it goes from there, o.k.?
Receptionist: Fine, I'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Debakey's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. Yes, well, try Mr. Barnard, Room 12.
Man: Thank you.

He enters room 12.

Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
Man: Well, I was told outside that...
Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!
Man: What?
A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR KIND REALLY MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS, STUFFY-NOSED, MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
M: LOOK, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT!!
A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!
M: (smiling) Oh! Oh I see! Well, that explains it!
A: Oh no, you want room 12A, next door.
M: I see... Sorry...
A: Not at all! No, that's alright.

M: (leaves room)

A: (under his breath) Stupid git.

The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk.

Man : (knocks)

Other Man: Come in.
Man: Is this the where I come for an argument?
Other Man:(pause) I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't!
Other Man: Yes I have.
M: When?
O: Just now.
M: No, you didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: Didn't!
O: Did!
M: Didn't!
O: I'm telling you, I did!
M: You did NOT!
O: Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute or the full half hour?
M: (Confused) (Pauses) Oh, Just the five minute one. (Closes door and sits down.)
O: Oh, a five. Thank you.
O: Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you!
M: You did not.
O: Yes I did.
M: You did not.
O: Yes I did.
M: Didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: Didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: Look, this isn't an argument!
O: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't! It's just contradiction!
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes, it is!
O: It is NOT!
M: It IS! You just contradicted me!
O: No, I didn't!
M: Oh, you DID!
O: oh, no, no, nonono!
M: You did just then!
O: No, no, nonsense!
M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!
O: No, it isn't!
M: I came here for a good argument!
O: No, you didn't. You came here for an argument!
M: Well, an argument is not the same thing as contradiction.
O: (Pauses) It CAN be!
M: No, it can't! An argument is a connecting series of statements to establish a
proposition.
O: No, it isn't!
M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn't just saying "No it isn't".
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't! (Pauses and looks away, slightly confused)
M: (Continuing) Arguments are an intellectual process. Contradiction is just an automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: (pause) No, it isn't.
M: Yes, it is!
O: Not at all!
M: Now look...

The Other Man hits a bell on his desk and stops.

O: Thank you. Good morning.
M: (stunned) What?
O: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested!
O: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes just now!!
O: 'fraid it was.
M: (leading on) No it wasn't.....
(Short Pause)
O: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.
M: What??
O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: But that was never five minutes just now! Oh Come on! This is ridiculous!
O: I very sorry, but I told you I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: Oh, alright. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are.
O: Thank you.
M: (clears throat) Well...
O: Well what?
M: That was never five minutes just now.
O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: I just paid!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: I'm afraid you did not.
M: I don't want to argue about that!
O: Well, I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!
M: Ah hah! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? Got you!!
O: No, you haven't!
M: Yes I have! (short pause) If you are arguing, I must have paid.
O: Not necessarily. (short pause) I *could* be arguing in my spare time.
M: I've had enough of this!
O: No, you haven't! (incentively)
M: Oh, Shut up! (Man leaves)

Man enters another room.

Man: I want to complain!
Complainer: You want to complain?? Look at these shoes I've had 'em for three weeks and they're almost worn through.
Man: No, I want to complain about the...
Cpmplainer: You can complain but if nothing happens you mine as well not bothered and my back hurts and when have you ever had a fun...

Man: (shuts the door)

Man enters another room.

Man is hit on the head with a large hammer (not HUGE, just large)

Man: AAaooooouuUUU!!!
Man With Hammer: Oh no no. Hold your head like this and the go WWAAAAHHH! Try it again!
Man With Hammer hits him again.
Man: WWHHOooooAAA!
MWH: Better. Better, but WWAAAAHHH! WWAAAAHHH! Hold you hands here.
Man: NO!
Man With Hammer hits him again.
Man: WWAAAHH!
MWH: That's it! That's it, Good!
Man: Stop hitting me!
MWH: What?
Man: Stop hitting me!
MWH: Stop hitting you?
Man: Yes!
MWH: Well, what did you come in here for?
Man: I came to complain!
MWH: Oh, I'm sorry that's next door; It's being hit on the head lessons in here.
Man: (Pauses) What a STUPID concept!!

Man in a raincoat enters. (Inspector Fox)

Fox: Right! Hold it in here!
Man: What?
MWH: What?
Fox: Allow me to introduce myself; I'm Inspector Fox of the Light
Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special FLYING Squad!
Man & MWH: FLYING FOX OF THE YARD???
Fox: (Hits Man on the head.) Shut up!
Man: WHHOOOAA!
MWH: No, no, no, WWAAAAHHH!
Fox: (Hits MWH on the head.) And you!
MWH: WWAAAAHHH!
Fox: He's Good. (Talks to Man) You could learn a thing or two from him!
Right! Now, You two, Me olde cuties: You are NICKED!
Man: What FOR?
Fox: I'm charging you under section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act!
Man: The WHAT?
Fox: You are hereby charged if you did willfully take part in a strange sketch. That is a skit, spoof or Vienette of unconventional nature with the intent to cause greavous mental confusion with the great british public!

(Camera Zooms in.)

Fox to camera: Evening all!

MWH: And he talked!
Fos: AND YOU TALKED! (Hits Man on the head again!)
Man: WWAAAAHHH!
Fox: That's excellent! Right, Come on down to the yard.

Man with raincoat enters room, and places a hand on the shoulder of

Inspector Fox. ( Inspector Thomson Gazelle )

ITG: Hold it, hold it, hold it! Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Inspector Thomson Gazelle of the Program Planning Police, Light Entertainment Division, Special FLYING Squad!
Fox: FLYING THOMSON GAZELLE OF THE YARD??
ITG: (Hits Fox on the head.) SHUT TUP!
Fox: IEyaahHH!
MWH: He's good!
ITG: (Hits MWH on the head.) SHUT TUP!
MWH: WWAAAAHHH!
Man: Rotten!
ITG: (Hits Man on the head.)
Man: AAAAHH!
ITG: Good! Right! I'm arresting this entire show on three accounts:
One, Acts of itself conscious be'avior contrary to the Naughty In Front Of The Children ACT.
Two, Always saying it's so and so of the yard every time the fuzz arrives.
And three, And this ones the cruncher, Offenses against the
Getting Out Of Sketches Without A Proper Punch-Line ACT. Namely, simply ending every sketch by just 'aving a policeman come in and...

(pauses to think)

A man with a raincoat opens the door and puts a hand on the shoulder of
Inspector Thomson Gazelle.

Man who just entered : Hold it!
ITG: it's a fair cop...
Another man behind the man who just entered places a hand on the man in door's shoulder.

Screen blanks out.

Screen: Blue world revolves with similar background and BBC ONE at the
bottom.

Voice Over: And now on BBC one--One more minute of Monty Python's
Flying Circus.

(SHOW ENDS)

Area man guilted into berry pickup

No, it wasn't a giant Berry with a crudely lettered sign by the side of the road. I was picking up a container of blue berries out of the trolley and the fucking container sprang open, dropping berries through the grill of the trolley and all over the floor.

I told the obviously trainee check out lads what I had done but they just blinked and stood there not ordering an aisle clean up. Then the woman next me started picking up my berries. So naturally I had to follow suit.

Then I handed the reclaimed berries to the check out lads and asked them 'to scan and dump'. Of course they put it into my shopping. It took several attempts, 'science made very simple Bart to Homer' style, before they worked out what was happening.

Finally, all sorted, I picked up the strawberries.

And ... the ... fucking ... container ... opened.

Fortunately I managed to catch most of them and they didn't drop through the grill. But still, annoying.

This crap moment of mundane stupidity was bought to you by Coles supermarkets.

To reiterate

My opinion, distilled, for the benefit of all you avid listeners out there. The"... war..." on terror, aka violent extremism, requires a combination of well managed and resourced law enforcement/intelligence agencies working to detect then prosecute would be terrorists. The campaign needs to address political, economic, social concerns of the region in order to deny recruitment as well as rectify mistakes made by western nations since WW2. Precise military action will be required where needed.

The other important thing to note here, it's not a war. Therefore the concept of POWs is complete bunk. I think by now even the most ardent right wingers agree and thus, for some, their argument has now changed to "er um ... then ... we still lock 'em up without charge cause ... it's different now".

Anyone detained as part of this campaign is to be treated as a criminal. Suspects must be charged with crimes if the evidence is there and have their day in court. Suspects, and that's the important word here, should not be detained for as long as the US sees fit without access to legal protection. Because for those who are innocent, as evidenced by 300+ people freed from Gitmo after being detained from several months to several years, it is a crime against those persons.

At the end of the day to retard our freedoms is to let terrorists succeed at one of their goals - to create terror, in addition to the moral danger of locking men and women up without charge (as witnessed by our own adopted of detention without charge here in Oz).

By all means think different, but I think those people are wrong. It's not a new paradigm. As, again, evidenced by the fact that political terrorism and violence has always been a part of human history, especially the 20th century where the only thing that differed from then and now was the fact that one of the more spectacular plots actually succeeded, almost inspite of itself. "Yes, hello, me want plane fly. No, just fly - me no need to land" etc. Read the 911 report for the systematic failings of intelligence in the US as to why it happened. That's not of course to lose sight of the fact that the people ultimately responsible are those that committed the act. My point is that you don't need to change 500 years of not torturing people and not locking them up indefinitely just because one plot did succeed. Especially since a mannifest over reaction by security forces has the potential to exacerbate the situation (just look at several conflicts to see how that worked out).

Finally, yes, I am no longer responding to comments by some posters directly, nor have done for the last couple of months. I see little, if any, point in doing so. If they have a problem with it I am sure they will wail/gnash teeth on any specialist e-presence they might have for that purpose. All the more power to them.

Note - I rewrote this because I felt this last para was rather rude on my part (and the other parts were not very coherent). Apologies to anyone who read the first post.

It's D-Day!

Today the Dems worn sworn in as controllers of both houses of congress in the states.

Congrats guys. Now do your best to both repair damage and ream the absolute shit out of the decisions made by the Bush administration these past six years. Look at everything, from Florida, to Katrina, to Iraq, health care, minimum wage and everything else. Show the American people that the GOP serves the interests of the monied elites and not the people of that country and try and dress their screwing them over in holier-than-thou "moral police" guise.

Special congrats to Nancy Pelosi.

See the SMH article here

Pillow Angel

The commercial networks have a hardon for this, as can be heard in their 'parents cause outrage and shock' etc.

ASHLEY is a nine-year-old girl who has static encephalopathy — a severe brain impairment. She cannot walk or talk. She cannot keep her head up, roll over, or sit up by herself. She is fed with a tube. Her parents call her "Pillow Angel" because she stays right where they place her, usually on a pillow.

Her parents feared she would become too big one day — to lift, move, take on a family outing. So they decided to keep her small.

In an unusual case stirring ethical debate, doctors at Seattle Children's Hospital and Ashley's parents are describing how she received treatment over the past few years designed to stunt her growth radically.

See the story here.

The surgery also included taking out her womb, and retarding breast growth.

You know what, the fact they had her at all instead of electing termination is a miracle in itself. Her brain development is apparently that of a three month year old. That her parents care for her, and love her, inspite of the fact she is forever crippled mentally and physically is simply beautiful. And if they choose to have these medical procedures performed it can only be for their and their child's best interest I am sure. I'm not sure I'd have the guts to make a call like this, but I hope all goes will with them.

Ashes Whitewash

It's ironic, considering ashes are dirty and easily stain cricket whites were they rubbed into them.

I bet warney's done that at least once as part of some sort of kinky sex game.

I do not believe it!

In order to graduate I had to pay an outstanding fine of $79.95 for a book I lost. Fair enough. I paid it. This afternoon I cleaned up our study and unpacked my last green bag of notes. There it was in all its rich jelly of $79.95 goodness.

I guess I will mail it in. After-all they had to replace it and it doesn't hurt to have an extra copy on the shelf for other students.

Sigh - they just don't get it.

My point on the 'War on Terror' is this. It's not a war in the traditional states Vs states sense. I think by now even the most inarticulate knuckle agrees with that.

Therefore my point that Gitmo is not a POW camp is accurate and that people within therefore need to face the criminal system. Which they aren't. They are being held in detention without charge, without access to legal challenge, on a military base that is technically not US soil and chosen for that very fact.

Right winger's viewpoint seems to be 'um ... yeah ... so it's not a war ... but but ... they can't be tried as criminals!'

Why? Why not. If they have committed a criminal act, they can be charged with a crime. Alas that means they are entitled to protections to ensure due process is fair. There in lies the problem. Because for some reason doing the moral thing, the right thing, and allowing those detained without charge to challenge their detention means ... that the terrorists win? That they, er, get away with something?

There in lies the difference between the knuckle dragging right and the sensible centre. Sensible centre says 'hey, if they're criminals, charge them - if you can't, then they go free in order to preserve over-all freedoms'. This is the approach the UK took with their citizens. And they are to be commended for it.

Our government is not to be commended for it.

Knuckle dragging right seems to think that there is something wrong with this approach. That just because the US considers you a member/former member of the Taliban or AQ that you should be held on a small island away from legal protection essentially for as long as the fucking US sees fit.

News flash. Just because I pointed out that War on Terror is not a traditional war (along with all that goes with it) doesn't actually undercut my argument when I repeat it. It hasn't changed. There's no "gotcha".

Law enforcement has plenty of power to detain and bring a prosecution case against would be mass murderers. Plotting to kill people is a crime. It's as simple as that. And if the prosecution cannot make a case it shouldn't put someone in a hole for five years until they think can make a case. Nor should they be able to torture someone then rely on that evidence in court - which was the case with Jack Thomas in regards to the original evidence supplied by the prosecution.

I still can't understand how discussing the motivation of insurgents or terrorists and pointing out how the west is part of the problem makes me an apologist. But then I don't understand a lot of what right wingers have to say because they're big on rhetoric and "gotchas", but very very low on fact or actual historical evidence raised. Apart from failed attempts to claim that it's a war and that these people are POWs. Which they're not - then when they have lost this argument they claim they never made the argument in the first place and that anyway its all semantics because ... because ... they're terrorists that hate our freedoms!

And if they honestly believe that political violence can be addressed by invading countries, continuing to support countries Vs other countries in the region with obvious favour, and bombing/killing anything that moves without examining the motivations why this is occuring then they are sad, very deluded, people.

Twatwatch - Virgil Goode

From Goode's wiki

In 2006, Keith Ellison was elected as the first Muslim to serve in the U.S. House of Representatives. Some have criticized Ellison's intended use of the Koran for his unofficial swearing-in ceremony. Goode has been vocal in his opposition to Ellison's plan. One of Goode's constituents recently posted a letter online from the congressman regarding Ellison. The letter says in part:

When I raise my hand to take the oath on Swearing In Day, I will have the Bible in my other hand. I do not subscribe to using the Koran in any way. The Muslim Representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don’t wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran.

Ellison has criticized Goode for this letter, stating that he is not an immigrant and that Goode does not understand Islam. He has also offered to meet with Goode to discuss the matter.

In recent interviews, Goode has also stated that he is in favor of decreasing legal immigration to the United States and that he wants to do away with Diversity Immigrant Visas. Goode argues that these visas may allow people "not from European countries" or from "some terrorist states" to enter America.

---------

Twatwatch well deserved. Stinking red neck bigot.

A shout out to teachers

My mum was a teacher, my brother is a teacher, my sister in law taught for a while, my friend in the mountains is a counsellor at a school, her husband a lecturer at uni. My younger brother's friend is a deputy principal in regional NSW, and his wife is a teacher. The bevester's wife is also a teacher.

These are all people who chose a meaningful career in helping others. Teaching does not pay great compared to the hours worked, expectations, and the shit they have to cop from fuckwits in politics, the blogosphere, easily angered parents, not to mention smart arse kids. But they do it nonetheless because they see a real sense of worth in what they do. They are on the front line of society helping mould children into adults.

They are to be commended. Some teachers suck - I caught my share of abuse, and imagine ever having Alan Jones as a teacher? Fuck no, unless you were some sort of sporting adonnis and in the circle of favourites. But by and large most teachers have their heart in the right place and do the right thing.

My brother sweated bullets on how his students went in the HSC, and he managed to help them get four band 5s (81-90%) and one band 6 (91%)+. I've never seen him so chuffed.

So as far as contributing to society - those who teach get a thumbs up from me. If I didn't have such a short temper chances are I would have done a dip ed and followed suit.

Well done lads. And don't let fuckwits that carp and moan about maoist influence put you off working your hardest to give kids an education, as well as assist in developing students from child to adult, despite the poisonous home life and bigotry that many children come from.

My old teacher Gary on my last day said to me 'don't let the bastards get you down mate.' He was one of the finest teachers I had the pleasure of knowing.

Teachers. Gold star for you.

Another frandma memory

Weeds, the excellent show, features a bakery being set up as a mean to launder drug money. Nancy, the protagonist, calls it a 'fakery' as a result (since it's not meant to make money, as being in a suburb with ten thousand starbucks, it has little or no chance of succeeding).

So in tribute to that concept I will name my fake/foster grand mother my frandma.

Anyway, on with the anecdote.

My frandma was obsessed with BBQ chicken. She seemed to think it was like mana from heaven. Well from Coles - since they had the best (the best Jerry!). Whenever she stayed with us if one of us was headed into town she'd covertly call us over and with bills clenched in her gnarled splotched arthtritic fingers thrust them onto us with a hoarse whisper that we should 'grab a chook when we were downtown.' But we were not to tell mum and dad.

I think mum and dad weren't in on Operation Chook Purchase because was frandma's way of contributing to the household while she was there (since mum wouldn't take her money), as well as providing her with ready day/night access to BBQ chicken which she would steadily eat over the following days.

Naturally we would refuse her money but loudly exclaim 'YOU WANT US TO GET A CHICKEN?!' so mum/dad could hear, causing Frandma to hiss 'Shhhhhhh' lest we give the game away. Then when we returned we'd stick it in the fridge, and, French resistance style, whisper to her that 'ze bird is in ze coop' or something along those lines. She'd smile, forgetting mum and dad were well aware of the source of never ending BBQ chicken.

Funny thing is, to this day, if we have a BBQ, I am always suggesting we get a chicken to have as an option. I think it's ingrained in my psyche.

Indeed, I'm not even aware sometimes that I've said it. It's like I'm the Manchurian Candidate in Peking Sauce.

Did you know that Martyrdom videos never discuss virgins?

They do touch on heaven and their hope they will meet other martyrs in paradise. But the reason they are strapping a fucking great bomb to themselves is because they see their death as a noble attempt to drive the foreign occupiers out of their country or a country of fellow believers. Least that's the theme of virtually every single martyrdom video according to Robert Pape.

It seems their motivation is part of furthering the aims of a nationalistic struggle, not a desire to impose global jihad (though some groups have that as a kind of end aim) or hook up with some vulvic intact angelic ladies. Yet I am amazed at the cockheads out there who keep inferring somehow it's virgin access that is behind terror bombings and, therefore, Islam is ultimately to blame. Of course it should be noted that many Islamic fed nationalistic groups are fundamentalist in outlook and their utopic vision of governance for their country ultimately would be one that adhered to their concept of Islam (which as we know can be fucked up as evidenced with the Taliban).

Yes, nationalistic rebellions use religion to their benefit. It's a ready made pool of potential recruits, some of them more motivated than others to perform the ultimate altruistic act. Terrorists believe it or not see themselves as warriors of good, not evil - though many like Pakistani groups devolve into self enriching criminal organisations.

Altruism is the main reason for martyrdom actions, and it is a line (however distorted) that is pushed by resistance organisations; Pape notes the following in his book Dying to win: The Strategic Logic of Suicide Terrorists (p191).

Hezbollah has gone to great lengths to ensure that the local community identifies specific suicide terror attacks with altruistic motives. In Lebanon, dozens of suicide attackers left testimonials in the form of martyr videos and other last statements. These are widely distributed and strongly reflect altruistic motives.

Not seeking entry into heaven then the breaking of mystic hymens with much trilling egged on by the 76 other bits of tasty heaven bint that are going to get theirs right after. But, however warped a concept that killing others and yourself is a good thing which they see it as an act of ultimate good and sacrifice.

Remember Mao's axim that the population is the sea in which the guerrilla fish swim? Well unless you drain the pond via hearts and minds operations and address some of the concerns the people have regarding your actions, then there will be people willing to strap bombs to themselves and kill many in their twisted belief what they are doing is noble and true - or community support - soft and hard - for their actions. It's especially made difficult to win hearts and minds when the only organisations actually seeking to do that are the nationalistic movements themselves like Hezbollah and Hamas who win community support by, get this, supporting the community with schools, soup kitchens, gyms, and other stuff like that. You know, the things the often corrupt governments should be doing like Fatah (and the west wonders why they lost the election).

In the big picture Iraq, unfettered support for Israel, failure to talk with Hamas (instead cutting them off the moment they won government), and backing of despotic regimes while paying lip service to democracy is simply running a big fuck off hose out to the ornamental pool where the fundamentalist fish swim.

Something to think about at least. By the way, I am not an apologist for terroristic violence or condone the murder of others. I never have, and I never will. Stating the motivation of terrorists in an effort to understand terrorism does not make you a fan of terror. And there is nothing wrong at pointing out that throwing petrol on the fire is a fucked up way to fight it.

By the way, interesting point here. When the cold war ended Russia, and other Communist countries, stopped feeding money and resources to nationalist movements. So did the US with the mujahadeen. That's when petrodollars really started to make an appearance, such as Saudi support to the Taliban. Terrorists of that region became more fundamentalist that nationalist in outlook because the US backed Saudis gave them the bucks.

Do Carnies ever feel like Sisyphus?

Think about it. They roll into town, have to set up their caravans, hook up the electricity, then unpack their rides or heart attack factories, presumably taking hours to do so. Then stand there while screaming kids alternatively scream and vomit, hopefully not spraying said Carnies as they hurtle past with spittle and or stomach acids, then when the three days of the show/festival are up they have to pack up all those rides/"food" places, hook them up to trailers, then drive off to the next town to do it all again.

Anyway, see wiki.

Dickheads and Charity Bins

Charity bins take clothing and footwear only. Most people would know that by now. They also have helpful signs like 'dumping your crap here costs us money, please don't'. Or indeed 'If you dump stuff we have to spend money to take it away'.

Today at my local shops someone had dumped two fake Christmas trees. It's somewhat ironic I suppose given the season of giving just passed and they felt the need to give their tree to people who didn't want it.

Dickheads. There's just so many of them out there. And they're breeding!

I bet I see three trees there same time next year...

Weird Food Man

I am a weird food man. It's true. I have food eating habits. Here's just some.

Occassionally I eat toast in a bowl with a fork. I nearly typed bowel then. I find when you cut honey toast into strips and put them in a bowl and eat slowly using a fork you get a perfect mouthful, eat slower, and don't get honey crums in your mo - if you have to worry about such stuff.

Is that like George eating a snickers with a knife and fork?

Probably.

At the movies I can't start my choc top until the credits of the movie start - nor have popcorn until the icecream is done. I swear I have gone to dodgy movies - or movies where ordinarially I would wait at least until they were on DVD instead of seeing them on the big screen - just so I can eat a choc top and popcorn in that manner.

Weird man. What a freak.

What I particularly enjoy is hypocrisy in others

When for example they wank on about narrow legalities when it backs their side of the argument. But the moment, the moment anyone points out that they have cast 500 years of legal tradition and civil freedoms out the window for equal parts of hysterical back peddling for security safety (instead of the much more difficult proper resource and management of intelligence agencies) and domestic political benefit for their side of politics they claim it's merely neccessary because today's conflict is somehow different to other conflicts.

It's not different. It's the same politically motivated violence that has existed as long as civilisation. The important word here is civilisation. The west is a beacon of freedom and hope. That's why so many people from the developing and third worlds want to move here.

Freedom is important to us. If terror wants to change our civilisation the first thing that they can succeed in doing is retarding freedoms which in turn, like the snake eating itself makes it more able for them to act.

That's why resistance groups often succeed because the security apparatus mannifestly over-reacts causing people who would never in their lives who considered supporting political violence to do exactly that. Especially if it is applied unfairly of a country cracks down on another while a similiar participant receives material funding and moral support.

My suggestion to my conservative brethren is instead of reading right wing blogs or columnists, or watching over sensationalised news reports they read a fucking book. Jerrold Post is a good author (one who believes internal psychology or environmental conditioning of those who are recruited is an important part of their recruitment), so is Jessica Stern, both writing on the psychology and sociology of terror.

Violence feeds off violence - as evident in Iraq and elsewhere. Claiming lefties are namby pampy limp wristed girly girls because they want to make sure the security apparatus does not retard freedoms and cause recruitment of would be terrorists shows them for the knuckle dragging 'shoot 'em all and let god sort them out' types they truly are.

Dickheads.

Memories of Grandma

Like I said, not my grand mother. I only remember meeting my real grand mother maybe 2-3 times. My foster grand mother I lived with for chunks of my life.

Share had a rare sense of humour and this kind of self depricating 'there I go, on and on again' wit. She was convinced her block of flats had some sort number 96 subplot going on involving the thin man, the asian man downstairs, and a whole host of other characters. She would tell these long rambling stories to which we'd laugh and laugh and then she'd get cross at us for laughing.

I remember as a kid she'd given me money to get a newspaper. I spent the change on sweets and told her the paper had gone up in price. Man I was so rumbled on that.

Another time I tapped her on the shoulder and ducked down expecting her to turn around and go 'huh?'. Instead she rotated, wooden spoon in hand, and rapped me smartly over the head.

Funny stuff. She risked her life in the war working in a munitions factory. She had friends and co-workers die in accidents or be severely injured. I think her job was to insert fuses into warheads. She used to talk about her time as a kid, riding the horse to school, and the bully school masters back then who thought nothing of beating a child until they bled for the slightest infraction.

She was a kind old soul and I wish I had done more to talk to her in her last years. I think the last time I did anything for her was sending a birthday fax to her unit. She never had any children but she has a veritable swarm of grand nieces and nephews. Hopefully I will be able to make the funeral.

Bugger my grand mother just died

She wasn't my real grand mother. A kind of foster grand mother. She'd been a house keeper in the 70's - like Alice in the Brady Bunch. She was a munitions worker in the war and had a shit house marriage. She lived with us on and off for most of my childhood.

I'm going to miss her heaps.

Aw nuts ahoy hoy

Back at work tomorrow. Sigh. But just a half day as I am going to get the rest of the week off. Still, should be enough time to check email etc.

Nervous. Don't know why. Feel like I am in trouble or something

What is war?

War, legally speaking, is a declared conflict between two or more states. That's right countries. The Taliban may have been the rulers of Afghanistan but they weren't recognised at the time the US invaded (except by I believe Pakistan and Saudi Arabia).

When Hicks was sold to the Americans he was not a member of a state armed force. Nor was he detained as a combatant as far as the legal definition of war is concerned.

He was detained under the Patriot Act which labelled members of the Taliban and AQ as enemy combatants in terms of that act, and enabled suspected members to be captured anywhere on the planet. A US law expressley bought into effect to remove any legal obstacles in order to do just that.

Hicks was not ever held as a prisoner of war in terms of a war between states. He was held under emergency legislation bought in during the months after S11 which was designed to remove any legal protections the US saw fit. Then in order to make sure prisoners could not challenge their detention they were held outside US territory.

Wow, isn't that amazing? It's completely beyond all modern legal tradition - peace time or war time. It's not some sort of wartime emergency powers they are using, nor does the Geneva convention apply as far as the US is concerned - the US simply agreed to belatedly treat prisoners under those regime after Abu Grahib and after some time Gitmo began business.

For those of you who don't understand state relations and legalities such as the legal status of a war between countries I suggest you conduct some research into it. Especially if you're going to use examples from past wars that involved nation states as opposed to non state actors.

There's virtually no lawyers, judges, attorney generals of note in the west that believe Gitmo is legally above board. Almost all regard it as a turd on the road of human rights. Indeed I'd hazard there's even less percentage of lawyers that think Gitmo is a-ok as far as the law is concerned than the percentage of scientists (mostly oil company funded) who think Climate Change is a myth or 'that the evidence isn't in yet to do anything to retard any form of pollution since it's economically damaging'.

Indeed, what could possibly serve as an example of how bad it is regarded? Hmm, perhaps the UK, a staunch combatant in the so called war of terror - who have suffered terror violence for over a hundred years - pulling all their citizens out of Gitmo because they regarded it as a legal abberation. The same country who, along with America, held then judged Axis POW in the aftermath of WW2 - though of course the latter was a proper war, not a war on a word like this one proports to be.

Gitmo is legally abhorrent. And the treatment of people in there is not only a violation of human rights, it encourages fuckwits with grievances to blow people up. This is not to say to do nothing, nor detain suspects - that would be stupid. However we can accord suspects legal rights like all terrorist suspects were accorded throughout the 20th century where terrorism rampaged throughout the world during the Cold War.

Detaining someone without charge under fucked up legislation in a military base for the express purposes of avoiding legal challenge, for a significant period of time, in order for the prosecution to gather sufficient evidence, is something reminiscent of totalitarian states of times past. Like Gulag's in Soviet russia.

Gitmo is fucked up. Its morally wrong. The west is supposed to be a shining beacon of human rights and a fair go. Gitmo is against all of that.

I'm not surprised right wingers and conservatives are in favour of it. After-all when you're conducting a political campaign of scaring people the last thing you want to do is undermine it by doing the right thing like the UK did.

No wonder they make me sick to my stomach and I yell at the TV everytime crinkle eyes is on. They are a cancer on the soul of this country.

Summer TV throws up some occasional gems

One of which is the TV series Weeds, whose first season just broadcast here in Oz.

It's one of those rare dramas with compelling characters combined with moral ambiguity Vs decency of motive. All round excellent show. Well worth watching. Since Season 2 has rolled out in the States hopefully Channel 9 who run it here will broadcast it soon.

But then we are talking Channel 9 whose programming department I think has some of those monkeys seconded from the 'Million Typewriter's' project.

If Hicks is a detainee from a war ...

... why the fuck is he being charged with crimes by a military commission? And if found guilty will serve time in a correctional institution even while said conflict continues?

Oh - that's right - because IT'S NOT A FUCKING WAR.

The Patriot act, which fuels this mockery of justice, made it legal for the US (in US law) to hunt down any member/former member of the Taliban or AQ anywhere on the globe. Then, in order to make sure they couldn't access legal rights that US citizens know and enjoy, they stuck them in Cuba. Which as we know is technically 'not US soil'.

Those dickheads who think this is some sort of shiny POW style cap with 'pip pip hooray' British office types trading humerous barbs with their German captors whilst secretly digging a bally tunnel need their head read.

I think in part they back this distorted concept of 'yeah ... er ... they're POWs ... yeah, that's it - even if they did get sold by bounty hunters and have little means to test veracity of Defence beyond holding them for five plus years until the evidence rolls in' because it better fits their righty mindset that Hicks is - to them - nothing more than a terrorist because they've seen the same grainy footage of Hicks holding a rocket launcher (from a completely different conflict where he didn't even fight) so many times.

I especially love the Coalition government's line of 'we couldn't have Hicks freed because he didn't break any Australian laws!'

Unbelievable. The law is there to protect people. Protect us from criminals whilst protecting people in the process to ensure they are treated fairly. It's what we Australians expect of our governments.

What happened to Hicks is a shit stain on this country's great and noble tradition of a fair go and done so not because it was the right thing to do, but because it was politically expedient. Except of course it has started to backfire on them and about fucking time too.

Of course Bolt, Henderson, Akerman and all those other cockheads in right wing commercial media are likely howling at this and trying desperately to continue the government line on this. But they too will falter. Much like some on the right have in media land when Global Warming was actually recognised by the Sun King as being a genuine concerning issue.

Maybe that's it? Maybe someone of Gore's level needs to sit down with Murdoch and explain that what has happened to Hicks is a mockery of justice. And Murdoch might listen. Because despite owning the propaganda arm of the GOP in the states Murdoch has form for going in for the battler. In the 60's or 70's his paper, and he personally, ran a campaign to have the case of an illiterate aborignal man's confession thrown out because said confession was picture perfect fucking English.

So come on Murdoch. Why not sit down with someone and hear the whole story. You don't need to back the coalition anymore - they're gone later this year like so much chaff. You can afford to once again be a decent person for a change.

Now I'm no lawyer

... but correct me if I am wrong, does this not sound a little dodgy?

But of course we're talking about Hicks here in Gitmo, pretty much the brave new world of human rights meets political overkill.

In the SMH article on Hicks supposedly being one of the first to be tried, they noted the following;

" Attorney-General Philip Ruddock said today his US counterpart Alberto Gonzales told him there was enough evidence to finally charge Hicks."

Enough evidence to finally charge him. So they have held him for five years because they didn't have enough evidence but now ... they do? Isn't that a tad unfair? Holding him for five years until the prosecution was able to make a case? I mean in normal law circumstances you can't detain someone without evidence. So this clearly implies they did exactly that. Detains Hicks despite a lack of evidence until now.

You know the funny thing is all those righties who waxed lyrical about the Palm Island affair, saintly protesting against community outrage that there wasn't enough evidence to prosecute Hurley for ... whatever manslaughter, assault, etc, are the exact same people who think Gitmo is a great place and that, being on the beach, it's some sort of fucking resort where they get to eat fried chicken and surf.

Unbelievable. Our government abrogated its responsibilities for Hicks because it wanted to be seen as 'tough on terror'. News flash fucktards - the UK are tough - have actually, that's right ACTUALLY, experienced terror - some of it recent - and they still bought their citizens home from what they saw as an unfair process. Sure they're still trying to bring in the same silly detention crap we have now but hey at least they actually experience terror and actually have a genuine issue in regards to home grown fundamentalist movements amongst impressionable alienated youth.

No wonder Hicks tried to get UK citizenship. Until our government coughed politely in the right ears and it got kyboshed.

See the SMH article here.

I have a feeling Hicks will be dead from suicide within six months. I hope I am wrong - but his refusing contact from his dad and his consulate officials does not bode well for his state of mind.

Can you blame him? 23 hours in a tiny cell with the light on a day with no foresable end. Except of course now the prosecution has enough evidence to finally bring him to their kangaroo court maybe he will get a chance to actually have his say ... as far as you can trust it.

Still, you have to hand it to his defence counsel Major Michael Mori. There is a man willing to go all the way for his client. At least the US government allowed some semblance of legal rights there.

NY spent battling it out High Finance style

Well we stayed in this NY and instead of parties and drinking too much we played Monopoly Party on Play Station 2. MP is quite a lot of fun - and if you like having games everyone can play and doesn't involve carrying an unfeasible amount of gunnery that you can select at whim in the midst of combat then it's well worth a purchase from a second hand game store.

We selected an option where you start with four properties. I got two of the light purples with a computer player getting the third. Within three seconds of the game starting thewife and I were frantically selecting trade. She beat me to it. She purchased the third for a song from said computer player and I never got my hands on it for the rest of the game.

Screwed me over in the first three seconds! Can you freaking believe it?!

Happy New Year to y'all. May 2007 bring happiness and peace to everyone, though I suspect it will more likely be Jan 20 2009 before that really has a chance to happen on a global level.

Have fun campers. I'm back at work this week - sigh - and my walking buds are not back until the one following this one. So I guess I will have to go for long lonely workhouse shuffle walks by myself.

Oh well. Besides the first three days are email answering days anyway. And filing from last year.

Shudder...

Happy New Year Gross Out

I have decided to start a New Year's tradition. A gross out - in the manner of Baseketball by David Zucker.

Here it is.

It's gross - and real!







Really gross.





If easily offended please ... look away.





Here we go then.





While at the movies I bought a red slushie and a popcorn. I nipped out halfway through to go to the lav and looked in the mirror. Caught in my teeth, were shards of popcorn stained red from the slushie. My immediate thought was ....

... It looks like I've been sucking on a tampon.


Thank-you.